Insightful words from the Talmud:
“We do not see the world as it is. We see the world as we are.”
None of us has a perfect, unbiased view of truth and of the world. All we see is filtered through who we are. It’s why two people can look at the same event, the same politician, the same landscape — and see two very different things.
Very often when people complain about their spouses they’re telling us more about themselves than about the spouses. When someone says they’re in an unfriendly church (which seems to be full of people who are enjoying deep friendships), it may tell us more about them than about the church.
Only partly do we see the world as it truly is. Much of what we see is a projection of who we are — with our strengths, our convictions, our fears, our biases.
One of the most fruitful, yet difficult, journeys is the journey inward. You can tell the people who are, with all the honesty they can muster, making the journey. And you can tell the ones who aren’t.
so true Mike..journey inward is a difficult one. Pain is a friend ironically because it removes us from a place of comfort and forces us to feel and in feeling we see ourselves and Jesus.
but…some of those voices you speak of are legit and need to be listened to. sometimes its much easier for some to say, “that’s just their problem.” Maybe those voices of pain can teach us all something…
Oooooh, that inner space is a scary journey indeed!
When we dare to look deeply in the mirror, none of us can be proud of what we see. Isn’t it incredible that God, looking over our shoulder into the mirror, sees Jesus?
That is a definition of grace which reminds me that He treats me better than I deserve. What an unspeakable gift!
Excellent points Mike. My only addition that varies somewhat might be…the Fifth and Main church in Anywhere, Texas might be filled with folks that are lifelong friends - but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a friendly church. Something we all need to be careful of - allowing outsiders or newbies to also experience friendship with us. Thanks!
Good point, Kent. I wasn’t really meaning to imply that it’s always the person. It’s possible, or course, that the problem IS the spouse . . . or the church . . . or the boss . . . .
But the greatest growth comes when I ask questions about myself — as a person who is constantly changing into the image of Christ.
It’s so much easier to see in marriage conflict. So many marriages remain stuck because both husband and wife convince themselves that something is wrong with the other person that needs to change for the relationships gets better.
But when one of them bravely decides that they can change only one person — himself/herself! — then amazing things can wind up happening in that person’s life, and maybe even in the marriage itself.
I agree with a bit of your POV, Mike and also a bit of Beverly’s. And as KentF says, we really do need to be careful about making extra effort to see that “newbies”are not only welcomed but integrated into our usual activities, into our usual invitations for lunch, etc. It’s tough coming into a well-melded group requiring an effort on both sides to make it a ‘one side’ relationship.
This Cope dudes blog is really shallow and really doesn’t challenge me. I just wish he would come up with some thought provoking material every once in awhile. And his frequent commentors…don’t get me started.
Sorry. Couldn’t resist. Just kidding of course. I’m 1 hour into an 8 hour wresling meet. Bleachers feeling good already. Thank goodness for this blackberry!
this is funny … i wrote a post last night that I will probably post in the next few days about Fuerbach’s statement that humans create God in their image. i even said the cure for our misconceptions of God is silence and solitude. then i woke up and saw your thoughts here and your mention of the “inner life.” very similar. thanks, mike!
love the post.
“We do not see the world as it is. We see the world as we are.”
This changes the complexity of the second greatest command “Love your neighbor as your self”. I believe Jesus said it best “Love as I have Loved you.” Now if I can only get it down.
Mike, you truly are a gifted communicator.
“You can tell the people who are, with all the honesty they can muster, making the journey. And you can tell the ones who aren’t.”
Scares the hell out of me.
me too clint
Yeah, it’s not fun looking deeply into the mirror. But it sure makes me deeply appreciate Jesus.
…which helps me extend some of that same kind of grace to those close to me.
As Jackson Brown said “I look around for the friends I used to turn to to pull me thru. I look into their eyes and I see them running to.”
Just another angle on the same idea…
Often the journey inward is misleading, full of rationalizations and self-deception. The journey outward is frequently more illuminating. For example, a church says “We are welcoming!” but their behavior tells a different story. Or a parent says, “I love my children” but their behavior speaks to a different reality.
Generally, it is the confrontation with how we REALLY are (behaviorally speaking and often because a friend points it out to us) that creates those painful internal realizations.
Interesting. One thing for sure, you can’t trust the majority’s view of things as an indication of the way things really are. Stanley Shipp use to say, if everybody is for it, question it; it’s probably wrong.
All we see is filtered through who we are……Temple Grandin’s book Emergence:Labelled Autistic is an extreme and eye opening example of how very diverse the thumbprint of one’s brain/being can be. (Temple is autistic)
Is the reason for this not synonymous with the confusion of language at the temple in Babylon?
I suppose God’s methods of communicating with us MUST be just as diverse.
Our perceptions color reality. I find that so many times when I am facing conflict or listening to people talk about church issues I am really listening to people say, “I don’t trust.” And then I can walk around the corner or turn to a different side of the table and have a conversation with someone about the same topic and I hear them talk about excitement and joy and I hear them say, “I trust.” This can make such a huge difference in our world and in our churches.
Very well said. I especially agree with the statement that people are making the journey inward “with all the honesty they can muster.” The implication is that not everyone making the journey inward is being completely honest. I believe that sometimes people use language like, “journey inward” to gain credibility for long held, unspoken convictions. There’s an instant sense of agonizing thought that may or may not have taken place.
So true — or at least as I perceive it.
As someone who moves frequently, I’ll agree 100% with KentF’s comment. It’s far more common to find a church where the people are very friendly with each other but not very good at including newcomers. Over and over I’ve had people say to me “Weren’t we friendly when you first got here?” Sadly, I’ve not been able to give them an affirmative answer. I can think of one church where they were not like that. And we’ve been in a lot of churches (and they were all churches that we hated to leave after time, but it took work to get them to include us at more than a superficial level).
As for the theme of the post, I’m with Clint and Bev. Scary to think about. But, vital to be aware of, for sure.
Apropos to this post: There is a bumper sticker that I’ve seen, and I need to put one up on my bathroom mirror: “Don’t believe everything you think.”
LOVE what Nancy says, because I’m TERRIBLY introspective — I’m just not sure how accurate my view of myself is. I agree that the journey inward is fruitful — but sometimes you feel like you are looking in a carnival-house mirror.
I will admit that it has been a surprising revelation to me in adulthood that everybody isn’t as introspective as I am. Many people are blissfully ignorant of “what lies beneath”!
There once was someone I admired, loved to listen to what he had to say, but he always looked right past me. Thought I must be a real nobody and realized what was being taught to me really was he wasn’t a person intested in me or my soul at all, no matter how much I tried to speak to him. I prayed about it and in a dream, I saw he was hurting too and couldn’t connect very well with anyone. I learned to forgive my feelings for him and just extend the hand of friendship. If it ever takes that will be for the better, but if not, that is okay too. But to reflect Christ I just have to try.
I’m wondering, is it possible to spend time in deep prayer with God and be able to avoid that inward journey?
The Spirit simply won’t let me off the hook, dragging me into those corners of me that need to be cleaned out, brought out into His light. I’m a very outgoing person with others, but in time with my LORD He just keeps at me, changing, stretching, disciplining - as Jerry Taylor says, “help me somebody” - tell me how do you avoid that inward journey?
btw-Hey! The first half of my SB prediction is happening. Bears!!!
“You can tell the people who are, with all the honesty they can muster, making the journey. And you can tell the ones who aren’t.”
With all the honesty I can muster, I must admit that I have been faking the journey more than making the journey. And I didn’t think anyone could tell. I unknowingly lived by the motto, “The most important thing is sincerety. And once you learn to fake that, you’ve got it made.”
Over the past several months, I’ve been convicted of my need to make that inward journey and to confront some deep woundedness. As I do, I realize that people could indeed tell the difference. I’m grieved over how much ministry I’ve done in my own strength, apart from the Spirit’s power. And I’m grieved at how many of the people whose lives I’ve touched have failed to truly see the healing power of Jesus. In addition to my own pain, I hurt for the negative effects of my half-hearted, self-serving attempts at ministry. But I’d far rather be where I am now that where I used to be.
I just want to wish peace and blessings to all my fellow-pilgrims on the journey inward.