Like many people caught and exposed, Ted Haggard began by covering his mistakes with more mistakes. He’d never met his accuser, he said at first.
Then when voice experts said that it was indeed Haggard’s voice on the answering machine of the accuser, he said that he had gotten a massage from the man and had bought meth — but that he’d never used it because it was wrong.
Now, with a few days and the help of his spiritual friends, Haggard has come out with this powerful statement to his church.
November 5, 2006
My Dear New Life Church Family,
I am so sorry. I am sorry for the disappointment, the betrayal, and the hurt. I am sorry for the horrible example I have set for you.
I have an overwhelming, all-consuming sadness in my heart for the pain that you and I and my family have experienced over the past few days. I am so sorry for the circumstances that have caused shame and embarrassment to all of you.
I asked that this note be read to you this morning so I could clarify my heart’s condition to you. The last four days have been so difficult for me, my family and all of you, and I have further confused the situation with some of the things I’ve said during interviews with reporters who would catch me coming or going from my home. But I alone am responsible for the confusion caused by my inconsistent statements. The fact is, I am guilty of sexual immorality, and I take responsibility for the entire problem.
I am a deceiver and a liar. There is a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I’ve been warring against it all of my adult life. For extended periods of time, I would enjoy victory and rejoice in freedom. Then, from time to time, the dirt that I thought was gone would resurface, and I would find myself thinking thoughts and experiencing desires that were contrary to everything I believe and teach.
Through the years, I’ve sought assistance in a variety of ways, with none of them proving to be effective in me. Then, because of pride, I began deceiving those I love the most because I didn’t want to hurt or disappoint them.
The public person I was wasn’t a lie; it was just incomplete. When I stopped communicating about my problems, the darkness increased and finally dominated me. As a result, I did things that were contrary to everything I believe.
The accusations that have been leveled against me are not all true, but enough of them are true that I have been appropriately and lovingly removed from ministry. Our church’s overseers have required me to submit to the oversight of Dr. James Dobson, Pastor Jack Hayford, and Pastor Tommy Barnett. Those men will perform a thorough analysis of my mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical life. They will guide me through a program with the goal of healing and restoration for my life, my marriage, and my family.
I created this entire situation. The things that I did opened the door for additional allegations. But I am responsible; I alone need to be disciplined and corrected. An example must be set.
It is important that you know how much I love and appreciate my wife, Gayle. What I did should never reflect in a negative way on her relationship with me. She has been and continues to be incredible. The problem was not with her, my children, or any of you. It was created 100% by me.
I have been permanently removed from the office of Senior Pastor of New Life Church. Until a new senior pastor is chosen, our Associate Senior Pastor, Ross Parsley, will assume all of the responsibilities of the office. On the day he accepted this new role, he and his wife, Aimee, had a new baby boy. A new life in the midst of this circumstance—I consider that confluence of events to be prophetic. Please commit to join with Pastor Ross and the others in church leadership to make their service to you easy and without burden. They are fine leaders. You are blessed.
I appreciate your loving and forgiving nature, and I humbly ask you to do a few things:
1. Please stay faithful to God through service and giving.
2. Please forgive me. I am so embarrassed and ashamed. I caused this and I have no excuse. I am a sinner. I have fallen. I desperately need to be forgiven and healed.
3. Please forgive my accuser. He is revealing the deception and sensuality that was in my life. Those sins, and others, need to be dealt with harshly. So, forgive him and, actually, thank God for him. I am trusting that his actions will make me, my wife and family, and ultimately all of you, stronger. He didn’t violate you; I did.
4. Please stay faithful to each other. Perform your functions well. Encourage each other and rejoice in God’s faithfulness. Our church body is a beautiful body, and like every family, our strength is tested and proven in the midst of adversity. Because of the negative publicity I’ve created with my foolishness, we can now demonstrate to the world how our sick and wounded can be healed, and how even disappointed and betrayed church bodies can prosper and rejoice.
Gayle and I need to be gone for a while. We will never return to a leadership role at New Life Church. In our hearts, we will always be members of this body. We love you as our family. I know this situation will put you to the test. I’m sorry I’ve created the test, but please rise to this challenge and demonstrate the incredible grace that is available to all of us.
Ted Haggard
I just read a poll saying that 65% of the people who’ve heard of his confession believe it’s insincere. I don’t think so. Just because he got caught, and just because he wasn’t forthright in the beginning doesn’t mean that he’s insincere. (Of course, I don’t know for sure.)
Here, especially, is an incredible statement: “The public person I was wasn’t a lie; it was just incomplete. When I stopped communicating about my problems, the darkness increased and finally dominated me. As a result, I did things that were contrary to everything I believe.”
Can we all learn a lesson from this broken man? “When I stopped communicating [presumably to spiritual friends] about my problems . . . .”
Are you surrounded by friends who will support you, listen to you, pray for you, and have compassion toward you without being overly kind? (Kind, yes. But not sloppy “hey, everyone does it” kind.) And are you that kind of friend to others?
Even if we cannot say whether or not the statement is sincere, it is inspired. It is so well-spoken that I prefer to believe it is heart-felt as well.
Was Pastor Ted’s confession insincere? That’s a very difficult question. It’s even more difficult to believe that a man that calls himself a deceiver and a liar (which was certainly still the case on Friday) can offer anything less than the same on Sunday in a letter to his congregation. How does a deceiver and a liar become a different character in a matter of days? It took years to develop the pattern of deceiving and telling lies. Did his stripes suddenly change? This event revealed Ted’s character. It’s only by being caught and publicly exposed that he eventually chose to tell the truth which at this point is still not the entire truth. By confessing today in a lenghtly letter to his church, he can actually pre-empt exposing anything else in public or more importantly to his congregation of 14,000 (who were next in line) after his family in being most decieved. I’m sorry, I’ve sinned and I have done what was said of me (and failed you all) would have served for now, as more than enough. The rest of the words were written by a self-confessed deciever and liar. Not worth much to a wounded church or broken family. After all, Ted was caught, he did not come forward willingly. A great place to start the rebuilding of character and rebuilding of a broken life. The letter helps nobody but Ted at present. To ask the question of insincere is not the issue. Was it really necessary right now? After all, who did it really benefit? I think Pastor Ted the most.
Mike,
I have to admit this made me cheer. Not because of this guys sin but because he is acting like EVERYONE should. I am sure at times you in your position have been put on a pedestal by others because of your title. Heck, I find myself putting people I admire like you on a pedestal many times but we ALL sin and fall short of the glory of God.. Others just cover it up better.
There is SERIOUS profound lessons in these words and the issue has NOTHING to do with if he is serious or not, that is not for us to know the tender of a man’s heart, that job belongs to the Lord. The words here tell us that expressing and confessing leads to delivery in our lives. We may never be rid of the sins we possess but through the love of our brothers and sisters we can ease our burden.
This reminds me of Abraham and Abimelech. Did God say to Abraham and Abimelech that because you sinned you are not going to be the father of many nations now? No he didn’t. The way that the father treats the sinner is the same way that we need to treat them. This is expounded more when we think about King David. Did God say to David just because you are sinned against me that is it I am taking your position of King away? No he didn’t.
Bottom line is 4 letter, 1 word, many meanings, something we lack, something that is hard to do, opposite of hate, personification of Christ…
…
LOVE
What does love look like?
I think it looks like forgiveness
Amen?
Mike,
I keep thinking of James 5:15-16. The power of confession doesn’t seem so much about our own conscience as it is a benefit of living honestly in community with others whose faith and prayers help sustain us. It seems to me that the more we realize our need to be honest with others who can pray for us, love us and hold us accountable the more we will be healed. Yet our pride seems to hinder us. Like Al Pacino’s character in Devil’s Advocate says, “Pride, it’s my favorite sin of all.”
It’s incredibly sad to see this. It is not our role to judge the sincerity of the letter - repentance is judged by God alone. However, having seen many church leaders with megawatt charisma fall again and again, the lesson to all must surely be follow man only in as much as they follow Christ. Do not forget the good they do and the positive impact they have made in your lives just because they have fallen. And truly none are perfect or without sin - that’s why we need Christ.
To attempt to read Mr. Haggard’s mind is to attempt reading the future. God knows what is in Haggard’s heart and mind - he knows motives, he knows if there is true repentence or not. We can only accept his words as given and pray for the men that are coming around him to counsel and pray for him, as well as for Haggard, his family and his church family.
One thing disturbs me about his letter. He has not one word directed toward the only one that can forgive the sins committed. I would feel more positive about his future healing [if my feelings have anything to do with this at all, that is] if he had at least mentioned God’s forgiving grace - had asked for prayers from his church family for that forgiveness and grace.
Once again, the Bride of Christ is thrown into the mud of open sin by one of its more well-known leaders. That witness to the world has been besmirched which is as much a concern of mine as the future life of Mr. Haggard. May God be merciful to him, may he be fully healed of this overpowering pull to sin and may his families, both marital and church, be healed as well.
Unfortunately, Mr. Haggard’s public shame also spreads over these families as well. Again from the unbelieving the Church will be the object of scorn by those that would see her disappear - once again the veracity of our Faith will be questioned and dragged through the mud of sneers. All believers in Jesus will be mocked and accused of being in the same category as Mr. Haggard. Heartbreaking!!
I think we need to be in prayer also for his wife and 5 children. He has put his wife’s health at risk by being involved with a “male escort”. Sorry or not, her life is now in danger. I pray for her and her children. I have felt for her all weekend. She looked so sad in the picutres we see on TV.
Thank you again Mike for bringing something into your blog that is controversial. I have to agree with Kathy. Some Christian groups have done more harm than good for Jesus. This is another excellent example.
Is it newsworthy that a man had an extramarital affair? No (to God it is). People sin every day and it’s not plastered all over the headlines. I truly don’t think it would have made this much news if it had been a heterosexual affair. This quote is from his personal website - Harper’s says, “No pastor in America holds more sway over the political direction of evangelicalism than does Pastor Ted.” That’s what makes it newsworthy.
I want to say to my non-Christian friends, “I’m not like that. Not all Christians are like that.” But part of that isn’t true - I am like that - I’m a sinner, always have been, always will be. But I shouldn’t set myself up or allow others to set me up to appear infallible.
It’s the attitude and appearance of infallibility that has the nonChristians rolling in the aisles when something like this happens.
Ted says:
“I am a deceiver and a liar. There is a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I’ve been warring against it all of my adult life. For extended periods of time, I would enjoy victory and rejoice in freedom. Then, from time to time, the dirt that I thought was gone would resurface, and I would find myself thinking thoughts and experiencing desires that were contrary to everything I believe and teach.”
Maybe if Ted grew up in a place where promiscuity was the sin, not homosexuality things would have turned out different.
Maybe this is the real issue today. Maybe Ted would never have gotten married to his current wife, had a family and destroyed it.
I appreciate Ted’s statement.
Ray, don’t throw out your arm casting stones.
Kathy:
“All believers in Jesus will be mocked and accused of being in the same category as Mr. Haggard. Heartbreaking!!”
Maybe we are in the same catergory if we were all honest about our inner demons. I think the world mocks us because we pretend we are not.
Leland, I agree we all sin and fall short of God’s goodness. I would pray, however, that not all of us would attempt to add lies and deceit on top of other sins in a failed attempt to hide the first. In no way do I mean to say we do not fall into sin’s trap, I know I do.
That is scary! Evil is real.
“I would pray, however, that not all of us would attempt to add lies and deceit on top of other sins in a failed attempt to hide the first.”
One time to get it right and then you’re done!
Have you ever had 14,000 people looking to you for guidance and then fail them? Ever exeperience that kind of pressure? Cut him some slack. Accept his statement at face value and don’t attempt to qualify it.
His confession appears to be sincere. There’s a deeper issue here. American evangelical leadership structures place an inordinate amount of control and power in one highly visible church leader. It attracts deviant personalities. I am never surprised when a leader such as this man falls. It’s tragic and unfortunate but it’s what the church asked for.
Leland:
“Accept his statement at face value and don’t attempt to qualify it.”
That’s what I said in my first post, Leland. Maybe not too clearly, but that’s what I said.
Me: “God knows what is in Haggard’s heart and mind - he knows motives, he knows if there is true repentence or not. We can only accept his words as given and pray for the men that are coming around him to counsel and pray for him, as well as for Haggard, his family and his church family.”
The struggle never ends. We become deceived when we think that someone is “so spiritual” that they are in a sense, above sin. Ted was probably at the pinnacle of his “career.” So was David.
Thanks for posting this, Mike. To be honest, I have felt deep compassion for Rev. Haggard since this story broke. While some have cheered that a right-wing Christian leader was found to be a hypocrite, I simply mourned at the reality that we are all hypocrites. Like the Apostle Paul, we all “do things we do not do, and do not do the things we want to do.” The only difference between Haggard and any of us is that he got caught — in a very public way.
Yet I was also convicted once again of the truth you relayed toward the end of your post: that we need “spiritual friends” with whom we are transparent. We all need those people. I’m convinced that the higher one elevates in church leadership, the more — not less — one needs that accountability and edification. Haggard was a man of profound influence on thousands (even millions, if you count his constituency in the National Association of Evangelicals), so his actions have had residual affects that only God knows. Are our churches even places where members — let alone those in leadership — can be transparent about their demons?
But tonight, as has been the case since this story broke, I have felt deep empathy and sadness for Bro. Haggard, a fellow hypocrite — and sinner saved by grace.
boy, does my heart go out to this man, his family and his congregation…i have been through a similar situation myself as a pastor and know that there is nothing that can compare to a situation like this handled in the proper way…for those people who believe Pastor Haggard only came clean becasue he was caught is partially true…however God will usually do whatever it takes to get our attention, however drastic it may need to be…the fact that the Lord loves us enough to bring us to situations like this that brings us face to face with who we are and who we have let ourselves become tells me that he loves us with a truely unconditional love. I pray that this situation has the best outcome for all involved.
I am a pastor that has been rocked so hard by all of this in this way - the temptation in my own mind of “is ministry really worth it anymore?” I mean the world thinks we are a joke anyway, and then this kind of thing happens, which makes it even harder to admit to someone that I am actually a pastor. I was reminded in my quiet time this morning that I am to look to Jesus alone (Hebrews 2:8-9)
be careful what you preach, God will call you to live it.
When I read between the lines, I read a letter from Ted to his friends and family asking them to still love him even though he’s gay. That fear is what kept him in the closet in the first place.
His “sexual immorality” is really not sexual! It has to do with honesty and integrity and using people to serve your own needs and gain.
It makes me sad that this is one of the most notorious types of gay role models available these days. If all the gay pro athletes and CEOs of corporate America and celebrities would just come out of the closet, already, the well adjusted, self accepting gay man could be recignized as the important, contributing member of society that he really his!
What Ted should be asking in his letter is for the congregation to accept and love all homosexual, bisexual, asexual, omnisexual people. Just love all people. That’s all.
Love thy neighbor as thou lovest thyself!
What I am struck by is what Ted Haggard’s life must have been like all these years, knowing that he had this public persona,yet still held all those inner demons. That must have been hell for him. He can now begin the task of building an honest life with his family and friends. He is finally out of his self imposed prison. Unfortunately, the torment that he has been holding inside has now been released on his family and the church.
I wonder though, how much pressure was he under to not admit his moral failings. He probably thought that if he had told his chuch that he struggled with homosexuality, they would have asked him to step down as a leader of the church. Should not leadersof thechurch also be the leaders in confessing as well?
I also wonder how we would react if someone we know admitted that they struggled with the same thing. I’m not saying that Haggard is off the hook. But I do wonder how much we add to the situation by putting pressue on these leaders to appear perfect. How many others are struggling in silence right now. How many elders, decons, and preachers are looking at Ted Haggard righ now and saying, “That’s me.”
I will stand by my point “the letter helps nobody but Ted at present.” It was self-serving. I am calling it like I see it. The easy cop out here is dismissing my opinion as stone throwing like Leland was so quick to do. True repentance is not even in question. It’s way too early for any of that. Giving a listening ear to a confessed liar and deceiver (without calling it suspect) is just not sound wisdom. It was not I that called him that. So again I ask, if he is lying and deceiving how has he been able to change his ways since Friday afternoon? My answer is, he cannot, because in part it is who he has chosen to become. He sowed into it and is now reaping the results of his choices. I would not have allowed that letter to be read (at length) in service no matter how heartfelt it appeared because Ted’s immediate track record indicates that he cannot be trusted. The right to address his congregation in earnest was violated many times over and that time has passed. In my opinion it served only to add insult to the injured.
Keith spoke of Abraham and David and of love. In David’s sin his baby was left dead and his own son Absolom betrayed him leading to death. All great personal pain for David. Must I go on with what consequences have come of Abraham’s disobedience to God?
Love and forgiveness manifests in many ways. Again, it’s too early for that. Let’s walk diligently through our grief. Denial, anger, despair, bargaining and then acceptance in this death of a church leader. After all, the wages of sin is still death, is it not? I’m still angry! So I’ll be taking it one step at a time.
Good point Joel.
I wonder though, how much pressure was he under to not admit his moral failings. He probably thought that if he had told his chuch that he struggled with homosexuality, they would have asked him to step down as a leader of the church. Should not leaders of the church also be the leaders in confessing as well?
Yes… this would make good sense Joel.
Would it make sense to turn down a major leadership role knowing well that you have not overcome the temptations of a lifetime? Rather than dragging everyone under with you and your sin? Also may be a good time to expose that demon while turning down the leadership role (in orer to get help). That would take real strength of character and integirty.
I am not confident that I am willing to take that test myself.
Good points Ray. I guess what I’m getting at is, shoudn’t regular specific confession be a part of what we look for in a spiritual leader? If it’s not, then why is that. Are we so afraid of what our “leaders” might confess? What does this say about us and what we believe about our own sinfulness?
Are our communities of faith places where it is safe for us to be honest and open about our incompleteness? Are we doing the terribly hard work of cultivating environments and relationships where Grace is the first and last word - and where the yardstick of Christianity isn’t how perfect you are, but instead is a constant call back to faithfulness? Is repentance a continual practice in our churches or are we satisfied with occasionally feeling guilty during a sermon and then going on with our untransformed ways of living?
I’m amazed at how quickly people talked about the “hypocrisy” of Ted Haggard. The nerve, to struggle with homosexual sex and insist that marriage is for a man and a woman and that homosexual sex is wrong! It’s almost like a porn addict who campaigns heavily against porn and against the continuing coarsening of society with regard to sex BECAUSE he struggles so mightily against such things. Are we honestly supposed to think that the man struggled with a lust for power and money, too, simply because he was such a forceful advocate against that which he struggled with?
The man might well be called a hypocrite if, by his behavior, we could KNOW that he doesn’t believe what he has preached about homosexuality. But a man can just as fervently believe that what he struggles with is wrong as he can believe that what he doesn’t struggle with is wrong. In fact, someone who is relatively un-tempted by certain things is generally not as powerful in preaching against those things as someone who genuinely struggles with them.
The fact that that this man struggled with drug use and homosexual activities is truly sad, whether he was a leader in the evangelical world or not–but it’s not unheard of for people to struggle with such things. That he chose to deceive and lie to keep those deeds of darkness in the dark is also sad–but it’s not unheard of for people to do such things. If your deeds are dark, it will feel better (in the short run, at least) to you if they remain “in the dark.” Are we surprised when a child runs away from his daddy after he’s done something for which he knows daddy will spank him? Doesn’t the very nature of things teach us that people will do evil to keep their evil deeds hidden (think about King David)?
People have gotten all over Mr. Haggard’s confession, saying it’s rubbish, that they believe it’s insincere, that it doesn’t mention God or Jesus Christ. Were we expecting Mr. Haggard to write a letter to his congregation or “to whomever it may concern” that was basically a rehash of Psalm 51 (”against you, and you only have I sinned”)? To me, that would be the most insincere, Pharisaical (think Matthew 6) thing to do; it would be parading his “confession and penitence in his relationship with God” before the world for the sake of looking like a spiritually sincere and contrite individual.
I’m curious about who the 65% are. Is that the general public? Folks in Colorado Springs? Members of the congregation?
Either way, two-thirds doubting the sincerity of the letter doesn’t necessarily reflect a general cynicism. I think, instead, it’s that the only facts being admitted are the things that are being revealed otherwise.
I feel sad for everyone involved. It makes the case that Satan walks the earth seeking to devour. And who better than someone who proclaims Christ. It is scary. The man has done and said all he can at his point. We are not to judge but pray he recovers. We all receive grace and are saved by it, and who is worthy?
One more lesson for those who insist on telling other people how they should live their lives (I include 99% of all “spiritual leaders” here ). Why not stop telling us how to live and start doing something more worthwhile with your time. In this case, the word of a male homosexual prostitute was more truthful than the word of a man of God who spent his life telling his flock how to conduct their lives.
Satan can lead us into temptation like he is our best friend. If we act on that temptation Satan brings shame and fear to that sin, then when we are down he kicks us around and laughs and hates us with hate I can’t even imagine. All the while our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is waiting for us to lift our eyes to him, ask for forgiveness, repent and humble ourselves to Him. He can make all things ugly clean again. Not only can he cleanse our sins, but He can bring victory if we will only let Him. I praise God for His mercy, grace and truth.
Here are some wonderful words from Gordon MacDonald, who understands what public humiliation feels like, about the situation. Wise words, indeed. A warning to the whole Evangelical community.
Oh man..here’s the scary part about judging…you get judged the same way..wow..this guy is really paying for it..I must remind myself of this today!
I don’t know Ted Haggrd at all. Most of what I know, I read in today’s post and comments. However, I knonw my God and that He is able.
I couldnt help but think of the apostle Paul and his “overnight” change of heart. That was surely pretty incredulous to those who knew him or his reputation.
I read this for the first time after just listening to the Monday Focus on the family broadcast with Jim Dobson, Ravi Zachariah and a FoF staff pastor. I have tremendous compassion for Ted and what was exposed in his life - but I still feel like I’m reading and hearing “well, my/his sin wasn’t really all that bad” or, “don’t believe everything you’ve heard”. Isn’t this continued deception coming from the great deceiver? The pastor on the broadcast this morning said something to the effect of “don’t draw a final conclusion until all the facts come out”. Isn’t that how we treat a politician, and not a fellow sinner?
Do your research on Mr.Haggard before you all so quickly forgive him. He seems to be one person on “stage” and another off. I spent an hour last night researching Mr. Haggard and trying to understand his situation. I was amazed at what I read. . Yes, I realize he sinned and God will forgive him if his heart is truly sincere. That being said~~situations such as these are part of the reason my father has still not given his life to God. Mr. Haggard needs to realize the entire country “Christian” and “non-Christian” are watching. I just have a hard time with him preaching one thing and for 3 years or longer “living” another. Please, do your own research and again I know God will forgive him~that is not the point of this post. I am also amazed that since my last post not many have mentioned his wife. Again, her health is now at risk and did he not even think of that? I feel so sorry for her~more than I do Mr. Haggard for sure!!!
Macdonald says that “evangelicals have been used” [by the Republican establishment]. It seems equally plausible that evangelicals have USED the Republicans to gain a national platform to moralize, to gain visibility, to advance a megachurch agenda, to increase perceived power etc. Macdonald himself observes that evangelical “leaders” make a big deal out of getting an invitation to the White House.
Some of these guys apparently just can’t help themselves. It’s not enough to bring forth spiritual wisdom on the matter at hand; one must somehow, reflexively, contrive a link to George Bush qua Beelzebub, to conflate Haggard’s predicament with national politics. Why does Macdonald allow a convenient pretext [i. e., to bash the president] to become an existential necessity? Does he have political credentials of his own that he needs to burnish?
qb
I think I see what you’re getting at, qb. I think everyone’s guilty of using everybody else. The president used his base constituency — the conservative Evangelical community (and its figureheads, Haggard included) — to win two elections. Every president does that. It’s the way the game of politics is played. Whether he’s continued to “use” this community after the elections is another question. I have heard some say that he has actually not lived up to his campaign promises to the “moral majority,” so I wonder how he could be using them if this is the case.
I certainly think conservative Evangelical figureheads have attempted to use the president. From what I have seen and heard, certain “deals” were made during both election cycles. “We’ll get you elected if you ______ (oppose same-sex marriage, legalize prayer in schools, ban abortion, etc.)” This would certainly qualify as “using” another person, I would think. I’m not sure if the President has lived up to his contracts with the far right, though (abortion still stands, same-sex marriage is legal in two states now, there is no prayer in schools, etc.) In both of these cases, I see the main fault in being a reliance on political action to nationalize Christian values.
But the issue at hand is Ted Haggard’s being laid bare (literally, almost) in front of the world as a sinner and a hypocrite, as we all are. Whether or not he has been sincere to this point is fairly irrelevant at this point … this morning, he is likely a broken, contrite man.
“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”
“Ability may get you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there.”
Coach John Wooden
Right, Steve. And would that that could remain the issue instead of it being conflated with a bunch of political garbage, which will dull the hard edge of the lessons we could and should learn from the Haggard saga. To wit:
1. Does it make good sense for churches to vest full, day-to-day primacy in a single man, no matter how administratively gifted, rhetorically “effective” (however we might wish to define that) and personally charismatic he is?
2. Does it bode well for such a man to accept that kind of responsibility and deference with only after-the-fact accountability to others, or does it tend to reflect, and then reinforce, the kind of hubris that has been on display?
3. Is it beneficial to the kingdom of God for local churches to affiliate formally with a national organization devoted to influencing public policy? (Note that this is NOT questioning the creation of such organizations per se, only the tendency to subsume the local church’s prerogative to speak for itself on political matters.) Steve, this echoes your last point about “nationalizing Christian values” via political action and overtly political alliances.
Having said all that, *chuckle* Mike’s question was: do I have friends like that, and am I a friend like that to others? I do have friends like that to whom I am accountable, but I am suspiciously afraid to spend my “friendship capital” in calling my friends to account for their conduct. I may have the same disease that afflicted the Corinthians, who tolerated sin in the camp and wore their tolerance as a skirt behind which they could hide their own sinfulness. When I hold others to account, I invite scrutiny; and if I suspect that my life would not bear that scrutiny, I demur from holding others to account. Hence the wisdom, I suppose, of adopting a confessional posture as a daily discipline. The Catholics may have been on to something.
qb
You, qb, are on to something. It doesn’t quite work when we confess / inquire on a quarterly or monthly basis. I’m convinced that it needs to be more frequent. Daily would be nice, but I’m not sure it’s sustainable for those not living in a monastery (maybe more of us should…). I also think the confession stuff needs to be partnered with questions about what we have been hearing / learning from God (spiritual formation), and who in our lives we feel God has placed for a purpose (mission). It’s a more holistic accountability time, not just a “sin management” session, like a high school guys accountability group (”…guys, I masturbated again.”).
I’m with you on every other point, qb. Looks like we’re bosom buddies (blogologically speaking).
For those that question his sincerity because he was “found out” rather than made this confession out of the blue… sometimes having our sins discovered is what it takes to be able to stop hiding. Especially if we are approached in love and acceptance, rather than harsh judgment and condemnation.
While we have no control over the reactions and words of people outside of the community of faith, we do have control over our own words in this matter and I believe anything less than accepting his repentance and praying for his deliverance would put us on shaky ground in proclaiming our alliance with Christ. It just wouldn’t match up.
This whole thing is heartwrenching as is the article by Gordon MacDonald. I’m sure Satan focuses in on those in public positions who in a unique way can influence so many for Christ. My heart goes out to the Haggard family as they have a long road ahead.
We don’t have to look very far to see a beloved pastor whose struggles have been brought to light. It just makes me wonder about how we do church. Do we demand superstar ambitions, deep, rousing sermons, and perfection in our pulpits every Sunday? That kind of pressure would drive anyone crazy.
Or do we let them be real and transparent with their humanness along the way so that a train wreck doesn’t happen? It is also up to the pastor to be open or seek help which does not come naturally to any of us. And taking the time to nurture our own relationship with the Father often gets buried under the to-do pile.
Like you said, Mike, it is so important to have true friends and to be a true friend to hold each other accountable along the way.
As to if Ted Haggard is sincere, who can know such a thing? Further, does speculating on his sincerity put me, as the voyeur, in a good spiritual place? Probably not.
But this incident does put me in mind of some things I’ve been talking about with my students regarding psychology and spiritual formation. It seems to me that churches are working with poor psychological models which creates problems such as the Haggard incident.
To illustrate this, I use Herbie the Love Bug as a metaphor. See, most people think they (their conscious ego) is driving the car of life. You point the car toward the Starbucks and you will end up at Starbucks. Unfortunately, and we all experience this, the car we are driving is Herbie the Love Bug. For many times in life we point the car toward Starbucks but end up at some other location. Why? Because we are comprised of two personalities, the driver (your conscious ego) and Herbie (our tacit, nonconscious self). When we look at Haggard we see this situation clearly: His overt desires (Christianly things) and his tacit desires are in tragic conflict.
Don’t we all experience this? This dual nature? Don’t we all get frustrated when we declare we want A (e.g., to lose weight, exercise more, kick a habit, better control our impulses) but find we wind up at B over and over?
The trouble with many spiritual communities is that they don’t know how to talk to Herbie. How does Haggard change Herbe? How do you and I change Herbie?
That is the issue churches need to focus on.
Thank you Mike for the sobering call to find people with whom we can be “real” to help us avoid our adversary who would love to devour us all!
Mike;
Thanks for referring us to Gordon MacDonald’s letter. He is the first person I thought of when I read of Brother Haggard’s fall.
I love this quote from his letter:
“There is nothing any one has ever done that we –each of us—is not capable of doing. So when we pray for our brother, Ted Haggard, we pray not out of pity or self-righteousness but with a humble spirit because we stand with him on level ground before the cross.”
If I were in Ted’s situation, the first person I’d want to place myself under for counsel would be Gordon. He has been there. And quite frankly, I think all of us should be very reluctant to pronounce judgment on Ted’s sincerity until we ponder what Gordon wrote — written by a man who is keenly aware of public moral failure as a Christian leader.
Jim
As ministers we are called by Paul (A killer) to watch our lives and our doctrines closely…If we continue in them we will save both ourselves and our hearers.
I think of men, godly men in the Bible who made mistakes. King David, a murderer, adulterer, liar, after he confessed his wrongs was considered a “Man after God’s own heart.”
Abraham, had mistakes, telling the King that Sarah was his sister and yet in the end God called Abraham “God’s Friend.”
Moses (a killer).
Look at 2 Chronicles 33 and King Manasseh. The wicked things he did and what happened after he repented. God lead him back to his Kingdom (vs 14-20).
On and on in scripture you see mistakes that people make. Sins. Countless sins in the lives of those who were leaders. Who we consider godly. What happens after repentance?
Is the church as forgiving as it should? Would Paul be accepted as a leader in the church today if he repented or would the church judge him and not accept him.
I think their are lessons that we can learn from mistakes of others. Imagine the difference the church could make if we showed God’s love, mercy and forgiveness to leaders who mess up. Do we send a contradictory message to the world of a Gracious God who loves and forgives when his church doesn’t?
Thanks Mike for this great post and challenging us to be the godly leaders that God desires. I also want to thank you for making the church think about how it responds to those who fail us.
“Halls of Shame” — Contemplating Haggard’s situation from a spiritual perspective.
http://www.spiritualcommentary.com
Yeah, Steve-O, that’s kinda what I meant by a confessional “posture” rather than some formulaic, lame counterfeit of real co-discipleship. Willard’s “sin management” phrase is a deft one; in fact, I was just re-reading _Conspiracy_ and was struck afresh at how apropos it is. Events like the Haggard tragedy tend to drive us in the direction of controlling our behavior, which is the seductive but impotent shortcut that you’re referring to, or to which you’re referring, or however the grammar mavens would have qb say it.
Late reports today have Ted Haggard showing up prominently in a movie to come out soon with some whimsical, “Sisters”-like dialogue with the cameraman while he’s preaching against illicit sexual activity. Satan is really piling on the guy, because that stuff ends up on YouTube and film archives and all the rest. All the more reason, one supposes, to manage one’s sinful exterior.
What a crush of yuck, y’know?
qb
BTW, for some reason qb’s previous post is automatically pointing to the SpiritualCommentary.com web site. qb has nothing to do with that site and has no idea how that happened, but qb apologizes just the same. qb
Mike, you might want to enlist the services of your IT guru…every post after SpiritualCommentary appears to be linking to that blog automatically…yikes! Is it the Apocalypse? qb
“The beast in me is caged by frail and fragile bonds
Restless by day
And by night, rants and rages at the stars
God help the beast in me.”
Nick Lowe (later covered nicely by Big John Cash)
qb said, “And would that that could remain the issue instead of it being conflated with a bunch of political garbage, which will dull the hard edge of the lessons we could and should learn from the Haggard saga.”
I think it is and should be impossible to separate this scandal from its political dimension. The gay man only publicly exposed Haggard because he realized that Haggard very publicly opposed gay marriage. When he has that sort of control of a 14,000 member church, an evangelical pastor has very real political power. One has to admit that the rhetoric of many churches on the issue of homosexuality is fueled as powerfully by cultural homophobia as it is by scriptural pretext. In Haggard’s case it appears also to be rooted in his own conflictions.
If gay partnerships were not so frowned upon by American churches, maybe Haggard would’ve ended up in a meaningful relationship with a man instead of deceptively entering a straight marriage, and ending up deceiving and betraying his wife and children. I for one would see that as preferable, but I’m probably alone in this forum.
ahh preacherman,
As usual our posts almost mirror, thanks for adding to this conversation your wisdom encourages me bro.
All this attention to a spiritual leader’s feet of clay can be used for incredible good…attention to our own clay feet, for one. For love of the unlovely, is another thing Jesus did to confuse Satan. But right now, let’s pray for our own leaders in the church and I use exerpts from the prayer for pastors from 31 Days of Prayer by Warren & Ruth Myers…please pray (and on a regular, continuing basis):
…I plead with you [Lord GOD] for my pastor and other ministers, priests, and spiritual caregivers in our area. Empower them day by day to shelpherd your flock under their care. May they “set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity.”
Grant them grace in the trials and temptations so many of them face: few words of appreciation, much criticism, excessive demands on their time, the difficulty of saying no, sexual temptations, fear of man, trying to please everyone, the danger of feeling they are always right, and self-dependence, to name a few…May they rely on you and your sufficiency rather than their own….
“Far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by ceasing to pray for you.” I Samuel 12:23 NASB
Are you serious Brett? C’mon don’t tell me we are all going to agree gay partnerships should now be accepted in the church!
Oh man, my heart goes out to this man. I lived with such a man growing up - a man that truly deeply loved the Lord more than life but harbored these demons that were so intent on destroying him and ultimately our family. Yes, it is true, “When I [we] stopped communicating about my [our] problems, the darkness increased and finally dominated me [us]. As a result, I [we] did things that were contrary to everything I [we] believe.” But there is Hope - great eternal Hope - Hope that is bigger than all this evil. I’m walking, talking testimony of this hope. Last night I took part in a prayer time specifically for Ted Haggard. It was a blessing and I pray he felt the strength and hope poured out over him in a small church in Abilene, TX. This whole incident only makes me realize how much more we need to pray for our pastors and ministers. It cannot be easy to fight alone.
lee,
I’m quite serious. Not being a member of your church my support likely won’t gain your acceptance, but I do believe it would solve the problem of closeted ministers. I won’t try to say that God is on my side as do most of the theological arguments that restrict the freedom of homosexuals to enter into personal or legal relationships. Who can argue with someone who believes God endorses their discrimination?
From Gordon McDonald, “You never live a day without remembering that there is something within that, left unguarded, will go on the rampage. Wallace Hamilton once wrote, “Within each of us there is a herd of wild horses all wanting to run loose.”
Jacob. David. Peter. Any of the Biblical liars who returned to God. Your name. My name. When Light comes, does it not have the power to overcome the darkness in only a single hour? We call it sunrise every morning, and think nothing of it. Jesus told people their sins were forgiven. No wonder the Pharisees threw such a fit.
I hope and pray that our wild horses are not our own self-righteousness. (Thanks to those posts who haven’t been.) Any of us–ANY OF US–could make choices to put us in these same shoes. Not your cup of tea? Oh, well, satan has your cup equally poisoned and sufficiently hidden from your eyes (though its full revelation would be completely hideous to the entire world.)
I think in this the lesson for me is that my modern temptation is to get distracted from being on guard against satan by getting wrapped up in gawking at everyone else’s scandalous sins when I should be trembling at what lies satan could dupe me with.
Purity and holiness demands us to watch and learn with fear and trembling as we see the consequences of sin. The forgiveness of Christ demands that we drop our stones, walk carefully away and tend to our own households. The Cross demands that we extend grace, mercy, and freedom to those who have been broken by sin. Jesus never shot the wounded, though their (and our) motives for seeking Him were self-serving.
“Come see the Man who told me everything I ever did…”
Is he repentent - sorry OR sorry he was caught? I can’t know the answer to that, but time will tell. True repentance is turning away. I have a bad opinion of these mega-churches and mega-preachers anyway. Their motives seem to be too much on the money.
The problem with today’s media culture is that some of these spiritual figures become famous and end up getting drawn into doing all kinds of acrobatics to please everyone, including donors and investors who may barely have a spiritual bone in their being. Then the sincere spiritual servant can become dishonest and distorted, perhaps resulting in a fall from grace in the eyes of the world. Some of these fallen public figures may ironically find their first glimpse of inner peace and freedom once their sham is exposed — after they go off to rehab and write their memoirs.
Belinda,
Except for Mike, he’s a mega-church preacher. Isn’t he? Or at least well on his way!
I agree with Brett. Our treatment of homosexuality has caused countless marriage failures. Many college students are dealing with this now as their parents marriages dissolve when the father can no longer stay in the closet.
Biblical interpretation aside, psychology tells us that this isn’t a choice,and yet we seem to believe that we can change how someone was created. If you believe that homosexuality is wrong, then your best option is to tell the person they must be celibate. Any other “solutions” end up like Mr. Haggard.
HURT
by
the man in black
I think I am going to buy and send Tim Haggard a copy of Mike Cope’s Righteousness Inside/Out. Great book. A must read.
The church (body of Christ) is not to blame for the failures of the marriages of closeted gay men. That’s ridiculous. I’ll be the first to champion for the education, love, and compassion the church desperately needs (and is being called toward) in order to serve their gay brothers and sisters in ways that lead us ALL toward greater faithfulness. In fact, I am a champion for that very cause. And I know EXACTLY how Mr. Haggard’s wife and family are feeling right now. It’s horrific. We need to pray unceasingly for her. But to place blame on the church. Nope. Mr. Haggard is a big boy and there’s the tiny little factor called personal responsibility. (being facetious, sorry) Mr. Haggard obviously is a more sexually fluid individual than, let’s say, the general population. But, the man fathered and was blessed with 5 children and a loving, faithful wife (as far as I know). This is not the fault of the church.
I agree with you Pam that the church is not to blame for Ted’s frequent rendezvous with a male escort. But I think what must be considered is the environment which currently exists in most churches today for gay people. How much does it say about evangelical culture that Haggard would first fess up to buying meth before he would admit to gay sex?
Gays growing up in churches and religious families ultimately face two options as they get older and begin dating. Hide your sexuality and get married so that you can blend into the church’s acceptable social norms or leave the church.
Blending in leads ultimately to weak marriages as we have seen with Haggard. There are more of these types of marriages out there than I think most people in churches realize.
How many Christians would want their son or daughter to marry someone that was gay? I wouldn’t. Marriages are tough enough anyway. I think it is time for the evangelical culture to re-examine this topic. As for the CoC culture, if we held the references to homosexuality in the Bible to the same standards that we used for the word baptism, I propose that we would have to change our teachings here. That would be the kiss of death for any minister though.
I’m with Brett, and I have to disagree with Pam.
While the church is not entirely to blame, the church is at least partly to blame. It has reinforced homophobia, and has pushed gay and lesbian men and women out of the community of faith. In its worst moments, it has done so by condemning these people as abominations, burning them at the stake, and picketing their funerals.
The church needs to be a place that loves … no, *likes* people regardless of their sexual preference, and I think alex is going in the right direction when he suggests that the way for congregational churches to get there is to learn to read the Bible in a healthy and consistent way.
If you’d like to read a little more about what the bible actually says about homoerotic behavior, here’s a link.
I imagine people think the confession is insincere because he really did not confess to anything specific. In fact, he did not even mention the meth use. He is still claiming that he bought it, threw it away, bought it a second time, and again threw it away?
I don’t think the issue is whether his “confession” is sincere or not. The issue is (due to the circumstances of getting caught) that, the “sincerity” CAN be in question.
Due to the “structure” of his organization, political consequences, as well as the possible criminal proceedings - How many other folks “vetted” his confession?
If I wrote a (personal) confession - and then ran it by others - including lawyers - in order to protect myself - I’m not sure the result would truly be a personal, sincere from-the-heart cofession.
Maybe he did write this cofession on his own - with no thought of legal or any other considerations. I’d be curious to know if and how many others “vetted” this confession. (If a personal confession is vetted by others, is it still personal?)
Was Ted’s coffesion solely focused on getting things right with God or was it to protect himself (legally, congregationally)? Can any of us truly know?
Sometimes (myself at the front of the line) we get so self-righteous; political; tangled in the legalism and shades of gray in this world that we lose the impact and simplicity of Jesus’s words: “Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.”
I’m not saying his confession isn’t sincere. I don’t know the man’s heart and its not really my call. His only choice - as a man of God - would be to do good - i.e. confess. Even with doubt, as a Christian I can only take his confession as sincere. I don’t know that he is lying.
Additionally, we, as Christians don’t need to be naive either. “…wise as serpents, harmless as doves.”
I agree with Pam. Why is there such a rush to criticize the church ? That implies that every member in every church is cold, cruel and uncaring . Sure mistakes have been made but so has so much incredible good. Mr. Haggard sinned. He needs to repent and change his life just as anyone should when sin is committed. It is not the fault of the church when someone sins. Each person will be held accountable for his or her own sin. And each can also receive forgiveness.
“Why is there such a rush to criticize the church ? That implies that every member in every church is cold, cruel and uncaring.”
Ray,
It seems that it is often the members of the church who are warm, kind, and caring, while the institution of the church is what comes across as cold and uncaring in its unflinching doctrines, continue unacceptance of homosexual lifestyles, occasional coverups of member foibles, and very public (and political) posturing on issues that effect people outside the chuch in a very real way. I like most of the Christians I know, but their churches are different from the aggregate of their individual kindness.
Also, would this have illicited a public apology or a quiet resignation if Haggard had not been exposed publicly?
What does it take to be a “good” church leader? I don’t think there is any one answer. There are many paths to choose from in the kingdom and the biblical model is that every person has special talents that they bring to the body for the edification and uplifting of the church. However, there is no shortage of “bad” leadership in the church. The same is true in business. Dilbert is funny for good reason. Most bosses are, shall we say, suboptimal. The same is true for much of church leadership.
But, I have noticed that there is one single pattern that becomes the most common path to destruction. When a leader becomes imbued with a sense of personal exceptionalism, that is when the tough times set in. Personal exceptionalism is a feeling that one is not like other people. Those who suffer from this defect truly believe that they are special and beter than everyone else—that they are apart and above. The exceptional person has more than a grand view of himself–he has a grandiose one.
This is not the same as self-confidence or a healthy self-esteem. Confident people have a sense of their own competencies (and deficiencies), but they don’t believe that they have transcended the boundaries of ordinary humanity. Those with healthy self-esteem generally have positive feelings about themselves and their value; but, this does not lead them to believe that they are judged by a different set of standards apart from everyone else.
I suspect that many in church leadership arrive with this problem already estabished. In fact, they make seek leadership roles because of their sense of exceptionality: “I deserve this role, in fact, no one else is as qualified as I am.” But, they can also acquire this delusion after assuming their position of leadership. If enough people tell you how wonderful and special you are, at some point there is a temptation to believe it. It is tempting to forget that the flattery and favors that come with leadership are usually aimed at the role and not the inhabitant. So what is the big deal? How does a bit of excessive pride lead to misery? Ask Mr. Haggerty.
People who feel that they they are exceptional think rules are meant for “regular” people. So they tend to take liberties that the rest of us would never consider. Sometimes it is relatively small things. They show up at meetings late to avoid having to wait for anyone else. They park their car in the closest spot to the door while complaining that there are too few parking spaces. They are at every potluck to eat, but never bring food to share with others. These type of transgressions grow over time. Embezzlement, using church property as their own personal property and sexual harrassment are not uncommon for people with this personality type. They can justify anything to themselves on the basis of their own exceptionalism. They see themselves as special people and feel that they can’t be judged by our rules. When one falls into this trap the odds are that they will fail spectacularly. The result is that they are branded as hypocrites and lose credibility on all issues.
Leaders with this misconception also tend to be rather unhappy people, no matter what face they put on for others. They judge themselves by their own grandiose standards and rarely measure up. This perpetual sense of shame for not being as exceptional as they feel can be a crushing burden.
When we see this happening to others, it can be big news. But, each person who aspires to leadership has to be on guard for this temptation. If one detects feelings of personal exceptionalism creeping into one’s personality, one must nip it in the bud. If you really want to be great in the kindgom, pick up a towell and start washing someone else’s feet. Serving others is the antidote for personal exceptionalism.
I’m not sure I believe homosexuality is a choice or not. I know that God doesn’t place us “in sin,” which tends to make me believe that it’s not genenic. However, being a homosexual and practicing homosexuality are two different things. Even if one is born with those tendencies, they don’t have to act on them.
Brett,
Iam not sure what you mean by the institution of the church. My concern it that so often I either readm or hear people tossing all kind of accusations at ” the church ” and I think we all need to be careful how we talk about the church. It is the church of Christ. He purchased it with His blood . Yes there is indidvidual sin but to just accuse the church is just too much I think.
Yes Ray….this was the same sort of sentiment with which I wrote my comment. It’s just too broad and sweeping a statement for something that’s influenced by a MULTITUDE of factors….all with different weights according to different individuals on a case by case basis. This particular case just does NOT look like a place to blame the church much at all. This guy was not and is not your ordinary gay, struggling or not. Bradford’s comment makes a great deal of sense to me and would seem to have much more to do with what was going on here than the whole “i’m afraid to be gay” thing.
just my opinion.
pam
Ray, I understand your reluctance to be critical, but as a non-Christian I naturally view the church as a human creation. I think you may be blinkered (if not blinded) by your reluctance to place blame on faulty institutional structures into thinking these problems are simply ones that individuals can fix in their own hearts. Sometimes it’s the doctrine itself, and the system that promotes it, that must change before you’ll see the end to the problem. You can doubt my explanation, but all you’ll reap is a harvest of closeted ministers and rampant homophobia in your churches as long as those structures remain unchanged.
And Belinda- while I’m not trying to start a huge debate here on what causes homosexuality, here’s one insight I’ve gained from classes relating to developmental biology, genetics, and psychology. There often isn’t a clear distinction between ‘nature and nurture’. Many behaviors and attributes can have a physical basis without having a purely genetic cause. In other words, factors such as the prenatal chemical environment, developmental disruptions, and one’s physical environment growing up can have a strong effect on gene expression. Very few traits have a single gene as their cause (especially with behaviors as complex as homosexuality) so just because a behavior doesn’t have a ‘direct’ link doesn’t mean it’s a freely chosen behavior either.
As far as being a homosexual but abstaining, would you feel included if your church if you were told the way you had felt your entire life was wrong, and that you could never, ever know fulfillment in the way your heterosexual peers could? Again, I’m just pointing out that the pressures on individuals created by your doctrine will continue forcing people into closets.
Maybe a simpler and easier way to think about your question Belinda is to ask yourself, “when did you choose to be a heterosexual?” I think your answer will probably be very telling in the ‘choice or not’ discussion.
I’m also not sure I can find where in the Bible it distinguishes between a “homosexual” and a “practicing homosexual.” I believe that’s been invented by present day theology.
I am a little intrigued by the “ordinary gay” comments posted by Pam though. What exactly is an “ordinary gay”? My guess is that to Pam it probably means a hairdresser, flight attendant, interior designer, AIDS patient or a priest (sorry, couldn’t resist).
Seriously though, it may be hard for you and others to believe, but there was a gay guy that helped knock down the door on United Flight 93 on 9/11 and another that was on the Navy Seal team that rescued Jessica Lynch in Iraq. Stereotypes, directed towards any group, are often misleading. I believe this is particularly true with the GLBT community as there is a tremendous amount of diversity even within this “diverse” group.
This man is no better than other gays just because he has worked so hard to cover up his sexuality and has been successful until now. In fact, his use of meth, unfortunately, places him within a group that is highly susceptible to AIDS given the uninhibited state that that drug places users in. It is for this reason that I believe Haggard’s story should rouse more pity than condemnation from both the GLBT and Christian communities alike.
Brett,
I believe the church is of divine origin.
I believe the doctrine is perfect. No , not the application. People sin.
Just because someone believes that being homosexual is sinful does not make someone homophobic.
I cannot make a sweeping statement about rampant homophobia in the church because I have not heard what every Christian believes and / or how they will confront the issue of homosexual behavior.
We may all have certain “desires” but know we must struggle to not follow through on those desires.
“As far as being a homosexual but abstaining, would you feel included if your church if you were told the way you had felt your entire life was wrong, and that you could never, ever know fulfillment in the way your heterosexual peers could?”
To this, I respond with people who remain single for their entire life and being able to “know fulfillment.” They have no “right” to enjoy a sexual relationship either.
I understand the idea behind “choosing” to be heterosexual, but I still don’t believe God has created a person to be in a sinful state.
Alex,
You don’t know me at all…..and so I’m not going to even attempt to “justify” my comment.
I will tell you, honestly, that by “normal” gay I meant the gay who has solely been attracted to and able to sexually perform with those of the same sex. Normal was not a great choice of words.
While I enjoy stereotypes and “joke” with them as much as the next person among my gay friends…..I was not at all referring to a stereotype with that comment. But I can certainly see how you would have taken it that way.
Thanks for the discussion.
love in Christ,
pam
I was at New Life Church the Sunday before this happened and heard Pastor Ted preach his last sermon. That was my first time at New Life. His sermon was great and who would have suspected that a week later he would have fallen the way he did. I went back last Sunday and heard the letter that was read from Pastor Ted. It sounds sincere but I can’t judge whether it was because I’m not God. He’s the only one that knows. I attend a church of Christ most of the time but am visiting Denver for a couple of months on business and wanted to check out New Life Church. The worship is awesome and not near as boring as church of Christ worship (which I grew up in). As far as the homosexual debate on whether or not you’re born that way, I can tell you that I know for a fact you’re born with it. It’s not a choice. As far as whether God wouldn’t allow you to be born in sin, well that’s something I don’t understand. Homosexuality is not a choice anymore than heterosexuality is. What did Jesus emphasize in his ministry on earth? Love, compassion, serving the sinners and the poor and the needy, the widows and orphans. What did he say about sexuality? NOTHING. WWJD, what would Jesus do? He accepted everyone with open arms.
As the spouse of someone who grew up at Highland, and having attended New Life Church for the past 6 years, I’ve been reading this blog with interest. Just a few thoughts re some of the comments:
We’ve been hearing a lot about stages of grief in the corporate counseling that is happening right now. One thing that the youth minister said on Wednesday: Know what stage you’re in, but don’t stop at any one except acceptance of the loss and forgiveness. It occurred to me that many of our pathologies as adults have to do with stages of grief that we have not worked through, but that’s another discussion. As for Ted Haggard’s sincerity, I don’t think I have the energy (or the authority) to take that one on. He is not ever returning to leadership at New Life, and we’ve got enough issues in our own hearts and lives, in binding up the wounds at the church, the body of Christ as a whole, and in dealing with Christ’s name being dragged through the mud again. The leaders who dismissed Haggard (and I’ve not heard of one church member who disagrees with that decision) are not giving him a pass on his behavior or vetting anything that I know of, except to read the letter to the congregation, and to say that his wrongdoing made the removal appropriate. There were actually harsher things said as well. The spokesperson of that board did quote Ted as saying that 98% of him loved God, but that he dealt with this difficult thing. Hopefully this issue will cause church members and the leaders to look at homosexual behavior and other sins that folks are fearful of confessing (often understandably so) and figure out how we will love and encourage each other in all of our many struggles. It would be nice to think that a person in leadership could have the freedom to confess and receive prayers (which Scripture says brings healing. And I think Haggard attempted this in the past, but evidently slipped into a degree of unaccountability at some point). Joel Maners is so right about regular, specific confession, and if our leaders did it, I suspect we all would feel free to follow suit. It’s also incumbent upon those who are leaders to counsel, guide, pray for and receive their fellow Christians; maybe when a church holds onto a leader who admits temptation, but walks in moral purity, we will experience confession, healing and growth like never before in the body of Christ. As for the research that one of the posters did on Ted, please be careful what you believe. If there is not documentation, take it with a big block of salt. We owe at least that much to him and to each other. I have not always agreed with everything Ted said, but there is a lot of misrepresentation out there. As for the issue of homosexuality, it is troubling that so many Christians are beginning to sound as if they are defending it, because “it’s the way they are.” Well, we are all born into a sinful and fallen world. We’ve been given an instruction manual, and we’re either going to believe it and try to follow it with the strength that Christ provides, or not. I might say that affairs or rage or whatever, is just me, but haven’t we been called to obey, no matter where our urges might be beckoning? Ted preached over and over on putting to death the sinful man every morning. It was good advice. May God give us all–including Ted–the will and grace to do it. Please pray for our church–especially the teenagers and young people who have been so wounded by this, that healing and forgiveness will prevail, and that holiness and the fear of the Lord will permeate all of our lives.
What an incredibly sad situation. I have read what so many have to say and would like to add my own thoughts.
Many years ago, my pastor told me over and over how much he appreciated how I treated him. When asked to explain his comment, all he could say was,”You treat me like you do everyone else.” I didn’t appreciate what he meant until my husband was called to be an interem pastor at the next town over. We are from Wyoming so you can imagine how small these congregations are, plus we were only there for a few short months. Regardless, we realized what pastors and thier wives go through. So much emphasis is on the negative aspect of being in a position of leadership, but we were treated like royalty. It’s not that I didn’t appreciate the kindness of others, but my husband and I discussed how many could get caught up in the adulation of the people. Since that time, I have worked hard to let people know that while their pastors deserve respect, they are not ever to be put on pedastals. I have sat under many wonderful pastors, but if every one of them decided to support gay marriage, abortions, or anything else the Word speaks against, it would not sway me in the least. I am not groounded in a man, but in my Lord.
I’m thankful for the exposing of Ted Haggerty’s sin, for his sake. What the world has to say about it, doesn’t bother me either. It’s a bigger story but nothing new. They’re always trying to find fault with the Church. May God bless Ted Haggerty’s family and his congregation.
Alice
Yahoo! has an article out right now that asks what happens to the members of the fellowship once a pastor falls from grace? Well, if the members are following man rather than God, they will leave. My concern is whether the members of any congregation understand that they do not go to church, they are the church. Unfortunately, we have divided ourselves into so many different groups that we have forgotten that there is only one church, and Christ Jesus is the head of that church. Since Jesus built the church, God can set us as members wherever He feels that we will be best fitted. Yet so many of us decide that we will attend a fellowship because we like the music, the pastor, or any other reason besides submitting to God and being set in a fellowship that He feels is best for us. This is why the true church struggles. We have thousands of people attending megachurches that do not even belong there, so God’s will cannot be accomplished because people are not in their right place. We must understand that as one body, we have created this situation. How do we begin to correct it? Go to the Lord, and find out where He desires for us to be set, and begin carrying out our assignment at that fellowship.