Bailing Out of Church
If you’ve seen the recently released Pew Foundation report on the faith of people who are in their twenties, you understand more about what’s behind our “What Really Matters” project at Heartbeat.
Here’s what it says about their religious affiliation:
“Fewer young adults belong to any particular faith than older people do today. They also are less likely to be affiliated than their parents’ and grandparents’ generations were when they were young. Fully one-in-four members of the Millennial generation — so called because they were born after 1980 and began to come of age around the year 2000 — are unaffiliated with any particular faith. Indeed, Millennials are significantly more unaffiliated than Generation Xers were at a comparable point in their life cycle (20 percent in the late 1990s) and twice as unaffiliated as Baby Boomers were as young adults (13 percent in the late 1970s).”
Ah, they’re less religious — right? No! The report goes on to explain that they are still people of faith. But they have unplugged from religious groups.
While we can all name some churches with lots of people in their twenties attending, this report hits us with the stark truth: this generation is leaving “church” (and other religious groups) in unprecedented numbers. They are dropping out at 5-6 times the historic rate.
Why? And what can we do now that we know that?
Those are the questions I’m spending my time asking now.
Feel free to email me. You have my address.
Even as a 43 year old elder, I have had difficulty understanding how to reach out to our 20 something members and those that are seeking. I found George Barna’s, “Revolution” to be so insightful and has helped me communicate and understand this age group so much better. It is something that we are becoming much more aware about and as leaders have decided that we can not ignore!
I honestly believe it is, as JesusLifeTogether.com describes, NOT that Jesus is any less attractive, but that cultural religion just doesn’t look anything like HIM anymore, it daily life. Did Jesus REALLY come, die, rise, and ascend so that people could “attend” something, rather than step INTO His Picture and the Life He lived? Just a thought.
As the father of two twenty-somethings, and one about-to-be, I have to say that I don’t really blame them. I’m ready to bail also.
I love the Lord. I don’t love my church. I desire to serve, and to give, but it has become so unfulfilling that I don’t try anymore. I feel insignificant and unneeded. This is a relatively new situation. I have served behind the scenes and out front. I have been on ministry teams, search committees, selection committees. I have led seminars and follow-ups, and I have been the assistant to the donut guy. I used to love doing this, but it seems they all ended in a power-grab, usually by a minister. If it was a single, isolated situation, I could overlook it. The last several experiences I have had have all ended this way. Maybe my experience is not the norm, and maybe God is calling me to do something different. I’m still wrestling with Him on that.
I relate more to Hilary and the twenty-somethings (I’m almost 50) than you guys with big words. It seems that you (millenials) have more questions than answers, and that’s where I am. It is a frustrating place to be. But maybe God is calling them to make a difference in another way.
I’m not sure I understand the definition of “religious groups”. Is that who you get together with on a Sunday morning?
Letter to my church: I want you to want me. I need you to need me. I’d love you to love me. But you have a nice temple.
dkf, your experience may not be the norm, but it has certainly been qb’s experience as well. It takes a special kind of person – Moses comes to mind (Num. 12:1ff) – to build an empire without becoming imperial and imperious. qb
Wow, my comments sure seem whiny when I read them. That wasn’t the point. My question is this: Is this a bigger issue than just “millenials” leaving? If so, are there common causes? Are there common solutions?
dfk – “I feel insignificant and unneeded. ”
I hear you! Anytime “church” is together, there is an overwhelming love expressed, but the moment I walk out of the building I disappear, as far as the other members are concerned. I love my church home, I know there are people that love me too, but I am NOT included outside church hours.
We had a series on “Hospitality” last year – I physically and emotionally suffered through it. Hospitality, community, intimacy, welcoming, accepting are wonderful concepts. But like the 20 somethings, I wonder how it applies in my life and how does it reflect the life of Jesus? If we cannot accomplish the Jesus qualities mentioned above with those of our own ‘tribe’ how do we dare talk about reaching out to bring others into the same blank space? I hurt for new ones in the LORD if they are feeling this same disconnect?
btw-I’m at the other end of the age spectrum from the 20 somethings. But I have the same questions, and the same struggle – is it worth it to continue?
I have been hearing for four decades about those who are dropping out. Jesus in the parable of the soils also said 3 out of 4 would leave. If we are gospel-driven then the church will reach all ages , those who have open hearts and minds to the gospel.
The problem Ray is that the people in your 1/4 that have ‘open hearts and minds’ and claim to be the ‘true church’ are some of the most close-minded people I’ve ever been around. Just sayin.’
Actually I was twriting about the population in general. We have people of all ages attending and all we do is preach the word, try to be gosepl centered, love people, pray intensely. Some are those you call millienals. Yes , some will be close minded but that has been true all along and will never change. And you will find it no matter which group you look to or church you attend.
And yes there will bad experiences with people in the church becausetheyare sinners too and the flesh reaches out at times and thrashes us. And it may happen many times.Has to me but I do not expect perfection from the people. All we are asked to do is to maintian faith and be faithful and love. Even when they do not love back. Even when treated badly by those who should know better but it is not the reason to abandon the church because there are many who are out there just every day passing out the cups of cold water and they never forget that it is all about God and His glory , not how we feel.
Ray B, I couldn’t agree with you more.
What I heard in many comments was “no one is reaching out to me.” The message of the gospel is not that we need to feel warm fuzzies when we worship and that each of us will leave with plans to have lunch, coffee, and dinner plans with at least three other church members for later that week. If we follow Jesus’ example, we are all servants. We all have gifts and talents that were given to us by God to do his work. For those who are thinking that the church is a place to simply come and get fed, you need to dig a little deeper and remember that as a believer, you’re part of a body and that every part of the body relies on each member doing its thing, at its best for the health of the whole body.
I am one of these millennials that you’re talking about, but I am heavily involved in my church in New York City. A coworker of mine just shared this blog with me after coming over to ask me why it is that I go to church. I think that we would do better to talk about what makes millennials, and all groups really, come to church. I go to Redeemer because it is a great church for teaching. It is a huge place and had I not chosen to get involved, I could feel very differently, perhaps empty or unaffected, like others do. I look at my church like I look at my faith – it is a relationship, if I do not work at it I will not reap the benefits of it. Would I have friends if I did not reach out to people? Would my boyfriend or spouse stay interested in me if I did not maintain an active presence in his or her life to let them know that I care for them? Will the flowers on my terrace wilt and die if I do not water them? Our relationship to Church is active, it is not and cannot be passive.
Having been a Bible study leader and host for 5 years and a children’s ministry leader for three, I can also speak to burn out. There is a time and a place, and it is natural to get tired and burnt out, we cannot necessarily blame these problems on the church, certainly not the church as a whole. One of the pitfalls to leadership can be thinking, “What will happen when I don’t do this?” I stopped hosting my Bible Study earlier this year and was humbled and amazed to see what God did in the lives of others who stepped into leadership roles and the outreach that began coming from my group to the New York Community. There is a time and a place, or as Ecclesiastes states, “to everything there is a season.”
What I have to say to the entry on the dwindling number of millenials is that in order to bring them into the fold we need to appeal to them, and I’m sorry, but there is no more compelling story than the heart of the Gospel. I also agree that we need to be “open-minded;” and by this I mean that we are to be a loving community, not judgmental. Thus, we need to put Christ at the center and prayerfully reach out to all people of all ages. It doesn’t hurt to know your market either, if you want to reach people in my age group use people in my age group to reach out to them, you have to get past the idea that church-goers are closed minded, or preaching fire and brimstone.
Ask the younger people in your church why they are attending your church and use them to reach out to your community. People are more apt to do this when asked.
SKE, what you apparently heard – “no one is reaching out to me” – is an unfortunate caricature of what people are actually saying. qb knows plenty of people who fit the description of the “disfranchised,” if you will, who have toiled in the trenches of institutional evangelical Christianity for years, only to find lately that they are disposable, like stud horses who have been *ahem* snipped to purify the gene pool for the latest, trendiest mission-fashions in vision-casting, demographically-stratified (a. k. a. youth-oriented), growth-or-be-damned megachurchism. And that’s only *one* of the contexts where such a paradigm is playing out these days.
Cheers,
qb
Blessings, qb!
I’ll leave it to those that know me to attest to what my ‘out reach’ to others might be – to what seems to them, my devotion to and love for my LORD and Savior. Will just mention, that there are many that lovingly work in the LORD’s vineyard, be it in within the ‘church’ walls or in daily life, that are absent from the minds of their fellow workers most of the week – well, the saying, “out of sight, out of mind” seems to fit. ~sigh~
My only wish is that we would have more open, searching hearts – more open arms to include at least one family/person we’ve not know for a 1/2 century – to someone new, different, even unwashed – invited lovingly into our family’s activities and be as much in contact with that person as we are with long-term friends and family members. We all, including me, must stretch ourselves, reaching outside our usual routine to others, especially if we are inviting them into our church-family circle, that they may feel the love of Jesus for them through us.
‘Nuff said!
Gotta get going. [don't you just love that string of colloquialisms!! ] Morning is just not my more excellent time of day, not at all!! 
In His love!
I had a comment but it became too long to not infringe on blog etiquette. However, having just turned 30 a few months ago I can be said to be in the nebulous mix of the Gen-X/Y/Millennial/Whatever generations; and I think there needs to be a bit of a reality check here. Here is my comment-turned-post concerning this reality check.
To address specifically Mike’s question of “Why [are they leaving the church]? And what can we do now that we know that?” I believe the following is helpful.
In addressing these issues, Kevin DeYoung suggests the following in a series “The Next Generation”. In it he proposes to “Grab Them With Passion”, “Win Them With Love”, “Hold Them With Holiness”, “Challenge Them With Truth”, and “Amaze Them With God”.
And the churches that are exploding in growth, particularly with the 20-30ish crowd, have leaders who are not ashamed of the Gospel and firm biblical doctrine; and this is where the difference is. Like it or not, reformed thoughts and doctrine is exploding in this age-group; so much so even Time Magazine took notice in the March 2009 issue where the “New Calvinism” is the #3 idea changing the world.
What we see in this movement is a re-energized love for the Supremacy of God; the Magnification/Glorification of Christ; the Authority of Scripture; Loving to learn and hold fast to firm doctrine; Caring/knowledge of social ills and injustice; and a Desire to reach people groups with the Gospel.
The churches of Christ would do well to join in this kind of passion for God.
Mike, I love that you are asking these questions. My wife and I would fall into this age group as well. We also would fall into the category of those who have “left the church,” though I would hardly call it that. Almost three months ago, we made the decision to “take a break” from the institution. We no longer attend a Sunday morning worship service. We didn’t leave because we thought it was wrong, nor do we think that those who still attend one are somehow inferior to us. While we left the institutional way of doing things, we have never left the church. That is impossible (Mike, do you think you could ever leave yourself?). On the contrary, we have been struggling with a lot of different things. Namely, how do we live with only Jesus as our head, not the preacher / pastor / Sunday morning meeting, etc? How would our lives change if we lived as Paul said, with “not I, but Christ living in me”? What would our lives look like if we decided to stop “going to church” and actually took “church” and owned it as our actual identity; let it define us completely? How does that change how we meet communally? What does the Lord’s Supper now look like, etc.
To say that those who are leaving are doing so because they are biblically illiterate is irresponsible and prideful, to say the least. The funny thing about that is that we have read / are reading the same Bible everyone else has and perhaps see things very differently.
We still have yet to find many answers to our questions (like I said, it’s just been three months). But we look forward to Jesus pulling back the curtains and revealing these things to us as we do our best to follow him only.
Blessings to you as you and your readers strive to do the same. Sorry for the length of the comment.
I’m 26 years old, just so that’s understood. I don’t consider myself a “millennial,” largely because it’s mostly my generation’s fault that people like Paris Hilton are famous. So I’m OK with distancing myself from that as much as I possibly can.
I don’t know how similar my story is to that of other folks my age, but I can tell you some of the things I’ve seen that I consider to be roots of the problem.
1) There is a disconnect between the eternal reward of Christianity and the present transformation of Christianity. Too many people are still living lives focused on the rules, focused on the outside of the cup and dish, never allowing Christ to actually change their lives. Too many people believe the only voice the Holy Spirit ever uses to be the gentle nudges on your conscience, instead of the ABSOLUTELY UNAVOIDABLE VOICE OF GOD. People don’t let it be real. Not just of this generation, but also of the previous generations. My generation doesn’t have a lot of examples of how to actually BE a Christian and not just act like one. I am incredibly thankful for my parents, who are definitely exceptions to this rule. But I grew up with too many “role models” who preached Heaven and claimed the eternal saving grace of God, but didn’t ever actually allow their hearts, minds, and souls to be changed. They wanted Christianity THEIR way, instead of God’s way – and their way was the one that allowed exclusion, allowed self-righteousness, allowed favoritism, allowed strict legalistic standards for everyone but themselves… Ah, memories.
2) This is almost a subset of the first one, but it’s definitely different enough – and prevalent enough – that it bears mentioning on its own. There are too many people – and a ton of these are actually within my generation – who recognize that the lifestyle I mentioned above doesn’t cut it. You can’t bring people to Christ very effectively if you’re living a double-standard. If you’re ever excluding people in any way, then you’re obviously not showing the love of Christ to all, right? So there’s an overcorrection, and we wind up with people who are making a genuine effort to at least show love to everyone they meet. Problem is, they’re trying to show love in a way that it cannot possibly exist. Here’s what I mean: let’s say you and I are complete strangers (which is, you know, probably right) and meet in line at McDonald’s one day. If I immediately place my arm around you and lean in real close to you, and start speaking in a gentle, throaty whisper, making sure I put the right spiritual tone in my voice, saying all the buzz words like “encourage” and “blessed,” calling you brother or sister… Well, I don’t know about you, but I’d sure want to punch me in the face. Just because you love everyone does not mean you treat everyone like you’re lifelong friends, and EVERYBODY ON THE PLANET KNOWS THAT. Making an attempt to genuinely love everyone is a very noble and very holy quest. But that word “genuinely” is very important. People can smell fake for miles, and it is disgusting, especially when it comes to that “Hey, brother, I know I don’t know you, but I just wanted to encourage you and bless your day by showing you the love of the Lord today, so here’s an overly long violation of your personal space with a bear hug from a complete stranger” crap. I am ALL FOR people being nice to strangers. But for cryin’ out loud, it’s got to be REAL. It’s got to be GENUINE. If all the love you actually feel for someone is at a 4 but you’re trying to put on the show of loving them at a 10, they’re going to be able to pick it up, they’re going to be turned off, and they’re going to leave.
SO! What’s the solution?
Well, the only thing I can think of is a groundswell movement of genuine connections between people, where we all start to let down our guards and expose ourselves as imperfect people, desperately in need of a savior, completely unable to accomplish ANYTHING on our own, and entirely reliant on God, His Son, His Spirit, and His church to help us get through each and every single day. When people – of all ages – start to see that Christians at large are returning to the core beliefs of humility, self-sacrifice, and genuine universal love… We’ll get ‘em back. We’ll get ‘em all. We can win the world. if we truly allow Christ to be shown through our lives.
Cousin Shane: You wrote, “To say that those who are leaving are doing so because they are biblically illiterate is irresponsible and prideful, to say the least.”
I would have preferred you made that comment on my blog since it is what you are referring to, but that’s OK. I just want to clarify that NOWHERE did I say that the reason WHY this generation is leaving is BECAUSE we/they are biblically illiterate. Allow me to differentiate between the two comments above:
1) In my blog post (reference in my first comment above) I was trying to bring my generation and under down a bit from the pedestal it was being put on throughout the comment section; and I did this by pointing out some of our flaws.
2) Then I posted a second comment above, immediately following the first, to actually respond to Mike’s question concerning “Why and what to do”. I tried to be specific as to the differentiation in regards to the first and second comments.
My bad if the way I did it was not clear enough. Grace be with you -
Lots of interesting, thoughtful comments and insights. I read the blog often, but comment rarely. Seems that when I do, I kill the thread with my off-the-wall comments. But I do that in real life as well.
If I had been asked, when I was in my 20’s, why I left the church, after going “every time the doors were open”, I probably would have said that I hated hypocrites, and it seemed that the church was full of them, both adults and the people my age. And that would have been an honest statement. The truth was that I had been force fed that God was all-knowing and all-loving, but in my vast teenage wisdom, I couldn’t reconcile all of that with what was going on in my house, and in the rest of my life. I needed someone to show me that Satan was after me HARD. I needed someone with wisdom and love, not intellect or big words, to wrestle this out with me, and to try to help me make sense of it. I know how I was, and that would have been a lot of work for someone to take on. Asking the question one time on a survey wouldn’t have cut it. I now know that it wasn’t the surface answer I thought it was.
I think, in a lot of instances, there may be more to the “Why?” answer than the responder realizes. It may just be “the tip of the iceberg”.
My response to “What can we do?” is “Do we really want to know?”. Would it make a difference? If it was totally off the wall, would we consider it? Not saying implement it, just honestly consider it. Or would it be a “health care summit” situation?
Could some of the trend be attributed to the fact that most twentysomethings have not started families? Twentysomethings with small kids and a church background will most likely feel that they need to expose their child(ren) to a church home. In fact, my wife and I have found great support in our thirtysomething small group at church (the small group has about 18 adults and 18 kids).
With no spouse or children, is it more likely that twentysomethings will search for a more “personal” spirituality elsewhere? I just know that church can be a lonely place for a twentysomething single. It’s difficult to start going to a church unless there is some connection with it already (relative, close friend, mentor, co-worker, etc).
Are the current parents of twentysomethings less likely to call them and continually ask whether they are attending religious services regularly? My parents called and tried to get me to attend services when I was an undergraduate. I ignored them and didn’t really start back into the church until I got married in graduate school. Part of my motivation was pleasing my parents. Without pressure from parents and other mentors, the twentysomethings may feel that they have implied approval to not become a member of any organized church.
I’ll wrap up by saying that we do not do a good enough job of communicating the benefits of “church” to twentysomethings. We don’t include them enough in the services. We don’t encourage them to be active. We don’t assign to them meaningful work. We don’t plan enough special classes and groups for them (youth [check], college age class [check], twentysomethings class? [no check], etc.) Without any anchors to hold on to, the twentysomethings just seem to float away and drown into their busy, early careers.
drBurt may be on to somethings here. Remarkably, however, none of those possibilities has anything immediately to do with other-directed worship or other-directed mission. If drBurt’s insights are substantially correct, then the realities represented by “church” to this crew are institutional and consumptive, not missional or doxological. Maybe that’s precisely what we have.
qb
We don’t know what we really are.
As a twenty something, I feel like the church has totally turned me off of what it claims to represent.
Too often I have seen Christians walking around as if they have their heads in the clouds, and not down here on Earth with the struggling, the poor, the brokenhearted. Jesus was not like that, so why do his followers act like that?
It’s all good and well to do as much as you can for others, to lead seminars, to be a preacher, to lead classes at church, and to have and be involved in Bible studies. But IM LOOKING FOR REAL CHRISTIANS. Christians who admit their faults, who have a raw and real faith, and who will stoop to the level of the “wordly” people and walk arm in arm, hand in hand, and sometimes even carrying those who are hurting and suffering and sinning along the way to the “blessed life” of Christianity.
Church has turned me off not because I feel that the building is full of hypocrites, but because I feel these people aren’t being real. Stop the facade of having everything together, and feel free to cry, to yell and to be able to accept the blatant sin in your life and the lives of others. “Stoop” if you will, to the level of those tarnished by their faults and mistakes, and go forward to a deeper Christianity that is more accessible and attractive to those who have strayed or may not know Him.
Shane, I would ask if you are getting together maybe over dinner with other Christians to encourage and be encouraged by each other? Hebrews 10:23- seems to indicate it is pretty important. Have you considered getting together with one or two more couples and starting a house church in one of your homes? This may be the answer for leaving the institution behind while having what you are needing.
We recently joined a church. This is a contemporary Bible-oriented group with mostly younger members. We loved the service, the preaching…etc. but they frankly were not very friendly. The first 6 times or so we went, only the preacher and a couple of guys who already knew us got past “good morning”. But you know, we decided this was something we could do something about. If we are reaching out to others every week, that kinda thing can be contagious. Are we part of the problems we see in church or part of the solutions? I know that many of the younger are looking at the church and saying they wished we would “get real” and really care about each other. I have found a couple of groups where I can say we get real and really care about each other. Walk to Emmaus and Tres Dias weekends. I also have found small groups in several churches where we found the same.
I’m sure I don’t have all the answers but I believe the Lord’s body will survive. May God bless you all, Kent
Kent,
To answer your questions, yes, we are spending time with other Jesus followers at various different times, sharing our journeys together. We understand the need to have community with other Jesus followers, sharing what he is teaching us and just simply spending time together.
As far as a house church goes, I have absolutely no desire to begin one at all. I think it is a mistake to believe that just because you have stopped going to a large gathering on Sunday morning and moved into a smaller one in someone’s house that you have successfully left the institution. I don’t mean to imply that this is what you are saying, Kent, or to imply that this is what you believe. I simply say what I did to say that at this point in our journey, we are too recently removed from an institutional setting that if we were to begin something in our own home, it would probably end up being a smaller model of what we just left because that’s all we know.
We have done the house church thing before; we were missionaries in Mexico and that was the method we used. I learned some good things from that experience and am thankful for having been there, but I don’t see house churches as the solution.
Shane, glad to hear that you are not isolating yourself from other Christians. During collage, some of my favorite books were by “renewal” authors, Keith Miller, Gene Getz and Larry Richards. One of them was “A New Face For The Church” by Larry Richards. In it Richards proposes his views of how the church is needing a renewal and how this might be accomplished, some of it through new organization with house churches. The final chapters are a fictional account of what the church he invisions looks like. I remember a yearning for the kind of fellowship he paints there. You might see if you cannot find a copy and read it. He also has a book called “Three Churches In Renewal”. In these you might find an idea of what you are looking for. May God bless you and your family as you live out your faith, Kent
What a GREAT discussion! I really appreciate what Justin said. His transparent communication impacted me deeply. Mike, thanks for generating such a rich dialogue. One observation……..it’s kinda funny how a lot of folks feel the need to identify up front which generation they belong to, when in reality it’s pretty clear which generation they belong to by their perspectives and priorities. At least most of the time. Anybody else notice that? Thanks again Mike.
This reminds me of the “Rethink Church” Campaign.
“What if church was less about Sunday and more about the other days of the week? Then Sunday could truly be a day of rest and reflection on all that we have accomplished that week.” (something like that)
People want something worthwhile when they go to church. What if, when people thought of church, they thought of a homeless shelter, of ongoing mission overseas? What if it was an afterschool program from kids in a povery-sticken neighboorhood?
THAT’S EXCITING! People are ready to change the world to get involved. Why not get them to help save the world by getting involved with missions!
rethinkchurch.org
poignant stuff
You might enjoy our website http://www.churchrater.com
My wife and I fit into the Millenial generation you reference in this post. I am 27 years old, and my wife is 28. We, too, have stepped back from attending the CofC congregation in Houston we have been attending for years. We have become disillusioned with religious activities and the incessant pursuit of adding numbers to the gathering rather than transformation. Put another way – we are sick of the idea of filling the building with people rather than filling the people with God. Have we become so shallow that our validation as a church must come from man and not God?
I have found over the last few years that oftentimes (though not always) religion, albeit with good intentions, gets in the way of an authentic encounter with Jesus Himself.
As my friend Brian Mashburn says, “When you die and approach the throne of God, would you rather approach Him holding a Bible in your hand, or would you rather approach the throne holding the hand of Jesus?” We want to remove everything that hinders us in our relationship with the Lord…including religion.
We have not stopped BEING the church. But we are sick of DOING church. We have engaged in deeper relationships with other Christ-followers since we have stepped back from our congregation. We are engaging in authentic, transparent, transforming relationships with each other.
I would point you to the book Pagan Christianity by Frank Viola and George Barna for a better discussion on the religious activities that are followed by many churches today (both evangelical and Pentecostal) that have no root in Scripture.
I hope this does not come across negative. If anything, I am seeing more and more people connect with God in real and transforming ways that are not happening within the church building. They are then connecting outside of the building with other Christ-followers and engaging in the epic of God redeeming what was lost.
God is moving in big ways here. I want to stay in step with Him.