“The Waltz We Were Born For”
2006 June 9
Walt McDonald, reflecting on an older couple as the husband realizes the depth and “timeless, dazzling devotion” of the one before him:
Her voice is more modest than moonlight,
like pearl drops she wears in her lobes.
My hands find the face of my bride.
I stretch her skin smooth and see bone.
Our children bring children to bless her, her face
more weathered than mine. What matters
is timeless, dazzling devotion — not rain,
not Eden gardenias, but cactus in drought,
not just moons of deep sleep, not sunlight or stars,
not the blue, but the darkness beyond.
- Walt McDonald
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if that don’t get you in trouble than you have arrived.
Looking back over your last 2 posts and then today’s, I am struck by the fact that it takes so much more than “how we feel” to thrive in our marriages. It is living out a covenant. Not living it out with pursed lips and gritted teeth, but living it out with generosity, passion, fun, adoration, respect and devotion. How else can one possibly explain why we would still love our spouse with passion and intensity after 50+ years. How else can one explain the fact that we are looking at our spouse and saying “you’re still the one” when newer and cuter walk by. It is because we are in a covenant relationship which is made new by the resurrection power of Jesus! IMHO
Hey, Arlene. Would you mind working part-time as a sermon writer for me?
Excellent words.
The beautiful quote by McDonald made me instantly think of my parents—who will be celebrating 59 years of marriage this July 8th. Daddy is always saying that Mother is his “Wonderful One”. His words to her & about her, are just ALWAYS so sweet. They are the definition of “One” in a union to me.
I think I like the words of Solomon, try saying this to your wife:
“How beautiful you are my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes behind your veil are doves. Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Mount Gelead. Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing. Each has it twin; not one of them is alone. Your lips are liek a scarlet ribbon; your mouth is lovely. Your temples behind your veil are like the halvesof a pomegranate. Your neck is like the town of David, built with elegance; on it hang a thousand sheilds, all of them shields of warriors. Your two breasts are like two fawn, like twin fawns of a gazelle that browse among the lilies. How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice!”
Oh, what a waltz we have with our wife. I thank God everyday for blessing me with her love. But more what a waltz we have with God. The waltz with God is what we were born for. Enjoy the dance. Enjoy the love relationship you have with your creator.
Mike
How cool would that be and how hilarious at the same time. You are the most gifted “user of words” that I know. How you choose them, how you frame them, and how you allow the Spirit to use them.
The Waltz of marriage does require much more than feelings. It requires the deep devotion of a friend, the patience and sacrifice of a parent, the frenzied physical attraction of a hormonal teenager, the excitment of a small child at Christmas and the guidance of a Heavenly Father.
Every time I read sentiments like this I’m reminded of the following words of Anne-Spohie Swetchine:
To love deeply in one direction makes us more loving in all others.
Thanks, Mike, for enriching the lives of many with your recent posts!
I have read your post the last two days. My marriage dissolved when my spouse had an affair. I reacted poorly to the affair but all the while tried to save my marriage. My spouse would have nothing to do with it. I will always love my ex. I will continue to work to rebuild the lives of our children but am weary from the whole process. The churches response was to cut us off. They tried to reach out but were not equipped or capable of providing the care needed. My ex and new spouse don’t attend church, my children only occasionally darkened the door of a church since then. Though faithful to God and church (different and much healthier place), the whole process has left me disillusioned and at best a little cynical at the pattern of our churches.
I wish we knew better how to respond to those who are hurting.
Died – No wonder it left you disillusioned. Churches must find a way to communicate that (1) divorce is not always “a story that has two sides”; and (2) divorce isn’t an unforgivable sin. We have to welcome all people whose marriages are struggling (what I’ve been focusing on the past few days) or have shattered (which I’ve addressed a few times before) — along with all the rest of us broken sinners in need of the compassion of Christ.
A few churches are graceless and don’t know how to respond in gospeled ways. But surely that’s not most. Probably many just didn’t know how to respond, meant to do something helpful, but sputtered along the way.
May God come near to you in your brokenness.
Mike
Being “at church” was probably one of the most difficult places for me to be… there were families and couples everywhere but, those people had become my family and I felt safer there than anywhere. Even though I cried a lot, there was always someone to pat my back. I get a little tired of the marriage and family classes but I’m happy if we can keep someone from going through the pain that I went through.
When we were in the middle of it, I remember looking around at all the happy church couples and thinking, “We are the only ones.” But I was wrong. I think being transparent and admitting to having difficulties is part of the grace experience. God allows us to come through, but expects us to use that experience to His glory by helping someone else. We’ve opened up to many couples and as a result have been a part of the healing. And each time it happens we are reminded how blessed we are and what a wonderful Father we have. God is so faithful even when we are not or our spouse is not. And we must remember that sometimes it’s not a matter of being unfaithful, just being unconcerned can crush a marriage. Shame keeps many from sharing their experiences, but it’s through our brokeness that God’s beauty shines through. Getting over the shame of an almost failed marriage was hard. I know it has to be even harder when it fails completely. But still He is faithful.
Thanks so much for those words, Kelley. And Terri — I think those are profound thoughts. To be tired of all the marriage and family classes — and yet to support them to keep others from going through the pain . . . well, that’s getting to the heart of Christianity (Philippians 2:1-11).
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