Archive for the 'friends' Category

The Other

John William Barry and Neil Countryman, though just fictional characters in David Guterson’s newest novel, The Other, share a couple things in common with me:

First, we all three graduated in 1974 from high school. We “were of the generation that was slightly late for the zeal of the sixties and slightly early for disco. The most popular song, I think, in ‘74 was ‘Takin’ Care of Business’ by Bachman-Turner Overdrive, though the Doobie Brothers were also esteemed. . . . We were seven when JFK was killed, twelve when King was killed, and fourteen when four students were killed at Kent State, but by the time we were old enough to fathom ‘the Zeitgeist’ (a term getting play in ‘74), there was detente, H-bomb drills were quaint, and there was no more draft. . . . Gerald Ford became president in ‘74 and began hitting people with golf balls . . . .”

Second, we all three ran the 880 in high school track. Again, in Countryman’s (Guterson’s) voice: “Ask any track coach. The half-mile is a race for unadulterated masochists. Neither a sprint nor a distance event, it has the worst qualities of both. It’s not a glorious race, either. A lot of people can name a sprinter or two — Carl Lewis, for example — or a famous miler like Roger Bannister, but can very many name even a single half-miler? No athletic romance attaches to the half-mile. It’s not a legendary or even notable feat to beat other runners over 880 yards. At track meets, the half-mile contest is somehow lost between more compelling competitions, an event that unfolds while fans thumb their programs or use the bathroom. Into this gap of a race, this sideshow, step runners in search of a deeper agony than they can find elsewhere. They want to do battle with suffering itself. It’s the trauma they want, the anguished ordeal. It’s the approximately two minutes of self-mortification or private crucifixion. All half-milers have a similar love of pain. So this race is an intimation and an opening. In two minutes’ time, you get a glimpse.”

Guterson’s novel is about a wealthy, tortured young man, John William Barry, who takes up a primitive existence in the wilderness (Think: “Into the Wild,” if you’ve read Jon Krakauer’s book or seen Sean Penn’s movie) to escape all the lies and hypocrisies he sees all around him.

But even more it’s about the devoted friendship of Countryman. The more strange his friend becomes — when it’s clear he’s more of an obsessed, self-focused survivalist than a wilderness hobbyist — the more he thinks about putting the friendship behind him.

I thought these words were powerful: “I left in the morning, and for a month I didn’t go to the cave anymore, or to the trailer on the Hoh, preferring my own life, preferring it unencumbered by any duty to my friend, or by the necessity I’d felt, for three and a half years now, to put up with him. Walking from building to building on campus, or reading at the library on a rainy afternoon, I thought I’d finally let John William slip into the past. Most friendships end with a whimper, not a bang, and I considered letting ours end that way, but this, as it turned out, was a fantasy with no force behind it. There was this loyalty I felt, however strange.”

That’s what moved me as I read this novel. The loyalty. Toward a friend — even as the friend proved to be difficult and strange.

I’ve been blessed with such friends. I’ve been carried and nourished by their loyalty.

What a great blessing!

All-Star Game

When I grow up, I want to be Eddie Sharp — maybe the best minister I’ve known in my life. I’ll miss you, amigo.

He and I have drank so many Diet DPs together over the last seventeen years; we’ve eaten so many “one egg specials” at Towne Crier; we’ve sat side-by-side for so many football and baseball games.

What can I say? He’s got a two-year-old grandson in Austin! Enough said.

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If you didn’t know who Josh Hamilton was before last night, you do now. What an amazing story. (And how about the 71 year old who threw all those pitches. HE is my hero this morning!)

No team in baseball has four hitters this year quite like the Rangers: Kinsler (.337), Young (.302), Bradley (.316), and Hamilton (.310, 95 RBIs).

While you’ve got to figure the AL will win again tonight, how would you like to be pitching to the heart of the NL line-up: Lance Berkman, Albert Pujols (the best player in baseball), and Chipper Jones. They’re batting .347, .350, and .376, respectively.

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Our little beach girl — at the same NC beach where we took her father when he was the same age.

From Bethsaida to Hierapoplis

Yesterday we visited Hierapolis and Laodicea in the Lycus Valley of Turkey. There are amazing Greek and Roman ruins in Hierapolis. But a 10 minute hike up a hillside takes you to the remains of a 6th century church building that tradition says was built on the site where the apostle Philip’s body was buried after being crucified. This seems to be a fairly strong tradition (his death in Hierapolis, that is). We walked through remembering what Philip told his brother after meeting Jesus: “We have found the one Moses wrote about in the Law, and about whom the prophets also wrote — Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.”. I wondered if he remembered those early words as he was put to death here

I’ll try to send one or two more short notes. I’m pecking out on my Blackberry, so they will be short!

La Amistad #2

Think about your friendships that have lasted through the years. Isn’t there a sense of joy? Isn’t there comfort in knowing that someone is desperately wanting you to be well? that someone holds you in their prayers? that someone cherishes the stories of your lives that intersect.

I’ve been thankful that friendship doesn’t depend on:

- proximity

- absolute agreement on everything

- absence of mistakes

There really is such a thing as friendship that survives a move. I’m blessed to have friends who are scattered across the country — from New England to Malibu. The kind of friends who would hide you, who would pick you up, who would allow you to have a bad day.

Doesn’t this take us close to the secret of creation: that God made us to live in community with him and with others? Isn’t it a sign of the kingdom that is present and coming?

A friendship is safe, confidential, joyful, honest. It isn’t subject to the whims of moods. It laughs, cries, holds, endures.

I’m for it.

La Amistad

Tuesday was my day to speak for the Holy Week luncheon at First Baptist. What a perfect setting for my first message in this 45-year-old series because of my close friendship with Phil Christopher, the senior pastor there.

Today, Highland is hosting its first luncheon. Tom Lyda, pastor of First Christian Church, will be speaking.

What a blessing to have been invited by the other four downtown churches (First Baptist, First Central Presbyterian, First Christian, and St. Paul’s United Methodist) to join them.

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I am so thankful to live in the graces of good friends.

Lately I’ve been meditating on what it is that makes solid friends. Here are three things that have struck me:

1. A commitment to live for the wholeness of the other person. Even when that isn’t easy. You want the very best for them, and you promise to join them on the journey toward wellness.

2. A rugged determination to be honest. It’s so hard to find deep friendship when you don’t know when someone is shooting straight with you.

3. A sense that you aren’t inconveniencing the other person. What you’re thinking matters. You can tell they’re listening. A common bond of stories, inside jokes, and memories is formed.

What else would you add?

(By the way, here’s something I wrote on friendship and community for the Christian Standard.)

Tom Formby

This afternoon there is a memorial service for my shepherd and friend Dr. Tom Formby.

While I was blessed with so many close friends on the College Church eldership, the two I was closest to, Ray Muncy and Tom Formby, have now both passed on.

When Diane and I first returned to Searcy in 1984, Tom was still a family physician at the Searcy Medical Center, which he helped form. When he retired as a doctor, he and Mary poured themselves into the tape ministry — among many other things! — at the College Church. Messages preached at the church went all around the world because of their tireless work.

He was a man of compassion, wisdom, wit, and joy. Whenever I’ve returned to Searcy over the past fifteen years, no matter how short the trip I’ve run by to say hello to “T. A.”

We’ll miss being at the service today, and we’ll certainly miss this great man who shepherded our lives.

Landon

Because of the state tournament — my parenting and coaching responsibilities — I won’t arrive in North Carolina today for the celebration of the life of Landon Saunders.

The people who organized it told me that Landon only had one request when they told him they were doing it: he wanted his preacher to speak on Sunday morning. (I’m sure that story is hyperbolic, but it still means a lot to me.)

When I was a college student at Harding University from ‘74 to ‘78, Landon came through several times. His clarity, his passion, his faith, and his voice captivated me. Later I got ahold of the lectures on preaching that he gave at ACU in the ’70s. They altered my life. I nearly memorized the message called “The Marketplace.” (Anyone else out there remember being impacted by those messages? “The Wilderness.” “The Wolf.” “The Marketplace.” One or two others whose titles I can’t remember.)

During the seven years I preached at the College Church in Searcy, he often came through and we became friends. He was such a great encourager and clarifier.

But it’s in the past dozen years that he’s become one of the most significant men in my life. About the age of my father. The vigor of a 40 year old. And the joy of a kid. That’s Landon.

Our dear friends James and Marla Walters moved from AR to NH to work with Heartbeat, and it was through them that we became so close to Landon.

I’d give up almost anything to be there this weekend for the celebration.

Anything except this trip to the state tournament with my son!

Friday, February 24

From the No-Wonder-So-Many-People-Hate-Christianity Department:

A dozen states are scrambling to restrict picketing at funerals. They’re doing it because Pastor Fred Phelps and his Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas, consider it their mission to protest at the funerals of American troops. They believe that what’s happening in Iraq is God’s judgment on America for our toleration of gays.

“Thank God for IEDs” (improvised explosive devices) and “God Hates Fag Enablers” read their signs.

“By your love they will know you are my disciples,” said Jesus. But then, so much of Christianity has nothing to do with Jesus.

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Sixteen guys at our 20th and final meeting. As I wrote a couple days ago, we began in 1987 as young preachers. At the time our ages ranged from 29-41. Now, 19 years later (making 20 years) we’re 48-60. At times life has been hard. But through it all we’ve gathered each year to share our journeys. We’ve always known that no matter what happened there were other guys praying.

What’s so very strange right now is knowing that we won’t be doing this again. We won’t get the regular update–at least like we’re used to–on marriages, children (and now, grandchildren), ministries, hopes, disappointments.

What a privilege it’s been. We began as a group meeting to talk about expository preaching. Thanks to the honesty of a couple guys in “the circle” our first year, we quickly became something else. “Band of brothers” is a bit overworked. But that’s what we’ve been.

Diane and I are fortunate to have other bands of brothers and sisters. And I think we all need them. We need people whom we’ve been with over the long haul who will take genuine interest in our story/stories, who will be completely honest with us, and who don’t need to be impressed by us.

As friends we’ll still connect. But as a group we’re defunct as of noon today. Go with God, YBB. . . .

Tuesday, February 21

Later this week I’ll be meeting about 20 guys whom I’ve met with for a day or two each year for 20 years, usually right after the ACU lectureship.

When we started we were all young preachers in Churches of Christ. Through the years, there have been lots of ups and downs that we’ve celebrated together and grieved together. We’ve connected with each other through divorce, death, struggles, firings, career changes, and denominational changes. Of the original group, three or four chose to drop out at some point through the years. But, amazingly, the vast majority kept making the pilgrimage to share our stories with each other and pray for each other.

We’re no longer young. Several aren’t preachers. And some aren’t in Churches of Christ.

It has been a powerful thing to be connected with these brothers through the years. And while our regular gatherings will end, the history and the friendships won’t, I’m sure.

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Last night, David Fleer’s message was excellent. He walked us through the text of John 4 with the image of a slideshow. In one of his slides, he asked us to imagine him standing at customs with two bags: the baggage he was trying to bring into the text. It was a good reminder that we have an incredibly hard time hearing texts when we come with our preconceived notions.

Tonight is my turn at the ACU lectureship. My text is John 6 where Jesus says, “I am the bread of life.” I dreamed the night before last that I forgot my audience could speak English and I tried stumbling through in Spanish. It was a tiring night as I kept trying to remember how to say things.

As a fan of bread, I love driving past the Mrs. Baird’s store factory on the way home. And I love standing around the tortilla machine at HEB. And I love it when the hot fresh bread comes out at Johnny Carino’s. So how about you — what’s the very best bread you’ve ever had?

Covenant Groups

We all know how important small groups are to churches. The larger you get, the smaller you must get.

But here’s my question: what should those groups be doing?

I love the Larry Crabb vision of groups as a place of intergenerational connecting where we engage each other deeply with gospel values. We learn one another’s stories and help each other through prayer, encouragement, mentoring, and guidance.

But these groups CAN be so inwardly focused.

At the conference I was just at, the senior minister said that he upset many in the church by changing the nature of small groups. Formerly, people drove all over the city to be with people they wanted to be with. Now, instead, they are put in small groups with people they live by.

The purpose of these groups is largely evangelistic. You meet with people you live by, and you all invite those who are around you. He said that every Sunday night people all over town see members of his church (10,000 people) walking down the streets to their small groups.

Should small groups grow and divide? Should they stay the same over the long haul to encourage intimacy and shared stories? Should they be primarily about evangelism or Bible study or prayer or ministry?

I know this doesn’t have to be an either/or. But I’d like to hear from others: what’s you’re experience in small groups? What has been valuable? What suggestions do you have for others?