Dr. Goff - your response pretty much perfecty reflects the values and relationships that TMB is trying to encourage in a responsible, faithful way. That can sometimes be a lonely endeavour in Christian circles, especially online. I have no doubt that Paul & Lori (the owners), and Grace and the rest of the OG would be honoured if you dropped them note.

I had a friend from home who married a girl he met at Harding; they divorced after several years because she couldn’t enjoy s*x — to the point where she wouldn’t have it at all.

I’ve always thought that we shortchange our girls (there might be problems with boys, but somehow I doubt it, i.e. what Deana said) by telling them that “You say ‘no’ until you stand in front of a preacher, then you say ‘yes.’” Not that I’m advocating premarital s*x, but we need to be better about talking about it. About how it’s pleasurable. About how it’s a gift. About how just because God has placed limitations on our s*xuality, that doesn’t make it bad or dirty. That’s its okay to enjoy it with your husband.

IMO, we would have much more “healthy” conversations if we just took the leap of faith to discuss such things. That we no longer worry about what others think, or the shame we might be feeling or the pain of the discussing it, and begin. Dialoguing about it is of most importance. If we, as a body really aren’t willing to carry these burdens and bring God’s light into the day to day reality of life, then what hope is there? Yet, the cost of this is so much more than a 10 week class and discussion regarding “safe” issues to talk about.

All that being said, we are to be proactive, preventive and active…a vibrant body of believers who know they belong and hence have the security to open their hearts and the flip side is, having someone skilled to lead such growth and discussion. We need to equip our churches.

I would also concur with Kent, because I was trained as a facilitator with Family Dynamics, we participated in 5 classes and what happens in these contexts is very powerful. Those who shared in it, bonded deeply.

Their needs to be an environment of safety and trust, so that men and women are willing and feel comfortable enough to bring the truth out in the open. Remember, it’s the truth that sets us free!

I really don’t have the answers about the divorce rate. Yet, my hope is that as we as His body can become a beacon on hope and truth. Let’s talk about that reality, of broken relationships, of pain and of seperation and let’s allow God’s Spirit to lead us as we seek Him to help us on this road.

Christians can perhaps remind the broader culture that good sex, by definition, is part and parcel of, not antagonistic to, ordinary marriages and domestic life.

Remind them yes… BY EXAMPLE.

Kent - There are resources to be had, but unfortunately, churches are still way behind on the sexuality front. Thank God for people like Eddie Parish, the sexuality class he teaches short-course style at ACU, and his spiritual retreat hermitage for singles, families, and couples!

We took Eddie’s class a week or so after getting engaged (and then audited it about 5 more times). We went in to marriage with the expectations expressed in the article… and, uh, have no regrets. If anyone is within driving distance of Abilene in May or January, that week-long experience is worth the $35 it will cost you to audit! (how’s that for an advertisement?)

TheMarriageBed.com discussion forums serve as a good catalyst for us - creating regular opportunities for keeping sexuality in open conversation. For a theologically conservative Christian crowd - actually for any crowd - TMB is the best online community I’ve found for married sexuality discussion.

That’s about all I’ve got, other than some books. It would be great to have churches pick up the ball, but the best way to get that going, in my view, is to lead by example (see first paragraph) and nurture sexually deep marriages.

Men and women see love making differently in a less mature relationship. It’s about two people coming together in a way that only they can. Not a release of what ever. It’s not sex.

Our church has 3 couples trained as facilitators. Since completing our training last October, we’ve had one class and have 2 more planned for this year. I cannot recommend it highly enough.