Think about your friendships that have lasted through the years. Isn’t there a sense of joy? Isn’t there comfort in knowing that someone is desperately wanting you to be well? that someone holds you in their prayers? that someone cherishes the stories of your lives that intersect.
I’ve been thankful that friendship doesn’t depend on:
- proximity
- absolute agreement on everything
- absence of mistakes
There really is such a thing as friendship that survives a move. I’m blessed to have friends who are scattered across the country — from New England to Malibu. The kind of friends who would hide you, who would pick you up, who would allow you to have a bad day.
Doesn’t this take us close to the secret of creation: that God made us to live in community with him and with others? Isn’t it a sign of the kingdom that is present and coming?
A friendship is safe, confidential, joyful, honest. It isn’t subject to the whims of moods. It laughs, cries, holds, endures.
I’m for it.
I’m for it too. And it takes some work too.
I know 70+ year old people who have no friends, EVEN IN THEIR CHURCHES. Not because “no one cares about them”, but because they never learned to seek this in their youth. My observation is that they were of a critical mindset to begin with (imagine that in Churches of Christ!), and at an earlier stage of life they either felt self-sufficient, or were too proud to admit that they were not.
Perhaps some experiences of betrayal contributed as well. Ah, Jesus can help us here! “I have called you my friends” … “One of you will betray me.”
“Surely not I!” But greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. Work to be such a friend, and to have such friends.
Michael
Mike - thank you for these posts. I love how you make comments and posts that help us think about things, people and relationships, that sometimes we forget about.
Michael how true you are. I have seen it in my own family. My father, a widower, was very critical during his mid-life years, well really he still is. But he and my mother never really made any “friends”. He never really was “friends” with his children either, so therefore now he sits in his house and does nothing, because no one wants to be around someone who thinks only of themselves.
Unfortunately, in todays world, where young parents wrap themselves completely around their children and have no time for “couple friends” or themselves sometimes, they are going to be experiencing the same things later in life. The fact of the matter is, children grow up, they go away, they even have lives of their own (imagine that). Then what will you do?
My husband and I were fortunate enough to make some wonderful friends as a young couple. The four couples have moved around the country, some of us have moved back into each others lives on a daily basis, others have not. But we have spent time together, made wonderful memories and therefore have each others back. It truly is a blessing.
Proximity certainly helps, though
I have one friend from Junior High that fits all those criteria. I’m glad I have her.
I’m blessed to be able to read your words and have a friend who immediately comes to mind. He fits all the criteria. That kind of friendship is a treasure. Thanks for the reminder that I should never take it for granted.
One of my high school teachers once told my dad he never knew a group of 5 high school students stay so close so long after high school ended. Fourteen years after graduation, some of my most enduring friendships are with the guys who walked across the stage the same night I did. We don’t agree on all things, I don’t live close to them anymore, and I have probably made more mistakes than they have. What treasures they are.
The last few months I have seen the word “community” over and over again. What gives? Was there a big meeting to pick this as the latest buzzword? Was it made popular by Rick Warren? Is it a communist plot:) (Just a little humor to start the day)
My best friend from when we lived in Baytown is 83 years old. We were, in a sense, the “renegades” of the congregation. She was an elder’s wife and I was a minister’s wife, and we were both determined to not fit into the expectations that churches have traditionally had of women in our positions. She has all the wisdom that goes along with being 83, but she never let go of the fun from her youth. She’s every bit as irreverent as I am. I’ve missed her terribly since we moved to Arkansas. She still calls me every week and says “Want to go to lunch?” Even though we know we can’t. We believe God put us together for a reason, and our friendship is one that age difference and distance cannot sever.
A friend in need is a friend indeed.
Deanna,
What a precious comment!
T. Sherwood
I see that in my family too. It is so sad. It was like their own thoughts were always about themselves. I wonder how their young lives were? I pray for my mom everyday. Without her guidance I would probably not be as outgoing as I am-yet she is not.
I love keeping in contact with my friends from all stages of my life. I got an email from an old chum in high school yesterday talking of retiring. I think of that person as 16,17,18-how in the world could he be retiring?
Since moving to a new locale two years ago, we desperately want friends, but find the church to be closed and cold to newbies.
Perhaps God is pushing us out of our comfort zone?
I have friends from my youth group from 35 years ago. We stay in touch and pick up right where we left off, and laugh a lot!
I have a question: Do ministers find it hard to make frienddships in communities where preachers come and go? Is it hard to make friendships within those kind of churches and towns? Is it easier to make frienships with in ministerial alliances?
Well said, Mike. I’m for it, too. I am so grateful for the Real friends who have helped me become who I am today.
And wouldn’t it be great if we could live out these same friendship qualities between churches - different congregations and different denominations. Mike, I was so encouraged to hear about your involvement in the special Holy Week meetings with some of the other Abilene churches last week. One of the things Chemaine and I always appreciated about you was the wonderful example you offered in your close friendship with Phil Christopher from the big Baptist church in town. May we continue to grow in the love of Christ.
I also just want to say thanks for creating and facilitating your blog as a forum for people to come together and think and grow and disagree and share and learn and support. What a great community!
(Amen)3 …musicians do math too!
One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Proverbs 18:24
Friendship is one of the greatest gifts of grace that God gives us. I would die for my friends…but you are right, time and distance do nothing to a quality friendship. I too have friends all over the world although I rarely see them or talk to them. If they walked in I would love them and feel connected to them. Some of my closest friends are my buddies from the mission field. I have a special bond with them. I am SO glad to have friends!
Interesting to find these comments. For 42 years I was the pulpit guy, the last 20 years in one place. Lots and lots of fellow-travelers there, lots of great and sweet friendships, but I tended to spend time with people who needed me (that’s what the preacher is for, right?). Occasionally I would wonder what it would be like to have a friend who didn’t “need” me to hold his life together or answer his questions or teach him, but just to be his friend. It never particularly bothered me, but occasionally I wondered. Three months ago I shifted careers (and moved 360 miles away) so I’m no longer in the pulpit. Very unexpectedly the Lord has resurrected a friendship from grad school days. This guy doesn’t “need” me — we just enjoy getting together for breakfast once a week. We talk about and pray over our respective families, careers, politics, churches — all the sorts of things “normal” people do. It’s one of the really nice serendipities of this change. Viva male friendship!
You need to check out Terri’s post from yesterday. You have a new name. [I do not know how to link in comments, but she posted a comment above signed as "That"].