Archive for February, 2007

Thirty and Counting

Published
by
Mike
on February 14, 2007
in marriage
. 32 Comments

It was thirty years ago today that I went on my first date with a beautiful, five-foot-two-eyes-of-blue Harding student from Ohio. We went out for an elegant meal (Pizza Hut) and then to the Rialto Theater in downtown Searcy for the uncut, uncensored version of “Wilderness Family.”

Thirty years. I can’t believe it. So much excitement and boredom; so much joy and grief; so many arguments and so much forgiveness. “Through it all, love remains.”

Here are words I wrote in 2004. Still true.

Trust me. You don’t want to read on. . . . I’ve temporarily lost my male ability to bottle up all emotions inside.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

But here’s the thing: when I picked up Diane at the airport Sunday afternoon, I was surprised all over again by her beauty. How can that be after so many years?

To be honest, I hadn’t really missed her for the couple days she was in Houston. (It’s one of our private little secrets–that, while we love being together, we also don’t mind a day or two alone! She was in Houston; Chris was on the middle school campout. I was pigging out on play-off games.)

There are so many things that I love about Diane that I had no idea about so many years ago.

I love how much children love her. Recently, a third grader (whom she taught in 2nd grade last year) came up to hug her after school and said, “Mrs. Cope, look in my backpack.” Inside was her treasure trove: every note that Diane had written to her last year. “You’re like a mother to me,” the little girl said.

Right now she’s gone to work out. But before that this evening, we sat and listened AGAIN to MLK’s “I Have a Dream” speech. I love how, after so many times, it still touches her.

I love how when (as happened at least once when she joined me someplace where I was speaking) a woman came up to her and said “It must be wonderful being married to him!” she just smiled and said, “Oh, yes.” Fighting the gag reflex is one of her strengths.

I love how she loves her boys and her daughter-in-law. And, of course, I love the memories of her with Megan.

I love how she’ll stay at church as long as someone wants to talk–even though it drives me nuts when I’m tired.

I love watching movies with her, eating out at a nice restaurant with her, and grabbing burgers off the grill to watch “Raymond” with her. Things are only half as funny when she isn’t watching with me.

I love her low threshhold of tolerance for “look-in-the-mirror-and-tell-yourself-how-much-God-loves-you” exercises. At moments like that she comes within an inch of falling off the cliff of explosive laughter. . . . And I have the gift of sending her over that precipitous cliff.

I love her laugh. The best laugh I’ve ever heard. Angels applaud.

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But of course this isn’t just my blog. I write the opening words. But how about you? What is it that still surprises you about your beloved after all these years?

The Last Game

Published
by
Mike
on February 12, 2007
in family
. 25 Comments

Tonight is Chris’s last game of middle school basketball. Can that really be?

I started coaching him when he was four in “Y” ball and coached him all the way up (except for one year when I had foolishly accepted too many speaking appointments — a mistake I vowed never to make again) until he got real coaches in 7th and 8th grade.

Maybe he’ll keep playing in high school. In fact, I’m guessing he will next year.

But these things go so quickly.

It’s been seven years since I saw Matt play football for AHS. Now he’ll be a doctor next summer (’08).

Why am I writing again to young parents? To tell you from an older dad that the years go quickly. The days, I know, and even the weeks can go very slowly.

Don’t let them pass you.

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Info on the Tulsa Workshop is available here. (Thanks for the invitation, Terry, but a GRANDBABY is on the way in March!)

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A follow-up to Friday’s Oprah Show.

Save the Cheerleader

Published
by
Mike
on February 10, 2007
in Salt and Light and missional
. 17 Comments

Here’s a cultural pop quiz. What is the importance of the following statement?

“Save the Cheerleader, save the world.”

A month ago I wouldn’t have known. But two weeks on your back while your post-surgery knee is resting and rehabbing offers lots of time for catching up on new television shows. It was fun having plenty of time to read — but I can’t read all day long.

So I decided to check out “Heroes” to find out what the buzz is about. And that’s where you find out the key to stopping a massive, destructive explosion: save the cheerleader, save the world.

The premise is that there are people scattered all over who appear to be average, normal folks: a cheerleader in Odessa, a painter in NYC, a cop from LA, a programmer from Tokyo, etc. But they are much, much more than normal. And somehow their lives are coming together to save the world.

I liked the connection to the Jesus story. Scattered all over the world are heroes — seemingly ordinary people who are joining God in putting the world right. They appear to be just hair dressers, teachers, coaches, stay-at-home parents, pharmaceutical reps, doctors, truck drivers, etc. But they are much more. They are people whom God has blessed so that they can be a blessing to others.

Save the hair dresser; save the world. (Oprah yesterday)
Save the administrative assistant; save the world.
Save the mother of three small kids; save the world.
Save the retired great grandpa; save the world.
Save the high school student; save the world.
Save the middle school coach; save the world.
Save the computer technician; save the world.
Save the insurance salesman; save the world.
Save the nurse; save the world.
Save the cheerleader; save the world.
Save the unemployed person; save the world.
Save the . . . .

Touch-a-Life Ministries

Published
by
Mike
on February 9, 2007
in General
. 13 Comments

Some of you found my blog today by searching for “touch-a-life” ministries at Google after hearing about it on Oprah. Welcome!

You can read more about it and about the rescue of child slaves in Ghana here.

There is a link on the right column of this blog that will take you there. Thanks so much for your interest in the suffering children of this world.

Please know: this is the real thing. The lives of my brother and my sister-in-law were turned upside down in the summer of 1999 when their 15-year-old son, Jantsen, died suddenly. Their grief — and hope! — have led them on a journey to try to care for hurting children of the world. It began in SE Asia but has since taken them to places like Haiti, Central America, and now, of course, Ghana.

Please also take the time to check out The Village of Hope.

No One Took the Time to Give Me a Hard Time

Published
by
Mike
on February 8, 2007
in family
. 31 Comments

Just when the networks are laying out their best for February ratings, I’m stuck in winter re-runs.

Recently I’ve heard a couple parents talking about the pressure to be their child’s best friend. One is a mother who has the hard job of being firm with her teenage daughter — even while the stepmother is trying to be the cool best friend and while the teenager is making her feel guilty for being so “mean.”

So, here are some words I wrote a couple years ago:

A while back I wrote about how pleasantly surprised we were by the message of the film “In Good Company.” By the previews it looked like a mindless plot about the romance between a hot-shot young executive (Topher Grace) and the college-age daughter (Scarlett Johansson) of the man whose place he took (Dennis Quaid) after a company buy-out.

But the romance is short-lived. The movie isn’t about that. Rather, it’s about the fathering of this young exec by the man he replaced. Near the end, he says to this older guy after being punched in the eye for sleeping with his daughter: “No one ever took the time to give me a hard time.”

What a great line.

I want to encourage all you younger parents out there in blogsphere. It is hard to be the parent who lovingly gives a hard time. It’s hard to be the one who enforces tv/computer time limits, homework, and bedtimes. It’s difficult to set age-appropriate limits to movies when “every other kids’ parents let them watch whatever they want.” It’s tough to be firm when you’re exhausted from work and life’s stresses.

But hang in there! Your kids are counting on you — whether they yet know it or not. (I just saw a teenager on the plane whose t-shirt had two words: NO LECTURES!)

Your children need to know that YOU are the parent. In too many homes, the children run everything by parents who are overly-eager to please. If they don’t like the Bible class, they don’t have to go. If they have more friends at another church, the family leaves. If they want to eat unhealthily — well, we reassure ourselves that at least they’re eating something. If there is a problem with a coach or a teacher, the child is always assumed to be right.

Be the adult! Be the loving, compassionate, tender, but very-much-in-charge parent! It’s one of life’s ironies: that the one thing kids say they don’t want (rules and limits) is what they need.

I’m not talking, of course, about being a tyrant or about being inflexible. I’m talking about being lovingly in charge.

It may seem to kids that parents who mind their own business, don’t serve vegies, let them wear whatever is in style, allow unlimited time on the net to chat, permit any movie to be shown when friends come over, and ask no questions about where they’re going in the evening are the cool parents.

Here’s my encouragement: Don’t try to be the cool parents. Be the parents who take the time and the love to give a hard time.

Eventually, when your kids age a bit, they’ll know that you really were the cool parents.

Oprah Moment

Published
by
Mike
on February 7, 2007
in Salt and Light, justice and missional
. 96 Comments

Yesterday was the taping with my sister-in-law on the Oprah Show. They had planned to show it in March, but have now decided to show it THIS FRIDAY. Check your local TV station, and tape or TiVo if you’re not home. If you’re in Abilene, it’s at 4:00 on CBS (high def!). For more on the story, you can start here.

- - - -

Larry James recently had these stats about immigration in Texas on his blog:

Consider these facts about immigration:

Of 31 million total immigrants, 12 million are undocumented with 1.4 to 1.6 million in Texas (5% of the state’s population)

43% of Dallas area Hispanics are immigrants and only 19% are citizens

Dallas Federal Reserve reports that around 30% of U. S. immigrants are undocumented

DFW International reports that in Dallas almost 1/2 of the “foreign born” residents have no documentation or 10% of the city’s population

50% of these immigrants live in poverty and have no health insurance

Dallas County gained 175,000 Hispanic residents between 2000-2005

Exit polls during last November’s General Election reported that 2/3 of voters listed immigration concerns as “extremely” or “very important” and 50% said undocumented residents should be given a chance to gain legal status, while 1/3 were in favor of deportation

Entering the country without proper documentation is a civil matter, not a misdemeanor or felony

In 2006, approximately 70% of workers sent $24 billion home to Mexico–an annual increase of 25%, representing 2.5% of Mexico’s GDP

Every 10% increase in remittances sent home to Mexico result in a 3.5% reduction in Mexican poverty levels

In Texas, Latin American immigrants contribute $52.8 billion to local economies

Undocumented Texas workers contributed $1.58 billion to state coffers in 2005

If all undocumented Texas workers suddenly disappeared, the gross state product would drop by $17.7 billion in revenues

Jobs follow market needs: a skilled carpenter in Mexico earns $125 per month; the same laborer can earn $2,299 in the U. S. where food costs are also lower

Sixty families in Mexico control 40% of the wealth

Unemployment rates in Dallas-Ft Worth stand at about 5%–the result is a labor shortage

70% of the Dallas construction workforce is immigrant and largely undocumented

Texas Workforce Commission reports that Texas will need almost 125,000 additional restaurant workers and over 35,000 truck drivers

A language other than English is spoken in 43.9% of Dallas homes, as compared to 19.4% nationally

High School graduation rates for Hispanics in the DISD is 32%–graduation rates for undocumented are even lower

Over 2/3 of all DISD students are Hispanic

The City of McKinney spent $138,000 to build a labor center for immigrant day laborers to “catch out” for work in an orderly manner–Plano and Garland also have such centers supported by public funds

Parkland Health and Hospital System, the public hospital in Dallas County, wrote off $7.6 million in unpaid medical bills from patients residing in adjoining Collin County which has no public hospital

(D Magazine, “Mexican Invasion,” by Rod Davis, February 2007, pages 42ff)

What will the church’s response be? Try to turn our world into a gated community where others are accused and rejected? Or seek to welcome and love?

Life Outside of Football

Published
by
Mike
on February 6, 2007
in faith and sports
. 31 Comments

Sometimes lyrics sneak up on me in worship — even when I was a part of the planning team and knew the song was coming.

Here’s what hit me Sunday:

Swift to its close ebbs out life’s little day;
Earth’s joys grow dim, its glories pass away;
Change and decay in all around I see;
O thou who changest not, abide with me!

And then we sang this:

Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

- - - -

Here’s a great “Fax of Life” from Rubel Shelly:

That there is “life outside of football” may be a necessary reminder for some sports fans and couch potatoes now that Super Bowl XLI is over. Now that the Indianapolis Colts have the Lombardi Trophy in hand, some of them may be wondering what they will do until next season begins.

But the line is actually from Tony Dungy, the Colts’ head coach. It wasn’t spoken after last Sunday’s water-logged victory over the Chicago Bears but just after his son James committed suicide 13 months ago.

In a speech he made shortly after that tragedy, Dungy talked about all three of his sons. He spoke first of his middle son, Eric, and said his competitive nature is so focused on athletics that “it’s almost a problem.” Then he turned to his youngest son, Jordan, whose rare congenital condition makes him insensitive to pain.

“That sounds like it’s good at the beginning, but I promise you it’s not,” said Coach Dungy. “We’ve learned some hurts are really necessary for kids. Pain is necessary for kids to find out the difference between what’s good and what’s harmful.”

“Cookies are good,” the coach explained, “but – in Jordan’s mind – if they’re good out on the plate, they’re even better in the oven. He will go right in the oven when my wife’s not looking, reach in, take the rack out, take the pan out, burn his hands – then eat the cookies and burn his tongue and never feel it.”

“Pain sometimes lets us know we have a condition that needs to be healed,” Dungy said. “Pain inside sometimes lets us know that spiritually we’re not quite right, and we need to be healed. And that God will send that healing agent right to the spot. Sometimes pain is the only way that will turn us as kids back to the Father.”

Only then did Coach Dungy speak of his oldest son, James, who took his life three days before Christmas 2005. He spoke of his family’s pain. He talked about lessons they were learning from it. He and his wife have since joined an organization dedicated to preventing teen suicide.

I’m glad Dungy’s team won the big game. I am impressed by his humility, strength, and deep Christian faith. And I am grateful he could remind all of us there is life outside of football, work, and tragedy. There is the authentic love of God that carries us through, puts everything else in perspective, and reminds us of what really matters.

Life isn’t about football. It is about accepting and sharing God’s love.

“Building a Memorial to a Son, One Child At a Time”

Published
by
Mike
on February 5, 2007
in justice and missional
. 20 Comments

A couple weeks ago I wrote about the rescue of seven children from slavery in Ghana. My brother and my sister-in-law had read about their plight in the NY Times.

Today, there is a follow-up story about it in the Times. Also, they (and my niece) head to Chicago to be on Oprah, a show that is supposed to be aired in March and that they hope will bring attention to the plight of other child slaves in Ghana.

Super Bowl Reflections

Published
by
Mike
on February 4, 2007
in sports
. 41 Comments

1. My heart said Colts; my head said Bears. Should have listened more to my heart. (Story of my life.)

2. How do you get to the Super Bowl with Rex Grossman as your QB? He was beyond bad in this game. His passes were only good if you’re a skeet shooter.

3. Great job by CBS. Loved the HD, even though the foggy camera lenses diminished the clarity some. Was nice not to have to endure Terry Bradshaw and Jimmy Johnson on FOX (along with their consistently bad camera angles). Madden is still the best, but aside from him (now NBC), Jim Nantz and Phil Simms aren’t bad at all. Really loved their observation that Abilene, TX is highly represented in the Super Bowl with three players (two from Abilene Cooper and one from ACU).

4. One unfortunate aspect of CBS carrying the game: you have to watch endless promos for mindless television programs. We now have seen more than we want of Criminal Mind, CSI, CSI: Miami, CSI: New York, and CSI: Topeka.

5. Love Tony Dungy.

6. Below average commercials, though Bud/Bud Light and Coke commercials were decent. (My favorite: the auctioneer at the wedding.)

7. Peyton is well on his way to establishing himself as the second greatest QB of all-time (behind, OF COURSE, Montana).

8. Who chose Prince for halftime? Where’s Bono?

9. Was great to get to watch it with my Dad.

Bears Over Colts

Published
by
Mike
on February 2, 2007
in sports
. 49 Comments

Here were my picks:

Bears over Saints
Colts over Pats
Bears over Colts

My heart says Colts (with Peyton and with two former Abilene Cooper players). My head says Bears.

Chicago, 20-16.

Your picks?

By the way, doesn’t this seen a bit lame of the NFL?
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It was hard to get class going yesterday afternoon with beautiful big snowflakes falling in Abilene. One San Antonio student said she’d only seen snow a couple times before. Fortunately, there wasn’t enough to cancel the 8th grade basketball game between Lincoln and Mann, since someone’s grandparents (and younger cousin) had driven nine hours from Missouri to watch him play!

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Right now Diane and I are with Chris and all other eighth graders and their parents in a Wednesday night class called “Faith Decisions.” It’s one of the best ways I know to help students prepare to live out their faith in high school. For part of the class, we’re in different rooms (students and parents). Then we come together for brief exercises — especially ones that help the 8th graders learn more about the history and faith journey of their parents. This week we worked on this question: “What are five core beliefs that help define who you are.” Now THAT is something worth thinking about!

Three things I like about the class:

1. It’s intergenerational

2. It’s fun and interesting

3. I’m not responsible for anything (other than what any other parent is responsible for)