On Lightening Up a Wee Bit
I’ve mentioned before the three views one can have of parents: a child’s view (my parents are perfect and have no faults); an adolescent’s view (my parents are embarrassing embeciles); and a mature adult’s view (my parents have strengths and faults).
Those are the same views one can have of a religious heritage.
I continue to bump up against the childish view: our heritage was wonderful and should never be critiqued or laughed at. If you critique it or laugh at it, then you hate it and think it’s stupid.
Last year for the Zoe conference I made a silly little video called “Mike Cope Sings the Classics.” (Soon it will be on www.zoegroup.org. Thanks, Keith!) Most people have enjoyed it.
After I showed it at Pepperdine in my class with Zoe, a woman came up and chewed me out so long people gave up trying to visit with me. She said I despised people like her and the songs they like. I tried to remain calm and explain kindly why people liked it — not because they HATE the heritage but because they LOVE it.
We suffer from humorlessness.
In healthy families, you’re able to spot weaknesses and tell humorous stories about the family. Not because you despise it, but because you love it and see the humor and joy of it. Dysfunctional families — those that remain in childish states — can’t allow humor. It’s just too fragile to joke about.
Some of the stuff in our heritage needs to be critiqued, like the exclusivism. (There’s a reason people thought we believed we were the only ones going to heaven.) However, if we attack our heritage like adolescents — as if it was totally devoid of spiritual impulses and spiritual people — that needs to be challenged.
But when we find humor — in skipping the third verse of every song, in the love of singing 728B, in the “scare you down to the front” invitation songs, etc. — that’s not because we despise the past. We are part of that past. It helped shape us and form us. And while we’re aware of flaws and quirks, we’re also deeply aware of the amazing strengths.
Will people in the future find humor as they remember my quirks? Oh, I hope so! And if they do, I trust that it will be with appreciation for the past.
Please, lighten up.
Great post, Mike. Humor (in general) is sorely needed by Christians today and this is especially true in our churches where we do have quirks and habits and inside jokes that only we can understand.
May I just say I agree 1000% percent. I’m just sure God created us with a sense of humor for a reason. It has something to do with His image.
Oh, I love Mike Cope Sings The Classics!!! Releasing it in time for my birthday was so kind of you. I was afraid I’d never see it again!!!
One of our most very special and fun ‘quirks’ I get to speak about here in the UK is our enduring and peculiar love for SHAPED NOTES!
Q: How does that bloke with the little pointy head sound?
A: Just as sharp as the one with the flat head!
When I was growing up and learning sol-fa, visions of shaped notes danced around in my head, and helped me conceptualize the correct pitch. I knew that shaped notes were not supposed to dance, but my imagination couldn’t help it! Maybe if I had grown up Catholic I could have said 3 ‘Hail Mary’s’ after my music lessons and felt forgiven?
But then whenever I got to sing the hymns with Ray Walker leading the singing, I knew dancing was really just choreography, and that I would be all right.
Amen! Well said! I’m 70 this year and the product of CofC 3 weekly services, monthly dinner on the ground and bi-annual “gospel meetings”. We had open window/funeral home fans “air conditioning”, blistering summer brush arbor meetings, with Daddy Long Leg spiders climbing the pulpit and occasionally the preacher’s legs, and 2 hour plus sermons from the more famous evangelists (you know their names). Back then, baptism was “not scriptural” without “Oh Happy Day” sung immediately following it. How could I not laugh at some of these things. Doesn’t mean I don’t hold them dear and realize they made me who I am. Just means they are funny!
Kate
I think God has a “special” place in heaven with a “special” brand of humor for those saints that storm the pulpit every Sunday with their vast array of complaints. I don’t mean that judgmentally – I really think He does.
It’s good to hear other “frozen chosen” are able to laugh.
Fear and humor cannot occupy the same space (Unless you use humor as a defense mechanism against fear) Otherwise, I find that you can make light of the most difficult situations when & where you feel safe.
Mike, did you tell that woman she was “usurping” your male authority? (joking, joking!).
For those who enjoy a sense of humor sprinkled in with their biblical teaching, I highly recommend Steve Brown, http://www.keylife.org.
Let the chorus of AMENS resound! I am so excited about The Classics! I have heard about this ever since last October and can’t wait to see it!
Mike,
What a terrific post-it ought to be applied to politics,business,schools,and sports as well. We would all be much better off if everybody lightened up and took themselves and things a little less seriously.
I love my heritage in the C of C but I am certainly not blind to it’s flaws…and I think critiquing it with humor is the kind way to remember it…Thanks,Randy Simmons
While I agree totally that we need to view a LOT of things with humor, our spiritual life being one of them — it seems to me that a lot of times here on your blog, those of us “less progressive” brethren ARE being made fun of, and not in a gentle way. More of a snarky, superior, “we are SO much more enlightened” way.
Maybe it’s the way of the internet; we can’t hear inflections, or see expressions. We read, and interpret blindly. But still, you can’t argue that sometimes it gets a little rough on us “conservatives” here, and it’s disguised as humor.
Mike,
Terrific post. . . . F. B. Srygley was good at poking fun. Re. exclusivity, he once wrote about a great irony: There are Christians in jails, in bars, in gutters, etc. but none in the Methodist, Presbyterian, or Baptist churches.
What goes for the “heritage” goes for the Bible too. It’s a lot funnier than I knew for a long time. Nowadays I can’t read certain passages without imagining Jesus with a smirk.
Amen! Like my mom used to tell me, if you can’t laugh at yourself, you’ll only hurt yourself.
Lisa – Maybe that’s the case in the comments section, but I have never once read a “snarky, superior, we are so much more enlightened” post from Mike. Sometimes I even want him to be a little more firm on certain “hot button” topics, but I know that’s not his place here. He is merely a moderator or a facilitator for a broader discussion. The conversation that takes place in the comments section is out of his control (if he wants an open dialogue), but it is also a beautiful thing; the fact that you and I are both posting on the same blog is pretty neat. (Since we’re throwing around labels here, I’d be of the more “liberal” persuasion)
Great post. The parent analogy is a perfect one. I grew up in a more progressive congregation where the borderline has often been crossed in COC bashing (I often wondered why some people hadn’t just started attending within a different fellowship). That isn’t fruitful. But you’re exactly right, we’ve got to be honest about our weaknesses and our room for growth. I went from growing up in a big city church to preaching at my first little bitty rural congregation. I can think especially of a couple of really old folks who I believe were as mistaken as they could be about a couple of things. But they have had such dedication, love, and integrity, I have been able to laugh to myself about the rough spots and love them for how they’ve used their gifts in the best way they know how. Thankfully, they have had the same kindess to be patient with my weaknesses, and love me for what I’m trying to contribute.
Lisa, I completely agree with you. I wouldn’t consider myself to be from the conservative wing of the CofC, but I see a lot of the attitude you speak of–we can view ourselves as being further along and more “enlightened” than those who have come before us, but the truth is that we’re all messed-up sinners in need of grace. There is a touch of mean-spiritedness and pride in this joking, and that is what bothers me–and it’s not my sense of humor (or lack thereof) that makes me cringe at some of the posts and comments I read.
Praise God if we’ve been blessed with a deeper understanding of spiritual matters than we’ve had in the past…..but how much more there is that we DON’T understand. I have been guilty of this type of attitude at times, but I truly don’t believe this is the kind of humility and compassion Christ would have us exhibit. This is a valid concern that many in our fellowship have–it shouldn’t be brushed off as a lack of a sense of humor!
I meant in the comments section, Steve. I should have made that clear. My bad!
And I don’t consider myself a member of the “conservative wing” either, but I’d bet some of you would!
I missed Pepperdine this year. When can we get that on DVD?
I love having the Church of Christ as my heritage, but if we can’t laugh at ourselves, then what are we considering sacred, the Gospel or the heritage?
I always figured we might as well laugh at ourselves since everybody else was probably already laughing at us.
My favorite CoC joke was one I heard from Bill Nash, which means I can’t repeat it here…
The medical profession has told us how healthy it is to be able to laugh at ourselves individually. Why would it be any different as a group or fellowship? From my perspective, the folks with a pride issue are the people who CAN”T laugh at themselves……not the ones that can. And that is not funny……it’s very sad.
Keep helping us to laugh, Mike!
DU
I think it says a lot about those who came up through the traditional cofc and are not just able to laugh, but are still here. That says more to me about unconditional love than criticising and leaving or blind defense.
I understand the feeling of needing to defend a heritage and also understand the need for humor regarding same.
In my case, what we’ve referred to in the past as legalistic stances hurt me deeply. It took a couple of decades to decide to give the church another try. God is SO good! He placed a loving, gentle understanding couple in my path that bound my wounds with their love while teaching me the truth in God’s word, as they guided me toward a deeper insight into God’s great love and grace for us.
These are the same people that brought me here to Abilene. I’m so thankful for them and as long as God gives me the way to do so, I’ll never ever let them go.
That being said, if in an attempt to hide those hurts I’ve misused humor and have hurt one or any of you, please I beg your forgiveness. Having been hurt so badly, the last thing I’d ever want to do is hurt another person.
Even so, can’t help myself, I thought the “removal of the Bomb in Gilead” is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. I burst out laughing, couldn’t help it.
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David U, I completely agree with you…I just think that this isn’t always a case of us being able to laugh at ourselves…it often comes across to me as us laughing at others, which is vastly different. Don’t know if that makes sense or not. It comes across to me as more “us vs. them”. And I’m mostly just referring to comments I’ve read, not “Mike Cope Sings the Classics”….I’m sure I could laugh at that!
Jesus talked of a man having a beam in his eye trying to remove a man who had a speck in his eye. I’m sure there was someone who complained that to have something in one’s eye wasn’t funny and Jesus shouldn’t even tease about such things. God created us able to laugh in order to keep from crying. Oh well, some people just don’t get it.
Mike:
Love your “lightening up” post … stated like a true apostate (joke) …
One of the first times I laughed during my lifetime of CoC experiences was in 1958. I was in the Army stationed in the Panama Canal Zone. I completed a Bible study with my platoon sergeant (Jim) and he wanted to be baptized. He had never before been inside a church building.
We went the following Sunday to a little church in Balboa. Of course he had to wait till the invitation song before responding. I had the privilege of performing the baptism.
Immediately following the baptism, Jim and I proceeded out of the baptistry and into the dressing area.
The congregation (about 50) began singing, “Oh Happy Day.” Jim, who by this time was stark naked began laughing. I asked him what was so funny? He stood there dripping wet and asked back to me, “How come they are singing, “How Dry I am?” We could not understand the words from the dressing room area. We could hear only the tune. Sergeant Jim, having been in hundreds of bars but never a church, connected the tune to his past drinking episodes.
Then my shell cracked and I laughed for several minutes …
I agree with Beaner, fear and humor just don’t mix. When we are in fear it’s hard to find anything funny. People are at different points in their journey. Some have come to a safe place where occassional humor is a breath of fresh air and creates a common bond of laughter. Some are still traveling to that place and find the humor offensive because they are fearful and unsure. I find myself in both places from time to time. I just have to pray for God’s guidance in both instances. He is good and will answer that request. And I happen to believe God likes a good laugh! Look at giraffees!
Horse with spots, weird horns and a very long neck. If that ain’t funny nothing is!
Mike,
I sat next to that lady…. She was furious. I was laughing a clapping so hard I almost fell out of my seat. She just glared and almost ran me over to get out so she could storm the stage. I tried to get your attention and give you a warning, but to no avail. By the way… you handed her off nicely. I love you!
Craig
good thougthts my friend…
I was at the Zoe conference and the video was hilarious. We’ve been awaiting its release since October.
When I heard about your encounter at Pepperdine (Lex Henderson was telling me about it), I cringed. It sounds a LOT like a woman from our church … I’m sad to say. She is a constant thorn in our collective flesh and the preaching of grace (or anything else relational) seems to never penetrate her heart.
Regardless of who this person was, I regret you had to endure the brunt of her wrath. I get it often!!
I get my “tickle box” turned over more times in worship services or classes than anywhere else. My mother had to pinch me so many times growing up in the cofc, but it didn’t do a lot of good. The last night of the Pepperdine Lectures, my 24 year old son & I got so tickled about something going on in the audience during Don’s “keynote” that we had to bow our heads & grip the bleachers we were sitting in. You know what? I later thought how WONDERFUL it was that he was there on a Friday night with his sweet wife & enjoying being with “the family of God” that much! If I had given him a stern, withering look, he wouldn’t have much wanted to be there now, would he?
Being one who has long had a really “way out” “weird” “wacky” sense of humor, but also one who tries to be very compassionate and considerate of others (both in our tribe and without) who may not see things that funny, themselves, I try to control myself (key word there is “try”) and to refrain from saying anything to anyone or in front of anyone who may not understand where my humor and irony are coming from or who may be hurt by it.
I WILL and DO share my offbeat humor and the irony I see in things with those closest to me – family members, close friends, fellow Christians – and even point out inconsistencies and humorous things about others, sometimes, as well as examine my own, but I don’t ever mean it in a “mean” way or as an “us against them” kind of thing, and I doubt (always tending to see the good in people, if possible) that many, if any, of the commenters here on this blog do, either.
It’s just that some of us are a little more extraverted, perhaps, in expressing how we feel about things and don’t always realize how some of the things we say sound to others. (I’m speaking of some of the things said in the comments prior to mine, here.)
I definitely think that we should all try to cultivate humor in our lives, maybe ESPECIALLY as Christians, as you say, Mike. It’s certainly served me well for many, many years now both in being able to connect to other people through the columns I wrote for several years as a journalist for different newspapers (and now in my blog) and in my own life through long years of adversity, trials and difficult situations, including the present physical ones and stresses still ongoing because of hurricane Katrina.
We ALL want to feel others identify with us and understand us and love us.
I don’t think the issue of differences of opinions about some things in the brotherhood and how we all interact with each other, sometimes in a humorous way, is in the humor (maybe at all, although I understand that none of us want to be laughed at – I sure don’t – laughed “with” or “about” in a loving way, yes, but not laughed “at” in a mean way) so much as in a feeling on one “side” or another of intolerance on the part of others toward us.
For example – I grew up (weren’t most of us) in a very conservative time and places in the cofC and was part of many such fellowships as a younger adult. I didn’t want the same things for my kids, so tried very hard to raise them to be very open minded and accepting and loving to all others. To be very opened minded and tolerant of those with different views and opinions than theirs.
I succeeded fairly well, I thought, until I realized something.
You see, my older son left home first, was at the U.S. Naval Academy, traveled lots of places, met lots of very different people and had many good Christian friends from a lot of different backgrounds and perspectives who he worked with as they led Bible study groups at the Academy and did other good work.
Not too long after that he came home and worshipped. The older minister was of a very conservative bent and his sermon that Sunday was a very negative one that I certainly didn’t agree with, but understood where he was coming from. Well – my open minded, tolerant son was very upset afterward at home and had a lot of harsh things to say about the minister’s attitudes, etc.
In fact, he had nothing good to say about such intolerance on the part of the minister about the things he talked about in his sermon. I had to stop my son and say – look – I raised you to be tolerant and I think you are for the most part, but you are being just as intolerant toward him as you think he is intolerant about all of these other things. So, who is better?
I counseled with him to consider that intolerance toward those who may be intolerant put him on the same level. He was being just as intolerant, himself, just about different things!
I exposed my son’s intolerance and talked with him about it because I take such things very seriously. But I also found humor and irony in it for a lot of reasons and believe that even when we are talking about very serious things, we can also find humor in them and use it to lighten the mood (as Mike has posted).
Those are my thoughts for what they’re worth. About 2 cents, if anyone has any pennies lying around they want to chip in.
Here’s a good cofC (and I don’t know how the use of “cofC” rather than “CofC” is going to classify me with some of you out there – I’ve read some pretty humorous comments on this blog in the past about the use of “CofC” versus “cofC” and what all that means!) one before I go:
It’s judgment day and everyone is in a long line waiting to be judged. All of a sudden there are ripples through the crowds working their way from front to back. Two guys are standing next to each other straining to hear what is being said.
Finally word gets back to them. The guy in front hears it from the person in front of him and passes the word along.
“It’s good news,” he says. “Pass it along.”
“Wednesday nights don’t count.”
drjimwhite wrote: “I’m sure there was someone who complained that to have something in one’s eye wasn’t funny and Jesus shouldn’t even tease about such things.”
Durn tootin’ Dr. Jim–I am that someone.
Dr. Eyeguy
Good comments, Mike, to which I can relate so very well. My kids are always saying about me when I get in one of my hyper-critical moods about something I don’t like about the way we “do church” that they will say, “Dad, you’ve got issues.” And I do “have issues” with a lot of what has gone wrong within our churches.
However, I still believe that in spite of the “devil run amok” attitude that has divided our movement and run off any number of people that God is doing and will do so much good through this flawed heritage. I think this is the attitude exemplified in Leroy Garrett in his “A Lover’s Quarrel.” No matter how hard our group of churches try to disown or kick out the “gadflies”, the gadflies continue to challenge our shallow and incorrect thinking and help us move to a healthier place.
At our house we affectionately call our group of churches “the club.” It’s our attempt to use humor to diffuse some of the sadness we feel over situations that have gone astray or do go astray within our church family due to its traditions and heritage.
I like your analogy of the three views. I think these three views are present within all viewpoints of our tribes of churches. My prayer is that the mature view continues to win out over all others. As Paul says, “All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you.”
Peace.
Hey, no one has mentioned my dad’s favorite hymn…”Gladly, the Cross I’d Bear”. For years, I tried to imagine a cross-eyed bear named Gladly until I finally figured out old dad was yankin’ my chain.
Let us not forget the first recorded case of PMS in the Bible either Steve….Mary rode Joseph’s Ass on the way to Bethlehem.
Steve – that verse from Paul “And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you.” is one of the funniest in the Bible to me! I crack up every time I read it because it sounds like Paul is joking about his own (right) opinion. Maybe I’m reading it funny & it’s not supposed to be, but I snicker at it all the same!
I was trying to hold off on this but the “Gladly the Cross-Eyed Bear” reference pushed me over the edge. Everyone stop what you’re doing and go watch this video: http://www.bluefishtv.com/ProductDetails~id~1206.aspx.
Steve Holt Jr said: “For years, I tried to imagine a cross-eyed bear named Gladly…”
Ok, what is this, “Pick on Dr. Eyeguy Day?” I’m sorry Steve, but there is absolutely nothing funny about cross-eyed bears or cross-eyed people.
Dr. Eyeguy
Thanks for the challenge, Mike. I’ll see if I can’t lighten up a bit.
You also have to know your audience. For example, I wouldn’t hesitate to tell my brother the youth minister Dee’s joke. He would think it hilarious. My mom? Not so much.
(Of course she didn’t like my joke about the low-fat communion wafer and she’s doesn’t even believe in transubstantiation!)
Deana..that is hilarious!!!!!
I saw that video during the lectureships last year, my husband and I thought it was hilarious. I did not grow up in the coc and so it was easy for me to see the “negative” parts about coc and its history, but I also learned all of the great things about it as time went on. I find it easy to laugh about certain parts of our restoration heritage, but that does not mean that I do not respect and appreciate it.
Such a great analogy. Isn’t it refreshing to come to this balanced response? What I’ve learned through the years is, now that I’ve grown this far, I have a deeper responsibility to be patient with those who haven’t yet. For those who have grown beyond me, I can only pray that they feel that sense of patient responsibility toward me as well. Who has arrived yet? We can ask that at age 80 and still look around and see there’s ten more lifetimes left to learn!
So I love the analogy, for we see patience developing in parents who didn’t have it as children, and patience thriving in grandparents who realize it takes the journey of life to get it…and who can laugh at that journey, too. I am so thankful to be alive at this time in our heritage.
Also, I think if we were to examine the heritages of other “denominations”, we would find much of this same thing.
Speaking of not quite getting the lyrics of certain hymns correct as a kid, this was mine. I never could quite figure why or how my brother Neil would be at the cross and why Jesus would meet us there or why we were singing about it, you know? I mean, “Neil At The Cross?”
More importantly, Mike. After having seen the video Deana told us about.
1. Are you or ZOE going to be charging for your “Mike Cope Sings the Classics” video, and if so how much? I know the going rate for anything and everything in TV infomercials is a standard $19.99, so was just wondering. I mean – any discount for the faithful?
2. Will we all be able to see it online at ZOE’s website? Will it be on the main page or have directions to it? I don’t want to miss that!
Big Mike said: “Please, lighten up.”
Ok, you asked for it, you got it.
And by the way, “grown this far” means me individually, though yes, we do tend to compare ourselves against others. In doing so, I am more liberal than some of my conservative brethren, and more conservative than some of my liberal brethren (see, I still use the word brethren) and I term it “growing this far”…but is it really? Or is it that I’ve discovered there is room at the Cross for people who don’t fit the cookie cutter?
I do appreciate the sensitivities of some here who indicate they feel a sting at some of this joking, and I would like to say that so often most of the problem is simply the words I, for example, use to say “I’ve grown past that” whatever that is. That doesn’t mean that I take it that everyone who is still at “that” is a clown; in fact, some of my greatest faith lessons have come from the most conservative of saints. And are we all called to walk the same journey? Most definitely not! So “growing past that” needs to mean in my own life. Why would Jesus want me to compare myself to you? He wants me to keep eyes on Him.
There comes a point at which it becomes more comfortable for some of us to worship together, and I’ve learned that’s okay…but if we come from a stricter heritage and now enjoy a less strict setting(for lack of a better terminology), it is to be enjoyed. That means it’s okay to laugh. However, growing means responsibility, and if we’ve grown we know there’s a time for laughter. The catch 22 is so many of the conflicts we have today over these issues is because we are simply talking more…and as a result, we get in each other’s time for laughter more. Should I take offense if someone laughs at me because I’m more liberal in belief? Communication is a great thing, and the more it happens, the better; and the more it happens, the more grace and patience are needed…from all parties. We can enjoy each other, not agree, and be different. And, yes, perhaps even laugh at our differences. We are having discussions that didn’t happen years ago, with much more patience and grace…praise God! Is more needed? You bet!
That’s why I love grandparents so much! I remember that laughter and that patience, caring grace. However, I never remember my grandfather yelling in condemnation. He’d just lived too long.
I’m with drjimwhite – sometimes it’s either laugh or cry. There are many people who have been wounded by our tradition, and it is wrong (I think) to ignore that fact. Better to work toward healing with laughter (and lots of prayer).
It is certainly possible to go too far, but it’s also true that with some people it’s going to seem negative no matter how you say it.
I didn’t grow up in the CofC, so I can’t share any funny hymm mistakes or favorits (and Mike’s video IS hilarious even to those who didn’t grow up w/those songs!), but I will share this:
“You picked a fine time to leave me Lucielle. With 400 children & a crop in the field” (or so I thought that was what Kenny was singing!)