AN OPEN LETTER TO THE CEO/PRESIDENT/BOSS/HEAD HONCHO OF BARNES AND NOBLE:
Dear Mr. Barnes or Mrs. Noble or To Whom It May Concern:
I’m groveling. Do hear me? Groveling. Begging you to come to Abilene, TX.
Please don’t judge us based on your first trip to town. As you drive in, look past the abandoned ranch and oil equipment, the adult bookstores, and all the billboards saying, “I’m more conservative than he is, so vote for me” or “huh-uh, I’m WAY more conservative than he is, so vote for me.”
You need to be in Abilene. There are 10,000 university students in this town. Plus their faculties. Plus lots of other people who read.
And at the moment we are at the mercy of Hastings. God love ‘em, they provide a good service to the community. You want a CD? Hastings. DVD? Ditto. Spiderman posters? Yep. But books? Please, please don’t make me go back to the young woman who helped me last time. I asked if they had any books on Uganda. She replied, “Is that like a country or something?” I restrained myself from responding, “It’s not just LIKE a country, it actually is one!” It was like a scene from that Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks movie (not “Sleepless in Seattle” — the other one).
They have 2000 copies of several books that don’t interest me. There are also the local Christian bookstores that have a billion copies of the latest “Left Behind” books or some theological tome on the faith of Oliver North, but no one has heard of William Willimon. We’re talking about the guy who has the whole Methodist Church (and a bunch of the rest of us) ready to cry, “uncle!” and no one has heard of him.
I don’t want to be snooty here. I’ve been known to read my share of Grisham novels. All right, frankly, I read them all a month after they come out.
If you come, I’ll do what I can to make it work. I’ll pay the extra couple bucks and buy my Grisham books from you. And would it help if I put a free promo line on the front page of the bulletin at our church? Maybe I could sneak it into my sermons. Product placement, you know.
Please, please . . . come to Abilene. And by the way, in Ft. Worth, there is a Pappasito’s restaurant just half a mile from you. Would it be too much to request that you bring them with you?
Mike Cope