Best Bumper Stickers
2009 September 30
I live in a place with lots of outrageous bumper stickers. Why is it that I can’t look away? I’m not going to have a wreck text messaging while driving, but I might bump someone while trying to get close enough to read the small print on a bumper sticker through my bifocals.
Here are a few I’ve mentioned lately:
“I like poetry, long walks on the beach and poking dead things with sticks.”
“Don’t upset me. I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.”
“Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister.”
Some are funny; some irreverent; some outlandishly political.
So what are the best ones you’ve seen lately?
50 Responses
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“Do you know Jesus? Stay on my bumper and you’ll get to meet him.” (or something to that effect)
“Jesus is coming. Quick! Everybody look busy!”
“Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you’re a jerk.”
“Jesus loves you. Cthullhu thinks you’d make a nice sandwich.”
I think that’s in the spirit of this one:
http://preachermike.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/aaaa.gif
“Mean People Suck!”
“Jesus Loves You. Then again, He loves everybody.”
About a month after being at my current job, which I started in March of this year, I got a FWD email with 16 bumper stickers from my boss. At least I know where he stands. Here are a few of them…
-So how’s that “hope” and “change” working out for you?
-Obama: Because everyone deserves some of what you’ve worked hard for.
-01.20.13 Change We Can Believe In
-Danger: You are entering a NO OBAMA zone. Mention his name and I’ll drop you where you stand!
-Keep the change… I’ll keep my freedom, my guns and my money
-Annoy a liberal. Use facts and logic.
And my personal favorite…
-Warning! I’m a bitter Christian clinging to my gun
“Republican Health Plan: Don’t get sick.”
“The Bible says it. I believe it. That settles it!”
Yeah, I bet that one has people running to our churches…..
not a huge bumper sticker fan, but I love the window cling sticker I got from momsrising.org: “Moms–Changing More than Diapers.”
“Lord, help me to be the person my shrink is medicating me to be.”
“Dig up and re-elect Nixon in 2000.” (Spotted during the 2000 Pres. campaign)
“Stop Continental Drift!”
“Nuke the Gay Baby Whales for Jesus!”
“Math illiteracy affects 8 out of every 5 people!”
“We have enough youth – how ’bout a fountain of smart?”
“The ozone layer or cheese in a spray can. Don’t make me choose!”
“Deja Moo: The feeling you’ve heard this bull before”
“I want to go peacefully in my sleep like Grandpa, not screaming like the people riding with him in his car.”
I confess… I’m warped.
“My kid beat up your honor student!”
Frequently seen around Colorado Springs:
“Focus On Your OWN D*** Family!”
I refuse to grow up!
On a hybrid in Portland, OR, 2004: “Re-defeat Bush.”
Yah Matt! You beat me to it! Is it wrong that a minister’s wife wants this on her car, Mike?
“visualize whirled peas”
Politicians & Diapers should be changed often and for the same reasons.
“I’m Pro-Adoption: The Choice Everyone Can Live With.”
How ironic- I took this picture today on my way to work. And I NEVER feel compelled to take pictures of stuff like this: http://twitpic.com/jpvy9
It’s a very large eagle head with the American flag covering his eye like a birth mark.
“Jesus was a liberal.”
one of my least favorite bumper stickers:
I AM A MEMBER OF THE CHURCH OF CHRIST’s choice
“So many cats, so few recipes.”
‘Car stickers’ have yet to catch on here like they have in America so the art form as you know it, Mike, has yet to be developed. I have seen some bumper stickers but for the most part people do not seem to want to mess their bumpers up; instead we have ‘car signs’, little squares hung diagonally attached to the rear window via suction cups.
CAR BUMPERS/STICKERS
1. You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something sometime in your life. (Winston Churchill)
2. UK: A monarchy run as a democracy. US: A democracy run as a monarchy.
3. BE NICE TO AMERICA, or we’ll bring democracy to your country.
4. Your village called: They want their idiot back.
5. HUSBAND IN BOOT
6. OAP ON BOARD
(OAP, or Old Age Pensioner, is Brit-speak for Retired Person.)
7. Do you follow Jesus this close?
(Is this from America?)
ROADWAY SIGNS
1. OAP CROSSING!
This is a national roadway sign warning, with two stick figures resembling an elderly man and an elderly woman hunched over using a walking stick.
2. Brentwood/Kelvedon Hatch/Industrial Estates: SECRET NUCLEAR BUNKER
We used to laugh at this directional road sign on the way to the kennels (when our dog was in quarantine) in Essex. Clearly showed the way to the North Weald Nuclear Bunker on the A128.
http://gallery.future-i.com/comedy/pic:nuclear-bunker/
“Read Your Bible. It’ll Scare The Hell Out of You.”
“Earth First! We’ll screw the other planets later.”
“[My mom's name] – a woman, but an intellectual.”
qb
“I’m for that white haired guy and Sarah Palin.”
I laughed until I cried when I read this on the back of a truck for a casket manufacturer: “Drive safely. We can wait.”
I liked the one on the pickup truck with the big dog in the passenger seat that read, “Dog is my copilot.”
And of course, “God loves you, but I’m his favorite.”
On a lady’s car in Austin: “Don’t make me call out the flying monkeys.”
Mike, the bumper sticker you posted has been on my car for 5 years…Well behaved women rarely make history.
I had jury duty in Abilene and the prosecuting attorney asked me specifically if I had any bumper stickers during jury selection. It had been a serious process so far…quiet and boring. I giggled before I answered and told them about the women one and the judge just broke up laughing. She asked if I had anymore and I hesitated….I live in Abilene, TX….but I was honest….and I told them…An Obama Yes We Did sticker. They all giggled again. And then I said I have one more….Life is Good. It was such a funny moment. I didn’t get chosen….remember, I live in Abilene.
Julie, love that story!! And if I were a bumper sticker gal those would definitely be on my rear end. Another one that would find it’s place is: “Running is a Mental Sport. We’re all Insane”
If you can read this…someone stole my trailer
Large Print: GOT KIDS?
Small Print: Want some?
What if the Hokey Pokey IS what it’s all about?
In Case of Rapture, can I have your car?
Ketih, LOLOLOLOLOLOL! qb
Oh, and this one:
“I hope he fails too, Rush!”
qb
“Warning: Watching Fox News may be harmful to your intellect.”
Thanks for the reminder, there, Robert – I knew I forgot something, which was to sign that last post “dittohead qb” rather than just “qb.” Again, thanks.
penitent qb
“Who would Jesus bomb?”
By the way qb, I believe I saw you posted on a thread on 14ers.com a little while back.
I was about 8 months pregnant, and while driving on a Houston freeway, we saw a bumper sticker that said:
“Sex has no calories.”
My preacher husband laughed and said, “But it surely does make a lot of women fat.” No, I didn’t push him out of the car…yes, he did get a good supper…but he was also told he’d better not tell it from the pulpit!
“God was my co-pilot, but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him.”
“sacred cows make the best hamburgers”; ” I do what the voices in my wife’s head tell me to”, “Life is full of peaks & valleys, & the peaks are greased” & ” America, Bless God”
In 1986, just after I was baptized, I was driving down a main street near our church. I pulled up behind a bumper sticker bearing car in the left turn lane. The sticker suggested, “Honk if you love Jesus”, which of course having recently baptized, I did. Smiling, I gently gave a little tap tap on my horn. Immediately the “Honk if you love Jesus” bumper stickered car driver shot me the bird. Which, by the way, is why I have never donned an icthus anywhere on my own car. You never know when you might accidently do something that might not reflect well on the Lord.
One I was reminded of tonight:
Large Type: “Jesus loves you.”
Small Type: “But then again, He loves everybody.”
One I see at work: “On Judgment Day, you’ll wish your car had a Jesus sticker.”
Another bird-shooting story: I was shot one by the driver of a truck in Steubenville Ohio whose bumper sticker read: “Christians aren’t perfect, only forgiven.”
“Would intelligent design have created you?”
- a friend on Facebook shared with others.
I had a “Some Asshole Stole My Support Magnet” car magnet, and some asshole stole it.