Thirty and Counting
It was thirty years ago today that I went on my first date with a beautiful, five-foot-two-eyes-of-blue Harding student from Ohio. We went out for an elegant meal (Pizza Hut) and then to the Rialto Theater in downtown Searcy for the uncut, uncensored version of “Wilderness Family.”
Thirty years. I can’t believe it. So much excitement and boredom; so much joy and grief; so many arguments and so much forgiveness. “Through it all, love remains.”
Here are words I wrote in 2004. Still true.
Trust me. You don’t want to read on. . . . I’ve temporarily lost my male ability to bottle up all emotions inside.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
But here’s the thing: when I picked up Diane at the airport Sunday afternoon, I was surprised all over again by her beauty. How can that be after so many years?
To be honest, I hadn’t really missed her for the couple days she was in Houston. (It’s one of our private little secrets–that, while we love being together, we also don’t mind a day or two alone! She was in Houston; Chris was on the middle school campout. I was pigging out on play-off games.)
There are so many things that I love about Diane that I had no idea about so many years ago.
I love how much children love her. Recently, a third grader (whom she taught in 2nd grade last year) came up to hug her after school and said, “Mrs. Cope, look in my backpack.” Inside was her treasure trove: every note that Diane had written to her last year. “You’re like a mother to me,” the little girl said.
Right now she’s gone to work out. But before that this evening, we sat and listened AGAIN to MLK’s “I Have a Dream” speech. I love how, after so many times, it still touches her.
I love how when (as happened at least once when she joined me someplace where I was speaking) a woman came up to her and said “It must be wonderful being married to him!” she just smiled and said, “Oh, yes.” Fighting the gag reflex is one of her strengths.
I love how she loves her boys and her daughter-in-law. And, of course, I love the memories of her with Megan.
I love how she’ll stay at church as long as someone wants to talk–even though it drives me nuts when I’m tired.
I love watching movies with her, eating out at a nice restaurant with her, and grabbing burgers off the grill to watch “Raymond” with her. Things are only half as funny when she isn’t watching with me.
I love her low threshhold of tolerance for “look-in-the-mirror-and-tell-yourself-how-much-God-loves-you” exercises. At moments like that she comes within an inch of falling off the cliff of explosive laughter. . . . And I have the gift of sending her over that precipitous cliff.
I love her laugh. The best laugh I’ve ever heard. Angels applaud.
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But of course this isn’t just my blog. I write the opening words. But how about you? What is it that still surprises you about your beloved after all these years?
How, after ten years, I have a better understanding of God’s grace because Christine demonstrates it to me on a daily basis.
It’s been 9 years for Steve and I. I love his wholehearted love for Christ. I love his smile and twinkling blue eyes. I love his arms around me when I have been so stressed out when I lost my dad two years ago and trying to get my mom to decide for herself she needs help. He had no children of his own but has so embraced my children and grandchildren. Learning to go through the day to day things that I worry about concerning them. His quiet and loving ways are such a blessing to me.
I really love it when he puts on an opera and sings along-to me.
How, before he leaves on a business trip (where he is now) he still fills my van with gas, checks the tires and makes last minute trips to the grocery store to spare me from having to get out in the 12 degree weather while he is gone. And he always asks “Do you have plenty of cash?” because he knows we’ll be ordering pizza or eating out a couple times.
How he will step out of a business meeting at corporate headquarters in London to talk baseball on the phone with our son. How he will take an overnight flight and arrive bleary-eyed and head straight to work, so he can stay home long enough to sit through a concert or coach a softball game.
How, in 20 years of business travel, he has never gone one day early or stayed one day late to see some of the places he visits – London, Paris, Brussels, Pakistan, Brazil, Singapore. He does the work and comes home, saying “I’ll see it all some day when you can be with me.” His golf clubs have never accompanied him on a business trip.
How he cherishes children – all children – and can make them giggle. How he is content to spend our weekends babysitting our neighbors’ toddler so they can have an evening out.
Oh how the list continues…..
This is our 29th Valentine’s day together. She still causes my heart to skip a beat when she reaches out to take my hand as we walk down the street or drive in the car. He unquestioning love for me gives me such a feeling of secruity. I love just sitting with her to watch a TV show or movie. Holding hands and eating popcorn. She has increased my faith in God by her actions and her willingness (even eagerness) to teach the three year old class at Highland for the last several years. She is a wonderful wife, mother and Mamaw. And Janey since I know you will read this Happy Valentines Day I love you
This is our 29th Valentine’s day together. She still causes my heart to skip a beat when she reaches out to take my hand as we walk down the street or drive in the car. He unquestioning love for me gives me such a feeling of secruity. I love just sitting with her to watch a TV show or movie. Holding hands and eating popcorn. She has increased my faith in God by her actions and her willingness (even eagerness) to teach the three year old class at Highland for the last several years. She is a wonderful wife, mother and Mamaw. And Janey since I know you will read this Happy Valentines Day I love you
he’s gradually changed from an average-joe kinda young man to a really cute old man, with wonderful mature qualities. Almost 36 years together now. Amazing.
What is it that still surprises you about your beloved after all these years?”
That I’ve never once walked in the door and seen the phone book open to the “Divorce Lawyer” or “Mafia Hitman” section of the Yellow Pages…
Every day I think I could possibly feel any deeper love than what I feel that day for Kim. And every day I’m wrong. Because I wake up the next morning and see that snuggly angel straight from Heaven and realize that I love her more than ever!
Greg, I hate to break it to you pal, but one day I came into the GST office and saw Sarah with an open phone book. I believe it was turned to the “Husband Whisperers” section of the Yellow Pages…
There are no surprises left.
If I woke up alone it would be a first.
If she did not forgive me my many faults it would be a first.
If she ever failed to catch my eye it would be a first.
I used to wonder why me, but she has never failed to love me even when it makes no sense. So there are no surprises left and that is a good thing. A very good thing.
John is a man after God’s heart, and he is a blessing to so many people. He is very talented (and smart), and could have chosen any career path and been successful, but he has a desire to spend his life building up the church. I think that’s pretty cool.
Another thing I love about John is that he has always enjoyed landscaping. His mom is the best, and taught him all sorts of things about flowers, gardening, etc. Our yards have always been full of beautiful flowers – yes, even our Sherrod apartment in Abilene! I remember going back to visit ACU after we had been gone for a year and there were daffodils still blooming in that spot by K-44. That’s just how John is – he leaves places brighter long after his touch.
Quile:
It all fits! I wondered what that dude was doing in my room that one time…I thought I was just dreaming.
Ever since that dream, thought, I’ve been filled with the insatiable desire to give bac rubs, foot rubs, do all the dishes, vacuum, do the laundry…weird, huh?
When Steph finds something she likes, she sticks with it. Including me. Hers is a fierce, tender loyalty.
My wife has the most infectuous laugh and a smile that I’ve seen on her face for almost 40 years. She never converses with anyone (including over the phone or IM) that she is not smiling.
It surprises me that after 37 years of marriage, my love for him has deepened to a point that I can’t measure it anymore. There is just no beginning, no end.
It surprises me that I know he loves me in the same way.
It surprises me that I don’t have to wonder if he loves me, I just know it and feel so secure in it that we can laugh, cry and sing together through anything!
Happy Valentine’s Day to my most beloved man!
You said it best Mike: “…through it all, love remains…”
We’ve been through a lot in almost 19 years. She’s still where she always has been. Right here with me.
What is it that still surprises you about your beloved after all these years?
That he’s gone. It’s been nearly 30 years and I still miss him, still look for him, still think I spot him walking at a distance. I still miss his intelligence, and his laughter, [that bears repeating] his laughter! I miss his loving ways, his surprises that made me laugh with surprise. I still miss him!
People often ask us what is “next” for us. Even though Mark is currently working on his PhD and could easily say teaching or writing or something, he tells people that we’ll do whatever is best for me and my career and dreams. And he really means it. I love that he is so supportive of me, even though I’m not sure what I want to in the next few years. I couldn’t ask for a better partner. And he’s cute and funny to boot!
I see
That she
Still love me!
Jeremy is almost my polar opposite. But after 6 years of marriage, he still wants to be with me, and chooses me every day. I used to spend a lot of time waiting for the other shoe to fall–but it won’t.
I love his bad puns, his awful choices in music. I love that he loves his patients. He extends grace at every opportunity. He is GORGEOUS. He gives whole-heartedly.
I love that Houston insisted on driving the car with no heat when we lived in Denver. And that, now, a car or two later, he insists on driving the one with no air conditioning in Texas.
I love that I have never once seen him lose his temper.
I love that he constantly thanks me for little things I do.
I love that he takes the time to soak up every moment with our two little girls (2 and 4). I love that he will put down whatever he is doing every single time they ask him to do something, because he is so thankful that they are still asking.
I love how he finds a way to make me laugh just when I’m “revving” up about something.
I love that he listens well.
I love that we have so many memories of traveling the world together and many dreams of seeing more.
I love that he loves to study and teach God’s Word. That it is always exciting to him. That his excitement for it is contagious. That his desire to share God with others will take him to Siberia next week, even though he is miserable when he’s cold.
I love that his faithfulness to me and the forgiveness he has never held back have been the most real and tangible examples of Christ in my entire life.
I love that I can trust him with everything, especially the most fragile and vulnerable parts of my heart.
How much I still look forward to our lunch dates. And how much I care about how I look on those dates even though he sees me at my “roughest” every morning.
How much taller I stand up when someone I haven’t seen since college says, “Oh, yeah — didn’t you marry Chad Nall?” Why yes, as a matter of fact, I did. I’m still proud that he picked ME.
A poem my Grandma Bush wrote about marriage, called “Mountain Born”:
Ours is not the meeting of two meadow streams,
The quiet fusion of slow and placid waters,
That start from gentle springs
And meander softly to each other’s arms.
Ours is the whirlpool union of two rivers,
Mountain born,
That issue from the crags, close to the skies,
And leap the rocks, and spill tempestuously
To canyons far below,
Where, with steam and vapors rising,
Fired by earthbound mutterings,
We meet,
And in a maelstrom we mate, and run our course,
Parallel, but never merging,
downstream to the sea.
That poem is beautiful – someone needs to set that to music & sing it!
Okay. . . this is gonna be a long trip . . .
First, January 1977, I married the most wonderful person. We were so young and so in love! He was quiet – I was loud. He believed there was good in everyone. We had two beautiful children together. Then one stormy May day, he was killed – on the job. I was barely 31! I had went straight from my parents’ house to our home – what was I going to do?? Little by little, I begin to see how much he loved me and our children . . . through his planning . . . we had sufficient insurance to pay our bills and not want for anything. He was right – he never drew a dime from his social security payments, but our children were able to go to college because of those monthly checks we received. He had made a plan . . . a plan for us to always be able to survive, even without him.
Okay, fast forward 10 years . . . it’s now 1999. One innocent Sunday at church, our preacher and his wife have someone for me to meet. He’s from Russia! Kinda scary – I haven’t been on a “real” date since 1977! This relationship goes on and off for a few years . . . this is a very scary thing. He has never been married before, and his culture is so different . . . but there’s something there, something we can’t keep pushing away. Now it’s April 2003, and we’re getting married! This man – remember he’s never been married – has been amazing! Don’t get me wrong – we’ve had plenty of ups and downs. He has taught me so much. All that talk about no churches in Russia – hogwash! He knows way more about the Bible and spiritual things than I ever knew. He’s taught me so much! It was hard for him to understand the close relationship my children and I had developed after the death of their dad . . . after all they’re “adults” now – why do they always “need” their mother?? They both know that he would give them what for if they screwed up, but they also know he’d do anything for them. ANYTHING. He has a gruff exterior, but you’d never find another more caring person in the world. When my son moved away and couldn’t take his dog, guess where the dog ended up? Our house! In all we have four dogs, and not little dogs either. He’s so patient and loving and caring. I have MS. This man takes such good care of me! My kids and everyone that knows me knows how much he “spoils” me.
These men are as different as daylight and dark . . . How lucky can I be to have found such love — twice?? I have been blessed. God is good!
When we were getting married, I said that I knew she would help me get to Heaven, after almost 15 years, I had no idea. Kim constantly challenges me to be more like Christ not just for the future but for now. I love that about her.
HW(comment #3),
You are very kind. Thanks for all you do to hold down the fort while I’m away. My daily notes that you send along on my travels are the highlight
of my week. Always…..PEW
Kathy – Thanks for that memory of your husband. You, too, Belinda. A good reminder that for some February 14 is bittersweet with joy and grief.
HW and PW — I remember that relationship getting stronger while you were young HU students. So proud of you both. Tell my buddy there I said “hello.”
Thirty-five and one half years ago my beloved and I walked down a grassy aisle in a beautiful backyard in the hills outside Oxnard, California, and agreed to spend our lives together.
It’s really neat that today, (with going on 36 years together, a daughter who turns 30 this summer, both kids married to wonderful spouses and doing well, and one grand kid and another on the way) when I look at her I still see that intelligent, talented, and beautiful girl I married all those years ago. Oh… there are some differences… some of those physical things that happen to all of us over time… but the main change I see is that she has grown to love God more deeply and richly over the years and that has allowed her to love me more fully as well.
So, as we “celebrate” Valentine’s Day by going to praise team rehearsal tonight and by getting to bed early enough to be rested for tomorrow, I thank God for blessing my life (and the lives of others as well) with this special lady whom I am honored to call my wife. It just doesn’t get much better than this!!
Wow, what a great couple of minutes this has been, reading of all of this countercultural stuff. I just got through hearing on the radio how we Americans just think commitment and agape-love amounts to an interference with us becoming all that we can be…and those present stand and give that point of view the ol’ Bronx cheer.
20 years here on the Golden Spread, and counting, as we return from the cemetery at Camp Ruby, in Polk County, where my beloved’s father was buried just 29 short hours ago after 46 years of marriage and a lifetime of memories. I love how my love loves and loved her daddy, warts and all. Renews my hope, it does.
I’ve never met any of you folks, but you inspire me anew. Here’s to 20 more for us and 20 more for everybody else, too.
qb
She also wrote, in a lighter moment:
We’re just a couple of comics.
You are bald and I am fat.
But you are still my valentine
For all of that!
If, of all the men that I have seen,
I could choose one for mine
The choice would still be you, my dear,
My valentine.
Wednesday I spoke to a girls’ Bible class about commitment in marriage…and told some of our ups and downs in our 35 years…22 years of his being misdiagnosed, improperly medicated…but we survived it all by hanging on to each other and trusting God…even though there were years he did not go to church, moved like a zombie, and was not really there for me. Today, with proper medication, he’s more like the man I married, although there are health issues that will always be present…but he’s mine and always has been…and I’ve never doubted that!