The years pass, life gets frustrating . . . or routine. Jobs are demanding. Children are time-consuming. Months come and go.
And then, out of nowhere, you tell the one you’ve been married to that after all these years she (or he) is still the one. That you’re in it for the long haul. That life is good, and to the extent it hasn’t been good you want to work to make it better.
But you don’t want to work on it with another person. You don’t want to look for happiness by switching partners.
You’re still the one. After all the years. After signs of aging have begun to show. After disappointments and frustrations. You’re still the one.
Go for it. Today. Maybe lead up to it. Maybe just blurt it out. There is power in those words.
That’s the kind of love that shows the Father’s love for us and we are suppose to emulate. When you find it, you never let it go. You suffer, laugh, cry, whatever, together.
i hope alana reads this post.
Or you can play Shania’s “Still the One” - that song says it all!
Thanks Mike. I’m picking up the phone right now.
Mike, is this on your iPod?
You’re Still the One — Shania Twain
And the first time you touched me, I felt love.
And after all this time, you’re still the one I love.)
Looks like we made it
Look how far we’ve come my baby
We mighta took the long way
We knew we’d get there someday
Bridge:
They said, “I bet they’ll never make it”
But just look at us holding on
We’re still together still going strong
Chorus:
(You’re still the one)
You’re still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You’re the one I want for life
(You’re still the one)
You’re still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You’re still the one I kiss good night
Ain’t nothin’ better
We beat the odds together
I’m glad we didn’t listen
Look at what we would be missin’
I’m so glad we made it
Look how far we’ve come my baby
Stephen - That short response is the best thing anyone could say today. At 6:15 this morning I challenged a bunch of younger men from our church to do the same thing. And you know what? It doesn’t matter if your spouse finds out that someone challenged you to do it. The point is that you mean it. You call, you leave a note, you roll over before falling asleep and say, “You’re still the one.”
How about others? Have a cell phone handy?
Since we’re quoting songs…23 years ago we played this at our wedding: dan Fogelberg’s “Longer”
Through the years as the fire starts to mellow,
Burning lines in the book of our lives,
Though the binding crack and the pages start to yellow,
I’ll be in love with you.
Can I do it without having to listen to Shania Twain? In fact, I’ll detract the question. I’ll just do it and not listen to Shania Twain.
Or how about this one:
We are born one fine day
Children of God on our way
Mama smiles, Daddy cries
A miracle before their eyes
They protect us till we’re of age
And through it all, love remains…
Seasons come and go but they don’t last
Before you know, the future is the past
In spite of what’s been lost or what’s been gained
We are living proof that love remains…
-Collin Raye
Showing my age, when I read “Still the One,” I though of Orleans, not Shania Twain.
“Can I do it without having to listen to Shania Twain? In fact, I’ll detract the question. I’ll just do it and not listen to Shania Twain.”
Amen!
A wise person once likened marriage to the process of starting a fire in a fireplace. When you first touch match to wood it’s exciting to see the flames leap and dance and listen to the pop and crackle, but after awhile the flames begin to die down. It’s at that point that, if you have built the fire correctly, the embers begin to glow and the true warmth begins.
After 41 years of marriage to the same wonderful redhead, she still takes my breath away when I hear her voice on the phone or drive up in the driveway and see her smiling at me through the kitchen window. She may have picked up a wrinkle or a pound along the way, but I don’t see those. I see a beautiful, Godly woman who truly loves me, the rest of our family, and her fellow man. In her, I see an accurate reflection of God’s love for me.
I hug her every day as I tell her I love her, and I thank God every day for His gift to me.
Okay, okay…I’ll blurt out that I love Shania. She’s one of my favorites in fact. Hope my future comments can still hold a little credibility around here.
And I meant that you could actually play that song for your twu wuv today…or maybe not.
“After 41 years of marriage to the same wonderful redhead, she still takes my breath away when I hear her voice on the phone or drive up in the driveway and see her smiling at me through the kitchen window. She may have picked up a wrinkle or a pound along the way, but I don’t see those. I see a beautiful, Godly woman who truly loves me, the rest of our family, and her fellow man. In her, I see an accurate reflection of God’s love for me.”
All right, Mike R. You’re my hero for the day.
YOUNG GUYS OUT THERE: Did you read those words? Think about them. Wouldn’t you love to be able to say that after 41 years? (All right, you may need to substitute “redhead” with something else.) So . . . how do you TODAY start preparing for that?
Way to go, Mike! Now, my wife is crying and won’t be able to do anything the rest of the day! Great!
Kidding, although she did cry, great post, great challenge to young guys.
I’m 43, in Colorado, can I come next week?
Mike, thanks for these words today. We all need reminding.
I have been married to the an amazing man for 22 years. He is kind, warm, Spirit-filled, and a true servant of God. He is sometimes frustratingly patient. Everyday he shows me how Jesus would react to life. He doesn’t preach, he just acts. He loves me and his children but he also loves the world around him…other people’s children especially. We have been through some difficult times together but he is steady and I am always sure of his presence and I know that he won’t walk away. Knowing that makes life so much better.
okay, so I added a word…take your pick…the amazing man or an amazing man.
Thank you, Tom! Let’s go with Orleans.
It would’ve been nice to still be the one to the one I married but, I was only one of the ones.
I’m still the one here and it’s a good life.
Well. I’m a young guy, and I’m kinda out there, too. I’m currently dating a girl. While we aren’t engaged yet, it’s basically just waiting on me popping the question (which is kind of hard to do when you’re several hundred miles away). And yes, I read the words. I want very, very much to be saying that after 41 years.
When I first read how do you TODAY start preparing for that? I initially thought “Gee, I really don’t know…”, but I have some thoughts. First, I think the answer to most questions is prayer. If I really want to be saying that in 41 years, I should ask God to be turning me into the kind of man who makes the decisions that lead to a successful relationship.
I intend to get premarital counseling. I think I might try out some postmarital counseling, too.
I think it’s important that the things that get me excited about my girl aren’t so much her physical appearance (not to say that isn’t exciting), but the fact that she’s a Godly woman, that she’s smart and the conversations we have are intellectually stimulating, that she’s sweet and considerate, etc. Those things won’t fade with time, they’ll get better with time.
Anyway, I was also hoping some of you who are a little more experienced and a little wiser could help out with this too.
Very interesting. One hour ago, before I read this posting, I was thinking of Frankie’s hands. Then, in the strange way that the human mind works, her hands became 30-40 years older - wrinkled, a few age spots - and a hugh smile crossed my face, and complete contentment entered my soul. It’s fun to look into the future and know that she will always still be the one.
Always….
Still the one I wanna talk with in bed
Still the one that turns my head
We’re still having fun and you’re still the One.
Still the one that makes me laugh
Still the one that’s my better half
Still the one that makes me shout
Still the one that i dream about
Still the one that makes me smile
Still the one I wanna stay awhile
We’re still having fun, and you’re Still the One.
Country music = the debil.
Of course, Conway Twitty’s “I’d Still Love to Lay You Down” captures the same meaning…
Thanks, Mike.
Advice to you younger guys and gals. Three things:
ALWAYS keep a sense of humor about every circumstance in your life together, no matter how difficult or troubling. Laugh together, or at least smile in memory and recognition together of a past time of happiness, even when things are darkest.
ALWAYS ask each other “please” about everything you ask and ALWAYS immediately (although it’s never too late, either) say “thank you” for any kind of kindness shown, even - especially - in the smallest, seemingly most insignificant things. Those thing matter most and lead to an ever growing appreciation for all your beloved does and has done for you.
Tom and I have known each other now for 27 years, first as co-workers, then as friends, then much more. We have now been “together” 18 years and married for 15. So we are no longer young adults, nor have things been easy. In fact, the past 3 or 4 years of our our lives together have been exceedingly difficult in many, many ways.
Yet our love and admiration and even desire for each other continues to grow day by day. When we look at each other, all we can see is the “young” other as we were when we met.
The steadiness and depth of devotion he has shown me continues to overwhem me more all the time. But I think it can be summed up in the recounting of the most profound moment in my life thus far, so here it is if you have a few moments to read it in Out of the Darkness….
One final piece of advice. I thank God every second of every minute of every day for this man who I’m married to. If you start your relationship and marriage thanking God for your spouse and keep it up, He’ll help you grow in that thanks and love for the other.
Mike,
I’ve never commented here before - but my husband was one of the guys you met with this morning. He wrote an amazing post on our blog this morning - and then just came up to work to tell me that I am still the ONE.
I’m thankful for the leadership you have in our church, and for the example that you give to young husbands.
Just completed 35 years with my “one”. The items on the agenda are different than they used to be. We spend less time fretting about the kids and more time sweating over aging parents. But when I look at her, I’m filled with incredible pride in the person she is and gratitude that she still considers me “the one” for her.
I like Shania just fine, but my husband really likes her, so I for sure wouldn’t use one of her songs to tell him he’s still the one! I’d hate for him to be picturing her while I was saying those words—ha. Despite the fact that he likes Shania alot, I feel confident that I’m still the one with him & vice versa. I wouldn’t be able to tease about this if it were otherwise! I can’t even imagine anyone else other than him! My greatest blessing from God!
Here are the beautiful words that one of the guys there this morning wrote on his blog (casademayo.blogspot.com). I mentioned earlier that it doesn’t even matter to your spouse that someone encouraged you to speak those words. If you say them with earnest, their message goes right to the heart. (Thanks, James, for the kind words that I’m editing out here.)
This morning I got up at 5:45 to go to a men’s breakfast. Normally this would be passed up because of the early presence. Mike Cope was going to be leading this meeting and future meetings. . . .
So we talked about stuff guys talk about. I can’t give away that part of the meeting because then you girls wouldn’t be a curious about what really goes on at these breakfasts. I would say it is similar to your book clubs.
He then asked us to do something today that I haven’t ever done. It’s easy and simple and makes plain sense but being a guy if it’s not in front of my face I can’t find it.
Tell your wife that she is THE ONE.
She is the one. I knew on July 4th, 2000. She knows I knew on that date because I told her later on in our relationship. She doesn’t know that I still feel that way today. I usually say I love you or that she looks attractive but I don’t think I tell her she is still the one.
Maybe she doesn’t think about it as she gets in one of her moods and decides to clean the whole house top to bottom after doing so several days earlier.
Maybe she loses sight that I think she’s the one when I don’t take out the trash the second it’s filled.
Maybe when I help her with the dishes she thinks that I’m just being nice and feel obligated to do it since she cooked a wonderful supper, not because I think she’s the one.
But she is the one.
She is the one who chose me over any other.
She is the one who said I do
She is the one who makes this marriage work
She is the one who gave birth to our child
She is the one who challenges me to be a better man
She is the one who gives of herself for others so much that I sometimes get frustrated
She is the one who makes sure that we know how special God is to us, our relationship, our marriage and our children
She is the one I love and will love forever
Mike said it’s important for us to make sure that we let our wives know that with all the struggles we have, we need others to support each other and not go into any battle alone (I believe this is from Proverbs 4). We should all pray for each others marriage to be successful. . . .
However, the one marriage that is on my heart all the time is mine. I know that with time some things tend to get overlooked and sooner or later you realize that maybe more effort needs to contributed here or there or this hasn’t been addressed in a while. But I will try to not let those things go too long without being fixed.
Leslie is the one and no amount of metaphors or limericks will ever change how special she is to me and how blessed I am to have her as a friend, wife, spiritual partner and beautiful mother.
Good words, brother. (And thanks, Leslie, for the note above.)
By the way, here is the way the announcement reads as sent out over the Highland connection by my dear friend and assistant, Gina:
Tuesday Morning with Mike June 13 at 6:15 in room 100. If you are younger than Mike or have more hair than he does then please come for sage wisdom and warm fellowship.
This song speaks more uniquely to our situation than any song I’ve found in a while and I included in my “Love Songs” CD that I made with a little from iTunes for my wife this year for Valentine’s Day.
It’s a bit more country than Shania Twain and perhaps speaks a little more for some of us who are little less outwardly emotionally expressive
Travis Tritt
More Than You’ll Ever Know
Album: The Restless Kind
I know living with me ain’t always easy
I dam up emotions some men just let flow
But girl when you’re not by my side I feel a part of me has died
‘Cause I love you more than you’ll ever know
More than life more than I’ve ever loved before
It’s absurd and beyond words
I couldn’t want you more
And when I try to pour my hear out to you
I’m not sure it shows
That I love you more than you’ll ever know
I’m sure you’ve heard it said hearts have windows
But mine has doors a painful past has closed
Unless someday they open wide revealing feelings locked inside
I’ll love you more than you’ll ever know
More than life more than I’ve ever loved before
It’s absurd and beyond words
I couldn’t want you more
And when I try to pour my hear out to you
I’m not sure it shows
That I love you more than you’ll ever know
Even when I pour my heart out to you
I’m not sure it shows
That I love you more than you’ll ever know
Yes I love you more than you’ll ever know
Peace
My wife is the reason I know God is alive and well.
Hi, Mike! I’m a ‘newbie’ to the world of blogging. I have really enjoyed reading your posts and the community comments each day. I felt it would be appropriate for me to comment on this topic. My husband and I began dating when I was fourteen. We were married when I was eighteen and will be celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary in the spring of ’07. We were ‘high school sweethearts’ and still are. We have grown up together and grown closer to God together as we built a wonderful marriage and raised two boys. Not a day goes by that I don’t thank the Lord for the blessing He has given me in Richard. He has given me a glimpse of what God’s love for me must be like. He makes me feel like “I’m still the one” everyday, even those days that I probably don’t deserve it. As simple as it sounds, God is the key to our marriage. It is our relationship with Him that makes our relationship to each other so strong. The advice I would pass on to those younger than me, is to make sure you both have a strong personal relationship with God, and help each other to continue growing closer to Him. …of course, everything else just seems to fall into place when you put God first.
Mary
I did it. By phone. Even admitted it was a sort of “assignment,” but that I really, really meant it.
Judging from the weeping and the words, I think this is going to be an important night.
Thanks.
Mike good comments.
Let her know often.
My wife makes it so easy for me to say she is “still the one” i thank God everyday for her, she has been a true love to me and I know I could never deserve her…..i am so thankful for her…..and she is a great judge of a person…..see above post from Mary…awwww shucks
rr
One of our favorite early marriage memories is when one day Monty looked deeply into my eyes as we stood in the kitchen and whispered romantically, “You’re as pretty as you’re ever gonna get.” I looked at him funny and he said, “That’s not what I meant. You’ll never be any prettier than you are right now. No - that’s not what I meant, either.” I think he meant that I had never been prettier than I was right then but I didn’t help him out - and he dug quite a hole for himself but we still laugh at that. Truth is, he was right the first time. And these aging 42 year old hands will always be here to caress that graying beard. And I’m so glad he will always be the one, too. How comforting to my soul. Always. . .
We sound ancient, don’t we?
Thanks Mike for your post today. I forward your posts regularly to friends either here in Overland Park or around the country but don’t think I have responded more than once online.
I am reading this well after midnight and Terry is asleep as I sit here and catch up on things that I missed while being without a connection while traveling last week.
I was gone for 8 days this time but we had a great dinner at Abuellos after she picked me up a the airport last evening. We worked in the yard some this afternoon and had a fun meal at Jason’s Deli this evening.
She mentioned tonight that after raising 4 kids, after almost 32 years of being married (anniversary is June 28), and cooking in the neigborhood of 10,000 meals, not cooking two nights in a real treat!
Its fun to be with the one. Still.
Keep up the good work!
Oooohh, Good words Mike - and all the commenters.
My hubby and I are young’uns with 8 yrs of marriage and two kiddos under 5 under our belts - but I tell you, this last year, was the BEST year of our marriage! I truely believe it is because we’re growing up, and more mature in the Lord - every year seeing less of ourselves and more of Him in our marriage.
That….and he’s started putting into practice these type of things; saying to me what’s so obvious in his mind.
We’re ministering to a couple of families at our church in marital crisis - couples who are, ironically, quite a bit older than us. Please keep us in your prayers, and them as well.
And…
Tomorrow morning, if you wake up and the sun does not appear,
I will be here
If in the dark we lose sight of love,
hold my hand and have no fear,
’cause I will be here.
I will be here when you feel like bein’ quiet,
when you need to speak your mind.
I will listen and I will be here.
When the laughter turns to cryin’, through the winnin’, losin’ and tryin’,
we’ll be together, ’cause I will be here.
Tomorrow mornin’, if you wake up and the future is unclear,
I will be here.
As sure as seasons are made for change, our life-times are made for years,
so I, I will be here
I will be here and you can cry on my shoulder when the mirror tells us we’re older
I will hold you.
And I will be here to watch you grow in beauty and tell you all the things you are to me.
I will be here.
I will be true to the promise I have made to you and to the One who gave you to me.
I will be here.
Steven Curtis Chapman
All day, I kept trying to find a way to put, “you’re still the one” into my own words. Thankfully, it took me awhile. It was such a fun day trying to show her how I felt before actually finding the words.
Thanks, Mike, for this post. I have been married three years, and it has been so much harder than I thought it would be. I needed these words of encouragement.
Thanks for those honest words, Leah.
That’s one of the surprises: that marriage isn’t easy much of the time. I think the power of “you’re still the one” comes when we realize that it isn’t a fairy tale but real life.
Leah, your comment brought to mind the few words of “wisdom” I ask newlyweds to consider.
“Marriage is a verb.”
Jeers to whoever first mentioned Shania Twain yesterday. For the past 24 hours her voice has been in my head, and its driving me crazy!
Leah, find Godly examples in marriage to encourage you. I sometimes think of my grandparents, who, until my grandmother past away a few years ago, were married over 60 years. They had rough times. They had good times. But they loved each other and were committed to each other more after 60 years than when they married in Sweetwater, TX in 1933.
mike you inspired me, this
is what God told me was better than legs.
I’ve named the underlying condition that we sometimes find ourselves in “Marital Coma”. I’ll use Mike’s blog to claim any future right, title, royalty, etc. for the use of my new phrase!
But, seriously….thanks to Mike for reminding us all of these simple truths.
http://woolard66.blogspot.com/
clintL,
That clip is absolutely beautiful!! Thanks for sharing it.
Clint, amazing! I see the love in her eyes for you in this video and in real life.
I read the blog….you’re still my one and only baby. I love you.
19 years, 5 moves, 2 kids, 3 mortgages, mulitiple car payments, deaths, births, car accidents, layoffs, success, failure, good times and bad…..my sweet John is still the one that makes me get all “girly” every time he winks and smiles at me. I know that God put my husband in my life. He still makes me sigh after all these years. God is good.
Thanks for all your words of encouragement. You guys are great!
I’m not married yet…but hope to be someday, and I hope I have the kind of marriage you guys are talking about here. The kind my parents have (they will celebrate 28 years in August). The kind the couples at our Lifeteam model for me so beautifully. Thanks for the words of encouragement and honesty. Blessings on all your marriages.
I sent this to my husband whose job was yanked out from under him recently. Bad enough, but it was a cross country move, our house here is already sold, and we are quite up in the air.
But other than knowing God loves him, I can’t think of anything he’d rather hear right now. Thanks for putting it into the right words for me.
Jody, Kathy & I were blessed with Godly parents who today celebrated their 64th wedding anniversary. Daddy says it is getting better. Next year there is BIG party. I’ll have Jenna and Matt give you a personal invitation!
Oh my gosh, Clint. What were you thinking.
My wife walks in and finds me blubbering at the computer watching movies of another woman. Time for some quick explaining!
Mike, thanks for all you do for our church family. We love you very much. Chrys and I will hit 33 years in August (we’re not really OLD, we just started early and got married at 16/17.) Not once in our marriage have we considered breaking apart. There have been bumps along the way, some minor and some major, but we both knew from early on we were meant to be together and we’ve always just loved and talked our way through them. I’m a very lucky and blessed man.