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Top 10 Ways to Improve Attendance

2006 January 10
by Mike

Love this church website that my buddy Mark Moore put up. Check it out. You might also want to look at kibogroup.org, which Mark, a former missionary in Uganda, also designed. (By the way, the name “kibo group” goes back to the time he and I and a dozen other friends climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro together. Kibo is the highest point.)

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I read these TOP TEN WAYS TO IMPROVE CHURCH ATTENDANCE IN 2006 (by Dave Tippett)

10. Watch Aslan the Lion take down a gazelle, live on the platform

9. More “open mic” opportunities during worship service

8. One of those fake shark fins in baptismal

7. Floating sermon points dance in front of your eyes via cool 3-D PowerPoint slides

6. Spiritual tech support guys will tell you not to just “re-boot your soul” every time you call

5. Sermon series: “Thomas Kincaid; the soft lighting Disciple”

4. Wi-Fi access for wireless hearing aides

3. Tazer the Sleeping Sound Booth Guy Day

2. Will start accepting coupons from non-tithing churches

1. Ability to TiVo the sermon

Anyone have any other suggests we should add to the list for 2006?

29 Responses leave one →
  1. January 10, 2006

    10. Pews designed by LazyBoy.

    9. Communion catered by Buca de Bepos and consiss of garlic bread and a nice red wine.

    8. One word: pyrotechnics!

    7. Have Kim Quile as your lead greeter.

    6. Instead of Jack & Jill drawing during sermon, hire a really cool mime to act out stuff.

    5. A 8 – 10 week series on Thadius – the mystery disciple.

    4. Cast lots for the ever-so-coveted back row.

    3. Send out a flier that simply states: “If you don’t come to church, Mark Weathers is coming after you!”

    2. While preacher is preaching allow people with PDAs and Smart Phones to text live blogger-style comments to big screens about his message.

    1. A straight up trade of your church’s current membership with the readers of Mike Cope’s blog should increase attendance by about half a million.

  2. January 10, 2006

    1. Free Powerbooks for all regular attenders.

    2. Wireless, high-speed connection turned on after twentieth minute of the sermon.

    3. No more fake “fruit of the vine.”

  3. January 10, 2006

    Mike, I just stopped by to see what you were talking about today before I went to get ready for work. Now I am in tears. The website that Mark did is for the church where I grew up. So many memories and so many people who nurtured and damaged my faith…and some of those people did both…we all have them in our history. Thanks for sharing that with us. Mark is amazing and I am so happy that he is there. The church is coming to life again and Jesus lives there. I absolutely loved the website! I was the first baby to be born after they finished the building and Tim remembers climbing on the ramps while they were constructing the building. Thanks for taking us back there.

  4. January 10, 2006

    10. Slot machines in the lobby to accept contributions.

    9. Those “massage chairs” you see in the mall for the first 5 rows.

    8. Have a regular house giveaway (like that church in Houston did) for perfect attendance or something.

    7. Pizza and Coke for the Lord’s Supper (I was always told that using instrumental music in worship would be like having pizza and Coke during the Lord’s supper. OK! Make mine thin crust, chicken, bacon and jalepeno)

    6. Casting Crowns as worship leaders

    5. Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders as greeters? Ok, Ok. With church clothes on, then.

    4. Joel Osteen as official “church encourager”

    3. Mike Cope as preacher (what a suck-up I am), with maybe John Hagee as a guest from time to time.

    2. Free laptops to all Bible class attenders.

    1. Arrest warrants issued for those failing to appear.

  5. January 10, 2006

    HA! I like the TiVo one!

  6. January 10, 2006

    10. Starbucks in every lobby
    9. One plague a week until the attendance comes up.
    8. Two words: Door Prizes
    7. Offer special segment of “Dancing with a Minister”
    6. If you promise to come, we’ll quit singing all the verses to “Just As I Am”
    5. Special lottery with the prize being you get to skip Wednesdays for a month
    4. Free cruise for the 50,000th person to walk in the door for that year
    3. Coupons redeemable for cool prizes
    2. NFL play-by-play piped in for all to hear over the hearing impaired system
    1. Promise: “No contribution taken!”

  7. January 10, 2006

    “10. Pews designed by LazyBoy.”

    No.10?? No.10???

    You gotta be kidding, Joel. You’ve enjoyed (sic) the seating at Highland.

    It should be #1!!!!! And again I say, #1 !!!!! :O)

  8. January 10, 2006

    10. Good concession stands – you know, beer and brats.

    9. Foam fingers for the kids.

    8. WiFi in the pews with laptops for bible gateway searches and to catch the opening kickoff when church goes too long.

    7. Vendors up and down the aisles

    6. No, better than that, food replicators at the end of each pew.

    5. “Our guest worship leader to day, Bono.”

    4. Auditorium doubles as planetarium to show God’s wonders.

    3. Q & A

    2. New techno remix to old hymns

    1. Clay stations during the sermon, Beats picking your nose.

  9. January 10, 2006

    Julie,

    I too was taken back. I spent many a wonderful evening in that building and every Thursday evening during much of high school in Joe and Annette Hale’s living room for Rap. Now there’s a term that dates us!

    Mike thanks for the link.

  10. January 10, 2006

    Serena, I also loved the Rap but I was only 11 or 12 during its heyday and Joe and Annette’s daughter was my good friend…and they lived down the street…so Janaye and I would attend. We knew that something amazing was happening and I believe we could feel the Spirit moving among those people but we behaved like 11 and 12 year old girls and were in trouble for giggling many times. Thanks for reminding me of those people who were challenging some issues in the church that needed challenging and bringing so many teenagers and college students to a deeper understanding of Jesus.

  11. January 10, 2006

    I have only one . . . Preaching without pants, oops, I mean preaching without RANTS.

  12. January 10, 2006

    10. Reverse offering …the members give, and all visitors are encouraged to take

    9. BYOB: Bring Your Own Basketball. Clear out the sanctuary and have a shirts and skins game.

    8. Open mic just for visitors. Sing your favorite song, tell a joke, or let us know how Christianity has turned you off in the past (10 minute rule strictly enforced).

    7. Romans vs. Christians volleyball simulation. Togas required. Play to 22. Romans start with 21 point lead. Flogging follows for losers.

    6. Next Christmas, how about a live birth nativity scene? For shut-ins, video stream will be provided.

    5. Dumpt the Communion grape juice for the real deal. Trays will specify merlot, pinot noir, and other appropriate varieties.

    4. Youth group provides free car wash and oil changes during the service.

    3. A reinactment of Jesus’ miraculous catch of fish. Might as well get some use out of that baptistry.

    2. Advertise a raffle drawing. Five dollars buys you one chance in a drawing for guaranteed eternal life.

    1. Everyone loves Twister !!!!

  13. January 10, 2006

    What a great idea! “Pants Optional Sunday.”

    Definitely a concession stand in the lobby. David Lang and I used to talk about how those little round communion cup holders in the pews would be perfect to hold sticks of cotton candy.

    Communion servers walking around with Super Soakers full of grape juice, shooting it right into people’s mouths. (Also a Lang concept.)

    And Mike could perform his disappearing act live onstage.

  14. January 10, 2006

    These are probably going to keep coming to me throughout the day.

    Every fifth Sunday: Wife Swap!

  15. January 10, 2006

    Do you know anybody that comes close to having the visionary skills Mark Moore has? I’ve yet to meet his match. What a blessing he is to SO many people, myself included. Thanks for the link, Mike.

    DU

  16. January 10, 2006

    Punch cards. Get your card punched for attending services and when your card is full you get to choose the worship style for the day!

  17. January 10, 2006

    10. Preachers preach original messages.

    9. Greeters actually greet instead of just passing out programs.

    8. Guests don’t feel like someone owns this place and they are a visitor.

    7. Prayers are original.

    6. Communion messages are original.

    5. Scripture is read as if it is true and exciting.

    4. More testimonies of what God is doing in the peoples lives.

    3. Instead of people coming to the front for prayer, prayer leaders are in the ailes.

    2. Atmosphere of humility.

    1. Preacher preaches original, life inspired, Holy Spirit empowered messages.

  18. January 10, 2006

    These are great-I love them!! I personally think that playing “Mike Cope Singing the Hymns” would bring more people in!!

    I’m still waiting on my copy…

  19. January 10, 2006

    Super Soaker may get a little messy. Since communion “lasts too long” maybe it could be expedited by giving everyone a straw and they just suck out the juice as it comes by.

    Since the collection drags out too long as well, have the swipe machine at each door to swipe your debit card as you enter. If we did that, I wouldn’t have to write ANY checks at all.

  20. January 10, 2006

    I like the swipe machine idea. If people could charge it, Dave Ramsey says they spend up to 10% more. That should be about right!!Maybe instead of a basket we could pass a wireless swipe machine!

    Virtual communion!! Everyone could pack their own virtual “lord’s supper” machine OR we could just install the buttons on the back of the pews-where the cup holders are!! We could push the buttons in unison. I am pretty sure the kids would be better behaved if there were little electronic bleeps all around!! No more dashing that crying baby to the “cry” room!

    And my best idea of all?? American Preacher! Have a contest within the church to see who is the best preacher of all. The elders could serve as the “judges”. We could all call in our votes on our cell phones. As the competition draws to an end, attendence would be off the charts!

  21. January 10, 2006

    Janjanmom – BAD IDEA! I’m the preacher for a church with Randy Harris, Jerry Taylor, Jack Reese, Steve Weathers, Mark Love, etc. I have no intention of having a contest to see who the best preacher in our church is! I could quickly find myself unemployed!

  22. January 10, 2006

    bagpipe sunday

    peanut barrels at the entrance (anyone for cleanup?)

    confession booth with twist
    (use booth to tell preacher how you really feel, (anonymity of course))

    Let Gina Lewis give the message (you will definitely get a response…right)

    Hire Sarah Lynn Grubb as Worship Leader (shameless plug)

    Have saloon sunday (instead of amen, shoot your 4-10, shotgun that is)

    yeah, casting crowns as worship leaders, for sure, or Bono for that matter.

    have a survivor/fear factor series
    outlast being the theme….urrr nevermind.

    slave to Christ Sunday have your ears pierced with an awl at the door (great for youth attendance)

    matt g

  23. January 10, 2006

    This post has been removed by the author.

  24. January 10, 2006

    http://sermonspice.com/catalog/product_info.php?products_id=413

    Try this link, cannot believe no one posted it until now.

  25. January 11, 2006

    Get Ty Pennington to multi-task and work the worship crowd … he can serve as the Main Greeter, and use his bullhorn whenever the sermons, prayers, or testimonials go OTT.

    For real-time action to check out how real churches are keepin’ them comin’ (or staying away), check out http://ship-of-fools.com/Mystery/index.html

  26. January 11, 2006

    Ok, you guys are hysterical! I’ve gone back to read this a few times because it’s just laugh-out-loud funny! I really don’t know what heaven is going to be like, but I suspect at some point there’s going to be a laugh-riot. Too fun!

  27. June 21, 2007

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  28. January 17, 2014

    I also get 4 USB ports and a SD card reader along with great speakers. This processor comes with dual-core technology, which utilizes two execution cores to streamline your commands.

  29. September 2, 2014

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