Tuesday was my day to speak for the Holy Week luncheon at First Baptist. What a perfect setting for my first message in this 45-year-old series because of my close friendship with Phil Christopher, the senior pastor there.
Today, Highland is hosting its first luncheon. Tom Lyda, pastor of First Christian Church, will be speaking.
What a blessing to have been invited by the other four downtown churches (First Baptist, First Central Presbyterian, First Christian, and St. Paul’s United Methodist) to join them.
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I am so thankful to live in the graces of good friends.
Lately I’ve been meditating on what it is that makes solid friends. Here are three things that have struck me:
1. A commitment to live for the wholeness of the other person. Even when that isn’t easy. You want the very best for them, and you promise to join them on the journey toward wellness.
2. A rugged determination to be honest. It’s so hard to find deep friendship when you don’t know when someone is shooting straight with you.
3. A sense that you aren’t inconveniencing the other person. What you’re thinking matters. You can tell they’re listening. A common bond of stories, inside jokes, and memories is formed.
What else would you add?
(By the way, here’s something I wrote on friendship and community for the Christian Standard.)
Two way communication. They contact you as often as you contact them. It isn’t just one doing all the contacting. In other words you both need each other, want to spend time together and enjoy being with each other, even if it is long distance!
One is not depending totally on the other to fix everything. In fact, listening is the key because sometimes you just need an ear!
I have a friend like you have described and we always pick up where we left off and just enjoy each other’s company. There aren’t many friendships like this because I don’t have time for what I have invested in this friendship for many more. So I cherish this one and protect it to perserve it!
- Just being in their presence is enough to lighten your spirit and bless your day. Sharing meaningful conversation and activity is obviously an important part of good friendship, but I am especially grateful for those friends with whom I can feel fulfilled simply by being in quiet togetherness.
- I heard a quote once that “love is knowing your name is safe in the other person’s mouth.” I love this image of deep relational security. I often think of this idea and share it with others in regard to marriage, but I think it is just as important in friendship.
I had a very interesting conversation with a couple of door knockers from Faith Baptist which is right around the corner from my house the other day. I was resting because of a back injury but invited them in and the conversation was something like this: “What church were you raised in?”
“church of Christ”
“OH…..so are you active now in any church?
“Yes, Sycamore View.”
“Can you tell us what you are doing to get to heaven?”
“Nothing….I’m covered with the blood of Jesus…that’s what I need to get to heaven.”
“You’ve got to be kidding…you really go to the church of Christ?”
“Yes…have all my life.”
“Have you always believed like that?”
“No, I’ve learned and studied and grown in the Word as I’ve gotten older just as we all should.”
“Wow! You’re the sharpest tack in the drawer that we’ve met today! Rest, get better, thank you for your time and we’ll see you in heaven!”
What a refreshing change it was from the discussion I would have had with them even 10 or 15 years ago!
Friendship: “You want the very best for them, and you promise to join them on the journey toward wellness.” Greatness.
Your article was right on. I love “Who can hide me?”
This is powerful and my friend that lives 1500 miles away and I worked through this last year. He was going through some rough times personally. We have known each other for over 35 years, since we were about 8 (summer camp, High School, College and beyond). We’ve been through a lot together. I finally just came out and told him why I was helping him: because there was no one else who was able. He asked, “What does that mean?” I said, “Because you do not have another closer friend. You helped me, I help you. there. It’s out there.”
The bottom line is: Men need that. Most of us are “relationally challenged”, Mike. We need the friend that says that he is your friend no-matter-what. Just suck it up and say it. Period.
The 3 things you mention are really important……..if not vital. As a friend to others, I want them know they can depend on me, that they can count on me to be there no matter what the situation is. I guess it comes down to faithfulness. I want to be a faithful friend to others.
DU
A mutual friend of ours taught me through his words and example that deep, abiding friendship means that we are going to be inconvenienced.
There are going to be times when it is not convenient for me to come to my friend’s aid – but I will go. I will go because I know, if the circumstances were reversed, my friend would come to me.
Mutual trust is fundamental to that kind of friendship – it enables us to be vulnerable with each other about our weaknesses, mistakes, fears and behaviors.
While I appreciate and cherish my cofC upbringing, it pains me that Holy Week and Resurrection Sunday were completely ignored by us (cofC) for decades, and largely still is. I honestly don’t even know what the reasoning was - it’s not like tomorrow isn’t when Jesus was crucified. Oh well, life rolls in. I’m looking forward to our Maundy Services tonight - it will be my first.
One thing that I would add is time. It takes time to build friendships and the process can’t be rushed. I read somewhere (I think Darrell Tippins’s book) that one of the great truths about Christian men in America is that they are friendless. Oneof the reasons for this I think is that we afford men so little space and time in which to form friendships. Any guy who hangs out with his friends over the weekend is quickly accused of neglecting his family or at best wasting time. The result is that Christian men often form shallow, fleeting acquaintances instead of establishing deep, abiding friendships. If we want Christian men to have deeper friendships, we must create an environment and space where they can take root and grow.
Great list. I think I would add that a true friendship must entail a “nevertheless” quality, which involves a commitment to stay in relationship despite the chasms of opinion that seem to separate some friends. This would also apply to acts of transgression that seem to kill a friendship. We must be models of reconciliation if the Eucharist is going to mean anything to us. I think we often have a commitment for the wholeness of the other person as long as they stay within our predetermined boundaries of propriety. It seems like Jesus wasn’t one to let such things dictate his propensity to exhibit love and be in relationship with folks.
Speaking mostly from a “guy” perspective, I would add that it helps for me to distinguish between “buddies” and friends.
Buddies are people that you enjoy doing things with - sports, golf, games, hanging out, etc. But friends are, as you say, the ones who will care for your wellness and who know how to love you/speak to you in your weak places.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having buddies. I think there is a spiritual/mental health to those relationships as well. In fact, sometimes, your buddies can be your friends, too. But I think its easy for guys to deceive themselves into thinking they have friends, when - in reality - they only have buddies.
KentF
Easter was not well established until well into the second century and it was tainted with paganism. As a result Reformation leaders chose to ignore it. Of course it has since been reinstated in many churches which originally did not celebrate it.
There is nothing in scripture about observing the death and resurrection of Christ on an annual basis. The date can’t even be agreed on. There is no such thing as a Christian Passover. While it may not be wrong to observe Good Friday and Easter, my opinion is that it is OK NOT to since it is not commanded in the Bible.
Chris,
Do you really think that 1st-century Jews who accepted Jesus as Messiah and were baptized into him just quit observing Passover? If not, then they, as Christians observing Passover, had a Christian Passover. Although we see some 2nd-century Gentile Christians out of their anti-semitic sentiments condemning such Jewish observances, I do not see Paul or other significant 1st-century Christian leaders trying to get people to quit doing things like that.
Chris,
If observing Holy Week, Good Friday and Easter brings glory to God and witnesses His glory to the world, is it not, by inference at least, “commanded” ?
In the Old Testament there were many holy days to observe. In each, God was clear about what, when and why it should be observed. Would he not be as clear to us?
Paul told the Galatians…..You observe days and months and seasons and years! I am afraid I may have labored over you in vain. Gal 4:10-11.
My opinion, and not mine alone, is that days such as Easter, Holy Week, and Christmas have their roots in paganism and later the Catholic Church.
Tammie,
I really must be having a bad day. Do you really mean “nothing?”
What about Matthew 25:34-36?
Mike,
Why did Highland start observing Christmas, Easter, etc… as “holy days”? I don’t find anywhere in the New Testament where God asked us to do so. I am confused as to why you would want to add this to your church.
To find a friend you can trust…is rare indeed.
One of the best parts of being and having a true friend is accountability. I have throughly enjoyed the common bond I have shared with four other pastors in our area in Florida who are friends in the all the senses you described. We meet weekly for prayer, sharing and a deep sense of fellowship that I share with few others. We are from widely varying heritages, but share a caring bond in our relationship to each other and to Christ.
We know just about everything there is to know about each other and the struggles and temptations that we face. This group has kept me pointed at true north for a long time.
For me, this kind of bond was very difficult to forge, as I think it is for a lot of others, but I value it beyond most relationships that I have in other kinds of contexts.
For those in ministry I think this kind of relationship is critical to keeping us humble and keeping us accountable for our actions.
Peace.
Oh, I wrote a bit about this topic here:
http://tinyurl.com/ys33kt
Peace.
Chris, Jo Ann & others who question Holy Week, Easter, Christmas,
Read Romans 14:3–6
If your conscience condemns you–note Romans 14:22-23 but please do not condemn your brother and sister who Paul says are okay.
blessings
Mike,
I am glad that you have been blessed with the speaking at the Holy Week service. I was most blessed as well as able to speak at Holy Week services in Miami, OK on 2 occassions in the first part of this decade due also to friendships and prayer grouping with ministers from different churches.
When we come together to worship and honor what Christ has done for us and put our differences aside and offer acceptance and friendship–God is honored and Christ is glorified.
Blessings
David D
In Romans 14:3-6 I believe Paul was referring to Jewish converts who were accustomed to observing Jewish celebrations from childhood as contrasted to Gentile Christians who more easily accepted every day of the week as holy. This does not negate the commandments to observe the Christian assembly and the Lord’s Supper “on the first day of the week.”
The Galation churches were condemned for taking up the observance of the old Jewish holy days. Gal. 4:10-11.
Unbelievable
PW
So I assume you disagree with noted Bible scholar, the late Dr. Burton Coffman?
No, I don’t get into disagreements with people. I rather, try to follow Jesus’ words in Mark where he says to give people the benefit of the doubt when they are trying to do good in his name.
I hate to see this discussion on friendship degenerate into petty arguing about whether or not the observance of Easter is “commanded.” Jesus was killed and resurrected around this time of year - let’s celebrate this holy time with joy and thankfulness.
Interestingly Chris, when looking up Gal 4:10-11, my Bible also references Romans 14, beginning in verse 5 “One man considers one day more sacred than another;another man considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. He who regards one day as special, does so to the Lord. He who eats meat, eats to the Lord, for he gives thanks to God; and he who abstains, does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God.”
I am convinced that this week is special & I give thanks to God for it. You are convinced that this week is not special & you should give thanks to God for it, neither one of us condemning the other. Be blessed today!
On the one topic: I’m guessing the writers of the NT didn’t anticipate the celebration of Holy Week. That has little to do with whether or not it’s appropriate. We know from very, very early days our brothers and sisters found strength in remembering the day in the spring of the year when Christ was risen. It’s built into the rhythm of our souls. I’m not offended by people who choose not to celebrate the rhythm of Christmas and Easter. But my life has been changed and enriched by joining the majority of my fellow Christians on this. Since my daughter’s death, Easter has kept us sane.
On the other topic: Thanks so much for those insights about friendship. The friendship of dear friends has made my life joyful.
Beaner….I’m glad we go to church with you.
Mike…I’m glad I was at HU when you were at College church. And glad I now count as my friend, Larry S who preaches to me every week.
We are on our way to Spring Sing. First time in 20 years. Grateful that our daughter is along…of course not in our van.
“The friendship of dear friends has made my life joyful.”
It has been said that a true friend is one with whom we share our deepest joys.