Faking Christianity for Social Reasons
Here’s a letter the folks at Freakonomics got from someone deep in the heart of Texas who pretends to be a Christian so her children will be allowed to play with other kids:
I loved your books! I have found my thoughts drifting to some of the subjects over the past few days, especially altruism and apathy. I was curious if any of the experiments took into account the subjects’ religious beliefs. I don’t know how one would logistically test that but it would be interesting to see how those claiming to follow a religious doctrine teaching altruism would do in the tests.
This thought led to another about myself. How would I do in the tests? We are agnostics living deep in the heart of Texas and our family fakes Christianity for social reasons. It’s not so much for the sake of my husband or myself but for our young children. We found by experience that if we were truthful about not being regular church attenders, the play dates suddenly ended. Thus started the faking of the religious funk.
It seemed silly but it’s all very serious business down here. We don’t go to church or teach or children one belief is “right” over another. We expose them to every kind of belief and trust that they will one day settle in to their very own spirituality. However, for the sake of friends and neighbors, we pretend we are Christians. We try not to lie but rather not to disclose unnecessary information. As the children are getting older, this isn’t so easy for them and an outing is probably eminent.
We are not the only ones. We have found a few other fakers out there. I would love it if you ever explored this subject in a future book. I should mention that the friend who recommended Freakonomics to me is the head of the bible study at her church. Interesting.
You can read the telling comments that follow the letter here.
This says a lot, doesn’t it? We’re called to be salt and light. We’re called to follow Jesus — who was a friend to “tax collectors and sinners.” And yet testimony after testimony follows in the comments of those who have to fake Christianity in order to accepted.
There are lots of us faking it. We like the world of church (hypocrisy and all — but you’ll find hypocrisy anywhere); we know our jobs and relationships in the South depend on it; we just don’t see evidence that God is doing anything. It is fun, however, perhaps entertaining, to be around people who keep summoning the courage to convince each other that God is doing great things among them.
Indeed, this sounds like a problem germane to places like Texas or at least I am not as surprised to hear of this being reported in the Bible belt as I would be to hear about it in other locals. However, in all fairness, I read through the comments and it did not seem like every comments was claiming to fake Christianity or face social rejection. Further more, while there is some truth to perception (which is very unfortunate), not all perception is actually true. And it also seems that some of those who might cy foul are guilty themselves. I can remember being told by one person at a coffee shop located in a very socially liberal culture to take my Evangelicalism back to the south (little did the person know, I eschew the label “Evangelical” because of some of the problems I sense in contemporary Evangelicalism).
Grace and peace,
Rex
As the number of the American non-religious slowly increases, it should be interesting to see what happens to society when the tipping point is reached and suddenly, it is cool/appropriate/acceptable/preferred to be non-religious. I’m sure lots of changes–welcomed and unwelcomed–will follow.
Thanks, Rex. That’s part of why I pointed people to the comments. There are not only several “me too” statements from people who feel obligated to “fake” Christianity for social acceptability — but there are others who’ve felt the need to “fake” their politics (liberal or conservative), their religion, etc., because of the prevailing culture around them.
But still this question persists (perhaps a question that presses on me from my new world with Heartbeat): How can Christians communicate that you don’t have to be just like us to be welcomed and loved by us?
You’re right, Martin. That will be quite interesting.
And BLL . . . I’ll just say that the questions you have are good ones — questions that need to be asked. I ask them a LOT, though I ask them as a person of faith. Thanks.
Mike,
I definitely hear what you are saying and it equally concerns me that some segments of Christianity, no mater how large or small, believe one must conform to be accepted and loved.
I always have found it interesting in John 14 that the disciples are concerned that Jesus will not show himself to the world and in reply to their concern, Jesus tells them to be obedient…which came right after he washed their feet. May we be more like Jesus!
Grace and Peace,
Rex
P.S., Thank you for the work you put into this blog, I do really enjoy reading it.
Was Mike not accepted deep in the heart of Texas ??
I don’t fit the local Christian Mold™ and think sometimes it would make life easier if I could at least pretend to conform, but … well, convictions can be hard to hide and the older I get, the less I want to.
I don’t try to make people conform to my image of Christianity, but I wish they’d return the courtesy. This area isn’t particularly tolerant even to different flavors of Christianity, much less agnosticism, atheism or any non-Christian religious variant.
I think BLL is right. There is a lot more going on here than the need to socialize children (though that one is legitimate too). If you are the least bit interested in politics, business referrals, jobs, etc. in the Bible Belt (especially Abilene), you’re going to be a lot better off if you are tied into a church, even better if it is a big one that comes from a conservative tradition. In my work, I’ve had a chance to meet and talk to a lot of outsiders who have been hurt/offended by this culture.
Someone once said that “Southern Baptist” is almost an oxymoron. To be Southern is to be Baptist. Or at least, I’d add, to be Baptist-like.
Mike – I like your question: how do our church communities find ways to say its okay to be different from us? Probably, a good start is to invite their kids on play dates…
Oops. I mean to say “Southern Baptist” is a redundancy, not an oxymoron.
This is sad on so many levels, qb doesn’t know where to start. qb
I find myself having to pretend to fit the evangelical mold when in churches, in order to preserve some sort of unity.
If I go into church wearing on my sleeve my belief of nonviolence as central to the gospel and my desire that american nationalism and military worship in our churches cease, my disdain for american politics in general (democrats and republicans… or just the corporate corruption parties) the fact that I don’t believe homosexuality practiced in a monogamous way is sinful… I can’t talk about drinking with neighbors or the fact that I look past a lot of sinful destructive behavior of my neighbors (in the inner city) because I understand that while they do have some individual control, many of these behaviors are a direct result of the systemic injustices perpetuated by me, my family, my friends at church who look at ourselves as holy all the while we consume ourselves to death, building mansions, staying far away from the Jesuses in our cities and towns.
I can’t say those things because the conservatives label me a liberal and dismiss me, the liberals label me a conservative, and I’m no longer accepted as part of their community, labeled as suspect, or just dismissed as a young idealist.
I lost a job as a minister for some of these very reasons because I didn’t always keep my mouth shut.
I don’t know what that means. I wish I could be honest about what I believe around church folks, but most people just don’t want to hear anything that doesn’t conform to what they believe, what their parents believed, etc.
I can’t come out and say some of that stuff,
Justin, you’ve got ol’ qb a bit confused. Based on what you’ve written, why would *anyone* confuse you for a conservative? If it were a lawsuit based on rules of evidence, it’d be thrown out rather unceremoniously.
Not that your complaint is without merit, but in trying to come across as a misunderstood middle-of-the-roader, you’ve left a lot to the imagination, to say the least.
qb
“The triumph of God over the grave of Jesus would truly be – as has all too often been assumed – permission for the followers of Jesus to flaunt their plumage of superiority in the face of others, were it not that God in humility ineffable has triumphed THROUGH the grave, for its many dis-graced, defeated victims and in the form of one of them.” — Alan E. Lewis, “Between Cross and Resurrection: A Theology of Holy Saturday, ” Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2001, 90-91; caps were originally italics.
I came across this as I have been reading this book. I believe the quote gets at the heart of what seems to be generally missing among Christianity in America. We preach the doctrine of incarnation as God’s expression of grace but seem to forget that the incarnation did not begin as a part of a creed to be talked about in Bible class but was God’s means in time and history for which he both invites and demands of us to join him in – to live with the “dis-graced, defeated victims in the form of one of them.”
What a challenge!
I’ve always ” ” at churches that have become “progressive” in the churches of Christ since being progressive in the churches of Christ makes you left of ultra conservative in Christendom. For 16 years working at churches i’ve kept my “political” leanings to myself since I got tired of the “picking yourself up by your own bootstraps” speech from my church going , wow do I call them brothers.
Curious what you think of Eugene Peterson’s quote: “I don’t find pastors and professors for the most part, very interested in matters of formation in holiness. They have higher profile things to tend to.”
Qb
I probably still hold what one might call decentralized/ libertarian political leanings, though I don’t vote in national elections… And few local ones.
For those in the sojourners crowd, my criticism of Obama gets me labeled a conservative. I criticize bush for the same things, and the other side thinks Im a commie pinko.
I wouldn’t call myself a middle of the roader… More of someone who looks more to how the politics of Jesus influence my life and community and my worldview.
Rex, the Lewis quote is right on. The western church has practiced 1700 years of triumphalism, and it has left large swaths of the church unable to cope with the setting sun of Christendom. As pointed out above, it would appear that the sun will set even on “Christian” hegemony in the USA.
It is not difficult to read, as I do, many of the social developments in American conservative Christianity over the past thirty years as a desperate attempt by terrified people to hang on to their rule over society. That was never their call; rather, as you say, it was to wash feet.
It is time for the church to let go of rule. If we cling to rule, then we will dip below the horizon with it.
Jeff W
If folkswho regularly attend church are so bad, why would you want your kids to play with their kids?
Jeff W.,
Well said…well said!
I don’t understand why churches cow-tou (sp) to people with money and spend vast resources creating cocoons of a perfect worship environment, aka a country club setting — all the while acting fairly oblivous to their own community. Seems churches in our part of the world – the south – are right for a lot of faking going on. Ask yourself this – if you waltzed into “your” church Sunday and it was filled to capacity with the folks Jesus sought out – how would you feel?
I have found this discussion v. interesting. Having grown up a C of C Lifer, I have constantly found myself drawn more to people who are not religious. Someone once told me–an agnostic with whom I was on a playdate–that some people wear their faith like an armor, keeping the world out, and that I wear mine like a sweatshirt. Not saying I am right to do this: quite often I feel lonely in my faith, having not applied my love for Jesus like the people with whom I worship. My only thoughts are that I wish we Christians (myself included) as a whole could apply a bit more humility and kindness to everyday encounters with coworkers, strangers, and family.
PS I just returned from Jenny B.’s funeral. It is so strange to feel joyful after a funeral of a young woman: Jenny was much too young to die, but you have the distinct feeling that her story ends happy instead of sad. What a comfort we have in Jesus.
Kent F – “if you waltzed into “your” church Sunday and it was filled to capacity with the folks Jesus sought out – how would you feel?”
I yearn for the day when we waltz into “our” church to find it filled with folks like those Jesus sought out and we would know we were home.
I yearn for the day anyone with any problem usually not spoken of in open church circles – the day that person can say “I’ve got a problem with ——-” and have that person wrapped in the arms of loving Jesus-like people that want to encourage and love that person. I long for the day, as Wade Hodges put it last October here at Highland, “First love, acceptance and forgiveness – THEN repentance.” I’m sorry to say that is not what one typically finds in our churches. We expect the ‘sinner’ to first repent, seek forgiveness so s/he can then be loved and accepted by US.
Our churches simply have to quit folding arms across chest in sign of protection for the status quo and open our arms to every person we meet.
A singles minister asked in a class several years ago, “what type of person do you think would make a good, perfect member of our class.”
If we can’t answer immediately, “anyone” – we need a Jesus check, at least imho.
Thanks for the perfect illustration for my talk at Cafe Fulcrum this Sunday.
Next time you’re in Austin, I owe you a bowl of guacamole.