Do We Need Tiger Moms and Dads?
Those wacky economists. They crank out their studies and come to conclusions that often overturn popular opinion. Which is part of why I faithfully listen to the Freakonomics podcast.
Recently, a group of economists on the program (8/16/11) talked about parenting. Their opinion, from experience but much more from studies, is that the obsessive parenting that many engage in today—thinking their child’s future as an athlete or scholar or productive member of society is at stake!—is misguided.
They found that, on average, those who are parents are less happy than those who aren’t parents. And the reason is that they’re stressing themselves (and their kids!) out with the need to provide every possible opportunity. They push their child to read early or learn another language. They insist on shuttling around from soccer practice to karate to music lessons.
Is anything wrong with wanting your child to find something he or she excels in? Absolutely not.
But that has to be balanced with a sane pace. If your child plays regular baseball rather than the high-charged (and expensive) select baseball, it probably won’t keep him from being the next Albert Pujols. (If you don’t know who that is, type “best player in baseball” and go to the first entry.)
Recently the parenting ante just got raised by Amy Chua’s insistence that kids need a “Tiger Mother.” But Bryan Caplan, one of the economists, points out that Chua’s children have done well not because of the strict, high-achieving parental style but because their parents are best-selling authors and Yale professors. Genetics, not strict parenting.
used by permission
So does anything matter in the long haul? The answer is an unequivocal yes! What matters, these studies indicate, is . . . (cue the warm fuzzies) . . . warmth. Are the parents warm and loving? Do they spend time with the kids having fun?
Here’s some sane advice from Caplan:
Struggling to mold your children isn’t just ineffective, but counter-productive. Pushing your child to be something he’s not rarely succeeds, but it often sours the relationship between parent and child. The Ask the Children survey asked over a thousand kids in grades three to twelve about their lives. Few kids feel starved for parental attention. Their big complaints are that parents are too tired, stressed, and angry. The lesson: More relaxed parenting is better for everyone. Stop pushing yourself so hard. Your child will turn out about the same, you’ll feel better about your life, and your child will feel better about you.
Amen and amen! Thanks for Sharing…as a parent of grown children, Im happy that we learned this many years ago…
So you mean we don’t have to cram everything in until we’re all miserable and not speaking to each other?
What about music lessons? Are those a must? Will we ruin our kids’ lives if we forgo another year?
Glad to hear this, and not surprised, frankly. Freakonomics rocks.
NOW you tell me!!
Love this. ‘Train up a child in the way he should go’ means we parents recognize God knitted them, & we then encourage the thing He gave them to do/enjoy. Living vicariously through our kids doesn’t make mama, daddy, or kid happy—-mostly, just the opposite occurs. Love them, encourage them, & then let them fly……
A great post! I wonder if some of the obsessive parent isn’t just another subtle form of idolatry, with the children becoming the pawns in the game. I know we should want good for our children and as a parent, I do. But what I want first for my children is that they’s grow up loving and serving God.
Grace and Peace,
Rex
Bravo!
This trend was going strong as I raised my children. One result I have often noticed is the belief by children that the world revolves around them. Everything else takes a back seat to their sports or other activities. As one who often calls on men to serve in ministry opportunities I find a number of men who will never consider taking time away from the children’s activities for ministry. I believe they are missing an opportunity to teach their children that serving in ministry is a normal part of a Christian’s life. No I don’t want them to neglect their family, just bring some balance to it.
Genetics is not the reason these children of tiger moms are doing well-it is because they were well fed, given opportunities (even if over done), have two parents, had good health care, and while misplaced, a support system. Remove that child from this home environment, take away the health care, lower the food quality, and have the child be the “parent” ie raise the siblings, take away the father, have a mother who works two jobs and you will have the opposite type of person.
Now, follows of Jesus, do we do the same? I know of Christians who miss church, not once in a while, but constantly for the ball games etc.
Their children will attend school functions before youth group functions. That run the mill of every activity in the book-band, sports, etc. etc.
Do we read scripture together or do we watch a movie together? Do we sit down to eat together?