From my buddy Rubel’s “Fax of Life”:
It was Robert Burns who wrote the wistful line about God giving us humans the power to see ourselves as others see us. I wonder if his thoughts turned in that direction because of somebody’s waistline.
A new report from the Pew Research Center gives some interesting insight about how men and woman see ourselves. The topic surveyed among more than 2,250 adults was weight. Says the report: “People tend to see the weight problem of the nation as a whole as being greater than the weight problems of their friends and acquaintances.” They might also have added “or themselves.”
Nine out of every 10 Americans hold the opinion that the majority of their fellow citizens are overweight. Yet only 70 percent think that most of the people they know are too heavy. Finally, when it comes to themselves, only around four in every ten of us thinks he or she weighs too much.
If those numbers seem not to add up, the researchers noticed the same thing. “When [people] think about weight,” they wrote, “they appear to use different scales for different people.” And weight isn’t the only thing . . .
We are also inclined to use different “scales” for weighing deeds and motives. So she admits she said something hateful but denies having really meant it. He confesses to hitting her but claims she knows that he really loves her. Or we acknowledge that we have not obeyed some red-letter teaching of Jesus but insist on our religious zeal and piety. What’s going on here?
We are facing a difference of perception versus reality.
* The reality is alcoholism, but the perception is extroverted party-animal.
* Reality is painful neglect of family, and perception is noble hard work.
* Truth is lack of integrity, yet the masquerade is that everybody does it.
* Fact is religious hypocrisy, but pretense is denominational loyalty.
* Reality is only words and promises, while perception is deep devotion.
So what do you think? Are your self-perceptions accurate? Or are they skewed by allowances made for self and friends that are not made for strangers? Vices plastered with excuses? Disobedience masked by religious lip service?
“Not everybody who sounds pious is really godly,” said Jesus. “They may call me ‘Lord,’ but they still won’t enter the Kingdom of Heaven. The real test is whether they obey my Father who is in heaven” (Matthew 7:21).
The poet was right. It is a gift from above to see ourselves as we really are.
At 4:39 am (or any time before 6:00) there’s not many illusions of grandeur about who I am. There’s no masquerading on the way to the coffee pot, I can tell you that!
So, yes, the logic is simple in the early a.m.: If you lack perception, just get up before your masks do.
Peace. I didn’t know anybody was up this early without force.
“The poet was right. It is a gift from above to see ourselves as we really are.”
.
a gift or a curse?
To be honest…I kinda prefer walking around on this globe thinking I’m an okay guy to those still times when Holy Spirit busts my reality chops with the news that I’m not okay and more like a complete wrech.
I guess it is a gift…
With age and experience a lot of the blinders are stripped away and we sometimes catch that clear reflection of ourselves in the perception mirror. If we worked harder on who we are and worried less about how others see us we might be more fit–physically and spiritually. Having said that, the self-discipline to get it done is what escapes me. I struggle to stay on any kind of regimine be it diet, exercise, or spiritual discipline. My spontaneous nature makes life lots of fun but many of those healthy routines are merely elusive goals which elude my grasp. Will I ever grow up?
Interesting post Mike. I once heard someone say that, “The problem with all of us is: we judge others by their actions, yet we judge ourselves by our intentions.”
We are also inclined to use different “scales” for weighing deeds and motives
Indeed, I know I can fall into this. The way I view myself comes through a different set a glasses that I wear. I use these to look at myself in the mirror, whereas I might use the same for others, but honestly, another pair would do. Why? I think Rubel has a point, we are facing a difference of perception versus reality.
Whether they are skewed for allowancess made for ourselves or others, I am not so sure. I think the motive point is crucial. My motive in looking at myself and those closest too me and scrutinize that reality may be either more pure and hence more grace is offered to those around us. It’s the danger of allowing that grace and misperception to blind us to the traps of sin and entanglement as I walk this earlthy walk. I can look at others in such a way when I cannot lift my eyes to myself.
Grace? Perception or reality? This comes to mind.
And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts as you trust in him. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love really is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it. Then you will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God. (Eph 3:17-19)
Once I know His love, then maybe I can look with clearer vision and use the same pair of glasses.
When I see myself as I REALLY am, the bigger my God gets….and the harder it becomes to fathom the gift of grace. When I think that Christ would die for me at my worst (just a piece of cr*p on the sidewalk of life) I can’t help but be overwhelmed at the love of Jesus dying for me on the cross. When I feel like I’ve got myself together, then I just don’t need Him so much. It’s sad, really.
Yes, it is, so true.
I think the overwhelming sensation helps keep us, most of the time, so little and God so big, as He should be. I like what you said, the more you look in the mirror the smaller you get and bigger He gets! Thanks.
This is why we really don’t want to get down to the brass tacks of “how we’re doing”. Brutal reality is not what most want to look at. We’d rather take attendance, punch a ticket, and watch reality TV to get our dose of realness.
When I was a university communications major in the 80’s we studied the “perception is the ultimate reality” theory as proposed by Marshall McLuann (a pop culture theorist of the 50-60s). I concluded then and still believe that while perception is NOT the ultimate reality, it IS reality for the person doing the perceiving.
For example, you may view my life and not clearly see that I claim Christ as my Savior. But, in reality, Christ is my Savior, I just do a poor job of representing Him. Of what value is my light if it is not seen by others? Not much, I would say. It doesn’t mean that I’m not light (because Jesus says that I am), but rather, a lesser seen one.
As for the study, one of my “regular” prayers is that God would allow me to see myself as I really am. Sometimes that means that He has to humble me. But other times it means that I need to be more confident. After all, I am part of the chosen elect, a royal priesthood. I am clothed with Christ, and when God sees me, He sees His Son. There’s nothing I can think of as more affirming than that.
Brian
One real way you can test how you see yourself vs. reality is to look at yourself in the mirror and compare that to a recent photograph of yourself. For whatever reason, you see yourself differently in the moment in the mirror than when you look at yourself in a photograph. Somehow our minds tend to obscure flaws and perceive even our physical image in a much better light than reality. The opposite is possible as well. The extreme of this point would be the example of an anorexic that sees herself as really overweight when the reality is that she is unhealthily thin.
I suppose at least since the time of Hippocrates, with his four different types of human beings: Sanguine, Choleric, Phlegmatic, and Melancholic that we have been trying to understand others and ourselves. Most of us have taken Isabel Briggs-Meyers’ Myers Briggs Type Indicator assessment to determine our personality type.
I am most thankful that when God looks at me he does not see me, but Christ his son with whom he has clothed me since the day I was born again.
I am also thankful for a loving, accountability group that keeps me from believing any of my own lies.
Peace.
I guess I get myself stuck in seeing that I am worthless w/o Christ, but then I forget to let Christ’s sacrifice change my view of myself in the present - how God sees me now. Things I definately need to be reminded of today - I am holy & blamesless in His sight!
Yikes Mike! Why did you have to go & post this particular topic today?
as long as i have a fig leaf i am ok
the easiest way for me to think of it is from a speech given by a scoutmaster I had when I was 12 years old. His words have stuck with me ever since.
We see ourselves as e reflection in a mirror. We think we can change the angle or change the pose and it will change how we look. Others see us as a snapshot picture. Good or bad, we cannot always pose how we want or change the angle.
so, how can i help other people to understand that their perception is wrong? haha. of course my percecption must be the ultimate reality, right?…since the world revolves around me?…
I appreciate Rubel’s words of wisdom. I often wonder if others look at me as I look at myself. One of the best (although difficult) ways to find this out is to ask your best friends, wife, etc. to tell you some things that you do or are about that you don’t realize. This is initially painful and a shot to the pride but it also provides a truthful glance at life from people you love.
“We are facing a difference of perception versus reality” Perhaps we are also facing a difference in knowing what reality truly is; why do 48 million people (listed in the news today as the number of people who voted last night during American Idol) watch “reality television” when that is not even close to reality. Maybe our view of perception versus reality has something to do also with what we view as reality.
I go with what Clint says, times 2!
> We are facing a difference of perception versus reality…
> We are facing a difference of perception versus reality…
(Sorry for repeating, but you Comments field did not print out more than one sentence?)
We are facing a difference of perception versus reality…’
Perhaps rather than facing a difference of perception we are finally listening to and giving validity to the perception others have of our perception of reality?
‘As a Christian I should not have treated you like I just did. But I am also a human. Thank God for his grace!’
“Fact is religious hypocrisy, but pretense is denominational loyalty.”
This troubles me, as “denominational loyalty” is increasingly being used as a code word for “conservative CoC.” Is there a bit of agenda peeking through Rubel’s insights? If I posted, “Fact is ignoring God’s commands, but pretense is being progressive,” how well would that go over?
I’ve come to realize that so much of the difference in the Christ-life is seeing what is real. If we know our enemy distorts things on a daily (or hourly) basis, the job of the Christian person ought to be to ask God to reveal what is true. Sometimes this truth hurts, sometimes it heals. But we must not only seek out what is real and true, but call it out as what it is.
I like Randy Harris’ definition of “spiritual direction”: Listening to God on behalf of another person. In other words, that is asking God to reveal what is real — what He is doing — in a situation.
J.P., there probably is a bit of agenda peeking out through Rubel’s insights. But his “agenda” is well-received on my end because I know he is speaking about something with which he is extremely familiar. Similar to a recovering alcoholic speaking strongly about the dangers of alcoholism. The truth is, “conservative CoC” has also often epitomized sectarianism, while preaching “unity” out of the other side of its mouth — that’s hypocrisy. We all do that, though, so don’t hear me singling out one patch in the quilt. We just need to hold the mirror in front of our own face from time to time.
I was once in a ministry where one of my deacons and elders said, “Our perception, Josh is reality. And our perception right now is that you’re not doing as good of a job.” Yes I quoted on purpose…that is exactly what they said…word for word. I know everyone has their own perceptions but man do I have a hard time listening to “perceptions.”
Steve Jr. I like your new user name. I was contemplating today whether to alter mine to provide for less confusion and certainly to keep you from getting the blame for my posts.
Peace.
Or you to get blame for my posts, Steve…
There’s a Steve Sr. (who may or may not be my dad…) that posts sometimes too.
Estoy confundo!
This topic is one of my pet peeves. The suggestion that “perception is reality” is so flawed, yet so common.
Not only do many in the post-modern culture (outside of Christ) hold this view…there are also many in the post-modern culture (inside Christ) that do as well.
The challenge is we need our perceptions to help inform us of our surroundings, especially for things that could possibly bring us joy or harm. But perception alone is not enough.
The best analogy I have for this is in my late twenties as my eyes began to fail.
My perception was the lighting was bad, or that street signs were not crafted well. My perception was that all trees had a green blob on top of the trunk.
The reality was in fact very different..I just could not see it until I received my prescription for my first pair of glasses. It was only then that I saw reality for how it always was even though I could not yet perceive it.
A more accurate statement would be “perception may or may not be reality”
I am reminded of Paul’s comments in 1 Cor. 13:12:
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. (NIV)
…and Job’s reminder:
For God does speak—now one way, now another— though man may not perceive it. (Job 33:14, NIV)
Are your self-perceptions accurate?
No…I just pray the eyes of my heart and mind are opened as I am transformed into the image of the Christ.
I’m with you on all points–all family and friends welcome. Dads, sons, and bronco riding preachers . . . please notice that I didn’t say “maverick preachers.”
Peace.
Good post. I seem to have run in to this several times this year and no matter how much I wish that meant I had seen inaccurate perceptions in others, I must truthfully admit I have seen them in my perceptions about myself. (I might add that having our skewed perceptions clarified is not always … fun.) I guess that is part of growth I only wish the growth stuck around a little longer sometimes. It seems like it takes constant vigilance to view ourselves and our intentions through a lens of reality and the commitment to truth.
I am reminded of a little sermon Randy Harris gave last year in which he corrilated the church to Balam’s donkey and reminded us that God has given us the church as well to help us clarify perception and reality. So it would seem that our God has provided the means for us to see reality if we would only choose to see, which admittedly seems to be part of my problem.
I guess that is why we also walk with an older brother who knows what it is like to live here on earth. It is good to know we before the Father with an advocate who knows what it is like to live realistically in a world of perceptions. It is also good to know that that same advocate has given us a His Spirit to walk with us toward growth on our path to the Father and the Spirit’s perception, if we are willing to hear, is always more accurate than our own.
The reality is we are not perfect, but our God is and He is rooting for us all the way!