1. Jeff, we’ve been drawn much closer together over the past year because of the experience our children were in. I’ve shared with this blog community some of the horror — along with some of the blessings that have come. Could you reflect a bit on some of the positive things you’ve seen from this tragic experience?
Our time together has been one of the real blessings to come out of this nightmare — and for me, part of the healing too. You and I always said we wanted to spend more time together somehow, though I don’t think this is the way either of us would have chosen to begin doing that. Still, it’s funny how catastrophe can open our eyes to a new way of seeing, so that some vital things which tend to get laid aside in favor of “urgent routines” make their way to the top of the list, demanding attention. Conversation, relationship, community — why does it often take crisis and loss to remind us how much more important those things are than many of the things we misspend our energies towards every day?
Back to your question. Amara was in the accident because she traded seats with a friend during the last rest stop. For some reason, she and her two friends weren’t able to ride in the same vehicle together. Amara was assigned to ride in the car her mom was driving — not the average 8th-grader’s dream youth group road-trip, but she endured. The other two girls were together. As an act of friendship, one of them (Sage Nielson) gave up her place so that Amara could be with the other girl for a while: Beth Johnston. Then the accident happened. The seat-swap created some confusion back in Abilene about just who was involved in the accident but it also stirred deep emotions between Sage and Amara.
When Amara was finally brought to the hospital, she looked awful and was in a lot of pain. But she had only two things on her mind and she kept talking about them, for as long as she was conscious: 1) the people who had helped her and prayed with her on the roadside; and 2) she asked how everybody involved was doing — including Sage. Once Amara and Sage finally got to see one another, late the next day, the scene was incredible. “I am so sorry that you took my place,” Sage said. “It should have been me!” At the same time, Amara was blurting out, “I am so glad that we traded places, so you didn’t have to go through this!” They were both weeping. Come to think of it, some other people in the room may have been crying too. Each was ready to give herself up for the other and in the middle of the horrific pain of that time of broken bodies and death they knew very well what they were saying. The image of Christ was making an appearance, right there among the cookie bouquets and blood transfusions.
Has anything positive come from this? Yes. For instance, we got so many cookie bouquets that we had to borrow extra freezer space… 
But seriously — in this experience we have met God. You can tell whether a sure-enough, for-real encounter with God has happened based on how the event transforms people’s lives. You often can’t know at the moment. You certainly can’t tell God showed up just because there are deep emotions, or great inner experiences, or amazing coincidences, or miraculous provisions, wonderful as all those may be. Sometimes we let ourselves get fooled into thinking that those are the marks of a God-thing, but he’s deeper than those things. It’s about how the event causes people’s lives to be reordered according to the image of Christ — that’s how you can see God’s hand. It usually takes some time; time to see the effects, time to reflect on the event and the aftermath. More than a year later, I can look back and see how that this event has evoked the image of Christ. Amara and Sage — the Good Samaritans on the roadside — the people who sacrificed and mobilized to help the Bourlands and all the families involved in the wreck — the Highland Church coming together for service, prayer, and healing — cooperation and compassion between denominations in Abilene — the tangible outpouring of love from people all over the place, including so many regulars on your Blog. And in Amara I have seen ongoing transformation. She is more responsive to people in need. She has volunteered her time to help the local Children’s Miracle Network — including doing spots on TV and radio (against every 14-15-year old’s instincts..). She thinks about creative ways to use her money to help others. She’s on her way to Mexico this summer to put her aching body to work for others. I am proud of her.
Seeing all this in the aftermath has renewed my conviction that the Way of Jesus is a good Way. And I am totally convinced that our family and our church met God that day, because of the way his character and heart have revealed themselves in the midst of it all. Many people impacted by this event have been formed according to Christ. To me — that’s positive.
2. You’re a dad and a theologian. You’re bound to have heard people try to explain “why this wreck happened.” Can you help us think Christianly about this?
Tough question. After all, if we met God that day and if rich blessings have come out of the event, is that why it happened? Who am I to say? Maybe I should stop there. But, here goes…
Early on Amara started getting hit with many different explanations for her suffering — everything from “accidents happen,” to elaborate commentaries that confidently interpreted every detail of the experience as directly orchestrated by God for very clear and specific purposes. She handled the explanations fairly well. I think deep down she sensed that people were genuinely trying to be helpful and encouraging in a faithful way. But more than once, having to grapple with some of the explanations produced tears and painful conversations as she tried to fit these explanations into what she knew from the Bible and her experience. Some of them just wouldn’t fit. Some of them required a God who was totally absent; others required a God who spent a lot of his time inventing new ways for people to suffer unfairly. One evening she visited with me about how hard it was to see God as someone who would deliberately take away a mother’s young son, as in her accident — or to cause the suffering of a child who was being abused by a parent over many years, as in some cases she’d heard about. Yet some of the explanations from older Christians she admired required that kind of God, and it was difficult to swallow. You can imagine that we were having different conversations than we’d had before.
It was a reminder to me that theology matters, because some theology is toxic, no matter how well-meaning. It often becomes toxic when some truth about God is magnified to become the only truth about God, at the expense of some other truths that are just as biblical and just as important. But maybe I didn’t need to worry about it so much, since over the last year my teenaged daughter has become quite a practicing theologian. She didn’t just swallow everything she heard, but reflected deeply, talking it through with her parents and siblings. And she heard the reflections of people like you and others, that helped her find ways to think Christianly.
I have heard that when some of her peers in her High School Bible class or Huddle are quick to blithely give God credit for various tragedies that occur, on the presumption that he has some good purpose we just can’t see, she now tends to be one of those who says, “God didn’t do those things. But he wants to bring good out of them.” That has become her answer to the problem, I think. And it has become important to her that it be said — that well-intended, pious-seeming, but overly simple explanations for tragedy not be allowed to stand unchallenged. I think she knows that way more is at stake than the momentary comfort one-sided answers bring.
Her answer reminds me of Jesus with the man born blind (Jn 9), or the time he commented on the worshiping Galileans that Pilate slaughtered and the tower of Siloam that collapsed and killed people (Lk 13). There were obviously people who could tell you why those awful things happened and what God was up to in causing them. They wanted Jesus to deliver his view on that question but, as usual, Jesus won’t play their game. Instead, he redirects people’s thinking away from the business of sorting out why those things happened to focus on the significance of how people respond in the events’ aftermath, to participate in the ongoing work and glory of God. You see that all over scripture — the Bible is much more modest about determining who caused what than we tend to be, but it’s also very clear in stressing that the important thing to focus on is who we are to be in the midst of tragedy and pain.
I like Amara’s answer — though our family doesn’t have it all figured out, to be sure. The pain is still real, physically and spiritually. Amara’s youth ministers have learned that when Bible class includes some presentation of suffering or need she is likely to be one who asks the troublesome question, “Why does God let that happen to people, anyway?” We’re still asking the questions, some days more painfully than others. But over time, my answers to your first question are becoming our answer to this one too. “Did God cause this? Why did God do this?” soon receded, as a bad question. “Where is God at work in this now? Who does he want us to be in this?” came to the forefront as the question the Bible actually sanctions and that our experience showed us was being answered right in front of us. In the midst of experiences of death and pain God brings resurrection in hope and healing and his presence. That seems a Christianly way of thinking, to me. At least, it’s something I’ve been learning from my teenage daughter — along with which lip glosses are best, though I’m not finding that wisdom to be as helpful.
I don’t know that I’ve really answered your questions, but thanks for letting me share my rambling thoughts with you and your Blog community. It helps. Their prayers and messages have meant so much to us over the last 15 months. And thanks for being my faithful conversation partner during this time.
A few quick thoughts…
I praise God for where He is in this wound and where he is in the healing!
My daughter Laura (who was in the car just ahead of the wreck) almost traded spaces as well. Her emotions have been tested as she considers, “that could’ve been me.” She decided to stay put. Wow.
I can never think about this event without thinking about holding you at the hospital Mike. That was perhaps the one time that I felt the roles were reversed and I was helping you experience the Father instead of the other way around.
And finally, a simple prayer:
“God, please be with the Bourlands. They have no Brady to hold. Please hold them. Hold them tight. The others have a child to help heal. They have a hole at the table and in their hearts. So help them heal. In the name of the great holder and healer, Jesus. Amen.”
Two hallmark ideas from these ‘ramblings’ of Dr Childers:
1. ‘Instead, he redirects people’s thinking away from the business of sorting out why those things happened to focus on the significance of how people respond in the events’ aftermath, to participate in the ongoing work and glory of God. You see that all over scripture — the Bible is much more modest about determining who caused what than we tend to be, but it’s also very clear in stressing that the important thing to focus on is who we are to be in the midst of tragedy and pain.’
2. ‘Where is God at work in this now? Who does he want us to be in this?” came to the forefront as the question the Bible actually sanctions and that our experience showed us was being answered right in front of us. In the midst of experiences of death and pain God brings resurrection in hope and healing and his presence.’
Tragedy always catches us when we least expect it. In the shock period, it is so easy to be led by listening to (or enduring), asking, and trying to respond to the wrong questions. As creatures of our society, we can suffer through the distractions when confronted by pain and death, and prolong the healing process. Amara teaches us to reach out with a candid directness in search of the truth that will undoubtedly, eventually, heal us. Dr Childers reminds us where our Christian faith looks to for timely guidance.
Thank you, Mike, and many thanks for sharing pivotal lessons learned by one so young. My prayers are still with you all.
“Accidents happen,” until it becomes personal. “Why does God allow these things to happen?” That is the universal question. Maybe another question to think about is, “What if God did not allow anything bad to happen to his children?”
Thank you for a powerful testimony, “Amara, Jeff, and Mike!”
Wow, thank you Jeff. Another way God has brought about good from that horrific accident is through this blog. So many of us have been impacted by your faith and Mike’s as he has let us peek through the window and share in the healing process.
We are mostly strangers yet privileged to pray with you and have our eyes opened to how we can be supportive of others who are grieving. Thank you both for being transparent with your struggles and your faith.
That Amara sounds like quite a young lady! I know you’re proud of her. Must come from all that camping under the glow in the dark stars.
Thank you, Jeff. We don’t often get to see the inside of such disasters, how people ask and cope and recognize God’s presence. It is enriching and healing.
His comments are so thoughtful and wise. I love the statement that it is clear God has shown up when people reorder their lives as a result of the encounter.
Thank you for sharing such raw emotion.
I just returned from working a Walk to Emmaus, so everything today is filtered through that powerful weekend, but it seems like so much of Jeff’s comments applied to the many, many stories of tragedy, grief and pain, either in the past that have been used by God for good, or pain that is still here, wondering what good will come from it. I don’t remember anyone saying all weekend that God had caused bad things to happen, and am so thankful for that. I will forward this to as many of my new friends as possible, with that application in mind. THank you, Jeff, for your wonderful insights. Thanks to my little sister Amara for being an example to so many of us older Christians who still struggle (and will often struggle in the future) with where God is in the midst of all the LIFE that goes on here in this place called Earth that he holds in the palm of his hand.
Jeff,
It was a blessing to catch up with you this weekend and hear some of these thoughts first-hand from you. May God continue to be glorified even in the most tragic and frightening of life’s moments. And I pray that Amara can continue to manage her pain, while she continues her mature reflection on this event.
Thanks, Mike, for sharing this.
To me the question is who is in control. If God is in control than the buck stops there. Whether God causes or does not stop something from happening. Thanks Jeff for redirecting our questions. Asking why something happened may be the same type question as, can God make a rock so big he cannot pick it up. just a foolish question with no answer us mortals (Job) could understand. I would say that I am impressed with Amara but her response to this ordeal is what would be expected from a descendent of Jeff Childers, but I guess I still am.
Jeff, thanks for sharing with us here on the blog. I always enjoyed your teaching class and our discusions together. There were a number of us here in Germany praying for Amara and the others at the time of the tragedy. She sound like she has a good handle on things which doesn’t surprise me with her parents.
I just helped work a Tres Dias weekend here. Two weeks ago I broke my leg in a freak accident on a streetcar. I descided to still fullfill the duties I had volunteered for as so many are in Iraq we barely have enough to put the weekend on. Tres Dias is almost identical to the Walk to Emmaus there. Through the weekend I sensed it was a special blessing for the ones in attendance to see me struggle up and down three floors of stairs to lead worship and be a table leader. God was turning my pain into a blessing. I know he will do the same with Amara in Mexico. God bless her and you, Kent
So powerful…these kids will never be the same…they have a connection that is amazing.
It was so powerful going back to Winterfest and watching these kids as There’s a Stirring was sung..they dropped to their seats and wept…they held each other…my son walked out and Stormy followed him to talk to him. Thank you Stormy for being there for all of them.
Toxic theology….now there’s a blog series waiting to happen!
What powerful words from Jeff. I don’t know why things like this happen but I am so grateful for Christian people like Jeff and Mike who are able to (ultimately) sort through the pain and questions and walk out the other side a stronger and more passionate believer.
By the way, I am in Jeff’s Christian Spirituality class this semester and the man is as brilliant in class as he was on this blog. Thanks for this, Mike. And thanks for your transparency, Jeff.
Blessings on the both of you and all the others involved.
Thanks for your comments, Dr. Childers. I’m so grateful for people like you who can speak simple, understandable words about such big, complicated issues. THANK YOU!
We can learn much from our children…
I pray God holds the Bourlands close from now on. My heart still aches for them, just as it still aches for you and Diane when I think about Megan. Some things we get through but never get over. I’m thankful we have a God who works to make some good come out of awful tragedies, and a God who weeps and mourns with us in our loss. Thank you for sharing this with us!
Thanks for sharing. I’m amazed at Amara’s faith and growth–and would love for her to come and share her story of finding God with our church sometime!!
I’m also reminded of what I believe about God: that He is the great redeemer. He redeems horrific events–or in Amara’s words–God brings good even when evil is intended. That’s the business of our God–and I’m thankful that He is at work in me and all over the world! bw
I think Jeff and Amara nailed it. I am so thankful for the healing that has taken place since the wreck and it is evidence of how God can use things for good even if he does not want them to happen. I saw another sign of progress today as I drive by Jon-Westin’s house. The ramp is gone! Awesome…
Along with remembering the Bourlands, I’d also like to remind us to pray for Jon Westin Bennett. Jon Westin is still on crutches with a brace on his right leg. Last Thursday they went back to Cook’s in the hopes of losing the brace and crutches but they were told “not yet”. I know Jon Westin was very disappointed. He was really looking forward to getting off those things before his birthday April 29. He wants to take part in the Invisible Children walk that day. Let’s continue to pray for healing for his leg!! In fact both his legs. The left leg has a growth plate issue that needs healing also. Thanks.
Jon Westin…yes, Candy, I am so sorry to hear that..I will pray for that precious boy!
…and to think my day encompased “rambling” about last weeks unsettled petty arguments.
Perhaps tonight here in Huntsville, Alabama, I’ll lay my head down and close my eyes with a new definition of “rambling”.
We truly are blessed from each other’s pain, aren’t we?
Wow!
Friends,
I’ve been enriched by everyone’s reactions and comments. Thanks for your encouraging words and especially for sharing your own experiences.
I’m sitting here in our den, looking at a picture — ACU’s Optimist cartoonist Daniel Barcroft gave us a color print of a cartoon he ran 21 January 2005. It shows Jesus at the accident scene, comforting kids; Jesus at a Tsunami Relief post, giving first aid; Jesus with a group of youngsters, grieving at Brody Bourland’s funeral. And in a fourth scene, a guy complaining at Jesus, “Where have you BEEN? Have you seen what’s been HAPPENING!” That cartoon gave a lot of us the eyes to see that Christ was very present in all those moments. And that he was too busy to make time for theodicy debates.
Kent, ouch! I am so sorry that you broke your leg. Tangling with a streetcar seems unwise. I appreciate the way you’re hanging in there and I know that you were a source of blessing in the Tres Dias weekend. I hope your recovery is swift.
Mike, Jeff,
I live just over a mile from Cook Children’s. Last year, when I received word of the accident via email (a prayer request that came to our church - Fortress - , I believe), I called and left a message on someone’s voice mail at Highland. I don’t know if it was yours, Mike, or the youth minister’s. Wait. I know it was a man’s. Anyway… I offered my home to your Highland family. I never heard anything back, but I prayed and prayed for you guys for months afterward.
I’ve been reading your blog for many months now (found it through Joe Hays’ blog), but not until just this moment did I make the connection about who you are. I have tears streaming down my face as I recall the horror and sorrow I felt on your behalf.
Just wanted to let you all know that even though I’ve never met you, because I prayed so boldly for all of you, I feel a closeness to you. Isn’t it cool how the Spirit works like that?
Love from Fort Worth,
Stacy Kocur
Praise God for suffering! Strange way to begin…I know. Yet….I know personally….that the times of greatest suffering in my life are when God has taught me the most treasured, and precious lessons.
The preacher at my church is currently going/growing through a tremendously difficult and painful time in his and his families life.
In the midst of this he has sought to see the things that God would have him see, and he chose to use that in his sermon this past Sunday. By no means was the sermon sad, or down….what God put on this man’s heart to share was the incredible depth of our walk with our Lord and how intimate He is with us…when we recognize it.
The presence of our loved ones, how important that is….not lots of things, talk, or activities, just the presence of those we love, and how much contentment that brings.
Being in the presence of our God….just being….knowing Him, feeling Him…..His presence, how much peace and contentment that brings.
I’m thankful to this man that God has placed in our church body to be our Shepherd, for his courage, for his heart.
I am thankful that God reminds us of what the truly important things in life are.
May the noise of life never get in the way of being in the presence of our Creator. Listening. Heeding,
Yes….I am thankful for suffering…as my preacher said….”Thank you God for the suffering of Jesus”. AMEN!
Jeff, Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts-it has been a blessing to watch you and your family handle this with such faith and endurance-and to walk beside you in that process. It is wonderful to know that God is working in and through Amara’s life to learn so many valuable lessons and pass that on to others. I know He will use her in amazing ways when she goes to Mexico. Thank you for your transparency and the way you bless my life. I have missed you and getting together with our mentor group-see you soon!!
Mike, Thanks for sharing their thoughts and yours-it has also been a blessing to be a part of the Highland family throughout this process-I know that we have grown stronger and closer to each other because of it.
I love you both…God bless~
Dr. Childers,
I think I can speak for everyone who happens to be a part of your Mentoring Group at ACU, in that what we have witnessed, listened to, participated in, prayed about and grown in with you and your family has blessed our lives in ways that will far outshine anything we may have learned in our Graduate experience. Your pastoral skills, wisdom, discernment and love for each of us in the group has been transformational in our lives as we have journeyed through our own struggles alongside of your own these past two years. I am continually humbled by the presence of God’s Spirit in your conversations with us, as well as your tremendous sense of humor that often keeps heavy moments from making too deep of an impact.
May God continue to enrich you and your wonderful family, as you each grow closer to Him and each other. It has been a real joy to be able to share one day a week with you and the others in the Mentoring Group, to be able to meet in each others homes and local coffee spots, but more importantly each others hearts, minds and ministry. Of all the communities that have been formed in my life here in Abilene, I am sure once again that I can speak for the others in this, that our time with you will be one of the few that continues to challenge us in maintaining such relationships for the rest of our lives.
Thanks Jeff
and Thanks Mike for continuing to BLOG on life…
Ok, call me a loser, but am I the only one that goes through withdraws of sorts when Mike doesn’t post? Yikes, what is happening to me!
LOL
I agree, Chris! LOLOLOLOL
Also, my curiosity is nudged wondering - what will he come up with this time?
Sorry. Funerals yesterday (Carol Nash) and today (Shannon Holloway). Full-court press to get ready for those.
Me too, Chris and Kathy!
Though, I’m glad Mike doesn’t feel like he has to post every day if other things are keeping him busy.
Aren’t we glad we’ve received such fine teaching about forgiveness and grace? LOL
OK — I’ve just logged on again and realized that I am no Mike Cope.
He is a much more attentive listener than I am, and the blog community has missed his presence the last two days, though he has been very occupied as an attentive minister to some hurting people here in Abilene, as he explained.
But let me go ahead and respond to some of the inspirational and challenging things that have been said:
- Yes, I agree.
- That was very helpful to me.
- Isn’t that the way?
- You’re a real blessing!
- I can tell that you have been through the same thing, and worse. Blessings and peace…
- Thanks for the kind words — and yes, your final grade will enjoy the enhancement that it obviously deserves.
- Stacy K.: I am so glad to hear from you. Thanks for offering your home and your prayers to the Cook’s Hospital crew last year. I knew you were out there, though I didn’t know just who and where you were!
A friend of mine in Houston logged on to PreacherMike for the first time today. He emailed me and remarked on how great it is to see the care being shared in this “extended church family.” He didn’t know that this Blog community extends far beyond Abilene, Texas, but I think his remarks were right on — this virtual family is a channel of concrete blessing.
I hope Mike shows up tomorrow…
Amen, Donald-I don’t think I could have put it any better!! It has been a tremendous blessing to be a part of such a wonderful group of people and to have such a terrific mentor. I have been truly blessed to be a part of that group-I cannot wait to join you again!!
Jeff, when are you gonna start bloggin?
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