Worth remembering:
1. The people working at the airport didn’t make the flights late. They didn’t create the bad weather or the mechanical problems.
2. The umpires and refs aren’t wanting the other team to win. They sometimes make bad calls, but it isn’t because they don’t like your team.
3. The person needing to merge isn’t testing your manhood (or womanhood). It’s all right to let them in.
4. Your child isn’t completely objective about his/her coaches and teachers.
5. People who disagree with you politically are probably still pretty good people, all things considered.
6. The person serving you at the restaurant is probably overworked and underpaid. What a great place to be extravagant with your expression of thanks.
7. Brothers and sisters at church who disagree with you have stories behind their feelings — some of which are hidden so deep they don’t even know them (just as you have such stories).
Good stuff! My daddy always told me that the ump might not be right but he was still the ump.
He never mentioned #3 and I don’t know that you’re right on that one!
Thanks for the simple words of real wisdom, Mike. It’s amazing how often we have the opportunity to live out “The Golden Rule” when we are confronted with people who aren’t doing things our way. And Philippians 2:1-11 lays out a challenging, but very rewarding way to live - the Jesus way. I was greatly humbled one day while living in Tuscaloosa, Alabama (home of the Crimson Tide). The female driver in front of me with an Auburn bumper sticker was driving slower than I thought she should be, and made me catch way too many red lights. I had an important life to live here! So, I blurted out some degrading wisecrack about the “stupid Auburn driver,” and emphasized the fact that she was female (as if that made her a sub-par driver). As I got closer to my destination, the church building, she was still taking every turn I was taking. We pulled into the parking lot together, and it turned out she was a very good friend from church with whom I have now spent several years of ministry together. The lesson I learned that day was that other drivers aren’t anonymous nobodies waiting to absorb my condescending remarks. They are real people with real lives, real feelings, and real souls. People Jesus loves greatly, and I might too, if I would live His way.
What would you guess is the greatest criticism we hear from the Tulsa Soul Winning Workshop? It comes from the area waitresses as to how rude “these Christians” are. We really need to realize that we are on duty when simply trying to order and enjoy a meal.
I’ve noticed, when out with friends over the years, how at times a perfectly wonderful person can transform into an irritated goon when speaking to the waitress. It’s like some less caste just approached our table or something.
You’ve raised common points which really have evangelistic opportunity written all over them. Good post.
there are really some profound truths in your words. thanks for reminding me of the big picture.
Amen to what Terry said. I know more than a few wait people that have been borderline stiffed by many a well-known cofC’r in Abilene restaurants. My only counter on refs is…I’m convinced there’s a conspiracy against my hs football team by certain refs - thoroughly convinced. And, I know I’m not alone there - we need James Cameron to check into it.
Worth remembering, indeed.
Terry, I don’t know if you do this, but if you would deliver that message, that briefly, to the “Soul Winning” crowd, it may be the most important message they hear for the whole session.
How are you going to win souls if you don’t treat people well?
This is so needed. We need to see PEOPLE. Yesterday I talked with a bum who I believe probably lied to me about any number of things. He wanted to shake hands with me several times. His hands were really dirty. He was really dirty. Of course he wanted money. I think he was older than me. I just wondered what series of events led him to be a beggar on our streets. And I wondered how close I was to being that beggar? One step away? Two steps away? He’s a real person … not just a beggar. The waitress is a real person … the drivers are real people … the refs are real people … when we categorize someone as an “it”, we feel we have permission to use them…sometimes with great disrespect.
Mike,
One of the greatest lessons my dad ever taught me is similar to your number 7. While he, like me, does not agree with many of the more traditional stricter views of 20-30+years ago, he told me, “I understand everything they say and preach because at some time I have preached it or said it.” Not only do people have stories behind their beliefs, they are on a journey just like I am.
Thanks for this great reminder, Mike.
This was told to me as true — Restaurant waitpeople were surveyed, “How do you feel about waiting on Church Groups?” As a rule, the answer was, “We don’t like it.” Why is that? “They’re too demanding, and they don’t tip much.”
Also I read some good advice for people dating. “Anyone who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not nice in fact. I found I had to take that one more personally than I really cared to. Many of us have illusions of thinking we’re Nice People. In contrast, I have seen a member of our congregation - not wealthy - leave a tip at McDonald’s for the lady who cleans off the tables and doesn’t speak English. All three of these make me stop — How are we being Jesus to the people around us?
Michael
As a former waitress, let me just say THANK YOU for #6!!! And a reminder - it takes the waiter/waitress the same amount of time & energy to bring you that FREE water with lemon, but they don’t get tipped for them because they’re FREE. Please tip on effort & not always on bill amount! Thank you!
Way to go Mike
I especialy like the umpire comment since I was one for over 20 years.
Kent, I can probably not convince you otherwise but in all my years as a sports official I have never called with or know of one who calls “against” any team or individual. Yes I know sometimes that it seems that way but my guess is if there is a certain official that appears to call consistatly against your team he or she is probably just has poor judgement and is calling those call all the time. You are most likely somewhat biased and just notice the ones against your team and not the ones against the other team. I suggest you find out where that official is calling when he is not calling one of your games, if possible, and go watch him there. Then you will be able to see how he calls from an unbiased position. Now on the other hand if the official in question is making these calls only when you play a certain team that could be a different matter. I have know and called with people who we in the business call “homers”. These guys tend to lean toward their home team in close games or situations. We try real hard to weed those folks out but like all weeds some just hide well and it takes awhile to get them.
So true…my friends who worked as waiters in college were unanimous that as a rule, the worst tables to get were families coming from church. High expectations, highly critical, no alcohol (which affects the tip percentage), and low tips.
I knew a family at a previous church who made it a sport to see who could ridicule the waitress at lunch the cruelest while the other members of the family would laugh. After going to Sunday lunch with them, I was simply appalled (and knew we had made a mistake selecting the man as an elder.)
Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen! How we treat others shows what kind of fruit crop we’re each producing, huh?
Hmmm. Does the wait staff get to have any paid sick days as a part of their work benefits? This is a benefit most Americans get, yes?
These are great reminders, Mike!
As to No 6, we notice the same behaviour by American church groups over here on ‘campaigns’ that eat in our restaurants in the UK. Granted, our places of cuisine might not match up to the price, huge quantities of servings, taste, or service of the eating establishments in the US. But the attitudes have killed any desire for the English to want to get cosy with Ranch dressing on their salad greens…too many moans and looks of disgust when a table of visiting ‘Christian Colonists’ can’t get their preferred choice for an item that is uniquely American – either pack it with you, or learn to broaden the American palate by trying to like what the locals eat!
My wife firmly believes that if Jesus were to retell that judgment story from Matthew 25 again today, he would include, “I was your restaurant server, and you were patient and a generous tipper. I worked retail, and you put down your cell phone long enough to treat me like a real-live human being, with kindness, consideration and thoughtfulness.”
This may be one of the best pieces you’ve ever written, by the way, in my humble opinion.
You’re probably right on point #2 but I still have a hard time believing it!
I remember the day that a huge light went on in my mind: that people, for the most part, are just doing what they think is best at that moment. I had always been a “truth” person growing up and this amazing yet basic realization helped me move a little more towards the “grace” side of things.
Great stuff Mike!
When I came to ACU, my first off-campus job was at a restaurant on “the hill.” As Lectureship approached the wait staff warned me repeatedly about the horrible treatment we would receive from people attending Lectureship and Bible Teacher’s Workshop. Later I had a roommate who was a hostess at a hotel on the hill and she said the same thing.
That was nearly 30 years ago. From the things I’ve read here, I’m afraid it hasn’t changed as much as I had hoped.
One of the things I loved about your sermons while attending College Church in the late eighties is that you hardly ever gave a sermon that did not include a quote from Lewis, so I will return the favor. :o)
“Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbour is the holiest object presented to your senses. If he is your Christian neighbour, he is holy in almost the same way, for in him also Christ vere latitat - the glorifier and the glorified, Glory Himself, is truly hidden.”
C.S. Lewis from The Weight of Glory
All I can say to that is “Amen” (especially to #7).
Terry,
I can remember being one of the waiters. And how much some of the waiting staff hated working Sunday’s because of the people coming out of church services.
Amen to #6. Both of my daughters have car-hopped and served tables working through college and its amazing how callus and unappreciative many customers are. What a great opportunity to make someone’s day. Reminds me of the Randy Harris “Wendy’s” story where he began cleaning tables one night after a small meltdown. Good stuff.
Hey I agree that umps and refs are objective… Except when it comes to the Chicago Cubs, then there has to be a conspiracy.
Rinn - I’m offended you think I might be biased
— it was actually tongue in cheek, but your comments are well made and received. On a side note, I attended the regional final game this year between Allen and Spring Westfield - sat on the Allen side with a buddy. We had absolutely no dog in the hunt - and found it amusing those fans were convinced the refs were from Houston and didn’t like them. Those Friday night lights can bring out the best/worst in us - I’ll work on it.
All valid points. Thanks.
The worst restraunt shift in Abilene was Sunday lunch. So sad, but so true. I have gone to church my whole life, and I to hated to work this shift. It seemed like the churched people were often cheap, grumpy, demanding and very impatient. They also seemed to have no control over their kids. (I get this now as a parent…too many hours confined = melt down!) BUT if you can’t afford to tip well, eat at home! Rant over.
I worked in an Abilene eating establishment in the early 80’s. It’s all true. Sunday=worst tip day. One well known Abilene preacher was so rude, and didn’t tip, that I have to look past it even now when I hear him preach, read a book he wrote, etc. I figure, he was pretty young, and surely he is better now, and hey, we are all just human. I will admit, working in the bar was much more profitable. The drinkers were all very nice, and they tip well.
#5 includes both the American president and speaker of the house, regardless of what you think of their very different policies.
When Don McLaughlin preached at Highland during lectureship in September he mentioned about the poor tipping by church people. That day at lunch we were very aware of our attitude toward the waitress and our tipping. We dicussed the fact that hopefully the waitrers and waitresses in Abilene were being treated better that day.
What a powerful statement of doing the Gospel, not just reading it. I am going to post it on my website and suggest people consider this as a Lenten Discipline.
Thank you.
Ut In Omnibus Glorificetur Dei
so that in all things God may be glorified
Worth remembering… Does it really matter that we 1) wait a little longer in line at the store; 2) slow down to let someone through the door, lane, wherever? This is small stuff in the short run isn’t it? But man-o-man does it matter in the long run!
Worth remembering… flash back: a preacher in Wilmington, NC — flash forward: preacher mike…God’s example of seeking the kingdom.
excellent, brother!
And…I see how it is…you can go to Atlanta but you can’t drive up the road to Lubbock. Interesting. Remind me to kick you later.
I’m the training coordinator at a large and popular Italian restaurant in town (not Olive Garden, ick) and I’ll affirm that not much has changed in Abilene. Church people are still some of the rudest, most demanding, and cheapest you will come across.
And it cuts across Abilene as a whole. Waiting tables in Michigan I took home about 18% of my sales, after tipping out the bar and the bussers. Since I’ve moved to Abilene, I now take home about 12% of my sales, often only 10%. I thought for a while that maybe I was just doing poorly as a server . . . then I worked a restaurant in Austin for two weeks over Christmas break and my take home tips went right bac up to 18% of my sales.
As a training coordinator who is also completing an MDiv at ACU, I often feel like I have to make excuses for my family to other servers when they complain about some of the Christians they’ve waited on–and this includes prominent ministers in the Abilene area (though, not Mike of course, I haven’t had the opportunity to wait on him).
After putting down the post I did earlier, it might seem like I am trying to retract, but I am not. Jared, I think “global tip problem” in Abilene might be more of a West Texas culture thing and less of a Christian problem. While I agree that Christians must be doubly aware to tip, I think that West Texas culture does not teach how to tip properly. What is bottom line percentage on a Sunday lunch compared to a Friday evening or a Thursday lunch? Is it equally about 10% or is there a significant spike and drop?
Just to make my point in the second paragraph above clear: I think it is sad that in a town like Abilene, where there are so many Christians, the amount of tips you makes is absolutely wretched. A 33% drop in tip percentage when I moved to a town full of Christians was not what expected, especially given what I had made in the urban areas of north Detroit and Austin.
About a year ago I even wrote a blog post offering some simple guidelines for going out to dinner (Some Simple Rules for Dinner). It was written with a smile on my face, but is something I wish could be printed in the Abilene Reporter News.
Hub, there is a definite difference betwen the percentages I’ll make on a Saturday evening than what I’ll make on a Sunday morning.
You are certainly right, a small bit of this is West Texas culture. But I do know for a fact that I am much more likely to get a 20% tip from non-Christians and lucky to get 15% out of most Christians. And I have friends in Lubbock and Amarillo who moved there after working in Abilene and all have said the tip percentage is definitely higher.
These are admittedly generalities, but, still, they hold true. In general.
I don’t think that link came through, here it is again:
http://www.jaredcramer.com/?p=354
My 7 year old said to his 4 year old sister in the heat of an argument:
“Fine, Julia. I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt.”
I don’t know what that means, but I think it means I’m not going to get mad at you.”
I re-learn a lot from him.
Great “re-learning” here. Thanks!
em·pa·thy
Pronunciation: em-puh-thee
Noun
1. the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.
If I am called to love my enemies and do good to those who abuse me, should I give those around me (who are only doing their jobs or are merely insensitive to my rights) the benefit of common courtesy and compassion?
What would my day be like if Jesus treated me the way I treat others? Hmmm.
Hard lesson for us crusty old geezers.
At the end of the day, will the people I interact with be able to tell that I have spent time with Jesus?
The sad truth is that there seems to be no direct correlation between going to church and living righteously (justly). Abilene, TX, is not a “Christian town,” in the same way America is not a “Christian nation.” At last count — in 2000, I believe — 50% of Abilenians were in church on a given Sunday. That number was unchanged from 10 years earlier, despite a slight population increase. Fifty percent may be higher than, say, Boston (estimated at 20%), but “going to church” clearly doesn’t equal “living righteously.” My friend waits tables in Nashville, the Evangelical Christian Mecca. He tells me the same kinds of stories Jared is telling us here: the “after church crowd” is THE WORST.
Faith requires deeds, or else it’s dead, or so James tells us. If Christians aren’t faithful in the seemingly “small” things, like tipping or not yelling at an ump, can they truly claim to have been transformed into the likeness of Jesus?
No one should be rude, period! Not server nor served. I’ve been both.
However, my budget does not allow me to go out to eat more than once a month and my budget only allows me to tip about twice the tax amount.
As far as tipping percentages in Abilene as compared to a city the size of Austin or Dallas, it really doesn’t surprise me. Smaller cities and towns do not tip as much, nor are there as many with expense accounts in a smaller city/town either. Would it not be more likely that families in smaller cities/towns, like me, do not eat out as often as those in larger cities, ergo would not be as knowledgeable about tipping percentages?
Maybe a bit more extended grace could be expected from both sides.
At the end of the day, will the people I interact with be able to tell that I have spent time with Jesus?
Amazing question, G’ampa C.
Jared,
I think Kathy is kind of correct. Having lived in Abilene, Amarillo, and Lubbock it doesn’t surprise me that Abilene tips less. There is simply less wealth in Abilene and there are probably a lot more people driving in from smaller communities as well. Too bad that there is such a huge percentage drop on Sundays! Go back to my original post this morning for my feelings about that.
G’ampa C, can I steal that phrase (and not give you credit) for my next sermon?
My son was a waiter (for Outback Steakhouse) in his former life and my daughter works as a retail store manager, so I’ve lived this firsthand. It’s amazing! People don’t seem to realize that waiters make $2.13/hr. Their salary is pretty much based entirely on their tips. There were times where my son didn’t even receive a check, especially the times where they’d taken out for his insurance. He once had a table of 40 folks that “generously” tipped him $40! He’s also had folks that completely skipped out without even paying for their meal, let alone leave a tip! Most of the time, especially with non-chain restaurants, that comes out of their pocket. As for my daughter, she firmly believes that everyone should work retail for a short time. She’d love to get out of it, but they generally pay well. You just don’t get time off for good behavior. haha She hasn’t been home for Christmas in years. Remember the mall is open until 6 p.m. on Christmas Eve and bright and early the day after Christmas. Their blackout dates start the first part of November. She’s taught me A LOT about being on the other side when I go to make a return or have a problem. I have always been quick to complain about poor service, but now I make sure to send e-mails or make phone calls about GOOD service. I’ve learned you definitely get more out of the sales associates when you’re nice. Another thing that you probably don’t know: their bonuses come from the store making their plan. At least this is the case in most salaried chain store managers. If you make a purchase at one place and the item has to be returned, please return it to the same place it was purchased when possible. Otherwise, the purchase store is receiving credit while the store where the return is made is chalking up a loss. Just some things to think about. Thanks
as for paid sick days - no, not as far as I know. My son never got any paid sick days. If he was sick, too bad.
Wow, what a great dialogue about being Christ wherever we are - especially in restaurants! As a former waiter in Abilene (and elsewhere), and a Christian doing my best to live as an ambassador for Christ, here are a few suggestions. (Jared, the link to your tips didn’t work, so I don’t know what your tips were.)
1. Don’t stuff napkins and other trash in your glasses when you are done. It may be convenient and seem tidy, but it’s a real pain for the guy in the back trying to keep a steady pace at washing your dishes.
2. Call your waiter or waitress by name. If you didn’t catch it at their first visit to the table, ask for a reminder. You’ll be amazed the difference this makes for both of you in the rest of your interaction.
3. “Pre-bus” your table before you leave. As a waiter, I was always so surprised and grateful when someone would make the effort to stack their plates and things neatly together, to help get the table ready for the next customers. Before you tell yourself, “Come on - that’s their job!” remember the story of Jesus, his disciples, their feet, and a towel.
4. Thank your waiter or waitress as they serve you. They may just be doing the job for which they are paid, but gratitude is something that costs nothing and is worth so very much.
5. As you tip, keep in mind: They are making less than 3 bucks an hour without tips!!!
I wonder if the issue is generational? Those who are older and live off fixed incomes probably have a standard for tipping that doesn’t grow with the inflation rate. Could it be that there are more “penny-pinching” members of the Great Depression generation and their children who eat out on Sunday? I hate when we get into these Christian bashing sessions. Just because Sunday lunch is the worst time for tips doesn’t mean that Christians are a bunch of greedy, ungrateful, elitists. Someone has yet to offer a valid philosophical reason for why Christians would be poor tippers. Could we not offer up just as many anecdotes of Christian people who are great tippers?
This dialogue has blown my mind! How can we, as “salt & light”, treat wait staff & dept. store personnel like they are beneath us? Why in the world do we worry about what movies they view if the “7 things worth remembering” aren’t displayed by us in our everyday encounters? No wonder many of them are confused.
Oops—-”they” is our children.
Don’t mean anything mean here. I was also a waitress at one time. People go out because they have no where to cook if they are in a hotel, have cooked all week and think it is a treat to go out. Work long hours and are to tired to cook. The goal is to get something to eat. I worked at a fast food place that tipping was allowed. We never made much in tips and the boss paid practically nothing. But I chose to work there when I was a teen. It was an A & W if anyone remembers them. You walked miles everyday taking orders and bringing the food. Those that ate there did not focus on us, but the food. I thought then that the boss paid too little and I still feel that way. We settle on working for tips and it becomes our focus, We have cruddy days, we aren’t cheerful, we expect the people to bus their own table. I’ve even had servers sneeze on me or my food. Not pretty. I guess I am saying it is a two way street about respect and where your focus is at. My dad at 90 usually tipped a dollar, maybe two, no matter what the bill. Yes, he had lived through the depression and he had little money and was hungry.
Danny — I don’t know about the more older people on Sunday part, but I know I always have to remind my mom (in her 60’s) that base tip — not good service tip but just the minimum — is 20%, not 10%. When she was waiting tables back in the day, 10% was just for serving and anything more was for good service.
Hub-
Use anything you like of mine if it glorifies the Lord. I hurt a bit when I ask myself that question, and often dance around it on my blog.
This may step on toes, but I’m a firm believer that if you can’t afford to tip at least 15% of the bill, you need to go to another restaurant. For most checks, the move from “Twice the tax” to 15% is only a couple more dollars (even to 20% is not much more: e.g., $30 tab, twice the tax is about $3.50, make that 15%, $4.50, 1 dollar more, make it 20%, $6.00, just $2.50 more). It is only a buck or two to you, but I operate on volume and if every table gives me a buck or two more, that can add up to $15-$20 a night and $60-80 a week! Just for another dollar to make it a decent tip.
If you can’t afford that other dollar then you should find a different place to go out eat.
good one mike. quite possibly your best to date.
From one routine tipper to another: if the 20% minimum is expected of everyone, why not just add it to the bill right up front? That way, we dispense with all of the pretense that a “tip” is anything more noble than a simple tax…I tip generously for great service, but surely you guys don’t mean that sorry, indolent or rude service should still command that 20% minimum…do you? That doesn’t mean I treat them disrespectfully or unkindly with my words or attitudes, but is the 20% tip a minimum irrespective of the quality of service observed? Mercy.
This thread is starting to sound a little judgmental. When my son begins to work at the local eat-joint, no matter how little he makes for wages, I hope people don’t tip him for substandard service. (Yes, I hope they speak respectfully and kindly to him!) But as for the tip, if he doesn’t earn it by going the extra mile, he doesn’t deserve it, and a little real-time feedback will do him good. One could also argue (from Jesus) that my son oughta go the extra mile whether he can expect a healthy tip or not…y’know, the unworthy slave, and all that.
You guys who want to tip 20% for no matter what kind of service, good or ill - knock yerselves out, but don’t go judging folks who take a different view as being spiritual Neanderthals and elitist subhumans. That’s what it sounds like around here just now.
(Well, *somebody* had to say it.)
qb
What words of wisdom Mike! Though I agree with Terri, I’m not so sure you’re right about #3…that is a patience-tester, especially when it comes with agression or attitude. I just grin and bear it…
qb,
I had assumed that people understood I was talking standard tipping for good service. I don’t know any servers who would say 20% is required all the time. I’m talking about those Christians I wait on who receive excellent service, find out I’m in seminary and tell me how they’re praying for me and then leave me a $5 tip on a $50 dollar tab. I’ve had numerous folk in Abilene thank me for excellent service and leave me 10%.
No one’s judging anyone in these comments, not that I can see.
Danny, maybe a valid point… but the ongoing discussion is probably more helpful and relevant. The perception the world has of believers is important. Warranted or unwarranted, scientific or not, the belief that Christians are “a bunch of greedy, ungrateful, elitists” that servers may come to have from working on Sunday mornings is important.
Yes, we could all tell happy and edifying stories - but that probably wouldn’t change the opinions of many people that have experienced otherwise. So, why not just accept that when we leave the sanctuary and announce ourselves as Christians we should at the very least make an extraordinary effort to be kind. We should encourage those that already are, but remind those that aren’t.
Tipping a few bucks less may make a statement about the perceived level of service, but it also offers no grace, kindness, or mercy. Figure in that servers typically are lower-income earners, and stinginess just isn’t appropriate for a disciple of Christ. Yes, that last remark is stereotypical - but I’d say it is erring on the side of excessive compassion and generosity.
Should anyone really be able to entertain the notion that Christians are more greedy, excessive, and obnoxious than the public at large? Spend a few Sunday afternoons out in public and you’ll see that it may be an understandable position, even if mistaken. That in itself is absurd…
A final though, even if wildly out of context. “Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they may accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God.”
Jared, I really hope we don’t get into a tit for tat exchange, but would you consider a couple of things?
An extra $6.00 tip for many seniors equals the copay for two very needed prescription drugs. They really might not be able to afford that extra amount, no matter how much they appreciate you and your service.
And a second thought, maybe you might want to consider moving to a restaurant in Abilene that caters to a more affluent clientele, affording you the possibility of receiving that extra $60-$80 you mentioned. Just a thought to consider.
You’re right. After 21 years I’ve finally forgiven Don Denkinger.
Rosa’s, Fazzoli’s, Fuddruckers, & Luby’s and many others are always an option for anyone who just can’t stand the idea of tipping, but still wants to eat out. I haven’t ever tipped at Wendy’s or Mc Donalds. But if I want to be served, I need to be willing to pay for that service. That is my former waitressing view of tipping. Not all Christians are bad tippers. I remember a certain preacher who came to my place of employment for lunch with his wife severals Thursdays and NEVER under-tipped! And now days I hear he blogs!
AND my Dad is a Waiter/Waitresses dream! He even tips the people at Dairy Queen!
As a former waiter (years of experience) and a nowadays customer of Jared’s I’ll weigh in.
One factor that is in play here is the “amateur” factor. No, not the amateur quality of the waitron (least of all Jared, who is really top notch), but of the diner. Waitstaff learn that any time you wait on a lot of people who don’t normally eat out, your income is in peril.
I found that Mondays or Tuesdays were better percentage wise for tips than Fridays and Saturdays, since a lot of people who don’t eat out much might go out on a Friday or Saturday.
A server’s nightmare: a bus trip of older people who are taking this one special trip and have to eat out since there is no kitchen on the bus. Some of them haven’t eaten at a nice restaurant in years, and they really are overwhelmed.
If you think about it, that’s part of what’s going on with the Lectureship syndrome discussed earlier. Some of these people save up their pennies all year long to get to take the special trip to Abilene for lectureship, and they don’t really know much about eating out. They would much rather cook at home, and they are uncomfortable in a restaurant to begin with.
Also, if you think about it, Sundays after church is a bigtime amateur hour in Abilene. Lots of those people only go out once a week–or maybe once a month or less–and they don’t have lots of experience in tipping. Also, they may feel pressured by a group to join them at a place they can’t really afford, so they panic a bit.
One thing I learned to practice as a waiter (this may seem rather obvious) was servanthood. I tried very hard not to be snippy or condescending to the most boorish diner, and never to answer rudeness with rudeness. I was also lucky to work at a restaurant that was not open Sunday lunch, so (a) I didn’t miss church and (b) I did not face the sore trial of dealing with the after-church crowd.
The lack of perspective always amazes me when people believe that if you disagree with them politically or spiritually you must be an idiot and/or an awful person.
I would love to see our society move away from tipping. I don’t undertip but I don’t like it. I deal with real jerks in my business on the phone each day and I use my best customer service but I don’t get tips.
That’s just my 2 cents!
When Jesus was a waiter, he gave more to his customers, than they gave to him.
Does “and they will know them by their love” apply to waiters and waitresses?
Is there ANY way to invoke change WITHOUT offending someone??? Most of these comments are just trying to spur us on to better behavior!
Beaner….nope. You can’t even speak about certain things (illegal immigration) without being classed a racist. It’s the sad state of affairs in today’s culture.
#5 - I worked with a man who found out I was politically conservative. Suddenly his demeanor changed towards me until I responded that a difference of opinion is what makes this country stronger and unique.
We are good friends to this day, and agree to disagree and allow Christ to be the focus of our friendship
Speaking of tipping:
http://www.arloandjanis.com/tipping.htm
BTW, this is an outstanding strip!
What a great list of items “worth remembering”. Some friends of ours were in graduate school (read: poor) when they snagged a babysitting job for about three days. A family invited them along to watch their child while they worked on their ranch. It was more of a vacation than a job really, but the family was VERY GENEROUS in their pay. Our friends went out to dinner immediately after acquiring the huge chunk of change and decided to “pay it forward”. Their meal cost about 20 bucks, and they left an equal amount of tip. Their thought was that God had just abundantly blessed them and their responsibility was to share the blessing. They said it was one of the most liberating acts of extending a helping hand they had ever experienced.
Roland - that was a great comic - thanks!
After reading all the comments about tipping, and the fact that waitstaff depend on tips for income, it strikes me that there is a bigger problem here no one has even mentioned. So far as I know, restaurant owners are the only empoyers who are allowed to pay their employees a sub-standard wage and then expect the customers to make up the difference. McDonald’s has to pay minimum wage, as do other fast food employers. However, the more pricey restaurants are exempt from paying the minimum wage. Perhaps, if we really want justice for our waitstaff we should lobby to bring thses establishments in line with everyone else when it comes to having to pay a reasonable wage. Then, tips would be understood to be for service. And, yes, I do tip, even when I receive poor service, because who am I to know what kind of day that person had before I got to the restaurant?
Great comment Patsy. Although I don’t know many people living on minimum wage that would call it a “reasonable wage” either…
We never know what started someone’s day before they bump into us. Why not give them the benefit of the doubt and try improve their outlook a little? Great way to go about life…
I can’t imagine not tipping, especially if the waiter was really good. In fact, my husband and I went out last Friday to a great Mexican place where we live and after we paid the bill at the front register with a debit card, we realized we only $2 in cash. The restaurant was packed and busy and so we didn’t want to hold up the line by asking for them to put the tip on our debit card. We left the $2 on the table and walked out. I felt terrible!! I hoped (and said a little prayer) that the very nice man who waited on us wasn’t offended. We’ll go back soon and hopefully have a chance to “redeem” ourselves with the same waiter and leave a better tip.
A thought on minimum wage:
Wages are market-driven, and raising the minimum wage will do little to help the low-income worker. As a business owner, it makes little difference to me if the minimum wage is 10 dollars per hour or 100 dollars per hour; I will simply raise the price of my products to compensate for the labor dollars that I spend. Labor is expressed on a profit and loss statement as a percentage of sales, and that percentage is going to remain fairly consistent. Thus, as wages are mandated upwards, prices will have a similar upward trend.
If we truly want to help the low-income worker, the Earned Income Tax Credit is the way to do it. It is a refundable credit (a person gets the money even if they owe no taxes) that is based on the amount of money they earn and the number of dependents they have. It also helps those who need it the most, and not the teenager living at home working her first job.
Unfortunately, minimum wage has become a political issue, and little real help for the working poor will result from it going up.
Jonathon,
I think that you’re speaking in incredibly concrete terms about something that economists themselves debate about quite a bit.
Larry James has had some good insights and comments about the minimum wage over on his blog at times.
I’ve gotta say though, you’re oversimplifying at the very least. Take it from another business owner - I understand your point. It’s just not the end-all. I do agree that the EIC is great program, although as with all programs there will always be issues…
Mike without a blog, I appreciate your position, and I think we want the same things, a reasonable wage that a person can live on and support a family.
I simply hold the opinion that raising the minimum wage is not the way to do it. What I have not seen is any evidence to suggest that a higher minimum wage helps the working poor. There are many states that have minimum wages that are far above the federal MW, and what I see in those states is higher prices and the same rates of poverty (Washington state is a good one to look at with a minimum wage of $7.93/hr. Poverty rates have remained essentially the same, and in fact have gone up a bit).
I realize that this is a very complicated subject, but I remain skeptical that a higher minimum wage will accomplish what we both want; it certainly won’t accomplish it with my business model.
Jared this may come a little late as this thread was actualy yesterdays but hopefully you will read it as I do to see any responses to your thoughts. Your statement, “If you can’t afford a 15% tip go eat someplace else.” , seems awefully (SP) spiteful. I could put the question to you that if I can eat a good steak at one restaurant for $12 but have to pay $20 for the same steak at another restaurant why should my tip be higher just because the meal was priced higher? I generaly tip well or at least I think I do. But shouldn’t the time spent at the table be a more important factor as to how much too tip. Lets say I go eat at a restaurant and spend an hour there. I then leave a $6 tip. If I eat the same meal but spend an hour and a half or two hours just talking and drinking tea should I leave the same $6? I don’t think so. Even though my meal cost the same the tip, in my opinion should correspond to the extra time spent.
Roland,
Glad to see another Arlo and Janis fan. It’s a great strip and is in my “Daily checks” bookmark.
Michael R.
Michael, I have been reading Arlo and Janis since high school which means about 20 years now. He writes the life of a married couple SO well. It’s clean, funny and very true to life. I get mine thru E-mail every day.
Let’s all meet in a restaurant somewhere and prove we’re good tippers.
Quoting Jonathan:
“As a business owner, it makes little difference to me if the minimum wage is 10 dollars per hour or 100 dollars per hour>”
Great! I’m glad to see you are so willing to improve wages! Please email me an application.
Roland,
I get my Arlo and Janis via email, too. My wife and I occasionally look for the hidden cameras because it’s like Jimmy Johnson has been eavesdropping on our conversations. It happens a lot, actually.
Mike R.
Kelly W: Great story! It would blow his mind if you went back not to eat but specifically to give him the rest of the tip. He would really feel special.
Supposedly a waitress in Little Rock was asked by Craig O’Neil about big tippers in the city, and she said she LOVED for Jennings Osborne (of Christmas lights fame) to come in because he ALWAYS tipped 100% of his bill. Yeah, that’s right. If it’s a $40 bill, he tips $40.
Sounds like he has the spirit of Zacchaeus in him.
I started to say “a little Zacchaeus in him”…………….but nah.
DU
Jonathan, I appreciate your comments. You’re right, we are trying to accomplish the same thing. Probably helps if we all remember that when these conversations get started… thanks for your patience and tone.
As for the issue itself, you may be right - I’m not willing to take a firm stand on something that is so debatable. I find that there is a problem when the public perception is of Christian business leaders fighting to keep wages down. Perception matters… and that can only hurt the standing of the gospel in the community.
So, maybe there are a lot of believers out there that oppose raising the minimum on grounds that are rooted in compassion and sound economic theory (I’m not one of them, mind you, I say raise it), but that campaign must be tempered in such a way that the love of the poor is seen first and foremost. That’s hard to do. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen that effectively communicated to the public…
I think a lot of this was to bring attention to a specific matter. A lot of folks really don’t seem to realize what the wait staff makes per hour. And as for occupying the table . . . you’re exactly right. If you want to sit and occupy the table, visiting and having a good time, that’s fine. BUT you should remember that you’re costing the waiter money. Someone else could be at that table. Especially when you walk in somewhere on a Friday or Saturday evening, right at dinner time, and there’s a hour or more wait. Think about if you sit there for 2 hrs. and leave your pitiful 10%. That waiter has lost money.
We’ve spent a lot of time analyzing the waiter . . . please, as a mother, don’t forget the folks that work retail. I don’t know how my daughter does it. Imagine standing on your feet for hours, many times missing a meal, getting chewed up and spit out over and over, rearranging the store set, folks leaving things in the dressing room, theft (in ways I never could imagine), and again, disgruntled clients. My daughter is now working as a retail manager at an airport - they don’t even close for the few holidays the mall does. Think about all that the next time you go in and deal with a store manager - it could be my daughter.
Personally, I try not to go out to eat on Sundays at all (and I never go shopping on Sunday). For myself, I feel like there is something wrong with letting myself have a day of rest at the expense of someone else who has to wait on me. Others may feel differently…
edgar, your comments made me blush a little. Next time I wait on you, be sure to let me know who you are so I can shake your hand and say thanks to your face. I work hard to give excellent service, and it always means something to hear someone express appreciation.
rinn, if you can get the same steak for $6 less, go to that place and eat it for that price. Restaurants don’t just price their menu on food, but they also price it on other things that you enjoy, such as the amount of training that goes in to the staff, the quality of people cooking your food, ambiance, atmosphere, etc. If you’re willing to pay the restaurant more for the food, then why should you penalize the waiter. What many people don’t realize is that I don’t keep all my tips. Most restaurants use your sales (the total dollar amount of food sold) to calculate how much you tip out the other staff members. When the IRS audits a server, they use the percentage of their sales to figure out how much they owe.
But I think the key point in all of this is about the perception people are creating about Christians. Let’s face it, I make good money. I work full-time while going to seminary full-time, but I live just frugally and happily in my little apartment. I make money off of volume and by working in the bar (where I don’t wind up with as much low-tipping Christians).
You can dislike the perception your tipping creates. You can think it’s unfair, or that the system should be changed.
But when you tip badly (even for a server who made a few mistakes) you create a perception in that person’s mind. And it will take some other Christian years to soften their heart to the gospel. It doesn’t take too many 10% tips with a tract left on the table (yes, that really happens) before someone’s heart gets hard.
So, if you think it’s unfair, fine, don’t tip me well. I’ll recognize you next time and not waste my time on your $2. Because over at that table next to you is a non-Christian who has got the circumcision of the heart (Col. 2), who will treat me like a person and tip me fairly. Those are the people who pay my bills. And those are the people who I sit down and talk about what Jesus really is all about, rather than with the pious Christian who wants to get in a huff about leaving a good tip.
Oh, and rinn, sorry, I got into my sermon and neglected the second half your question. My apologies!
For the reasons above, I believe one should always start with a conception of 15%-20%. If the service has a few mistakes, I’ll generally be gracious. If the service is rude, I’ll drop down to 10%-15%. Likewise, if I’m going to sit at a table longer than normal, I’ll leave more than my standard tip, because as you astutely recognized… staying at a table that long does cost a server money. That’s not a universal part of tipping customs, but many people do it and servers really appreciate it. It lets them know you are perceptive of their situation.
“I find that there is a problem when the public perception is of Christian business leaders fighting to keep wages down. Perception matters… and that can only hurt the standing of the gospel in the community.”
You make an excellent point here.
Jared,
since you are panning out to be the expert in all things tips, I had a waiter friend tell me that waiters only declare 12% of their tips for income. Is that a common practice?
Also, you only serve circumcised people? Did I read that right?
Jared, you wrote:
—–
So, if you think it’s unfair, fine, don’t tip me well. I’ll recognize you next time and not waste my time on your $2. Because over at that table next to you is a non-Christian who has got the circumcision of the heart (Col. 2), who will treat me like a person and tip me fairly.
—–
Is that *really* your attitude?
I was reflecting all day today on whether or not I had overreacted and was prepared to deliver a heartfelt mea culpa, but then I read that little jewel from you, and my conclusion is, no, if anything, I underreacted.
There it is, plain as day: “don’t diss me with a sub-par tip, because if you don’t give it up for me, be prepared for me to ignore you next time.”
So are we to understand that the “mind of Christ” is a requirement for the tipper, but the tippee gets a perpetual pass?
And are we to understand that a 20% tip is an entitlement? If so, why *not* just add it to the bill as a matter of policy, and be done with this little game of pretend? After all, good service is only offered if a good tip can be expected, or so it would appear from the above quote.
Sounds to qb like another stanza of the new “legalism of the left.” But maybe senile ol’ qb just misunderstands you again, eh?
qb
Thanks for that. I paused and remember 2 of those things and it helped me breath deeper.
Thanks for that, qb. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was about that comment that bothered me, but you put it quite succinctly. As a Christian one should offer one’s best service regardless of the reward. (Not an easy standard to live up to, but a standard none-the-less.)
I’m curious who it is that sets the rates for tipping. I had heard that it was to be 20% now, and do tip accordingly, but got to wondering who is the “authority” that says that is what it should be. Anyone know?
Oh, and just for the record I’ve been going out to lunch on Sundays with Christians for years and have never seen anyone be rude to the waitperson or under-tip. (Not to deny that it does happen, but it’s not everyone.)
This country song by Clay Walker illustrates out topic:
He was driving home one evening,
In his beat up Pontiac
When an old lady flagged him down,
Her Mercedes had a flat
He could see that she was frightened,
Standing out there in the snow
‘Til he said I’m here to help you ma’am,
By the way my name is Joe
She said I’m from St. Louis,
And I’m only passing through
I must have seen a hundred cars go by,
This is awful nice of you
When he changed the tire,
And closed her trunk
And was about to drive away,
She said how much do I owe you
Here’s what he had to say
You don’t owe me a thing, I’ve been there too
Someone once helped me out,
Just the way I’m helping you
If you really want to pay me back,
Here’s what you do
Don’t let the chain of love end with you
Well a few miles down the road,
The lady saw a small cafe
She went in to grab a bite to eat,
And then be on her way
But she couldn’t help but notice,
How the waitress smiled so sweet
And how she must’ve been eight months along,
And dead on her feet
And though she didn’t know her story,
And she probably never will
When the waitress went to get her change,
From a hundred dollar bill
The lady slipped right out the door,
And on a napkin left a note
There were tears in the waitress’s eyes,
When she read what she wrote
You don’t owe me a thing,
I’ve been there too
Someone once helped me out,
Just the way I’m helping you
If you really want to pay me back,
Here’s what you do
Don’t let the chain of love end with you
That night when she got home from work,
The waitress climbed into bed
She was thinkin’ about the money,
And what the lady’s note had said
As her husband lay there sleeping,
She whispered soft and low
Everything’s gonna be alright, I love you, Joe
yes, qb, you have misunderstood me again. you have latched on to one section of my comment, taking it out of context and completely ignoring what i insisted was the heart of my concern.
and in all of this, your tone has hurt me. it is clear that this little comment discussion is doing nothing to promote the mind of christ in either of us.
if you would like to discuss this further, please e-mail me at jared[a]justapreacher.com. maybe in the more private forum of e-mail we can better understand one another.
grace.
Cade,
I’m the expert in very few things. I was simply hoping to share the view from someone who has had extensive experience serving in Abilene for the past two years.
Many waiters do something like that (claim only a percentage of their sales, rather than all of their tips). However, it is illegal and unethical and is just like any other way of cheating on your taxes. I always strongly insist to all my trainees that they claim 100% of their tips.
You also did not read me correctly in saying I only serve circumcised people. I was making a reference to a section in Pauls writings about discerning who the true followers of God were. If you did not understand it, feel free to e-mail me at jared[at]justapreacher.com. I’d be happy to clear it up for you.
Interesting comments..