Tuesday night before speaking at the Candlelight Devotional, I went up to the undergrad Bible department to stay cool (it was still 95 degrees at 8:30 p.m.) and to pray. I realized I would need a cold bottle of water while I was speaking at the amphitheater, so I went to the fridge in the break room, hoping there might be some bottles for sale.
I found LOTS of bottles, but there was a big note saying not to take them because they were for one professor’s U-100 group during Welcome Week. To protect this professor’s identity, I’ll just call her “Jeanene.”
I wrote a message on her note that said:
“‘Behold, I was thirsty but you gave me nothing to drink.’ Jesus.” Then I signed it with the reference from Matthew 25.
Today I had this note waiting for me signed by “Jeanene”:
Dear Mike:
Although I have not yet been privileged to read the cryptic note you, in the name of Jesus, left me in the fridge at ACU, I have heard about it from several people. Admittedly I was surprised to discover your level of thirst since I had assumed that as a well-known preacher, good friend, and Christian minister that you would have the ‘living water’ of Jesus promised to the woman at the well in John 4.
I’m sorry to respond to you in this way, but I simply must. As the 5 wise virgins, who had made adequate preparations for their needs in waiting for the bridegroom, said to the 5 foolish virgins . . . “No . . . there may not be enough for us [our U-100 students] and you. Instead go to those who sell [water] and buy some for yourself.” (Matthew 25:9)
Your Loving Sister,
“Jeanene”
I hear what she’s saying, and yet I can’t help but hear the words of Jesus: “If a man is thirsty, let him come and drink.” (John 7:37).
Then, finally, this (which I offer in the spirit of Christian love): “The fool . . . withholds water from the thirsty.” (Isaiah 32:6)
(Note to self: never pick a Bible verse contest with someone who knows the Bible better than you do! I believe that would be the case here.)
- - - -
So Pluto got fired as a planet. Did anyone else learn the planets with the tune of “Row, Row, Row Your Boat”? Big problem without Pluto at the end.
What will they do next? Fire XYZ from the alphabet song? Remove Revelation from the NT? (Sorry, but Jude doesn’t give quite the finale that the Apocalypse does.)
I love that Jeanene has the sense of humor to not just write back and say “ha, ha, Mike.” She really is a woman that I admire and respect greatly.
Pluto not a planet? We’re gonna be down to less than 50 states before you know it.
By the way Mike, what did you think of the Illinois Little League coach’s behavior the other night in the game where they beat Georgia? Did you happen to catch any of that? I was dismayed…and glad they lost their next game and Georgia won.
U-100 is a great program for freshman. I guess I didn’t realize there were so many applicable scriptures on water. Yes, Chris, sadly I believe the Illinois team was pretty good at trash-talking.
Proverbs 5:15 says
Drink water from your own cistern,
running water from your own well.
How many men have not followed this and gotten into trouble?
Jeanene 1, Mike 0
Ha - I laughed out loud. That is so “Reese-ish.” I can imagine that note with that wit coming from any of the “J’s.” I love it!
So what are we going to do with the Pluto on Julia’s model of the solar system? We could:
1) Flush it down the toilet
2) Let her baby sister swallow it
3) Bury it in the cat box
Who sits on the “Planet Choosing Comittee”? And what does it pay?
Looks like you met your Waterloo, Mike!
My
Very
Educated
Mother
Just
Said
Uh-oh
No
Pluto
Martin Luther tried to fire Revelation, but it joined the union and managed to stay in.
I’m hearing that yang may be next, leaving yin to fend for itself.
Speaking of Jude and finales,
At the old Central congregation in Houston, member Ike Thorne was a retired plasterer. It was his tradition to dismiss the congregation thus:
“Now unta him that is able to KEEP YEW FROM FALLIN’, and to present you FAULTLESS befoah the presence of his GLOW-RY with EXCEEEEEDING JOY,
To the only wise God our SAVIOUR, be glow-ry and MAJESTY, dominion and POWER, both now and ever. Amen.”
Ike passed away years ago but I can still hear the words, the accent, the cadence, which I have so poorly represented above.
Michael
I think it’s easier now that Pluto is gone. Most people don’t realize that Pluto and Neptune have overlapping orbits. So for about 20 years every 200+ years, Neptune is the farthest away from the sun. That just complicates everything, because then you have to keep changing your model. I, for one, am glad Pluto is off the list. Good riddance!
As far as Jeanene is concerned, I think you still won the argument, especially if you add the verses you mentioned here. The verses she quoted about the virgins have to do with the end times and judgment, not about helping your brother in need.
As to Pluto…..as my wife said on her blog….what does this mean for Mickey Mouse’s sidekick dog?
While I hadn’t heard anything about the Illinois coach in the LLWS game, I do feel the need to remind everyone that there are really two states in Illinois. One is everything north of I-80, which includes Lemont where the LLWS team is from. You could easily pick this section up and move it to New Jersey or New York, and really not tell the difference. The other state is south of I-80 and is where all the kind-hearted, salt of the earth, hard-working, Abe Lincoln types live.
Sorry, Mike, but I’d side with “Jeanene” on this one. I’m not sure you can count yourself as needy when you could have either taken yourself to a store and got your own bottle, or found a drinking fountain. How does that saying go? Something along the lines of “Your lack of planning doesn’t make this an emergency situation for me”? Hmm. That sounds like the lamp oil story, doesn’t it?
Isn’t humor and matching wits fun?
Paul W. - May I remind you that I’M one of those “North of I-80″ folks & I resemble that remark!
Mike, in the hood we call that a VBD: Verbal Beat Down. Hope you heal soon!
As someone born and raised in Southern Illinois (and yes, “Southern” is capitalized) I testify that Paul W. is correct. There are two Illinois. The Chicagoland is heavily union-loving Democratic, and the lower part is, um, not. My hometown has had the same Republican mayor since 1964.
All I heard the LL coach from Lemont say was something to the effect that the GA team had gone undefeated throughout the whole year and the IL team spoiled it. Which I thought was okay. He was proud of his boys. Was there more?
Such hysterical bantering between two such … mature, wise, spiritual people! I love it!
My
Very
Educated
Mother
Just
Served
Us …
Noodles?
Beaner,
Whoops….but after all these years in the corn fields with the rest of us, you’ve been reformed.
Regarding the previous comenters, who said Pluto is gone. The Planetoid Pluto is the same as it was when it was a Planet.
Thank you for sharing this story with me !
Hmm. I lived for 13 years of my young life in those “Southern” Illinois cornfields as well.
This post about “Jeanene” cracked me up! I will back you up on the need for a bottle of water–the need for such a resource only increases when you’re outdoors. I will NOT back you up in a tussle with “Jeanene.” I hear our friend Roy ask, “how big a boy er ya?” And I think you should ask for mercy. :o)
THAT is hilarious Mike. You totally got whupped by “Jeanene”! That woman is not to be messed with. Better take somebody else’s water next time!
Lisa-
There were a couple of things that Illinois coach did that I didn’t like:
1) He told his kids after they won one game, “That’s why you don’t disrespect the game of baseball. You don’t wear your hat ’sideways’. You don’t do that.” He was referencing the star of the team they beat (Kyle Carver for you LL watchers out there) who wears his slightly off centered on his head.
2) He held up the pitcher after the end of the game and yelled “you the man, you the man!” while the losing team walked off the field.
3) Finally, and worst, he sat and talked to his team (see #1) at the end of the game while the other team’s kids stood crying and waiting to shake their hands and tell them “good game.”
As a former little leaguer, high school player, and umpire, I just didn’t like what I saw of the guy at all.
I say good riddence Pluto. Now if we could just get Donald to wear some pants!
And while I’m not for removing Revelation from the NT, I do think we need to add Horton Hears a Who as the 67th book!
Hm. The only thing I would agree with you is the talking after the game. That was a little tacky, but I don’t think it bordered on bad sportsmanship.
What I saw was a team celebrating their win, which would have eliminated them. Even if they lost, GA was still going to advance. IL had to win or go home. Plus, GA was — and still is — a powerhouse. It was a huge deal to beat them. A winning team, who survived to play another day, can’t celebrate? Can’t cheer the kid who pretty much singlehandly won it for them?
The whole disrespect the game, don’t wear your hat sideways bit was just a little too much for me, Lisa. And if you noticed in the game today, they talked about Kyle Carter having a medical condition at the age of four that caused him to need to wear his hat a little off-centered on his head. Oops.
Also if you noticed, the Illinois coach didn’t shake hands with the GA coach after the game so something was going on with those two although I don’t doubt it may have been two-sided.
Well, as far as moving on from things, how about seven degrees of separation from someone other than Kevin Bacon?
Now we can make a new movie with the hypothesis that Pluto was the only other life-inhabited planet, and they become hopping mad, steering the planet off-course in order to become the “meteor” that causes the real Big Bang at the end of the world.
Hey, don’t laugh. For those of you who think it’s stupid, I have 4 words: “Snakes on a Plane.”
Mike, one bottle of water in West Texas is not enough at 95 degrees. Woe be unto the man who forgets his bike pack!
Britt said he received a 90 instead of a 100 on a “planet” test in grade school because he forgot Pluto. Do you think it’s too late to go back & ask for a better grade?