With 50 only fifteen days away, these words from Anne Lamott’s Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith
“Age has given me what I was looking for my entire life — it has given me me. It has provided time and experience and failures and triumphs and time-tested friends who have helped me step into the shape that was waiting for me. I fit into me now. I have an organic life, finally, not necessarily the one people imagined for me, or tried to get me to have. I have the life I longed for. I have become the woman I hardly dared imagine I could be.”
“I still have terrible moments when I despair about my body — time and gravity have not made various parts of it higher and firmer. But those are just moments now — I used to have years when I believed I was more beautiful if I jiggled less, if all parts of my body stopped moving when I did. But I know two things now that I didn’t at thirty: That when we get to heaven, we will discover that the appearance of our butts and our skin was 127th on the list of what mattered on this earth. And that I am not going to live forever. Knowing these things has set me free.”
“I live by the truth that ‘No” is a complete sentence. I rest as a spiritual act.”
“On the day I die, I want to have had dessert. So this informs how I live now.” (Good news, Dad!)
“Look, my feet hurt some mornings, and my body is less forgiving when I exercise more than I am used to. But I love my life more, and me more. I’m so much juicier.”
“As that old saying goes, it’s not that I think less of myself, but that I think of myself less often. And that feels like heaven to me.”
- - - -
Lessons learned from watching soccer yesterday:
1. Reports of religion being out of favor in Europe are incorrect. It’s just that soccer is the religion.
2. Remember what you learned in kindergarten: no head-butting. Especially if a billion people are watching. It’s considered rude.
3. A 2-hour game can come down to about an inch — that must be about how much lower the ball hit on the crossbar early in the game for France (when it came down across the line as a goal) than it did in the shootout (when it come down on the line).
4. When watching the World Cup Final with teenage boys who actually play soccer and love soccer, do not try to make insightful comments. You only look like an idiot who ought to stick to coaching baseball.
The amount of hair on a guys head in the later years must be #128 on the list. I’m doing my part to teach my kids that vanity doesn’t matter when taking their teasing about my receding hair-line all in stride.
So true! Age is one of God’s greatest gifts to me With it came understanding, contentment, and best of all, a new intimacy with Him. Thank you, Lord!
I turned 50 last November, & Anne Lamott’s words are so true & precious to me! Thank you for the quote, Mike.
I turned 60 in April. I know when I woke up and felt the way she descibes. I was 49 and just been informed my husband had had a heart attack on the golf course and had died. All the things I once thought important dissolved. Only my faith in Jesus Christ and my family had any meaning. I truly have changed a lot in these last 11 years. I am so aware of the important things, how to love people because Jesus loved them and it’s not all about me.
Having turned fifty in November I have observed one important fact this summer. For some reason I am now more bouyant than I was ten years ago.
Another lesson from soccer: you can head-butt someone,get kicked out of the game, cost your team the World Cup, and still win “Best Player” award!
Mike, it’s all a matter of perspective. I wish I were turning 50 in fifteen days. Heck, I even wish I were turning 61 in fifteen days!
One of the reasons that we recoil at the sight of Zidane’s sin is that we know, deep down in our darkest moments, that could be us.
Mike the Eyeguy - You’re right. We all have regrets — moments we’d like to have back. Fortunately, most of us have not done our head-butting in front of a billion people.
And, it only gets better…as 62 approaches within a few weeks…and I see SS coming my way…those laugh lines and crinkles (which some call wrinkles) don’t matter…it just proves I’ve lived past 30!…and I’ve had experiences, both good and bad, that have built my faith through the years.
I’ll turn 55 at my next birthday and you know, I don’t feel any different than I did when I turned 50 or 40…In my mind, I’m still at Harding College playing touch football on Sunday afternoon with my friends at Turtle Field at Camp Wyldewood…Sure, I’m 40 pounds heavier than then and life has thrown me lots of curve balls, but The Lord is Constant and Forever with me and my Harding friends are still my best friends in the whole world. I wouldn’t give anything for the life experiences that have made my faith stronger and my love for the Lord deeper. Now once again, I ask that you all pray for my children who are both doubting the existence of God and my son-in-law, a professor of philisophy, who has never had a strong belief in God, but who has been accepted to teach at William Jewell, a small Baptist college in MO…they didn’t make him sign a statement of faith, but I have to believe that being around those Baptists who aren’t afraid to testify about what the Lord has done in their lives (unlike so many of us who were raised in the chruch of Christ and have missed so many blessings because of it) will have a great influence on his life and my daughter’s. She is well grounded in the scripture. She just need to come back to her love for the Lord!
Mike, I call the process God’s Gift Wrapping - here’s what I wrote on my blog a month or so ago about this process.
Wrinkled Gift Wrap
Somewhere around 60 - 65 years of age, the gift wrap on our bodies begins to wrinkle. God seems to allow more and more wrinkles as He prepares us for our eternal gift, life with Him in the new Heaven and new earth.
However, this gift wrapping process is a mystifying one.
Women, in particular attempt to make some sense out of this gift wrap wrinkling process. Our DNA demands we try to smooth out the wrinkles, hide them, cream them, stretch them, lift them - anything to keep the wrinkled gift wrap looking fresh and smooth.
God also prepares us for flying around His throne. Suddenly our upper arms sprout bat wings that flip and flap in the breeze, as though they’re preparing to lift us heavenward.
Since we know there probably won’t be either male nor female in heaven - no marriage, remember - in [earth's] female body there is a change in the hormones that help us look and act like women - they disappear and in their place are flashes of heat rising from our collarbones causing a most unattractive red flush to cover our necks and faces. We suddenly look at our bodies and wonder if we’re either male or female - we sprout hair on our chins, and just as suddenly have no need to shave underarms nor legs. And our voices!! Suddenly we sound like Tweety Bird with laryngitis. Our voices crick and crackle like an adolescent boy’s.
And talking about cricking and crackling - how about them bones? They sound like a symphony orchestra of spoon players. I suppose we need to be more compact for gift wrapping since we begin to shrink in height, but NEVER in width. It’s mystifying, I tell you, mystifying.
As I observe God’s preparations, His gift wrapping process in my body, I give thanks and worship Him. The plans He has for me are so glorious, what’s a little wrinkled gift wrap between and a loving Father and His child?
Mike,
Best line in the post for me?
Here are my thoughts on your thoughts:
Lessons learned from watching soccer yesterday:
1. That ball did have some gold in it didn’t it?
2. ZZ blew his top!
3. Note to self, when kicking penalty kicks in the World Cup final, just get it in the goal. It doesn’t matter where b/c the goalie will dive the opposite direction.
4. When watching (fill in the blank) with teenage boys who (by nature know a lot more than most adults - in their humble opinion), do not try to make insightful comments. You only look like an idiot who ought to stick to (fill in the blank).
ooppps…
Best line? “I fit into me now.”
Being of sound mind and good judgment - well, so far - in this now sixth decade of our lives - Tom and I have been “getting our affairs in order,” as they used to call it.
Be that as it may, we have been preparing our wills and health care directives, to be signed this week, and Saturday went over to the old Biloxi cemetery where Tom’s father is buried to take pictures of his grave stone under the magnificent shade of the live oak trees above it. Live oaks that survived intact through Katrina, which tore the branches and roots from many, many other trees across the Mississippi coastline.
The live oaks will outlast all of us, but will remain good company for Tom and I, too, after we have moved on leaving only granite markers to mark our graves next to his dad’s. We took the pictures to show to a stone cutter so ours will “blend in” and be compatible with his dad’s.
It may sound like a macabre way to spend a weekend and a week, but we look at it as part of our legacy to our children. To take care of as many of the “details” of our lives - and deaths - as we can so as to make our leaving all the easier in it’s remaining functions as possible.
It’s not that we sit around contemplating death with some morbid kind of fascination. It’s just that we have come to well recognize all of those things Anne Lamott writes about above. That, as she says, “the appearance of our butts and our skin [is] 127th on the list of what mattered on this earth. And that [we are] not going to live forever.”
Knowing these things has set us free, as well. I am happier than I have ever been in my whole life. Not when I look in the mirror, but when I examine my soul. When I talk with my three grown children, and I have at great length the past two or three weeks, about life and death, all things spiritual, about my views and their views.
I already knew all of my children well. Very well. Yet I have learned a lot more in the past few days in talking about these eternal things with them. I think about carving words on granite markers that will remain, along with and long after the live oak trees above, and then I think about the words carved in my own heart by God and my parents, all those who have gone before and those I see being carved in the hearts of each of my children. Their hearts are already deeply etched with eternal things that give me great comfort in my own leaving of them behind on this earth when I go.
Turning 50 IS a mile stone in your life, Mike. A good one. Your life will get better and better. Anne Lamott is right. All of your commenters who’ve lived that long know and are right, too.
You are, too, as us all, like the granite gravestone cutter in many ways. In the ways you are shaping your sons and all those who know you. So just think of turning 50 as being a step further beyond where you are now and another chip off the stone that is being chipped away at and carved until it is finished.
Your very best years are yet to come.
(Fifteen days, hunh? - So, have you been stocking up on candles for your cake and do you have a big fire extinguisher handy for when they are all lit? You might want to think about having your birthday party outside so you don’t burn your house down. Of course, then you’ll have the problem of setting the drought stricken prairies around Abilene on fire, so maybe that isn’t a good idea, either. Just get two of those number candles - the Five candle and the Zero candle. That way you’ll only have to try to hold your breath long enough to get two of them out and the danger of fire is a lot less.
Just a thought.)
Forget the soccer stuff….who cares? But those words from Anne Lamott are priceless, I am finally getting there myself!
Got to love the Abilene Reporter-News. Here are the three stories on the front page of today’s sports section:
“Wimbledon’s Top Ace”
“Gordon Wins After Spinning Kenseth” (NASCAR)
“Stylish First Win” (Western Open in golf)
Not until page 3 do you find out that there was this little soccer game played in Berlin. The fact that it’s the most-watched sports event in the world did not quite place it on page one.
A little surprising Mike the ARN didn’t have soccer a little more front and center. Does anyone else remember the movie Logans Run from about 1974 or so? The futuristic sci-fi movie in which all people turning 30 blew themselves up in a futuristic religious ceremony - had to keep the society young and fresh you know. I watched it as a 14 year old and had absolutely no concerns for the premise of the movie. Having just blown the doors off my mid-40’s, Anne’s words are certainly becoming clearer to me. Good stuff.
Anne Lamott…who curses willfully…who believes in a “right” to an abortion…who believes that we should recognize homosexual marriages…who has now openly admitted participating in an assisted suicide (which I would call “murder”).
I’m not a nutball that thinks we should boycott any and every thing that is even remotely related to what we would call evil (i.e. boycotting Wal-Mart because they sell cigarettes and liquor), but I fail to understand why everybody has fallen for the supposed spirituality of this woman who, by all accounts, is profane and disgusting.
Can someone please explain this to me? I’m not trying to condemn anyone, but when there is a choice of what to read, why would anybody choose to fill their heads with this woman’s thoughts (however cute, ironic, or humorous they might be)? This is not bait for an argument, but an honest question. Thank you.
One of the biggest reasons the men’s US soccer team has not made it to the final four IS because we consider it 3rd page news. All the reports in Europe were about Zidane’s actions. We were like, “Wow, that must have hurt. What’s a red card anyway?” Europe was thinking, “Shame, shame, shame. France’s biggest role model disappointed and shocked his devoted fans.”
US soccer needs a Michael Jordan for feet in order for us to compete with the rest of the world. We usually follow sports prodigies and athletic geniuses. Americans enjoyed golf for many years. But Tiger Woods took it to a whole new level and made it something eventful. Today, US soccer is a fun Saturday afternoon, family activity. When it becomes big like west Texas football, then I’ll become a believer. Having played 7 years myself as a child, I hope for its national growth.
kerry, I will respond to your questions about Anne Lamott. I know she uses the “f” word and I know that her choices are not always the best but…what about all of us? Are all of our choices the best? Is your language always perfect?
Anne Lamott is real. Her faith is authentic and she is on a journey. She tells us the worst stuff about herself and in the process actually shows us what is best about her…Jesus lives with Anne Lamott. The Spirit is transforming Anne Lamott and I love that she is sharing that journey with me…the good and the bad.
Anne Lamott has helped me travel my journey. She has helped me see myself in a different light. She has reassured me and set me back on the path of light several times.
I love Anne Lamott and would love to sit and talk with her sometime.
Oh, and I forgot to say that I love soccer.
Oh Mike, the AR-P and page 3. I was dumbfounded. How ’bout those Italians? One of those days one is proud of their heritage. And 50? Woohoo! One week from tomorrow for me! Let’s party!
Good stuff on aging. There are some advantages to living on this earth for a while.
Soccer is the world religion. I was in Brazil when they won a few years ago and it was an incredible phenomenon. We have nothing to match that kind of fervor here in the U.S.
I’m with kerry — I recognize the unbelievable gift this woman has in expressing life and her heart, but I’m a bit weary of her being set forth as someone to emulate. I didn’t get that in what Mike quoted — again, her words on aging are poetic and beautiful. But, in places where I have seen her lifted up spiritually — the emperor has no clothes. I do think it’s obviously a personal choice of what you will choose to read, but I think I have read my last Lamott book. There are just too many other books out there.
Kind of like materialism is the religion of America.
“. . . it’s not that I think less of myself, but that I think of myself less often. And that feels like heaven to me.”
That’s gospel! Part of the glory of the cross is how Jesus defeated evil by being completely other-centered (God and man). As heavy as the cross was, it couldn’t have been nearly as heavy as the massive boat anchors we drag around in bondage to our self (slavery the cross threatens to free us from). If age helps break those chains, then pile another 43 years on me right now!
Anne Lamott’s writing is not banal and formulaic — which is how most popular Christian writing strikes me. It is raw and real.
I guess I never feel compelled to agree with everything that’s written by ANYONE.
Lamott didn’t come to faith in a nice, conservative, Southern Christian home. She didn’t attend a Christian college. She didn’t sit in a singles group and then a young married class in some megachurch.
Jesus found her far, far away. He followed her, invited her, and welcomed her (by her own telling). And she’s on a journey. Her books come almost as journal entries of this adventure.
Just from Traveling Mercies, here are topics she addresses with a depth of insight I’ve rarely come across: grief (the chapter entitled “Ladders”), community of faith (”Why I Make Sam Go to Church”), children with life-threatening illnesses (”Barn Raising”), and the battle many have to come to terms with their bodies (”The Aunties”).
I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone describe her as someone to emulate. But she is an unorthodox Christ-follower who has reached down into my soul.
Mike,
I completely agree with your opinion that most “Christian” writing is banal and formulaic. 95% of the published material is absolute dreck, appealing to silly folks that think if you perform steps 1,2, and 3, then results A,B, and C will happen. I would presume that Ms. Lamott’s writings are certainly more interesting than most other books out there. My problem, however, is not one of taste, or of “realism”.
My problem with Lamott’s writings is the way that so many in the church have adopted them as “near canon” status these days. This is a woman who openly uses the name of the Lord in vain, even in print in a national publication!!! Lest you doubt me, just go search her name on Salon.com.
I keep hearing everyone talk about their “journey”, and how the books they look for are ones that “speak to” this topic. If the journey is the thing everyone is so compelled to read about, why not read Pilgrim’s progress, which contains spiritual meat that is actually helpful? Why not read Fox’s Book of Martyrs? Why not read biographies of the great Puritan writers, so many of whom came from the most sinful and horrible backgrounds, to become heroes of the faith?
Why do we want to promote the thoughts and “journey” of someone who we know shouldn’t be emulated, when we can just as easily read and recommend materials by those we would do well to emulate?
I realize this is all a matter of personal preference, but it just seems like one more downgrade in the level of discourse. It surely doesn’t seem to fit Paul’s instructions to Timothy to talk about Holy things, keeping his speech Holy and blameless. It smacks of serving ourselves and our own feelings, instead of seeking what is Holy.
I’m not a college trained preacher or theologian, but this just all seems like common sense to me. Somebody tell me if I’m wrong.
Anne Lamott is my contemporary and she lives where I live. I am not saying that the Puritan writers should be ignored or that we can’t learn from them but they don’t live where I live and they don’t face the same challenges that I do.
I do feel like Anne Lamott is seeking what is holy and what our voices speak while we are seeking holiness is sacred. We need to listen to each other.
Always better to read dead saints. In our imaginations, they thought like we think, they spoke like we speak, they voted like we vote, and they endorsed our agendas.
Living saints (Christ-followers) are more difficult.