Bailing Out of Church
If you’ve seen the recently released Pew Foundation report on the faith of people who are in their twenties, you understand more about what’s behind our “What Really Matters” project at Heartbeat.
Here’s what it says about their religious affiliation:
“Fewer young adults belong to any particular faith than older people do today. They also are less likely to be affiliated than their parents’ and grandparents’ generations were when they were young. Fully one-in-four members of the Millennial generation — so called because they were born after 1980 and began to come of age around the year 2000 — are unaffiliated with any particular faith. Indeed, Millennials are significantly more unaffiliated than Generation Xers were at a comparable point in their life cycle (20 percent in the late 1990s) and twice as unaffiliated as Baby Boomers were as young adults (13 percent in the late 1970s).”
Ah, they’re less religious — right? No! The report goes on to explain that they are still people of faith. But they have unplugged from religious groups.
While we can all name some churches with lots of people in their twenties attending, this report hits us with the stark truth: this generation is leaving “church” (and other religious groups) in unprecedented numbers. They are dropping out at 5-6 times the historic rate.
Why? And what can we do now that we know that?
Those are the questions I’m spending my time asking now.
Here is one idea:
At root, church has always been about social relationships. True, it should be more than that, but if we are honest churches aren’t really changing lives. All the data suggests that Christians, behaviorally speaking, are identical to non-Christians (e.g., although we scream about “family values” our divorce rates are just as high).
So all church was really about was relationships. A place to affliliate. But this generation doesn’t need help in that regard. With cell phones and Facebook, texting and Twitter, who needs to go to church to “stay connected”?
The Web and the cellphone have killed the church.
My generation was taught how to behave. This new generation wants to know how to reach out to others. I was taught how to be a good and perfect Pauline Christian, these kids are more in touch with the teachings and life of Jesus, wanting to follow in His pathway as much as possible.
btw-when I realized I could NOT be a “perfect” anything Christian, I gave up, dropped out of church for many years. I thank the LORD more than my human capacity to express, for sending His messengers to teach me, bringing me out of that dark pit and up into the Light of Jesus’ love, grace and mercy!! PTL!!! o/
I attribute the problem to two major factors (emphasis, since there are undoubted many factors):
1. The perceived and real hypocrisy of so many Christians.
2. The excessive politicization of Christianity; ie, Christians organizing for secular political purposes, to effect either legislation or elective office.
And I think they have a point.
Thats the $1M question.
Based on what I’ve read and heard in working with people in this age group (and equally from X-ers), the short answers are:
- the institutional church seems increasingly irrelevant, even hostile, to the culture that Millennials live in
- the institutional church seems increasingly irrelevant to issues that were important to Jesus
- the institutional church, like any other large institution, can’t be trusted
Not saying they are always right, but – best I can tell – that summarizes the “why?” part of it.
It will not help to simply repackage the same theologies and ideas in the wrappings of youth culture (i.e, cooler, hipper worship music, social media, etc.). What is needed are new ways of conceptualizing and living out Christianity that break free of the molds they encountered in traditional “church.”
There are several scholars and theologians that have been addressing the key questions for some time. For me, the challenge is – how to get the ideas of people like NT Wright, Moltmann, and Walter Wink out on the street? If you look at the success of someone like Rob Bell with this generation – that is exactly what he is doing.
Three books that speak to this: (1) Phyllis Tickle’s The Great Emergence, (2) Dan Kimball’s They Like Jesus But Not the Church, and (3) McLaren’s latest one: A New Kind of Christianity – Ten Questions That Are Transforming the Christian Faith.
I’m one of those millennials… and for me at least, David Himes (above) articulated my thoughts well.
I’ll be the results of this Pew study and this Barna study have something to do with explaining it. Christianity is losing ground because it is seen as equivalent to any other religion or spiritual “system.” The uniqueness of the Christian belief is no longer widely known.
I think if we were doing a better job of lifting up Christ – in the sense of proclaiming and living His life in this world – He would draw more folks to Himself. That’s how He’s chosen to do it, and we’ve chosen otherwise.
I like what Keith said. We always seem to be looking for the next “gimmick” to reach the “young people.” Perhaps we should just lift up Jesus…..
Falso dichotomy, of course. No wonder you’re a frustrated preacher!
Lifting up Jesus is the answer, yes. But who’s doubting that?
The question is how one connects the message of Jesus with this generation. We’ve always known that, haven’t we? Paul’s sermons in the synagogue aren’t like his message at Mars Hill.
It’s the easiest thing in the world to write off anything new and different as gimmicky. What some call “a gimmick” is to others a prayerful attempt to reach new people in new ways. If you go to lift up Jesus in Chile, you learn Spanish. If you go to the millennials, you learn as much as you can about their world.
If the question is how to connect the gospel of Jesus to the emerging generation then we should not need to look far to find the answer(s). I mean, it is not as if we are starving for theologians (Motlman, N.T. Wright, Christopher J. H. Wright, etc…) and practitioners (Frost & Hirsch, Guder, McNeal, etc…) who have and continue to address the issue.
The real question seems to be…Can we dispose the old wineskins and allow the gospel to cultivate in new wineskins? If we believe Jesus (cf. Mk 2.21-22) then this is a crucial first question.
Grace and peace,
Rex
Thanks so much, Anona. Nice to hear from someone in this age-group. I’d love to drop you a note (I have your email address through wordpress, though it isn’t public and I won’t give it out) to ask you to flesh that out more for me. Landon and I are trying to learn all we can from people just like you!
What David said — and what you affirmed, Anona — fits a lot of what we’re hearing.
In addition to that, though, I think there is a clash of beliefs at some levels. There are some fundamental differences in how people understand scripture, God, science, other religions, etc. And this goes beyond what other generations have faced.
In my conversations so far, the failure to see the uniqueness of Christianity has little to do with it. But we’re just starting!
I will say that this is a very different time in my life: to spend the majority of my time with people who are not Christians — or at least are not part of a church community. Oh, how I wish it were as simple as just lifting up Jesus. I guess, like Dr. Phil, I’d ask: How’s that workin’ for you?
Lift up Jesus and his message of the rule of God? Absolutely. But we must do that in real relationships with real young people who for various reasons are bailing. And they’re bailing even from churches that say they spend their time lifting up Jesus.
Here’s an article that suggests it is the right wing political agenda that is driving them away.
http://bit.ly/a73JvM
I want to find a way to do a rigorous qualitative study on this topic.
I disagree, Ellis. Most churches have been lifting up the church or “relevant” worship or politics or social justice or….. And Jesus has been left out.
For me, it seems, we are trying to run our churches more like businesses….committees, mission statements, etc. but for me, a church is more like a family. The capacity for trusting and nurturing runs deep within families. You may switch to another business because of a preference but your family is your family (even during the rough times). When someone leaves a family, there is a hole that is always there, that person cannot be replaced. When a business loses a customer, they just try to get another to fill the spot. It seems to me that for too long we have been busy trying to fill the spots.
And like in a family, the capacity for causing pain & hurt when trust is broken is great. But you do your best to forgive & make amends. If a business doesn’t follow through on their promises, you just take your business elsewhere.
I frequently see this generation of young adults trying to live like Jesus, whether they intend to or not. Their capacity for reaching out to the hurting, their sense of social justice & their ethics cries out like pages from scripture. Some of these people who have left the church are walking more like Jesus than many in the church.
But many of them are just not convinced that organized religion is the way to live out that godly life. Is that because we have become just that-”organized”?
Great conversation.
Fajita – I’m with you, I’d like to see something like you describe. If you haven’t read Kimball’s They Like Jesus But Not the Church, it would be a good launching point. If I recall right, he bases what he’s writing on interviews of younger people.
anothervoice has a great point, too. Business-model church has always felt a little awkward to me.
Wade-nice link, though I don’t like the idea of retreating to an era where civic and faith life are compartmentalized.
I too am a twenty-something who falls into the category being discussed. One of the things that I think is distinctive about my generation is that we were raised in the information age in which we have been inundated with competing voices and ideas. As a result we tend to be distrustful of single, authoritarian voices and tend to value input from various sources (for example, I don’t know anyone my age who only reads a single, primary news source, whereas my parents read the local newspaper almost exclusively). For us, pluralism is integral to how we think and make choices. Although we still crave truth, we don’t necessarily expect to find it in a single place.
Now consider much of contemporary Christianity. While the elaborate marketing strategies and culturally on-pitch worship styles may appeal to our consumeristic sides, it doesn’t take too long for us to see through the facade. What we too often are left with is an all-or-nothing gospel packaged up with pre-determined politics. My generation is not looking for a church to tell us what is true–we are looking for people with whom we can have honest conversations about the truth.
A lot of good ideas are being floated here, but let me try to underline the point I made above.
Let me make my point more clear: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THE CHURCH.
Or, more precisely, the church is no more political, shallow or hypocritical than it has always been. Consequently, it is a fool’s errand to go looking for some flaw in the church and then trying to fix it.
Again, the church hasn’t changed. THE CHANGE IS WITH THE MILLENNIALS. And every study points to the same change: Hyperconnectivity.
That’s the whole ball of wax. As any sociologist can tell you, church attendance has always been about social affiliation (recall the 80/20 rule: 80% of a church’s membership is simply there for social affiliation.)
So when you get a hyperconnected generation (something we’ve never seen before in the history of the world) it should not be surprising to anyone that classic locations of social affiliation have and will continue to take a hit. If you are already hyperconnected there is no real pull to get you out of bed on Sunday morning. It has nothing to do with politics, shallowness or hypocrisy. You don’t go to church because you’ll be talking to your friends on Facebook the minute you get up and they will text you where they are going to lunch. In the good ‘ol days you had to go to church to find this stuff out. Not anymore.
Richard, I think you made a spot on point. We really are living in a unique time.
Does it matter?
Really?
qb
Matt – “My generation is not looking for a church to tell us what is true–we are looking for people with whom we can have honest conversations about the truth.”
yep, I think this is absolutely the case. I’m a millenial who will eventually have to figure out how to use a bachelor’s in Christian Ministry and an M.Div. This question haunts me: How in the world do you begin to create a space in which the conversations Matt describes can take place?
Another millenial here (25) and I’ve got to say, while I think Richard is on to something regarding hyperconnectivity (church is no longer the center of small town cultural connection…. the question that’s raising in me is
Do you really want it to be that way again?
For years, church attendance was higher not because anyone was committed to living like Jesus, but because it was a free social club full of people with all the same prejudices you grew up with, and most if not all had a similar worldview.
That is no longer the case, and God bless technology for destroying that.
The church wasn’t meant to be a social club… where you go to create your business network, to move up in the social ladder, to make sure your kids grow up with “morals”
The church is about community and mission and inviting in not only the “best” and “brightest” (or should I say richest and whitest?) but those who are hurting, those who are broken, and realize it, and those who are hurting and broken and haven’t realized it yet.
And yes, its about lifting up Jesus, but what does that mean? It sure doesn’t mean preaching against the homosexuals and the “liberals”, praying for “our” troops (the church doesn’t have troops because the church belongs to no nation) dressing up and going out to eat where we treat the waitress like crap cause if she was a good person she’d have been at church too… it means praying for peace, and living out peacemaking. Proclaiming jubilee and living it out every day of the week. Practicing hospitality. Loving the stranger, the alien, the “sinner” , the broken and destitute.
And for a millenial who walks into a church building full of baby boomers and older who have all the answers to all the wrong questions, we’re not gonna stick around and argue.
We don’t need gimmicks, we don’t need concerts masquerading as a worship service. We need authenticity. Humility. Love and acceptance. More questions than answers. Mystery. That’s what we want to see in a church. The church is controlled by a dying worldview and once youve stepped into the new reailty that dives into uncertainty rather than resisting it, that cares more about life abundant in love than pointing out the flaws of those around us, you won’t step back into the old life.
These are important questions and conversations. If you haven’t read Tangible Kingdom yet (by Hugh Halter), bump it up in your list.
As I’ve thought about these questions while serving young adults in downtown Dallas, one insight I’ve had relates to values and their priority. I think many Christians value the same things, but we differ when asked to prioritize them.
In our context, we have prayerfully sought to re-imagine church based on these differences. What does church look like if we value community more than anonymity? What does it look like if we value building relationships with the poor more than providing a handout? What does it look like if we value confession more than information? Etc.
A challenge for those of us planting churches is not to swing the pendulum to the other extreme–not to abandon everything good about current church models and the strengths of previous generations of faith.
Richard – While you and I might disagree on whether or not “there is nothing wrong with the church,” I find myself in agreement that “fixing” or “tweaking” the church isn’t going to connect with many in this group. We’re in conversations with people who are far, far from any formal community of faith. Connectivity may be part of the reason, but that’s just a small part. It might explain a lot more in the Bible belt.
Mike,
To clarify a bit. Of course there are things wrong with the church. Lots of things are wrong! And of course we should spill our blood and sweat trying to form communities that more fully conform to the Image of Christ.
My point was that the church hasn’t changed much over the last few generations (sadly). But people went to church because, warts and all, it was still the place were you made friendships and felt connected. But if you are already well connected then you don’t have to put up with much from the church. Millennials can reject the church as being political, shallow or hypocritical because they are coming from a position of strength. They don’t have a felt need, socially speaking, for the church. So they can get a whole lot more critical and picky.
Basically, it’s a supply/demand situation. While many people think the problem is on the supply/product side (the church) I tend to think the problem is largely on the demand side.
So what are the implications of all this? Some thoughts:
1) A church built around “relationships” is going to struggle. Why? You are selling something in a market saturated with your product. There is no demand for relationships. Millennials are already hyperconnected.
2) Of course, everyone wonders about the quality of those relationships. How deep, lasting and meaningful are all those Facebook interactions? No one really knows. So it’s possible that Millennials, when they hit their 30s and 40s, will come flocking back to church looking for something deeper. Trouble is, churches have struggled on this front. Can churches deliver a product, relationally speaking, beyond the kind of relationships Millennials already have?
3) Churches will have to get used to the fact that they won’t be relational WalMarts anymore. They will, rather, become spiritual boutiques: Small-scale and selling a product for a select, discriminating and highly invested shopper. (The “shopping” metaphor is ill-suited to this point. The point is, a missional church isn’t selling “relationships.” It is, rather, calling people into a missionary existence. That kind of life will never get WalMart levels of traffic for your church. It will be more like a boutique: A specialized place, with less foot traffic, where things are “costly” (as in Cost of Discipleship)).
Thanks, Richard. I knew what you meant. I put “there is nothing wrong with the church” in quotation marks to keep it in the same context as you had it — not that the church is perfect but that the church isn’t different than it was. I’m suggesting that at that level we might not be in full agreement. But I do agree that all the changes we might tweak aren’t going to reach many, many in this generation. Would love to grab lunch — not to try to figure out slight disagreements but to learn a little more. I’m wanting to learn all I can right now about this group, about their interests, their faith, etc. Landon and I consider you a valuable resource.
If there were something to do as church that was not merely adjunct to the privileged worship services, then there might be something attractive in church to the 20′s crowd. It is impossible to feed hungry people, hammer nails in building a house, or do any sort of direct service online.
I do not want to discount the meaning and depth of Christian ritual and tradition (communion for example), but the point is that any direct service or ministry in churches comes after the the established meeting times have been satisfied.
I find it’s not usually the teachings of Jesus that people have a problem with….it’s the collective image of the church and the people of the church that is a problem for them.
I would second the recommendation of Ryan Porche to read “The Tangible Kingdom” by Hugh Halter
I also believe that while we ought to strive for being the best church we can be (meaning Christ-center, gospel grounded, kingdom oriented, etc…) that the church has always and will always be made up of imperfect people – jars of clay – through whom God has chosen to carry on his mission. That does not mean that we have nothing to repent of (for I believe we do) but it ought to remind us that our missional strength comes not from our own doing but from the power of the Holy Spirit.
Grace and peace,
Rex
Richard-
I think one important distinction to make is that facebook friends (and twitter followers and myspace friends, etc.) are different from real friends (which I’m sure you know). While people my age are undoubtedly “hyperconnected,” those connections are largely utilitarian. Yes, we network for pleasure, but we also network out of social pressure (you can’t just ignore a friend request) and in hopes of future gains. Our hyperconnected relationships are shallow and instant, but not particularly gratifying.
In the face of that, I think the church should offer, not a competing network, but true community–community built on face-to-face interactions, honesty, and intimacy. To that point, I think you are right about boutique churches (and I also agree that the shopping metaphor needs to be replaced). What we are looking for is places of openness and intimacy. The church should be a place where we can have honest conversations–built on mutual trust and accountability–about the important and difficult things in life (including the costs of Christian living).
The hard things, the deep things in life can’t really be broached on facebook or twitter. My generation needs places of real community that fill in the huge gaps left by our wifi relationships.
Matt,
I’m with you.
Thinking about what you are saying my question is: “Is Facebook like relational pornography?”
That is, if it is granted that Facebook creates an emotional illusion of intimacy, is that illusion strong enough to hijack legitimate intimacy (the way pornography can)?
The point being is that, even if you are correct, that church is providing a “real” intimacy, the Web 2.0 culture might never come to realize that it’s missing out on something. We’d be too plugged into the Matrix as it were.
Mike the church that I have known for many years has little chance of connecting with young people or for that matter any seekers in general. We have been much more concerned with budgets, programs,methodology and our religious heritige. The Christians of old were known by the term “the way” for a reason. It was a new way of life….. a different way to live their lives by following a man they called Jesus. They had a personal relationship with him. If they see Jesus in us….his power takes over from there. They won’t be showing up on Sunday so we must go to them any way we can.
Right. There’s fellowship, and then there are cheap knock-offs, masquerading as fellowship in a demographic that may not yet know the difference. Fellowship simply ain’t fellowship until it’s tested in social crucibles where empathy is both possible and required. Hyperconnectedness – whatever that might really mean – may be a reality, but perhaps it carries assumptions that the church needs to challenge rather than accommodate.
Relationships, authenticity, purpose (RAP)
Relationships….who is going to be there that I know? Don’t tell me that I can’t have sex with my boyfriend/girlfriend…… If my friends are not going to be there…then why should I go?
Authenticity….this doesn’t seem too authentic….what is that expensive sports car doing on the stage? My parents would rather go drink Margaritas with their friends than go to church.
Purpose…….what is the purpose of the church? Shouldn’t they sell their multi-million dollar complex and give the money to the people of Haiti?
I would love to see a survey of millennials that shows how many are bailing that were brought up being encouraged to attend church on a regular basis with(and by) their parents vs how many are bailing that were brought up with little encouragement to attend. Not un-churched mind you, but those who had “memberships” at a congregation only to be lukewarm in attendance due to their parents themselves being non-motivated.
I don’t know about hyperconnectivity, but I do know there are many overlapping choices to replace church. There are kids sports tournaments on weekends, Sunday morning golf games, Saturday evening dinner and movies with couples, tired muscles from yard work all day long, etc…. To be a part of the community of your congregation there needs to be some sacrifice. It would be very interesting to see if there is a correlation between parents who made church important and the millennials who are bailing.
I haven’t seen any comments about what God thinks of the church…the bride of Jesus Christ, the Body of Jesus, purchased with the blood of Jesus…the Lord added to the church daily those that were being saved (Acts 2:47). It’s not about us…it’s about God.
i fall into the group you’re talking about (23) and i was turned off to the church because of its hypocrisy. i saw so much of it and the actions of the people in the church were opposite of their teachings. i was angry for a long time, but have found my way back. i now know a much different God than the one who was taught to me by the church when i was growing up.
one of the reasons i came back to church is because i missed the human connection and the community that was there. i have 2 email addresses, facebook, unlimited texting, twitter, and 2 blogs…and i feel the disconnect between those and actual human interaction. i’m thankful for the church and the community that it offers.
but the bad experience i had 5 years ago still burns sometimes. so i’m doing all i can to be as genuine, real, consistent, and non-judgmental as i can be. and even more than that, trying to follow Jesus in this fast paced and crazy life. being a christian to follow Jesus, and being a christian for appearances are two completely different things. i didn’t realize how much of my life i’d spent (and how much my family has spent) doing the second.
This post has generated lots of interesting comments and interesting enough, even old Geezer is still in touch enough that none of the comments are a surprise. Interesting yes, but not a surprise.
Some of older guys do read enough to be familiar with issues like connectedness, community, honesty and intimacy. I even read about boutique churches and agree the shopping metaphor needs to be replaced as it has been inaccurate from the start (even a little offensive) and is more than worn out by now. Among the emerging church folks the importance of conversation has been emphasized as have concepts like trust and accountability – these things were important even during the 1960s, well trust was if not accountability. (Matt, forgive me for taking so many words right our of your comment, but you have summarized rather nicely.) And yes, the cost of Christian living is an important consideration, at least among those that may have a felt need.
The complaint that church has always been about social relationships is valid enough, but where else does one hear anything about sin sick men and women and the redemption God provides? I am not surprised at the absence of much reference to the activity of the Spirit in quickening God’s people so that they recognize their need and the abundance that is given so freely by God. This is something that has rarely received any attention in our fellowship, nor many other denominations that might be thought of as mainstream. To the extent that the conversation blends nicely with our contemporary intellectual currents it makes for interesting conversation, but I wonder if it amounts to anything more than that?
Peace,
Geezer
Wow, Mike: qb thinks you might want to [re?]visit chapter 8 in Brueggemann’s provocative _The Word Militant_. These are fascinating proposals about the post-hegemonic church and how preaching ought to be rethought and recast. Super food for thought. qb
Hilary, I just want to say I appreciate your comments. I’m in my early 40′s but I relate to what you are saying. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Yeah, Geez-o-matic: does it amount to anything, or is it a fool’s errand? qb is straddling the fence on that. Sometimes it just sounds plain ol’ boring and trite; sometimes weighty questions seem to emerge. Within 20 minutes of one another. qb
Last night I watched the movie “The Nun’s Story.” http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0053131/ Audrey Hepburn played the title role. She was a nurse as a nun. She was always talking to patients, healing them, counseling them when the bells rang calling her away to duties as a nun instead of a nurse.
My wife and I watched the movie closely. We were both appalled that the church was pulling this loving nurse away from loving people just to do some ritual at some appointed time.
I think millenials see most churches just like this. We do some ritual at some appointed time.
I urge you to watch the movie (surely available at Wal Mart on DVD).
And by the way, I think Richard and a few others have a big point about relationships. At my congregation, we keep trying to have a college age ministry and establish relationships among our recent high school graduates. To date, our kids don’t have time for our ministry as they already have hundreds of relationships with people all over the world.
Dee…I would agree with you that it’s about God not about us. And I think that is exactly what those who have are leaving are saying. They see churches that are about gimmicks, superficiality and hypocrisy-not truly about God & living authentic godly lives.
I see at least three groups of people. I don’t think we can lump them all together. One would be those who don’t believe and have never believed. One would be those who once believed and no longer believe. And another would be those people who still believe & consider themselves part of “the church” but not a church with a physical location. Many who have left the local congregations & denominations, still would number themselves with believers. Those are the ones, I believe, who have called us (those who sit in the pews) out on our failings. They have seen our inconsistencies, our hypocrisy, our judgmental attitudes and hardheartedness. We have become so sure of our positions that we can not even entertain their honest soul-searching discussions. I think, if we would admit it, we thought many of the same thoughts & had many of the same questions when we were young, we just did it while sitting in the pews. Often times, we have come across as believing we have all the answers. It’s not that they can’t or won’t forgive us for our failings….it’s that they don’t want to live like us, they want something more. I for one, (a fifty-something), think that they are onto something. I think a close look at our own hearts is in order. I just hope that we have not permanently driven them away.
Hilary-without knowing your situation…I just want to say I am sorry that you suffered through the actions of others. Five years is a long time to carry a hurt…especially at your age. I am glad that you gave “church” another try. I truly believe communities of Christ followers who will walk along side each other through life are God’s gift to us.
my ‘bad experience’ was a teen pregnancy. i experienced so so so much judgment, rejection, and the amount of gossip was unreal. i was asked to leave my christian high school, told i couldn’t handle being a mother so young and needed to give up the child for adoption, and asked by my family to attend a different church. it’s a long story, but i ended up getting married when my child was 9 months old, moving out of town, having another child, and we’re doing great. it was the hardest and most painful time of my life, but i learned so much. i learned what it meant to really be a christian. i learned that the most “christian” people i knew were actually mainly concerned with appearances, because i was rejected and shunned. and the people who i didn’t consider to be great christian people, opened their arms and accepted me. strange how that happens sometimes.
all that being said, i don’t mean to lump people into groups. there were some very significant people in my life who i looked up to and respected as wonderful christian people, and they were the ones who couldn’t look past the pregnancy, and saw only that. and i experienced an outpouring of love and acceptance from others. there were many christian people who did love and support me, but the ones who didn’t spoke loud and clear with their actions.
i am thankful for my experience, and am a better christian, woman, mother, and wife because of it. i’ve never regretted it.
Hilary…thanks for sharing your experience. I have tears in my eyes as I type. As a mom of a twenty-something, if I could, I just would give you a big hug. At a time when you needed them to be there, the Christians in your life failed you. But as you said, you can now use your experiences to be a better mother, wife & Christian. I am confident, no young woman will go through that same experience if you are in her community of faith. You will be there to walk alongside of her. I just wish there had been someone to walk alongside of you.
I have felt for sometime that as a collective group, we have done a lot of disservice by focusing on certain sins, especially those of a sexual nature, as if those were more significant than others. It’s hard to hide a pregnancy but not as hard to hide a deceitful, hardened heart. Maybe this is part of the hypocrisy I hear over & over again as to why people leave the church. We all sin. We just fool ourselves into thinking our sin is not as bad. I am just so thankful that God provided a way for me to be in relationship with Him, no matter my failings. Sometimes, in the busyness of life, I struggle to truly appreciate how great a gift that is.
Love these conversations! So much right in many of the ideas expressed.
My take…we continue to pay the price for not following the original plan of God for bringing his will on earth as it is in heaven. From nearly the beginning of the church, the emphasis has been on matters other than simply becoming and living as a person of God. It was never God’s intention for his people to place the major emphasis on religious institutionalism. Especially after Constantine, the major emphasis was on building up and protecting the institution. And it’s been that way ever since. That seemed to work well during certain eras, and the more success institutionalism achieved the more momentum it gained. But now the weak seams are showing.
What if from the beginning, church leaders lead disciples outside the gate to major in the concepts and practise that are near to the heart of God? What if justice had always been a core value believers strive for? What if followers of the Way were so enamored with the life of Jesus that they saw every action, every decision, every word a reflection of their walk with Him? What if the well being of fellow man formed every follower’s values?
I am encouraged by what I hear and see from the rising generations. They could not care less about the state of religion or affairs of “Church,” but they generally embody the values of God…social justice, care for the planet, love for all mankind, disdain for arrogance, world peace and more. Many of these younger citizens of earth are closer the heart of God than we who have sat in pews for decades. God bless em!
Illustration: I just moved to a new town. Christian friends make suggestions on where to purchase a home. Nearly every well-meaning comment about areas of town or subdivisions to consider inlcudes this, “And you’ll be surrounded by Christians.” Where did we get the false notion that safety is or should be the ultimate concern of Christians? What if Christians chose where we live, not on the basis of safety or security or prestige, but by what is needed in that neighborhood, by what we might contribute to the folks who live there?
One of the unique things about this millenial population, of which I’m a member (age 25) is the fact that we’re all 20-somethings. Developmental psychologists consider this age to be a time of questioning and doubt as you slowly begin to alter the paradigm your parents reflected in your family into something that matches your own experience. Erikson suggests that this age group struggles with the tension of finding intimacy versus being isolated; as several others mentioned, the millenials seem to define intimacy through authenticity.
The millenials aren’t the first group of 20-somethings to ask revolutionary questions. For example, 20-somethings were largely behind the peace and love movements during the Vietnam War in the 60s/70s. It seems that this group of 20-somethings is especially interested in national and international social justice. I hope that in 20 years, I can have the same openness that the writer and commenters of this blog show towards our generation.
One of the big questions that 20-something church-goers (or former church-goers) seem to be asking involves re-envisioning church, similar to what Ryan suggested (and I know his church in Dallas acts out). What if church didn’t consist of walls and thousands of dollars of sound equipment? If a church doesn’t have walls and unwritten symbols of exclusion, is it possible to reach a different, previously excluded population more effectively? How can church be recreated so that more voices, especially the outside voices, have a place at the table? These are some questions I find myself asking.
Steve Sr. …..very well said!
Ryan Porche: Can you tell me where your church is located and how I might get additional information about what is being envisioned as you plant new churches using a different paradigm?
Is having every voice at the table – with the implicit assumption that all voices contribute equal value – necessarily a good thing?
Just asking.
qb