I’ve heard that criticism from non-Christians - that people like Joe Beam or TheMarriagebed.com are just borrowing from the secular world. And I agree that if we reduced sex to mechanics (or biology), that would be a stupid and terrible thing (and that really would be borrowing a lot from the secular world).

I would be very surprised if Joe doesn’t emphasize in his teaching the stuff Mike posted about. But the details, hot words, and technique stuff makes for juicier reporting and gets more attention and are more easily and readily discussed. I assume that the article/videos make it look like it’s more about technique than it really is because Eddie Parish’s stuff often get’s misrepresented in that way, as does TheMarriagebed.com, and both those sources strongly emphasize the relationship over the technique.

I disagree with you that being open in sexual discussion detracts from the power/mystery/holiness of sex. How we talk about it and what we say about it will add or take away from power and holiness of our message. I think the “don’t talk about it” option (or the “minimize talk about it” option) have long been proven through practice to be really bad and counter-productive options that don’t encourage or produce the holiness of sex that you speak of, or Godly sexual relationships.

(sorry about the preacher’s italics… I’m just obnoxious that way sometimes. =)

Also, I wonder how much openness about sex takes away some of it’s power. When we reduce sex to mechanics, we demistify it and make it common. It’s like taking something holy and making it just ordinary. Maybe I’m the only one who feels this way but I think we’ve lost something by being so open about it.

Mike, I don’t think it is smart or helpful to save discussions about sex for married people. (I’m not saying you said that) There are so many who found out about sex the hard way through abuse, friends with benefits, or skewed sex ed talks at school. The churches I grew up in were of absolutely no help to me when I needed my questions answered. I was left to flounder on a scary path and play a guessing game when it came to what God thought was o.k., or better yet, encouraged sexually. I know so many couples that struggled through feeling guilty for having sex with their new spouses because it was so engrained in them that sex was dirty or bad and they weren’t sure how to get past that barrier.

I agree with you that it’s not about positions, toys, or anything like that. I’m happy to hear sex gets better the longer you are married. Woo Hoo! But right now, I feel I’m in a position to help or hinder some of the girls I mentor by sharing with them messages about sex. I say girls, but some of them are married now. I don’t understand people getting upset by Joe - how he talks to people in a seminar or book. My husband and I loved his seminar and found great healing in our sexual relationship through it. He is not crude, but he is sometimes graphic - he warns you upfront about that. He’s a good man trying to help others see that sex is good - not dirty and God meant it for pleasure as well as procreation. I’m so grateful that there is a discussion about it at all and I want to be part of it. I didn’t feel I could turn to anyone with sex questions and I don’t want to pass on that legacy - so I’m listening and learning and praying about what to pass on to others.

One more thing, last summer the author of the MSNBC article referenced in your comments section, emailed me to ask some questions related to his article. He had found me while googling Joe Beam. We emailed back and forth a few times and I’ve been waiting for that article to be published. Mr. Alexander is not a believer. His job is to report on sexual issues in the world. He was interested in checking out what evangelicals thought about sex and how we deal with our hypersexualized culture. We discussed Joe’s seminar which he had been to as well. I’m glad he interviewed Joe. I hope Mr. Alexander keeps seeking out info about evangelicals. The lady who was so upset with the article and the stuff surrounding it on the page needs to keep in mind that it was written by a guy who is not a follower of Christ. His intention wasn’t to make fun of believers, he really wanted to know what we thought. We can’t expect the world to look like Christ, but we can expect that sometimes the world does come looking for him.

Mike, Amen! 8 years of marriage, 2 kids and lots of extra inches all add up to what the world would think = a chill between our sheets, but that’s what the world would get for thinking!

Sex gets better, for some physical factors (such as knowing what your spouse likes more), but mostly for the emotional and spiritual factors that only come with time.

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a backbone of what Mike said here
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Good sex!

We don’t have to worry about havin’ babies anymore. I’ve been ‘fixed.’ I’m shooting blanks!