A couple weeks ago I visited with a woman from our church whose memory is fading. We sat in her living room, and she mostly listened to the conversation around her.
But four times — four! — in half an hour, she looked at me and told me how much she loved me. It was clear that she’d forgotten that she had just told me that a few minutes before. But, strangely enough, it didn’t matter. Each time it meant something special.
Here’s my question: How do you become a person who, even with a fog descending on the brain, speaks words of love and affirmation? How do you get to the point where those are the words that come out by default.
I know this: Before all this happened, that’s the kind of person she was. I never knew her to scold, frown, or discourage. For the seventeen years I’ve known her she has been a source of refreshment to all around her.
I think I have some work to do.
Me, too, Mike! Thanks for reminding me bright and early on a challenging day what it’s all about. Sweet and powerful post.
I can’t believe you posted about this today. My dad, who’s in his 80’s, cannot hear very well, so he misses alot of conversations swirling around him. Just yesterday, mom & I were discussing something, & two different times he looked hard at us, & said, “Annie, isn’t Mom so beautiful sitting on the sofa? I can’t believe she’s mine.” Just out of the blue. This is occurring more & more, & at first it was a bit disconcerting, but now I tear up with him when he says loving things out of context. He can say some wild things, too
but most of the time, what comes out of his mouth are sweet, cheerful words.
It sure beats being grumpy, doesn’t it?
I’d like to be like her right now, but for now, I guess I’ll continue to work on it and to pray to be that way when I grow up…
In our cottage we have a picture that states “Don’t forget to say you love me”
It now has more meaning for me.
Oh, Mike! What a sweet way to begin the day, with words of love from one whose very being is anchored in love. This is probably one of the dearest blogs I’ve read in a long while. Thank you!
Unhappily, I too have a lot of work to do. May God forgive me.
Does it ever blow you mind to see what a great sermon can be conveyed in such a short bittersrweet story?
Wonderful reminder. I have noticed from spending time with older people, whether church members or visiting the nursing homes and hospitals, that as dementia sets in weakening the minds “filter” what has been in the heart all along becomes accentuated. Those who cultivated a sweet, gentle and loving spirit in life tend to become even more that way and those who were bitter and angry become more combative and suspicious. Has anyone else noticed this?
What a sweet reminder! I believe we come to the place where we speak only words of life, blessing, and affirmation, when we humbly ask for the infilling of the Holy Spirit to be constantly renewed in our spirits and when we make a CHOICE to speak with kindness and godliness. We have to constantly LEARN that our tongues and our witnesses hold the power of life and death. May we forever choose to spread life! Thank you for this.
Lest we judge those who’ve lost discernment, there are those dementias which rob us of our gentler natures. The cultivated spirit is not always the one to remain, as much as we would like to hope it would be.
Thanks Freda. Actually that is comforting to know and is a reminder to not only cultivate the gentle spirit while we can but to remember that if it is taken away that God remembers us and we should be patient with our loved ones that are in some ways becoming strangers to us.
Nice timing. I was just thinking last night that my dad (who is suffering from rapidly increasing dementia) is just as kind, peaceful and loving to everyone as he was before the disease. My thoughts were to reevaluate my words and actions in case I become what I am.
Thanks Mike.
Mike, I’m a preacher also, and those types of visit I love the best. There’s just something so special about those visits. I always leave with a smile on my face, thanking God for the opportunity.
I believe words of love and affirmation by default emerge from a heart that is the same.
Mike,
I’ve been avoiding the comments for a while, but felt compelled to share on this post. My grandfather passed away several years ago after suffering for several years with dementia and Alzheimer’s. He forgot his grandkids, he forgot his children, he began to think that his wife (my grandmother) was his first wife who had passed away in 1974. But every time I visited him, he gathered the group together and prayed. He never forgot God. Even when he was a danger to himself (because he kept wandering off) and to my grandmother (because he was becoming violent), he was admitted to a nursing home that had a chapel service every day. So every morning, he woke up, put on his suit, and went to church. He never forgot God.
I know this is probably not the proper context for the verse, but when my dad called me to say that Papa had passed away, the very first thing I thought was, “Then we will know fully, even as we are fully known.”
The work of the Spirit definitely outlasts the capabilities of the mind. Praise God!
I had a similar experience. A lady I’ve know most of my life had had a stroke. She walked up to me and said, “I like you.” She had the biggest smile on her face. I thought I was something special to her, when she walked up to the next person and said the same thing. Her husband looked at me kind of sheepishly. Turns out, that was all she could say. Once she had her stroke, it limited her to saying, “I like you.” I guess it was imprinted on her mind. Thanks, Mike, for the reminder.
she loved to sing and had the most beautiful voice until the end when she couldn’t talk anymore…the only time she seemed alive since Papa Mutt died was when she was in church singing or at the nursing home singing with different groups who would come in to sing with the residents and she knew every word of every song and she sang out with that beautiful, clear soprano voice. When the preacher quoted a scripture, she quoted it right along with him and when he asked a question, she answered it right out loud! She did love the Lord and I am so grateful that she taught me to love Him, too. I was talking today with my sister and brothers about how we had a “drug” problem when we were kids…Mama drug us to church every time the doors were open and to gospel meetings and singings every where in the Mississippi Delta and usually by herself because Daddy didn’t become a Christian until I was in college.
This is part of a tribute that I wrote to my Mom after her death on Feb. 29, 2008. She had Alzeheimeizers (SP?) and she didn’t know anyone but her children when the end came. Pappa Mutt was my step dad for 20 years. He died in December 2007. My dad died in 1983. After Pappa Mutt was gone, Mama lost her will to live but somehow she never lost her knowledge of the scriptures or her love for the Lord. What a comfort that is!
May well be your most important blog, yet. Thank You
This is a wonderful post. And it goes along so well with celebrating 30 years. Happy Anniversary! Diane is absolutely gorgeous; your sideburns are something.