Love Those Friday Nights
2009 August 31
I spoke recently to a young woman who has been a waitress at a local restaurant near the mall. What stuck out the most was how much she and all her friends dreaded the Sunday lunch crowds.
The post-church people were by far the rudest, most demanding, least-tipping people they saw all week.
They loved the Friday night crowd — the people who came with friends to have drinks, a meal, and a good time. They were, generally, much more polite, much less demanding, and way more generous.
We’ve all heard this story before. This isn’t an isolated anecdote.
Why is this? Why do so many restaurant people consider church-going Christians to be rude, demanding, and cheap?
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The one difference between the two groups is alcohol. If the Church would go back to the bible and serve wine for the Eucharistic, the Sunday group would be more tippe.
uh…. becauses they are?
Mike,
I love Clint’s thoughts. As I was finishing up my last year at OC I waited tables 40 hrs a week at Red Lobster. Our location was right by several large churches of all denominations. The girl’s story from above is correct. This also remained true when I waited tables at a OKC country club, Sunday’s were the worst. I don’t know how we would ever hope to witness or draw in outsiders who have ever waited tables Sunday at lunch. I am sure some of the fuss is just past hangups over religious people but more times than not the stereotype is true. Sunday lunch crowd is by far the nicest dressed and yet they tend to be the most demanding, least understanding, and far and wide the worst tippers. This on top of the fact that they come in and want to sit all together with 20 people, with seperate checks, and spread their members all across the table and yet they are miffed when orders don’t come out perfect or in under 10 minutes. I don’t know if its because they just put all their dollar and 5 dollar bills in the plate but Sunday lunches weren’t for making money, they were for punching the clock so you could work Friday and Saturday nights.
It was not uncommon for people to leave their church’s business card or flyer as a “tip.” Unacceptable. We should challenge our members to tip at least 15% and say please and thank you and realize this place is packed, 15 minutes is an acceptable amount of time to wait for our food to get here. It would go a long way to change the opinion of wait staffs everywhere.
I think perhaps one factor is how happy people are when they come in… if you’re coming in to have fun, that’s one thing, but I can’t lie, it seems like most families have their worst attitudes and moments on Sunday morning before and during church. So afterward? Everyone is hungry and tired. Bad combo!
Did you copy from Richard’s sermon yesterday?!
‘Tis indeed true. Why is it true? Well, that’s a far more difficult web to unweave. I have observed that a lot of it reflects back on the type of church that you attend.
If they attend a church where the focus is serving one another or serving the church, then they do not always view outsiders as their equals. They do not tip well and treat servers poorly because their missional focus is not and has never been to win “outsiders” to the church. They are simply not equipped for such an endeavour.
Clint beat me to the (spiked) punch.
Since the service at post-assembly lunch is often better than that at church, we decided some time back to lop off a portion of our contribution which was going toward the maintenance of our multi-gazillion $$ building and a staff payroll which is now approaching that of the Crimson Tide coaching staff and spread it around among area bistro servers.
As a result, we sleep much better at night.
Amy, ibid!
But in all fairness and shame on us, Mike has previously blogged about the rudeness of church people during Sunday lunch. The shame is we have to be reminded of this problem.
I sometimes wish restaurants would insist on reservations for groups over 8. It’s a completely different dynamic for kitchen and serving employees when they have to serve a large group as opposed to small, family groups. Or, better still, bring back buffet lunches.
That being said, there may be explanations for our rudeness, but no even remotely acceptable reason for rudeness on the part of Christians – never.
Max Lucado’s devotional for today says, in part “… We are always in the presence of God…. There is never a non-sacred moment!
Sadly, many Sunday lunch servers are apt not to see this truth demonstrated in our manners toward them.
This is a sad reality – maybe that should be part of our discipleship training – make each new believer get a job in wait staff on Sundays! It’d be eye opening!
The new model:
1. LTC
2. Mission Trip
3. Job at Olive Garden
-RV
Perhaps instead of eating out at restaurants every Sunday, we should be eating in each others’ homes. It would save everyone a lot of money and make us be more hospitable.
It seems that if we have even begun to understand the way of Christ, we also come to an understanding that he never ate (or even hosted) a meal in a place he considered his own. Jesus invited himself, often times making a reservation, into the homes of others (which would also be a person’s business place). He was able to place himself in their shoes/sandals, if you will, since he embodied not only divinity – but humanity. We seem to demand comfort and service, and in our contemporary culture – we expect it at a minimal cost with the highest results of our satisfaction. There is something rather ground shaking to realize that Jesus was welcomed into the homes/businesses of those he came across, and his followers today are often the last individuals an individual or business (even cultures) would like to darken their doors.
We have a lot to learn about doing unto others, as we would have done to us. Let alone, if you have done this to the least of these, you have done it to me. How are we treating the image of Christ in the lives of those who serve us, not just on Sunday’s, but in every encounter we make throughout our day?
Sure alcohol has something, but not everything, to do with it. I heard a ton of stories from wait-person friends over the years about “Sunday crowds”. Here is my all-time favorite line, which was always prevalent at Lectureship.
Wait-person – “what can I get you to drink”?
diner – “we don’t drink”
Lack of a buzz still doesn’t justify rude behavior; or a well-known ACU administrator (gasp) tipping a hard-working ACU student/waitperson $1 on a $40 meal tab for a large Sunday group (yes, it was 25 years ago, and she still hasn’t forgotten the terrible tip).
Amy – Haven’t heard Richard’s sermon yet. I have heard from my 17 year old about the fly-in-the-urinal illustration. I spent four days (again) with Landon, however. And each time I do that, it makes me remember that faith must be lived out with people like those who serve us on planes, in restaurants, etc.
Tipping well is one way for me to be “salt & light” since I go out to eat a lot, & don’t live in Africa.
It is sad but true. It has been our custom to eat out with friends after church for many years. Typically there are at least 6 or 8 of us and we always want separate checks for each couple. Sometimes I can’t help but notice how small the tips are when the bills are collected and given back to the wait person. At one or two places they add 18% to the bill if there are 6 or more in the party and I have heard complaints about this practice. And this from people with double incomes totaling well over 200K annually living in 500K ++ houses
When people recognize that we are Christian it provides us with an opportunity to make a good impression. May I suggest – as others have – that we tip a minimum of 15% and 20% is better. If you used a couple then tip on the amount the bill would have been if you had not used the coupon. If you ordered water instead of tea and then had three refills then tip as though the bill included the charge for tea. It is disappointing for Christians, who have been give so very much, to be cheap in their dealings with others. Most of the time the difference between giving a good tip rather than being cheap is only a dollar or two. Sad to leave someone with a poor impression of Christians when for a pittance more we could have the wait people look forward to the after church crowd.
And while we are on the subject, I encounter people (sometimes church leaders) that will not shop at Wal-mart type stores and they tell me is b/c they do not want to rub elbows with the “riff raff.” This is Christian snobbery. No such thing should ever exist. There are times when a poorer person may lack a few dollars of having enough to pay for the groceries when the bill is totaled. They then start putting back the package of chicken or whatever. What a wonderful opportunity to help someone in need. And you know the money is going for food to feed a family – not to alcohol, drugs or something people object to. These are opportunities Christians could seek out rather than crossing over to the other side of the road and walking by w/o looking.
OK, I’ve rambled too long already. The end.
I’ll never forget the time I was seated at a table of 8 women & all my one friend ordered was water with lemon. She had already eaten & was apparantly also trying to stay on a budget. When she left the table, she left a tip on it. It reminded me that it takes the same amount of effort for the server to bring a free water as any other beverage costing money.
It’s easy to paint with a broad brush. Obviously not all Christians are snobs and lousy tippers as witnessed by those who have commented about their own personal habits. Having said that I have wanted to crawl under the table a few times due to the rudeness of fellow church members.
By the way, the worst tippers are supposedly professional athletes from what I understand. Recent poll of best celebrity tipper-Johnny Depp. Worst-Brittney Spears
I think one factor for the disparity is that the Sunday afternoon crowds are generally older. That would account for the appearance of being “dressed up.” Older generations tend to tip less. Again, this is a generalization, but so is the idea that Christians are horrible tippers. My wife used to work at a country club and tells a story of an older gentleman calling her over and putting a dollar or two in her hand as if to say, “Go buy yourself something special with this.” He was sincere. I tend to think the apparent decrease in tips on Sunday afternoon is primarily a generational issue. The grumpiness very well may be the lack of alcohol.
We should stop making excuses for explanations for people who treat others poorly. Whether they are believers or unbelievers. One of the reasons people of faith are viewed poorly by the world is the hypocrisy of making excuses for poor behavior.
Christians, who treat others as Mike described, are failing to follow Jesus most basic admonition — to love others as Jesus loved us.
Our failure to do that is one of the major obstacles in drawing unbelievers to Jesus.
You know, I’ve heard people talk about how the Sunday lunch crowd a lot. It can be true, but I never really experienced it when I waited tables. I served plenty of rude people, just not all on Sunday. But I also worked as a seating hostess, and of the two, the hostesses get treated considerably worse than the servers. This is generally trued, but it was markedly worse on Sundays. If I was scheduled to serve on Sunday morning, I didn’t really mind because at least I’d make some money–the sheer volume of guests saw to that and I actually tended to get better tips overall. The word is out, and some people went out of their way to be extra nice to me. But if I was scheduled to host, I absolutely dreaded Sunday morning. People get really grumpy about having to wait for their table and tend to take their frustrations out on the hostesses. They come in with their big groups and can’t understand why smaller groups get seated first. And no amount of friendliness, sincerity, or sympathy can appease them either. Again, this is generally true but greatly exacerbated with the church crowd. I would almost wish to be ill so I didn’t have to go in when I was scheduled to host on Sundays, or at the very least have the mind-numbing job of rolling silverware the whole time. Even now, I shutter a little at the thought.
It’s not just restaurants.
I used to work at a doctor’s office (internal medicine). One of the doctors used to make it a practice to treat Baptist ministers just for what their insurance would pay, after deductible, (Dr. was a Baptist, and at the time our office was affiliated with the local Baptist hospital) so we had a LOT of ministers as patients.
Almost to a man, they were the most difficult people to deal with. Very impatient, very demanding, very rude. In fact, one of the rudest was the pastor of the largest Baptist congregation in our town and I always wondered if he would treat me the same as he did at the office had I visited his church on a Sunday morning.
I’m not Baptist-bashing, I promise. What was so weird about the whole thing is that their WIVES were lovely, lovely people. Just the men were rude.
That is sad but there are other stories of those who are respectful and tip generously. I know of a woman who is now a Christian because she observed Christians , or that is to say , she experienced Christians who were kind and generous. She became a Christian as did her husband and eventually all of her children, her mother , and recently a daughter in law. And there are other positive examples.
You know, we could leave behind a card for our servers – paper-clipped to a big, big tip – and hand-write on it: “Thank you for modeling the servant nature of Jesus for my family and me. (John 13)”
I used to be better about doing this. Thanks for the reminder, and the inspiration!
It is not just eating places that suffer this. There is a store here in Abilene where a former Christian college administrator/professor would shop and the people there dreaded seeing her come in. She was rude and condescending to everyone there, would complain about the selection, complain about the price and end up buying numerous items, only to return some of them later. She acted this way even though she knew that one of her fellow church members worked there. It made no difference to her. She and her husband, who, when he shopped with her acted just as bad, have thankfully moved.
They are not missed.
Like it or not, we will be known by our actions.
This thread has really made me feel bad, but for all of you waiters and waitresses out there, I am a minister and I always tip at least around 20%. Some of these grumpy old men ought to stop and think, “Would I leave a tip so small if it were my daughter waiting my table?”
Are tips expected under all circumstances, and on what basis? Seems to qb that if the idea in question is simple kindness and understanding in dealing with the waiter/waitress/waitpersyn, then this discussion has a piont; but if a tip is required, why isn’t it simply added to the prices?
designated dissident qb
P. S. Undoubtedly Someone will conclude that qb must be a cheapskate who never tips, and that Someone will be, of course, profoundly in error. But that won’t stop Someone from asserting it.
I don’t know why the tip isn’t added to the price, but I do know that restaurants have a different minimum wage for wait staff because it is assumed that waiter/esses will make up the difference in tips. In Wisconsin 10 years ago, it was less than $3.00/hr.
When I worked at the Olive Garden during my grad school days, I observed this as a general trend. I asked my (agnostic) manager about this and he said to me, “Well, how would you act if you just spend Sunday morning getting yelled at?!” I wonder how many church experiences really are simply extended exercises in inducing shame and guilt among its members.
Please Mike. Bashing “church-going Christians” as “rude, demanding, and cheap” again? Always guaranteed to get lots of tsk-tsk responses with minimal effort, but getting stale, imho. You are capable of so much better! I am sure we all know and have been embarrassed by someone behaving badly or unChristian. Why not discuss it with them face to face in a loving manner? Perhaps, in so doing, one might actually learn something about preconceived notions and about exercising restraint in judging others.
rojaygator to Paul:
Paul, you are capable of so much better! You keep getting onto Christians for being busy-bodies and for being inappropriate in this world. You’re playin’ to the choir, Paul, getting all those tsk-tsk responses. Buck up, Paul. Put some effort into it. What do you think you are: a preacher, trying to encourage Christians to walk worthy of their calling? Exercise some restraint in judging others, will you? By all means, go after the world, but be gentle on Christians. The bashing needs to stop.
I choke at some of the comments here that want to excuse Christians for acting like jerks. Or an idiotic comment like, quit bashing Christians. Why does everything else think they should decide what goes on this blog?
I for one think this is the VERY kind of blog we need more of. Christians fill their buildings, they obsess over minute matters of doctrine, and then they go treat others so poorly. We need to quit making excuses and call out this behavior. It must end. If I speak with the tongues of angels and act like a jerk at the restaurant, I am a clanging gong.
This isn’t some isolated case. We hear it again and again. People fear the church crowd. They are meaner, ruder, and cheaper than your average non-church crowd. Can we live with this?
qb, I won’t make any assertions, but … is a tip a wage that must be earned, or can it not also be a gift? Can it not say as much about the giver as the recipient?
Consider the possibility of giving a big tip to a competent but grumpy server who has been mortified by rude clients at a nearby table. Might it not improve the outlook of that server, perhaps enough to inspire excellent service for the next guest at your table? Isn’t that an investment worth risking for a Christian?
In fact, doesn’t reflect God’s grace?
I’m just not persuaded that works-based tipping would communicate grace!
for the math challenged like me: 20% is easy — 10% doubled. then round up to the nearest dollar, which makes for easy addition — and makes up a bit for those “challenged” in a different way!
Keith, qb’s got no quarrel with your approach, using the equation of grace as the paradigm. Let’s use it, and let’s be precise. There must also be no inkling of an entitlement, a prior claim on someone else’s favor; and we must also object to any manifestations of self-righteous indignation when an expectation is not met.
Raising the issue is fair game. qb does not concur in the vitriol that one respondent brought to the table a few posts up. Still, this morning’s news features a strangely similar set of grievances having gone to malicious seed at a macro scale: organized labor, seeing its opportunity in a favorable political climate created by the One Most Merciful (may he live forever), is pushing for a coercive form of just such a prior claim via the tax code in an effort to “stick it to the man” on Wall St. The whole atmosphere is poisoned by such prior claims on so-called “grace.”
So it’s fair to use the paradigm you’re offering, Keith. Let’s deploy it fully and in mutual good faith.
qb
Rude behavior is never appropriate or Christ-like, whether it is Sunday or Friday…but isn’t a tip something given for good service? I tip extra when the service is especially good, but I have a hard time giving 20% at a buffet when the server has done nothing but bring my water (my usual drink.) It seems to me there should be a different standard of tipping if it is a buffet restaurant as opposed to a full-service restaurant. Taking my order, bringing the meal, and checking to see if everything is satisfactory deserves a larger tip than simply bringing a glass of water.
God loves a cheerful giver. Why are we trying to justify how much or how little to tip? A gracious, loving attitude will add much to whatever material tip we are able to leave; and an attitude of superiority to those who serve us will detract much from even a generous material tip.
Or….it could be that church going Christians are ” rude, demanding, and cheap”. I doubt this is an imagined consenses.
Royce
Did you catch Ted Kennedy’s son’s story about his dad leaving a sizeable amount of money on the desk in their motel room? When the son reminded his dad not to foget the money, his dad said (something like), “Leave it. It’s hard work cleaning rooms all day. And the housekeeper probably has a family to feed.” Great story…great example.
I now know why Amy asked if I’d heard Richard’s sermon. Go listen to it: http://www.highlandchurch.org/audio/by/date/2009-08-30. “We’re better at being Christian than we are at being good.”
I love these underhanded comments about tipping… If the “pagans” in our culture treat waitstaff by tipping them 20%, should we be able to match or improve upon that?
Don’t even think about the economics of tipping for a second. Just think about the message we send. Those non-Christians who buy alcohol and have a grand ‘ole time tip 20%. And we’re gonna tip less or on par? How does that set us apart? How do we look any different — other than being stingy and selfish?
Okay, now resume your purely economic arguments for tipping.
Too bad Teddy didn’t have the same compassion and care for Mary Jo Kopechne. Maybe if he hadn’t waited 10 hours to report the accident she would be alive today. But he was nice to a housekeeper and wanted healthcare for all so………..
I heard a waitress on a radio station in LR tell about a man (which many of us know) who tips the same amount that his bill is. $30 bill………$30 tip. I know we can’t all do that, but what if we did WAY MORE than we do at present?
DU
dly- sorry you choked, must have hit a nerve. Hope you are feeling better now. But goodness, such hostility! I’m not used to being flamed like that. What do you suppose Paul might teach Christians about internet etiquette?
I certainly do not condone anyone, Christian or not, acting like a jerk. At the risk of seeming idiotic to you, I would suggest a kinder, gentler, interpersonal, Spirit-led approach. If you actually know a Christian who is miserly or rude to servers, why not encourage him or her to do better in this ministry? Perhaps you or your preacher/church leader could address this subject from the pulpit to the whole congregation.
And dly, contrary to your assertion, I don’t think I should decide what goes on this blog. But I believe I may have the right to express my opinion about the topic presented. I actually admire and am quite fond of Mike and his work, and have been for years. It just seems to me that this type of topic brings out the smug, holier than thou, “everyone’s morons but us comments.” I’m not sure if Paul would approve.
“…church-going Christians to be rude, demanding, and cheap?”
Probably for the same reasons vegetarians are known to be blood hungry meat eaters. In plain terms, because 90% of church-going “christians” in America are not regenerate, and thus not “christians”.
-Jim
Ya know, one thing reading blogs does for me is to remind me that we are all badly warped in some way…there is none perfect, no not one. We all have our hang ups, faults and blind spots. There is not one person on earth who has any legitimate right to say anything, anything against another. And yet we still do. Seems like the more self-righteous I am, the more trash I spew and blame I cast. Guess that’s just our nature…
The sermon linked above IS something else … but then how often do you hear one that deals with Christians’ tipping habits, mens’ bathroom etiquette and how a dog looks when caught wetting indoors?