Bonhoeffer: “Who Am I?”
Who am I? They often tell me
I stepped from my cell’s confinement
Calmly, cheerfully, firmly,
Like a squire from his country-house.
Who am I? They often tell me
I used to speak to my warders
Freely and friendly and clearly,
As though it were mine to command.
Who am I? They also tell me
I bore the days of misfortune
Equably, smilingly, proudly,
Like one accustomed to win.
Am I then really all that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I myself know of myself?
Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,
Struggling for breath, as though hands were
compressing my throat,
Yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds,
Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness,
Tossing in expectation of great events,
Powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance,
Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,
Faint, and ready to say farewell to it all?
Who am I? This or the other?
Am I one person today and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
And before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army,
Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?
Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am Thine!
D. Bonhoeffer
March 4,1946
Thank you Mike for sharing this with us all.
I think we must like Bonhoeffer understand that Christianity is about an intamte relationship with God who knows us more than anything else and love us more than we can ever fathom.
This is what the LORD says-he who created you. . . he who formed you: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. ~Isaiah 43
I love those pictures of Reese in Guatemala! Not even a year old and already a missionary!
Fantastic!
I wonder how many of us can relate to this? I’m not suggesting that we are fake when we are with others, but I experience the feelings of being seen differently than I actually am. Usually the perception is much better than the reality!
That dude messes with my head.
This a great struggle for me. For years I have tried to live up to the example of my grandfather. The man is an oak. He is definitely the pillar in my family. But as he is aging I am for the first time considering the notion that he has struggled in his life. Maybe when he layed down to sleep he wasn’t always so confident. Maybe he hasn’t always had the answers and has been afraid. It seems like that should comfort me in my own fear, but it doesn’t. I miss thinking (even knowing) that this man was perfect. But even though this reality requires me to acknowledge uncertainty and fear in my life, I love my grandfather more for his example in face of what I now know he faces.
Not only the question, “Who am I” but the other one, and imho, more important – how much do I share with others of who I am? How much transparency should we be encouraging in our church families? I’m sure preachers/pastors/teachers struggle even more with these questions. They give so much of themselves, live in vulnerability in front of their congregations, how much more transparent can or should they be? As your common variety pew occupier, I know the more they share about themselves more do I see the possibility that I might be able to walk closer to God, to have even a closer relationship with Him.
It has to be a terrible drain on all public figures, but especially for spiritual leaders and teachers. I pray we can lighten their load, not add more tons to it.
May the Light of our LORD’s love, grace and mercy embrace you, comfort you and strengthen you, Mike!!
Amen Sister Kathy!
We all share our human foibles, doubts and fears. Let us seek to be more open (somewhat dangerous we may think) but the reward is far greater than the perceived danger. I am incredibly comforted when a sister or brother confesses some of their own perceived failings, for then I am empowered to share my wounds with them without fear, but with love.
For GOD did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. 2 Tim. 1:7
I love and relate to Bonhoeffer’s “Whom Am I?” Thanks for that, Mike.
“Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am Thine!”
Eli Wiesel had a different opinion in “NIGHT.” Read it and account for it in a God who cares about an individual man.
Bonhoeffer is one of the most important voices of the twentieth century. He shows all of us the “more excellent way.”
Mike
Thank you for the words from Bonhoffer. They touch my heart as I sit at this computer crying. His words touch my heart as I struggle to be genuine. What others often see in me I cannot see in myself. I feel like a fake and struggle to delve deeper into a walk with God. So it does help me to see these words from someone I thought had it all together. It seems no one has achieved that goal. But I wonder should getting it all together actually be my goal. Should it be more of a searching with God, thru Him, and to Him which makes me realize how much I need him. He is indeed my sustaniner and I would have it no other way.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer was taken out of prison and hung by the Nazis on April 9, 1945 as Germany was being taken over by the Allies, including the Americans. (Thus, the date you give for his writing the poem is incorrect, Mike, as being March 4, 1946. More likely it was March 4, 1944.)
To know the best and worst for Bonhoeffer, I would strongly suggest that everyone read his “Letters and Papers From Prison,” which is where that poem is from. Of all of his work I’ve read, I think it is by far the best work. It is very powerful and real.
We talk about being transparent with each other, but Bonhoeffer was in a terrible, dark situation where he could not be, as his poem so strongly relates. He was a torn soul.
May we read his words from prison, where he was in such a horrible place, and learn from him what being a Christian is all about. He certainly has a lot to teach us. May we take heed and listen and do likewise in circumstances nothing like he had to face.
That would be the mark of a true Christian.
Dee
suffering burns the delusions out of your heart, the things we are so sure about, and you are left to ask what is really real? authenticity is what Jesus was about. As I read the Bible again lately I am amazed how I never really noticed the outcasts were who He reached out to and the religion was where He pointed His finger. Who are the outcasts today..in the church…where would He be pointing His finger today? Props to Bohoffer because he had the guts to ask this question and was left the great answer..JESUS
Wow.
I don’t understand the date of 1946 at the foot of the piece, given that Bonhoeffer is known to have been executed in April 1945.
Given the circumstances under which it was written my own problems seem irrelevant and petty, but the conflict between This and the Other is exactly what I feel – perhaps it is a universal part of the human being.
The resolution in the final line is almost too easy – perhaps because it is so difficult to fully accept.
The 1946 date is the first date of publication. The poem was sent to Eberhard Bethge in March 1944
Thank you for remembering one of the most, if not the most important theologians of the 20th century. However, you have misquoted Bonhoeffer. The poem reads …I would bear the days of misfortune “equably” not “equally.”
Respectfully,
BO
Thanks so much, Bonnie. Just made that correction.