How did your sermon go?

I will continue to pray for you and everyone at your church

I’m not sure that anyone can truely receive closure from that kind of accident. God can help us move on with it, but I know that I struggle in the area of forgetting about what has happened.

I miss being at Highland this semester, I am sad I could not be there to help anyone through the process I have been through many times. I as well request hugs (and perhaps an actual introduction.. it should be fun to sey hey Im phylistene from the cyber congregation.. hheh) and am praying for you and the congregation. A kid in one of my small groups once told me he thinks God lives in Antarctica because its too cold for humans, and its all white and fluffy. Well alright.. Ill make sure to yell across the lake from Uruguay to Antarctica… Although Im pretty sure He hears us anyways.

I fell down in the third grade and skinned my knee (I’m betting) and for that I believe I’ve experienced closure. I blew my knee out in the 9th grade. I have an 8″ scar, a limp, a grotesquely displaced kneecap, and a right leg that has never fully regained its previous strength. I don’t have closure about that injury. My mom was 15 minutes late picking me up from school when I was in kindergarten. I remember it once a decade but I have closure. My dad left home when I was in 1st grade. He never came back. While my dad and I are close and have a forgiven relationship, I don’t believe that I have closure. I backed into a fence my junior year of high school in my car. It dented my bumper. I think about that dent about once a decade. I (along with Grant Boone and another friend) rolled my car 5 times at 75 mph my junior year of college. I think about that wreck once a week. You don’t just “close” the door to your pain and get to nail it shut, never to be opened and dealt with again. Nice try for those that do. It doesn’t work that way.

There are some scars and some pain that you aren’t allowed to forget and move on past, never to revisit. As odd as this sounds, for that, I’m eternally grateful. For it wasn’t in the small scrapes or minor disappointments or fender benders that I experienced The Comforter, but in the devastation and divorce and near-death (and much more pain) that God made Himself real to me.

It’s almost as if - when there is “closure” there is no need for “comfort”.

My leg was in a cast the first 6 months of my freshman year. I was on crutches the entire year. The cast finally came off and the crutches finally got put in the closet, but the scar and the pain?
I carry it daily. Some days I forget, most I don’t.

I’m not praying for closure for you, Diane or Chris. No. I’m just praying for comfort.

I love you Mike.

PS: Remind me to tell you about how selfless both you and Diane were at the hospital just moments after the crash. Both great testimonies!

The paradox of urgent need to hear you is met with the certainty that the emotion of grief will overtake the gratitude and joy of again seeing my pastor/teacher with us - to see a piece of ‘normalcy’ in its place. But closure? I think not!!

I’m praying for your strength this morning. Praying that serving your congregation brings a measure of comfort you’ve needed. Praying that we are of comfort to both of you and especially for Chris and the other kids. We love you all so very much.

May our Gracious Heavenly Father hold you in His loving hand this morning, wrapping you in the safety and comfort of His wings.

I am praying for specifically you this morning. Like Ronalyn, I am very glad to have you back preaching.

Those in my life are not ready for “closure.” Our lifeteam was together last Sunday for the first time since the wreck–but one family was still in the hospital in Lubbock. There is still part of a row in the back north corner of early service that is missing too many of our Highland family. There is one seat on the row that will always be empty. People still are entering the building with tears. We are a different church and a different town. A lot of changes have occured at 5th and Highland–but I am not sure if many have reached “closure.”

Let us know if we can help in any way. Prayers and Love, Robyn

I still have a client or two every now and again who is not sleeping well, keeps having flashbacks, has a hard time when near the Westside school, etc. All connected to the shooting.

Closure?

Ron Deal is a colleague of mine who was one of the first counselors on the scene and has been working with people since the tragedy. He said that in the aftermath of the tragedy that the community was so quick to rush toward closure that they acheived denial. And now, years later, people suffer in silence because they were supposed to have already gotten over this.

Grief is not simple, nor is it an isolated event. It is an adjustment over time which coincides with life going on. One of the myths about grief is that life must stop until every last ounce of pain is gone, then life can continue (as it was).

No, life goes on and there is nothing you can do about it. Grief is the difficult transition to the fact that is life going on (without the thing that was lost). You want it to stop. You want it to rewind. You want resolve. It doesn’t.

I do not recommend closure. I recommend grief. I recommend that conversation about the accident be fair game for at least another decade (but probably longer). Tears are OK. Questions are healthy. Rituals marking significant dates that pass are not just a neat idea, I think that they are essential for moving at the speed of life.

Even though I had been aware of your blog for some time, I never read it until after the accident. Since then, I don’t miss a day. It helps me to read your thoughts and all of the responses. It is comforting, some how, to know that I’m not the only one with far more questions than answers.

On the subject of “closure” - not yet. As I drove (alone) to Tyler’s soccer game this morning, I was listening to a CD that he made on the Monday after the wreck. As I listened, my mind wandered back, and I found myself in tears. (Needless to say, I also found myself late to the soccer game.) I can’t imagine the pain that you and the other parents feel when your minds wander!

I am looking forward to having you back in the pulpit tomorrow morning. Selfishly, I believe that is one more step towards closure for some of us. I am praying that you will feel the love and gratitude of your family as you take that step tomorrow.

God Bless You!
Ronalyn