Comments on: Three Years

By: Quiara

Quiara — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 03:00:29 +0000

I added the last thing you said here to my “quotes to remember” list.

“I’m convinced that we won’t make it if we don’t journey together in honesty.”

You’re right, you know. I don’t think we will otherwise.

Thanks for letting me be part of your journey and thanks for being a part of mine.

By: neyouth

neyouth — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 08:16:13 +0000

Thank you for allowing us to witness God through you and in this deep pain.

Much peace and grace.

By: Katie

Katie — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 18:54:07 +0000

I don’t know if you ever do recover from grief. I echo the thanks of others for your transparency, Mike, and for letting all of us journey with you. I don’t think there’s ever a total “getting over it” - but I hope there is peace. Deep peace.

By: laura oldenburg

laura oldenburg — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 11:05:58 +0000

Mike and Diane
Do you notice how much more tenderized our hearts are, after the loss of one we love. Or the other ressonse is one of hardened hearts. Sometimes, I wish I could have that hardened heart, but I know without a doubt, that to do so would separate me from the heart of Jesus. May He grant you and all of our dear sweet family at Highland His mercy and succor for those hearts that grieve and will not be hardened.We remain In Him, hurting hearts which only he can touch.

By: Terry Rush

Terry Rush — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 21:20:08 +0000

Mike,

You have my heartfelt support during these days. Sometimes we lead well because we are on top of things. On other occasions we lead well because things are on top of us. You are always a leader. We are always desiring to cheer you on.

Our intent is that you not stand alone.

By: Tina

Tina — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 16:32:21 +0000

My father died on September 11th. Not THAT September 11th, he died in 1993 . . . exactly four weeks before my wedding. He had Lou Gherig’s disease so his death was not a shock to me.

Sometimes I feel robbed. My father never got the chance to know his grandchildren. And since he was a public school teacher, he could have helped me some with the maze I have to go through with my son (who has autism and is in special education right now).

I feel robbed because my father did not get the chance to walk me down the aisle. One of my uncles did that (my dad’s younger brother).

Now, a man in my congregation is dying of the same disease. I see how it has insidiously robbed him of the ability to speak and to walk. I cannot decide if I hate autism or Lou Gherig’s more. Right now, I hate Lou Gherig’s because there is NO cure and NO treatment and the person who has it is totally aware that they are trapped in their body.

And to top it all off, September 11th is a double whammy for our family. It means another year without my dad as well as another year since our country was attacked.

By: dee

dee — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 10:27:05 +0000

Just this week my mother said, “I wish I could see your sweet daddy.” Daddy died suddenly nearly 14 years ago…and there are still times I can’t talk about it. Mother will be 93 Saturday; we’ll be celebrating the first birthday of a grandchild also on Saturday. The sad times mingle with the happy times, and life goes on, but we continue to miss those we love. For me, I want so much to share the joy I have of being a grandparent with my daddy and grandparents, but I know they are with the Redeemed watching and cheering us on to victory. One of my dear friends who always has called me each year on the anniversary of Daddy’s death is fighting her own battle now, and she probably won’t be here this year on that anniversary. Grief doesn’t go away…there are times it is almost as intense as the first few weeks of loss, especially in times of an additional loss. We need each other as we encounter loses along the way to Heaven!

By: Heather Alkire

Heather Alkire — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 04:46:49 +0000

I was thinking of you and the Bourlands and everyone remembering Jan. 16 all day yesterday. My prayers were with you and will continue. I’m glad that I was able to watch Chris play football this year. Love you!

By: Leland

Leland — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 21:32:05 +0000

Anne,

I do not know what to say about your husband’s death except I do not know what to say; except I am sorry it happened to you. I will be thinking of you.

By: Greg

Greg — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 20:14:44 +0000

Mike, I so appreciate the way you have used this forum in both being transparent about your journey, and thus ‘giving permission’ for others to do the same. Not everyone reading this blog responds on this blog, but I am convinced that many have felt the freedom to share with friends, loved ones, etc. partially as a result of you sharing part of your life via this blog. Peace.

By: Matthew Morine

Matthew Morine — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 17:29:16 +0000

There is so much pain in death, this makes me long for the days where death will be no more.

http://www.matthewsblog.waynesborochurchofchrist.org

By: Carolyn Dycus

Carolyn Dycus — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 17:18:44 +0000

Losing parents at an early age deeply affected the way I see death and only because my heritage is firmly entrenched in trust in the Lord and I was basically a Pollyanna, hoping, believing all things, etc. After adulthood I became a fan of C.S. Lewis and shared the Chronicles of Narnia with my children who shared my angst of their missing grandparents. Something about the last book has remained with me all these years, when the children reunite with their childhood “Son of the Great Emperor Across the Sea,” Aslan, (the Christ figure) who is now calling them into the REAL world–eternity with him–has given me the comfort and understanding I needed, and my children, as well as nieces and nephews who endured my reading to them over the years. It’s been 13 years since A.M. and I lost our son Lanny and that REAL world picture, the epic of eternity, becomes even sweeter. My faith can be shaky, I hate that, but getting STILL before the Lord, helps me realize it’s not MY faith, but faith in His faithfulness where I can stand firm. “Deep sadness” will be part of our life stories, each of us, sooner or later. My prayer is that we continue to reach out to others (believers/unbelievers) in the commonality of human suffering…but with the boldness to embrace our suffering in the light of GOD’s faithfulness because light always overcomes darkness when we understand “the rest of the story.”

By: Kathy

Kathy — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 16:27:32 +0000

Mike,

All I can do is remind you and Diane of the heart-filled love and admiration I have for you and your family. When those we love hurt their pain ricochets into our own hearts. No words seem to fit, so we mumble ‘I’m so sorry for your loss’ - or some such thing. When what we mean is that we share your pain….we can’t dilute it, but we can share it.
My loving hugs to you all….sharing that pain with you.

By: Chaplain G

Chaplain G — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 15:57:28 +0000

I live in a ministry of grief. Death touches us all and reminds each of us of the value of shared moments and memories. My heart aches for your losses, near misses and for the ones in the “wrong” seat. May God hold you today as only a father can.

By: Arlene Kasselman

Arlene Kasselman — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 15:52:29 +0000

Mike
I appreciate these words so much. Yesterday was the 5th anniversary of my Mom’s death. My Dad died when I was a few months short of 12. All 4 grandparents died by the time I was 7. Cousins, Uncles, Aunts and special friends have all died since. I have had years and years of dealing with this stuff and thought I had “handled” it all pretty well. Just a few short months ago I felt the heaviness of a depressed spirit and just couldn’t seem to shake it. I began the uncovering process and I think what I found is this.

One absolutely has to walk right through the darkness and feel it all. If you don’t - it keeps coming back in weird ways. Grief will not be stuffed for long.

Year markers are not permission for others to decided when one should be over grieving.

No matter how blessed one may feel, there is a sense of permanent loss that remains.

I am sure there are therapists who read this that may disagree with me. I am not saying one remains in the same dark place forever, but in my own life I know that one never returns to the pre-death place in the same “light” way.

I have always admired the way you have embraced the way Megan’s death & Jansen’s death has shaped your preaching, your ministry. Keep us talking about this when you can.