Eldering At Its Best
I’ve read about elders; I’ve preached about elders; I’ve listened to conferences about being shepherds.
But the most helpful stuff I know about elders is what I’ve seen. For the past 18 years (and before that), I’ve had a front row seat to witness how a true shepherd serves. I’ve seen anointing, praying, tears of joy, tears of grief, compassion, forgiveness, confrontation, and peace-making. I’ve seen the stray person pursued and loved. I’ve seen strong disagreements meet in mutual commitment and prayer.
How about you? Could you tell about a time — because there is a power in anecdotes! — when you saw real shepherding in action? (I have in mind those who are formally designated shepherds/elders by the church, though you may prefer to speak of someone who is an informal shepherd in your life or in your church’s body life.)
I will be eager to see these responses: our church is currently going through ‘elder selection’ and I love to see life-size pictures of shepherds shepherding.
I have a dozen or more anecdotes of shepherds being shepherds to my family (I won’t list all of them). I so appreciate men who have taken the time to know my children since we have no blood family in this town: the grandfather-type who gives a ‘way-to-go’ on facebook to my kids, those that inquire about sports and events that my kids are involved in have meant the world to this mama. And ongoing shepherding are the men who tell my husband and myself: I believe in your ministry/ work/ gifts/ passion. I know that God is using you for great things.
The snapshot in time that stands out the most is when my (now healthy) marriage was hanging on by a thin, frazzled thread. All of the elders at our congregation made an effort to support and help us in any way they could, but a few certain ones were down in the dirt, weeping, praying elders. Walking the road, shouldering the burden with us. You can’t pay that back, only forward. Very precious men…
I was in the ICU in Lubbock with my little button when I opened my eyes and someone was standing over me. At first I thought I was six feet under but realized it was David Wray standing next to me. David taught and showed me what a true elder is. I once asked him what he would do if someone in the church was causing problems. What he said changed my attitude towards elders. He said he would come alongside the person. What a great way to lead, to come alongside.
I was serving in my first full-time preaching ministry with a church and after the first year, one of the elders asked if he could sit down with me to discuss my work and everything. I did not know what to expect…would it be a good discussion or bad? The elder spent about one hour talking about my preaching and ministry work. About fifteen minutes of that time was spent discussing my weaknesses BUT prior to those fifteen minutes, the elder spent the first forty-five minutes discussing my strengths and what made me a good preacher/minister and then encouraged me to focus on strengthening my strengths. It was the kind of conversation I needed from an elder, my elder. This was the same elder who loved his flock enough to get out of bed at 3 O’clock in the morning when one of the families was going through some difficult marriage problems.
This elder was a true shepherd and one that I wish every church could have.
Grace and peace,
Rex
I had an accident which left me with a severe leg injury that got infected, for over six months while it was healing, I had one of my shepherds fasting for me on every Saturday. I remember being with him at an event on one of those Saturdays where I was eating and he was not. It was so humbling to know that this shepherd would not just pray for me but actually fast for me as well. It gave me the strength I needed to get through a very difficult time.
I had shepherds when I was in youth ministry who stood behind me during a painful split. They stood (literally), all five, behind the pulpit and fired the minister responsible. I will never forget that. One reason I am still in ministry was because of how they handled that. Strong, but gracious, shepherds hurting for the flock, doing the right thing.
I’ve only visited Abilene and Highland on one occasion. Jimmy and I were attending a conference and had been invited to stay with David and Jeanne Wray. We had been deeply wounded and weren’t sure if we wanted to have anything to do with organized religion ever again. David and Jeanne both ministered to us that weekend…in their home, in a restaurant, and in the worship service at Highland. Obviously, I’m not a member of the church for which David serves as an elder, but he shepherded my heart that weekend and showed me the love and compassion of a true, spirit-led leader. I’m thankful that David saw fit to minister to two stray lambs who were without direction.
Angela – I’ve been on the same receiving end of that care!
Twice in the last 5 years Don and I have been on the receiving end of elder love. Elders from both Highland in Abilene and Troy in Michigan have reached out on so many occasions during our struggles with life threatening health problems . Then after we returned to Africa we received encouragement and direction for our ministry. But one statement really stands out to me. Maybe these are to be expected as what they do, but none the less they were precious and heartening to us both
If we’d had shepherds who encouraged, who led instead of followed a few vocal discontents (who later left), my husband would not have left the ministry 30 years ago. He was a good preacher, worked well with people, and I loved what we were doing.
It goes without saying I’ve experienced the gracious love of many elders in my day. My father and father-in-law have been elders collecively for well over 50 years.
Having said that – I think most churches rely far too heavily on elders. The “elder selection process” creates an air of excitement, concern, debate, etc. in churches that is simply not found in Scripture.
I honestly don’t think the church was established to by and large be controlled by a few men – I just don’t believe that.
Kent,
I agree whole-heartedly with you regarding the church being controlled by a few men. Somehow the term “overseer” has allowed us to ignore passages like Eph 4.11-13 and a bunch of other passages (i.e., John 13) that inform us on what type of leadership is needed in churches. But I also believe that our fellowship has made some great strides in the last couple of decades regarding the entire subject of church leadership and how to implement that in churches nearly 2,000 years removed from the churches of the NT.
Grace and peace,
Rex
Been thinking about those elders who influenced me over the years. From Everett Blanton in Amarillo to Mac Bibb and Gary Bradley in Lubbock. There are many others that have shown there is more to eldering than the title. I have also known lots of men that didnt have the title that did more eldering than those that did. It is that brief word of encouragement, that hug, but more so the guidance and council needed in special times. Just like ministers you dont have to have the title to do. In fact I think at times the title hinders a persons ability to do the job than good.
Interesting to ponder why there were 46 comments on church signs and, now, 13 on elders.
The first elder to have much impact on me was a man named Harry Ayers in Oklahoma. Harry was in his 70′s or 80′s and I was a pre-teen, but he made me feel important.
My favorite is Charlie Broom of Richardson East. Charlie and Jodie showed up at 5:30 in the morning for the birth of my second daughter when we had no family in town and were just a scared young couple. That, and a lot of other love from Charlie and Jodie, showed me how a true leader could love folks for Jesus. Charlie is not in the best of health right now, say a prayer for him and his amazing wife.
RE: your latest Twitter — I’ve never read “Leaving Ruin.” That’s by Jeff Berryman? Is it a “highly recommended” situation? Do tell.
You haven’t blogged on books lately, by the way. Your book-nerd audience isn’t happy…
Matt, I am a crazy reader… I read everything that I can get my hands on and Leaving Ruin is on my top 10 best books I ever read in my whole life…. love it and it will stay with you forever. Mike is so right…..passages from the book will haunt you.
hungering for this kind of leadership! My husband and I, as ministers on church staff, have needed prayer and encouragement and our elders have offered none. Is it up to us to plead for this?
We have resigned ourselves to try to be the kind of people we long to see, and hope one day to be in a church that has listening, praying elders.
We’re leaving paid ministry, too, by the way, and I wonder if it might have been different…
Yes, Matt. It’s one of the great novels I’ve read in my life. I’ve seen Jeff perform stories from the book in a one-man show, and I’ve seen an audience full of preachers turned into a puddle of tears. Find a copy read it.
nameless: I’m so sorry. I so wish that you and your husband would have experienced the godly, nurturing prayers and encouragement of elders. Let me encourage you to open your eyes for the informal shepherds that are around you. They may be from that church or another one . . . from that denomination or another one . . . from your inner circle of friends or from a totally unexpected place.
Best example in my own life was the night my son was born. I had a uterine rupture and was rushed to surgery. My husband called one of our elders at 3am to tell him what happened. He immediately came to the hospital to sit with my husband. His wife got up and called every member of our church to ask them to pray for me. Many came to the hospital in the middle of the night and prayed for me, encouraged my hsuband and/or held my newborn baby. The church as it should be.
Another personal example is the men of Oak Hills Church in San Antonio. My favorite part of the sevices there was when the elders and their wives positioned themselves around the auditorium and prayed with people. The best memories I have of those days were men (and their wives) praying over me.
A personal experience this last Sunday morning is a small but so important example of the loving hearts of our Elders at Highland.
I didn’t feel too well when I got up.Highland and its great distances between point “A” and point “B” was too daunting to even consider, so decided to ask for the church van to take me and my new scooter to services.
Almost immediately following the baptism of a very special young boy, I had to leave. As everyone stood to sing, I ‘scootered’ out to the lobby where I encountered a lovely young gal to whom I mentioned I’d really like to go home, but had to wait for the van, after class time. She wished me well, went back into services and in literally a blink of an eye, out came her parents, one of our elders and his wife. They were so concerned, and immediately said they would take me home.
To ‘take me home’ meant lugging the scooter up into their van and helping get my girth into the van. If I hadn’t experienced a full tearful melt down when we left the building, I probably would have doubled up in laughter at what that sight must have been. They drove me home, reverse and pour the scooter & girth getting out of the van – they accompanied me to my apartment, hugged me, entreated me to let them know if I needed anything else and were able then to return to the remaining parts of the services.
Just one example of the expressions of caring, loving, gentle, sweet, and immediate attention from just one of our many Elders and wives. Thank You, LORD for your servant leaders at Highland!!
And Lynn – I too experienced the blessing of prayer time with the Elders and wives at Oak Hills the year I was fortunate to worship with Oak Hills members.