Comments on: No One Took the Time to Give Me a Hard Time http://preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time Sniffing out the work of God in the world... Fri, 05 Dec 2008 17:03:46 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5.1 By: edgar http://preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time#comment-51721 edgar Wed, 21 Feb 2007 08:56:56 +0000 http://www.preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time#comment-51721 I remember once a youth minister at a rehearsal for a youth group musical production yelled at a kid. I was an adult chaperone and assistant director at the event. Later, the youth minister called me to apologize for having yelled at the kid (not my kid, by the way) and said they had worked it out. I told the youth minister not to apologize, and that, in my opinion, more kids are ruined by NOT being yelled at than by BEING yelled at. Of course, yelling is not the ideal. Ideally, we'll have a great strategy for heading bad behavior off at the pass; we'll set limits that are perfectly fair and explain them clearly; we'll calmy inform kids of the consequences of thier actions while showing pity and concern.... That would be nice, but now and then, things will get out of hand. And then, like I say, yelling at a kid is far from the worst thing that could happen to them. Better to be yelled at than to learn a lifestyle of promiscuity, overindulgence, and selfishness. I remember once a youth minister at a rehearsal for a youth group musical production yelled at a kid. I was an adult chaperone and assistant director at the event. Later, the youth minister called me to apologize for having yelled at the kid (not my kid, by the way) and said they had worked it out.
I told the youth minister not to apologize, and that, in my opinion, more kids are ruined by NOT being yelled at than by BEING yelled at.
Of course, yelling is not the ideal. Ideally, we’ll have a great strategy for heading bad behavior off at the pass; we’ll set limits that are perfectly fair and explain them clearly; we’ll calmy inform kids of the consequences of thier actions while showing pity and concern….
That would be nice, but now and then, things will get out of hand. And then, like I say, yelling at a kid is far from the worst thing that could happen to them. Better to be yelled at than to learn a lifestyle of promiscuity, overindulgence, and selfishness.

]]> By: Azerbaijan Girl http://preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time#comment-51055 Azerbaijan Girl Sat, 17 Feb 2007 22:39:48 +0000 http://www.preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time#comment-51055 This is kind of latecoming so I don't know how many will read it, but I want to say that I think one of the key things parents should establish along with rules is reasons for rules. Just establishing arbitrary-seeming guidelines for kids, even if they are in the kids' best interest, is much better than no guidelines but can also lead to a lot of misunderstanding, resentment, and rebellion. I don't have any kids myself, but I'm 22 and when I think back on my upbringing, one of the things I am most grateful to my parents for is having solid reasoning behind their rules and for patiently answering my questions "why do I have to...?" and "but why can't I...?" This is kind of latecoming so I don’t know how many will read it, but I want to say that I think one of the key things parents should establish along with rules is reasons for rules. Just establishing arbitrary-seeming guidelines for kids, even if they are in the kids’ best interest, is much better than no guidelines but can also lead to a lot of misunderstanding, resentment, and rebellion. I don’t have any kids myself, but I’m 22 and when I think back on my upbringing, one of the things I am most grateful to my parents for is having solid reasoning behind their rules and for patiently answering my questions “why do I have to…?” and “but why can’t I…?”

]]> By: K http://preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time#comment-49539 K Sat, 10 Feb 2007 16:21:36 +0000 http://www.preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time#comment-49539 Of this I struggle. I want to make sure I do things God's way. But I so struggle. I'm afraid I fall more toward the tyrant side, but that's not where I want to be. I wish kids (especially teenagers) came with a step by step, illustrated manual. Ya'll don't know me, but please pray for me. This being a teenager's parent thing is the hardest thing I've ever done. And I dont' think I do a very good job most of the time. Or at least it doesn't feel that way. Every day brings a new challenge and a new mood from the teenager. Of this I struggle. I want to make sure I do things God’s way. But I so struggle. I’m afraid I fall more toward the tyrant side, but that’s not where I want to be. I wish kids (especially teenagers) came with a step by step, illustrated manual. Ya’ll don’t know me, but please pray for me. This being a teenager’s parent thing is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And I dont’ think I do a very good job most of the time. Or at least it doesn’t feel that way. Every day brings a new challenge and a new mood from the teenager.

]]> By: Sherry http://preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time#comment-49213 Sherry Fri, 09 Feb 2007 19:40:18 +0000 http://www.preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time#comment-49213 After several long years of conflict with my teen...a good kid, but wanted to walk alittle too close the line for me...all those arguements and trying not to give up or lessen the rules.....she is off to college. When she came she looked me in the eye and said After several long years of conflict with my teen…a good kid, but wanted to walk alittle too close the line for me…all those arguements and trying not to give up or lessen the rules…..she is off to college. When she came she looked me in the eye and said

]]> By: LDB http://preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time#comment-49212 LDB Fri, 09 Feb 2007 19:39:42 +0000 http://www.preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time#comment-49212 Amen! and Thank you! We ("mean" parents) need support too! I 've watched so many people get run over by their kids and they are miserable for it. Now that I do have an actual teenager, I see how it could happen & what the temptations of a parent are. I pray daily that God will give me the wisdom to know what to do and the strength to actually do it. Oh and I've actually thought of having tshirts made that say "MEAN MOMS RULE!" :-) Amen! and Thank you! We (”mean” parents) need support too! I ‘ve watched so many people get run over by their kids and they are miserable for it. Now that I do have an actual teenager, I see how it could happen & what the temptations of a parent are. I pray daily that God will give me the wisdom to know what to do and the strength to actually do it.

Oh and I’ve actually thought of having tshirts made that say “MEAN MOMS RULE!” :-)

]]> By: Bob Lollar http://preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time#comment-49200 Bob Lollar Fri, 09 Feb 2007 17:47:18 +0000 http://www.preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time#comment-49200 Mike, When my oldest son, Nate, was about 3 years old, he had a bad habit of saying to his mom when he didn't get his way -"You're not my friend!" He never said this in front of me. His mother was concerned and a little hurt by this. He finally slipped one day and said it to me when he didn't get his way. I told him "You're right, I'm not your best friend; I'm your worst nightmare..." He never said it again. Children don't need for their parents to be their best friends. They are in a power struggle for dominance and they "NEED" a benevolent dictator. Now that he's married and in Graduate school, he's become my friend or as Golda said in "Fiddler" he's become a person. May God bless all of you new parents....the adventure is worth it. Thanks for the great post Mike. Bob Lollar Mike, When my oldest son, Nate, was about 3 years old, he had a bad habit of saying to his mom when he didn’t get his way -”You’re not my friend!” He never said this in front of me. His mother was concerned and a little hurt by this. He finally slipped one day and said it to me when he didn’t get his way. I told him “You’re right, I’m not your best friend; I’m your worst nightmare…” He never said it again. Children don’t need for their parents to be their best friends. They are in a power struggle for dominance and they “NEED” a benevolent dictator. Now that he’s married and in Graduate school, he’s become my friend or as Golda said in “Fiddler” he’s become a person. May God bless all of you new parents….the adventure is worth it. Thanks for the great post Mike. Bob Lollar

]]> By: Jordan Hubbard http://preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time#comment-48883 Jordan Hubbard Thu, 08 Feb 2007 21:13:28 +0000 http://www.preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time#comment-48883 Shannon, I've got a dozen more stories just like that one. Like the time my mom made the entire 450 member Cooper band get up and leave "Look Who's Talking 2" when we went to march in the Rose Parade. Oh yeah. It happened. Shannon,
I’ve got a dozen more stories just like that one. Like the time my mom made the entire 450 member Cooper band get up and leave “Look Who’s Talking 2″ when we went to march in the Rose Parade. Oh yeah. It happened.

]]> By: Kester Smith http://preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time#comment-48870 Kester Smith Thu, 08 Feb 2007 20:38:58 +0000 http://www.preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time#comment-48870 Thanks for this, Mike. With Harry having entered the terrible twos, it's incredible to see what "old school" "hard nosed" parents we seem like to a lot of other parents in downtown Austin. Just the other day, Rachel, Harry, and I were in a Barnes and Noble and had found some small trinket to buy for Harry. As we went up to the register, I took the toy from Harry to pay for it and he had a fit. Rachel calmly explained to Harry why he wouldn't be getting the toy at all and I calmly walked the toy back to the shelf. As I did, a mom standing near me said "I didn't know you could do that" with a whisper that was almost awestruck. Thanks for this, Mike. With Harry having entered the terrible twos, it’s incredible to see what “old school” “hard nosed” parents we seem like to a lot of other parents in downtown Austin.

Just the other day, Rachel, Harry, and I were in a Barnes and Noble and had found some small trinket to buy for Harry. As we went up to the register, I took the toy from Harry to pay for it and he had a fit. Rachel calmly explained to Harry why he wouldn’t be getting the toy at all and I calmly walked the toy back to the shelf. As I did, a mom standing near me said “I didn’t know you could do that” with a whisper that was almost awestruck.

]]> By: The Hard Times That Do You Good « My WORD http://preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time#comment-48840 The Hard Times That Do You Good « My WORD Thu, 08 Feb 2007 19:31:50 +0000 http://www.preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time#comment-48840 [...] Mike Cope offers encouragement for parents to stay the course in his post today at PreacherMike.com called No One Took the Time to Give Me a Hard Time.   [...] [...] Mike Cope offers encouragement for parents to stay the course in his post today at PreacherMike.com called No One Took the Time to Give Me a Hard Time.   [...]

]]> By: Steve awtrey http://preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time#comment-48822 Steve awtrey Thu, 08 Feb 2007 19:07:27 +0000 http://www.preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time#comment-48822 Mike, Great post. Reminds me of a post a couple of years ago on Father's Day. From my observations one of the greatest needs of teens today. Especially for fathers to step up and be fathers. We had a situation this weekend where one of my kids was planning to go to the movies with a group of friends from school, some of the opposite sex, I checked out the movie on screenit.com and it was not appropriate. I had to call one of the dad's and tell him the movie wasn't appropriate. He sincerely thanked me and they found another movie. My child was not happy. SHe got over it and it was a good lesson and reminder for both of us. Mike,
Great post. Reminds me of a post a couple of years ago on Father’s Day. From my observations one of the greatest needs of teens today. Especially for fathers to step up and be fathers. We had a situation this weekend where one of my kids was planning to go to the movies with a group of friends from school, some of the opposite sex, I checked out the movie on screenit.com and it was not appropriate. I had to call one of the dad’s and tell him the movie wasn’t appropriate. He sincerely thanked me and they found another movie. My child was not happy. SHe got over it and it was a good lesson and reminder for both of us.

]]> By: shannon http://preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time#comment-48815 shannon Thu, 08 Feb 2007 18:51:40 +0000 http://www.preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time#comment-48815 Jordan, send that to Reader's digest. I am still laughing Jordan, send that to Reader’s digest. I am still laughing

]]> By: Jordan Hubbard http://preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time#comment-48798 Jordan Hubbard Thu, 08 Feb 2007 18:11:16 +0000 http://www.preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time#comment-48798 My mom is the paragon of your virtue today. She was so dedicated to making sure that my brother and I were holy people first foremost. She was well known for being very, um, sensitive about the movies we could see. When I was in 5th grade, I had a slumber party with about 7 of my buds. Mom took us to see a midnight showing of a movie and bought us popcorn and drinks. Literally 45 seconds into the movie, my wise 7th grade friend looked down the row at all of us and said, "Eat fast, boys. We aren't gonna be here long." He was right. Mom pulled us out of the movie in about 5 minutes. And I love her for it. It gives me permission to be the man God wants me to be. My mom is the paragon of your virtue today. She was so dedicated to making sure that my brother and I were holy people first foremost. She was well known for being very, um, sensitive about the movies we could see. When I was in 5th grade, I had a slumber party with about 7 of my buds. Mom took us to see a midnight showing of a movie and bought us popcorn and drinks. Literally 45 seconds into the movie, my wise 7th grade friend looked down the row at all of us and said, “Eat fast, boys. We aren’t gonna be here long.” He was right. Mom pulled us out of the movie in about 5 minutes. And I love her for it. It gives me permission to be the man God wants me to be.

]]> By: Adam http://preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time#comment-48772 Adam Thu, 08 Feb 2007 17:42:03 +0000 http://www.preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time#comment-48772 Spot on. Thanks. Spot on. Thanks.

]]> By: Canada Jim http://preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time#comment-48770 Canada Jim Thu, 08 Feb 2007 17:40:35 +0000 http://www.preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time#comment-48770 Thanks for the reminder Mike, even from this Family Therapist/Preaching Minister/Parent of teenagers. I get lazy thinking that everything is OK sometimes, like thework is behing me. Mine are doing amazingly well with all of this but I tell parents all the time (and this is not to pat my own back -or my wife's) - it is because we started very early with the work of parenting. Notice that word - WORK. You should see the looks I get in therapy when I talk about getting to work, or getting back to the work of parenting. It's work: amazing, blessed, wouldn't-trade-it-for-anything-in-this-world work, but it's work just the same. God's work. Thanks for the reminder Mike, even from this Family Therapist/Preaching Minister/Parent of teenagers. I get lazy thinking that everything is OK sometimes, like thework is behing me.

Mine are doing amazingly well with all of this but I tell parents all the time (and this is not to pat my own back -or my wife’s) - it is because we started very early with the work of parenting. Notice that word - WORK. You should see the looks I get in therapy when I talk about getting to work, or getting back to the work of parenting.

It’s work: amazing, blessed, wouldn’t-trade-it-for-anything-in-this-world work, but it’s work just the same. God’s work.

]]> By: Tom McGregor http://preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time#comment-48769 Tom McGregor Thu, 08 Feb 2007 17:38:51 +0000 http://www.preachermike.com/2007/02/08/no-one-took-the-time-to-give-me-a-hard-time#comment-48769 "So God created humans in his own image. He created them to be like himself. He created them male and female." Genesis 1:27. Until we as parents understand, live and talk His divine nature in our own lives, our children experience mixed messages. God gives us limits and boundaries to keep us safe and happy--it is when we are deceived by Satan we move the boundaries and loose direction. Make a covenant with your children that both of you will examine areas of your lives that are not "healthy" and will talk about them openly. Be respectful of each other and don't make excuses to justify the behavior. Before the end of the conversation, you must formulate a plan to reset the boundaries. Hold each other accountable. From personal experience, everybody will grow closer to each other and to God! “So God created humans in his own image. He created them to be like himself. He created them male and female.” Genesis 1:27.
Until we as parents understand, live and talk His divine nature in our own lives, our children experience mixed messages. God gives us limits and boundaries to keep us safe and happy–it is when we are deceived by Satan we move the boundaries and loose direction.

Make a covenant with your children that both of you will examine areas of your lives that are not “healthy” and will talk about them openly. Be respectful of each other and don’t make excuses to justify the behavior. Before the end of the conversation, you must formulate a plan to reset the boundaries. Hold each other accountable. From personal experience, everybody will grow closer to each other and to God!

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