Comments on: Dude, Where’s My Son? http://preachermike.com/2005/05/10/111573115494531434 Sniffing out the work of God in the world... Sun, 12 Oct 2008 23:09:45 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5.1 By: Headmistress, zookeeper http://preachermike.com/2005/05/10/111573115494531434#comment-4091 Headmistress, zookeeper Sat, 21 May 2005 05:11:00 +0000 http://www.preachermike.com/?p=501#comment-4091 Alice, I agree, my first reaction to the article was surprise, and then pity. Our kids are 22, 20, 18, 16, 14, 9, and 6. The door slamming and "I hate you!" silliness stopped by four years old at the latest. None of my teens have ever acted like the sort of teen this article describes. Our kids don't yell at us (or each other), nor do they tell us they hate us or stalk off sulking. They are affectionate in public. They are not perfect, but they don't act anything like 'typical' teens, either. I'm not a perfect mother- far, far from it. But their father and I never accepted the default position of low expectations our culture has for the teen/parent relationship, either. It does not have to be that way, and I think it's sad that so many Christian parents have settled for less. We're a closeknit family, and we have always homeschooled, so I guess we accidentally created that "...environment and subculture of cool where themes like service, respect, and passion are highlighted, honored, and rewarded," because ours don't embrace fads, follow trends, or get embarrassed by public marks of affection between parent and child. Alice, I agree, my first reaction to the article was surprise, and then pity. Our kids are 22, 20, 18, 16, 14, 9, and 6. The door slamming and “I hate you!” silliness stopped by four years old at the latest. None of my teens have ever acted like the sort of teen this article describes. Our kids don’t yell at us (or each other), nor do they tell us they hate us or stalk off sulking. They are affectionate in public. They are not perfect, but they don’t act anything like ‘typical’ teens, either.
I’m not a perfect mother- far, far from it. But their father and I never accepted the default position of low expectations our culture has for the teen/parent relationship, either. It does not have to be that way, and I think it’s sad that so many Christian parents have settled for less.

We’re a closeknit family, and we have always homeschooled, so I guess we accidentally created that “…environment and subculture of cool where themes like service, respect, and passion are highlighted, honored, and rewarded,” because ours don’t embrace fads, follow trends, or get embarrassed by public marks of affection between parent and child.

]]> By: Alice http://preachermike.com/2005/05/10/111573115494531434#comment-4090 Alice Thu, 19 May 2005 19:14:00 +0000 http://www.preachermike.com/?p=501#comment-4090 Oh, no! I'm so sorry for that author!! My boys still love me with (rough) hugs and "I love you, Mama." They are 13. We had a talk about the attitude creeping in, perfect timing with the reading from Luke about the evil spirit being cast out, but no Holy Spirit to take its place, so the evil one moved back in and brought his friends!! I guess it's easier to keep their heart when they are with me most of the time. You might consider it... Oh, no! I’m so sorry for that author!!

My boys still love me with (rough) hugs and “I love you, Mama.”

They are 13.

We had a talk about the attitude creeping in, perfect timing with the reading from Luke about the evil spirit being cast out, but no Holy Spirit to take its place, so the evil one moved back in and brought his friends!!

I guess it’s easier to keep their heart when they are with me most of the time.

You might consider it…

]]> By: Tammy http://preachermike.com/2005/05/10/111573115494531434#comment-4089 Tammy Tue, 10 May 2005 18:49:00 +0000 http://www.preachermike.com/?p=501#comment-4089 Hi Mike, I enjoy reading your blog thanks to Travis and Matt suggesting readings from their blogs, but have never commented until now! This one struck a heart cord big time! I have one middle school daughter and one high school daughter! Despite the fact that they are night and day, my husband enjoys telling everyone they are just like me! For Mother's Day, our middle school kid showers me with a homemade scrapbook of poems and pictures...interesting comments under the pictures, but from the heart nonetheless! Our high school daughter sometime during the day did an, "OH YEAH, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!" While the middle school child may be a bit behind, the high school child is so much into the "IT'S ALL ABOUT ME" syndrome that she may never come out of it, and I may not notice if the other one enters it! Thanks for a great post on kids! Tammy Hi Mike,

I enjoy reading your blog thanks to Travis and Matt suggesting readings from their blogs, but have never commented until now! This one struck a heart cord big time! I have one middle school daughter and one high school daughter! Despite the fact that they are night and day, my husband enjoys telling everyone they are just like me! For Mother’s Day, our middle school kid showers me with a homemade scrapbook of poems and pictures…interesting comments under the pictures, but from the heart nonetheless! Our high school daughter sometime during the day did an, “OH YEAH, HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!” While the middle school child may be a bit behind, the high school child is so much into the “IT’S ALL ABOUT ME” syndrome that she may never come out of it, and I may not notice if the other one enters it! Thanks for a great post on kids!

Tammy

]]> By: B-Rock http://preachermike.com/2005/05/10/111573115494531434#comment-4088 B-Rock Tue, 10 May 2005 17:22:00 +0000 http://www.preachermike.com/?p=501#comment-4088 Mike, great story...I think I'll use that at my youth group parents meeting this Sunday. I sent an e-mail to your old aol account last week, but I don't know if the address is still good. Would you surf over to my blog profile and let me know where I could send an e-mail to you? Joel, why couldn't you bring that theory up in our youth ministry class last May? That's great stuff! BTW, my parents really enjoyed your class on Sunday at Highland, and enjoyed meeting you and Kim. Mike, great story…I think I’ll use that at my youth group parents meeting this Sunday. I sent an e-mail to your old aol account last week, but I don’t know if the address is still good. Would you surf over to my blog profile and let me know where I could send an e-mail to you?

Joel, why couldn’t you bring that theory up in our youth ministry class last May? That’s great stuff! BTW, my parents really enjoyed your class on Sunday at Highland, and enjoyed meeting you and Kim.

]]> By: Joel Quile http://preachermike.com/2005/05/10/111573115494531434#comment-4087 Joel Quile Tue, 10 May 2005 15:13:00 +0000 http://www.preachermike.com/?p=501#comment-4087 Mike, After 12+ years of youth ministry, I can confidently say this: Riding the roller coaster that is adolescent development with the teenager that is Chris Cope will be a blast! Yes, there will be some twist and turns and you'll be thrown for a loop from time to time but you will love it. While I'm sure you know this (in theory and in practice w/ Matt) remember these three words the next 5 - 7 years and you will have a smoother ride: ADOLESCENT STAGE SYNDROME I learned it in college (theory) and saw it fleshed out in John (now 19 and returning to normal) and see it every day in Laura. 99.9% of teens truly think that they are on stage and that the world is watching. That is why they freak out when they get a pimple because "everyone" will see. That is why they follow trends. That is why they embrace fads. That is why there are less hugs in public from mom and dad. What I've found the greatest weapon against such insular and myopic thinking is to try and create an environment and subculture of cool where themes like service, respect, and passion are highlighted, honored, and rewarded. That was our approach in youth ministry and we try to do the same in our family. Our kids are on stage right now. We as parents have the blessing to spotlight the attitudes (which are more important than behaviors) we like and applaud like crazy. We also have the responsibility to redirect, ignore, and yes, correct, attitudes which don't bring glory to Jesus. What a ride! Mike,

After 12+ years of youth ministry, I can confidently say this:

Riding the roller coaster that is adolescent development with the teenager that is Chris Cope will be a blast! Yes, there will be some twist and turns and you’ll be thrown for a loop from time to time but you will love it.

While I’m sure you know this (in theory and in practice w/ Matt) remember these three words the next 5 - 7 years and you will have a smoother ride:

ADOLESCENT STAGE SYNDROME

I learned it in college (theory) and saw it fleshed out in John (now 19 and returning to normal) and see it every day in Laura. 99.9% of teens truly think that they are on stage and that the world is watching. That is why they freak out when they get a pimple because “everyone” will see. That is why they follow trends. That is why they embrace fads. That is why there are less hugs in public from mom and dad.

What I’ve found the greatest weapon against such insular and myopic thinking is to try and create an environment and subculture of cool where themes like service, respect, and passion are highlighted, honored, and rewarded. That was our approach in youth ministry and we try to do the same in our family.

Our kids are on stage right now. We as parents have the blessing to spotlight the attitudes (which are more important than behaviors) we like and applaud like crazy. We also have the responsibility to redirect, ignore, and yes, correct, attitudes which don’t bring glory to Jesus.

What a ride!

]]> By: Sandra http://preachermike.com/2005/05/10/111573115494531434#comment-4086 Sandra Tue, 10 May 2005 14:41:00 +0000 http://www.preachermike.com/?p=501#comment-4086 My 15 year old son bought me a card for Mother's Day that had a huge "Bob the Builder" man on the front. Inside he wrote, "I love you very much." When I hugged him, and chuckled at the "toddler-ness" of the card, his whiskers poked my face. Weird, huh? Bob the Builder, silliness, whiskers, deep voice. It really is a balancing act for these sweet boys between childhood and manhood. I just pray I can gently usher him across that bridge...and that he never really leaves his heart of a child too far behind. My 15 year old son bought me a card for Mother’s Day that had a huge “Bob the Builder” man on the front. Inside he wrote, “I love you very much.” When I hugged him, and chuckled at the “toddler-ness” of the card, his whiskers poked my face. Weird, huh? Bob the Builder, silliness, whiskers, deep voice. It really is a balancing act for these sweet boys between childhood and manhood. I just pray I can gently usher him across that bridge…and that he never really leaves his heart of a child too far behind.

]]> By: Rhonda http://preachermike.com/2005/05/10/111573115494531434#comment-4085 Rhonda Tue, 10 May 2005 14:20:00 +0000 http://www.preachermike.com/?p=501#comment-4085 This post has been removed by the author. This post has been removed by the author.

]]> By: Frank Bellizzi http://preachermike.com/2005/05/10/111573115494531434#comment-4084 Frank Bellizzi Tue, 10 May 2005 14:15:00 +0000 http://www.preachermike.com/?p=501#comment-4084 Mike, A great read. Thanks. MY son turned 13 last Wednesday. Maybe it's because all of his development seems to be slow, but he's yet to become the creature in the article. Wait another three months, you say? Alright. But until then I'll continue to savor the thought that it hasn't been that long since he really believed that I'd play 2nd base for the Cardinals, if only I would show up for spring training. Where's that glove? Mike,

A great read. Thanks.

MY son turned 13 last Wednesday. Maybe it’s because all of his development seems to be slow, but he’s yet to become the creature in the article. Wait another three months, you say? Alright. But until then I’ll continue to savor the thought that it hasn’t been that long since he really believed that I’d play 2nd base for the Cardinals, if only I would show up for spring training. Where’s that glove?

]]> By: Hoots Musings http://preachermike.com/2005/05/10/111573115494531434#comment-4083 Hoots Musings Tue, 10 May 2005 14:14:00 +0000 http://www.preachermike.com/?p=501#comment-4083 I am still clinging to hope that my 21 year old son will become human and love his mama once again. I would love to exchange notes through the door Deana, and thanks for sharing. It made me laugh and brought me joy! I am still clinging to hope that my 21 year old son will become human and love his mama once again.

I would love to exchange notes through the door Deana, and thanks for sharing. It made me laugh and brought me joy!

]]> By: Deana Nall http://preachermike.com/2005/05/10/111573115494531434#comment-4082 Deana Nall Tue, 10 May 2005 14:06:00 +0000 http://www.preachermike.com/?p=501#comment-4082 This made me think of the other night, when our kindergartener got in big, BIG trouble and had to go to her room. Chad went to check on her after a while, and he found two notes and a jar sitting outside her door. The first note said: "do not dstrb!" The second note said: "i you have ne theng to tell me wit a noat and put it in here." So we wrote notes back and forth through the door until there were smiles again. We know when she's 13 and slamming doors and hating us, we'll long for the days when all it took was a note in a jar to make everything OK again. This made me think of the other night, when our kindergartener got in big, BIG trouble and had to go to her room. Chad went to check on her after a while, and he found two notes and a jar sitting outside her door. The first note said: “do not dstrb!” The second note said: “i you have ne theng to tell me wit a noat and put it in here.” So we wrote notes back and forth through the door until there were smiles again. We know when she’s 13 and slamming doors and hating us, we’ll long for the days when all it took was a note in a jar to make everything OK again.

]]> By: drjimwhite http://preachermike.com/2005/05/10/111573115494531434#comment-4081 drjimwhite Tue, 10 May 2005 13:08:00 +0000 http://www.preachermike.com/?p=501#comment-4081 It doesn't get any better for a while. My 15 year old told me the other day that I was "so annoying." He did have a slight smile when he said it. Kind of like, "You annoy me, but I sort of like it." My 22 year old daughter is recovering from the syndrome and is now starting to love Dad again. There's still hope! JW It doesn’t get any better for a while. My 15 year old told me the other day that I was “so annoying.” He did have a slight smile when he said it. Kind of like, “You annoy me, but I sort of like it.” My 22 year old daughter is recovering from the syndrome and is now starting to love Dad again. There’s still hope! JW

]]> By: Carole http://preachermike.com/2005/05/10/111573115494531434#comment-4080 Carole Tue, 10 May 2005 12:56:00 +0000 http://www.preachermike.com/?p=501#comment-4080 Our son turned 13 on Sunday--how ironic that it was on MOTHER'S DAY! I had to chuckle as I read your post today. It was also comforting to hear that my 13 year old son is "normal" for 13 AND that we are not alone in these attitude and language changes. Thanks for the smiles this morning. Carole Our son turned 13 on Sunday–how ironic that it was on MOTHER’S DAY! I had to chuckle as I read your post today. It was also comforting to hear that my 13 year old son is “normal” for 13 AND that we are not alone in these attitude and language changes. Thanks for the smiles this morning.

Carole

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